Forever in Me

by Clara Artemis

  - How's school, son? Asked my father. - Is the class the same?

  I thought of giving a ready answer. The one that was always satisfying to them, but I remembered the conversation I had with Gabriel. I needed to be honest with someone since it wasn't with him. And the only people who could do anything with this situation were my parents.

  I realized that they were waiting for an answer. I took a deep breath before I started to speak.

  - Dad, I want to change schools.

  An uncomfortable silence dominated the dining table.

  - Why this now? You always studied there.

  It was more difficult than I thought.

  - The boys in my class don't like me.

  - Ariel, I know that making friends is important at school. But your main objective there is to learn - my father said in his lawyer tone. - Don't stick to that nonsense.

  I was not able to express myself. I tried again.

  - They fight with me. They hurt me.

  - Ariel you are already big. It's time to learn how to defend yourself. Will you run away whenever something difficult happens?

  I hated it when my dad talked to me like I was one of his clients. And I hated my mother for always being silent in these situations. It seemed like it was a waste of time for her to hear me.

  - It's not running away, Dad. But there are several boys. I cannot fight against them all together.

  - So maybe the problem is with you? Did you make any effort to be friends with them? - he spoke in an interrogative tone. - Or, did you isolate yourself as always? I know Gabriel is your friend, but you can have other friends, too. And which school would you go to?

  - To Gabriel's.

  - To that animal den? No way! I do not kill myself at work for you to go study in a public school! I even offered to cover the scholarship your friend won and please you. But sending you to his school is out of the question!

  When Gabriel tried my school’s scholarship, he got only sixty percent off. Even the rest would be a high price for his family to pay. My father, seeing how sad I was about it, offered to cover the rest of the forty percent, but he declined it.

  At first I was upset, but in the end I got it. Accepting my family's offer would be like telling your parents that all their effort was not enough. And I admired him for that. He always thought about the welfare of others before his own.

  - But dad ...

  - Enough. Try a little harder. I'm sure they will end up becoming your friends.

  I tried Gabriel.

  Deep down I knew there was no point in talking. He didn't even ask me what was going on. I'm not one to complain, so to do that it had to be something really serious.

  I went to my room after dinner. After everything I said, my parents talked about the office and pending cases and acted like I didn't say anything.

  I spent a good part of the night drawing. At least they didn't get involved with my hobby. But I wanted to make it my profession. I've been looking for some painting courses to do on vacation. Gabriel used to work part time, so he would have some idle time to fill.

  The next day, I noticed that my father had left more money than usual. It was his form of compensation. I would use my bonus to take Gabriel to the cinema. He loved horror movies and one had premiered last week.

  At break time, I went to the stairs near the terrace to finish shading my drawing. I avoided doing this at school, but I really wanted to show him.

  I heard footsteps and voices on the stairs. I didn't even need to see them to know who they were from.

  - Was it here that the little fag hid?

  I ignored the offense and kept things in the folder. I would not answer them. It wasn't worth it.

  - Where are you going? Your male is not here now.

  I tried to get past them, but one of them took my arm.

  - Are you going to pretend you're not listening, fag? If you want we can give you a deal.

  I tried to pull my arm without success .

  "Tell me something," said one in my ear. - How much do you pay that marginal to fuck you? I can do it for free.

  A fury went through my body and I tried to push him away. While I struggled, they kept talking. When I finally let go, I lost my balance and flew down the stairs.

  As I fell, the only thing I thought about was protecting my left arm. Gabriel would blame himself if I couldn't draw anymore.

  15 Years Old

  GABRIEL

  W

  hen I arrived at his school to pick him up, I realized that something was wrong. Several students were at the entrance and stopped talking when they saw me. I didn't see Ariel in his usual place.

  After a few moments a girl came up to me.

  - You're Ariel's friend, right?

  - I am. Where is he?

  She tightened the strap on her backpack and looked away at the floor. It was very difficult not to hold her by the arm and force my response out of her.

  - He was taken to the hospital nearby during the break.

  I didn't even stay to know the reason. Without even thanking the information, I ran there in despair.

  I ran into the hospital. I was so nervous that I couldn't see anything right in front of me.

  I arrived at the reception and asked for Ariel. Panic dominated my entire body. I didn't know what had happened to him.

  - He's in orthopedics.

  I was disoriented around the hospital looking for the orthopedic sector. I had never entered there and my vision was blurred, making it difficult to read the signs. I approached a nurse who told me exactly where it was.

  When I got to the office I saw Ariel sitting with his right arm in a cast.

  He was pale and very dejected. I ran up to him and hugged him. Instantly his free arm grabbed my uniform shirt from behind.

  I felt his hot tears fall on my shoulder.

  - Shhhhh. I'm here now. It's gonna be okay.

  He didn't say a word. He just buried his face in my neck and stayed there for a long time. When he calmed down, I sat down next to him and took his hand.

  - Do you want to tell me what happened?

  - I don't know why they do this. I never did anything for them - he said between sobs. - Can't they just ignore me?

  I didn't know what to say. I also didn't understand that bothering with Ariel. He was an incredible boy. He would never hurt anyone.

  - I can't tell you the reason, either.

  - If I act like them, will they stop? Do I really need to change to please them?

  - No, Ariel. You don't have to. - I ran my hand over his face slightly drying the tears. - You are perfect that way. They’re just bothered that you're not like them. They are jealous of the freedom you have.

  - I don't understand. How so?

  - They need to act in a certain way to fit in and have friends. You don't care about those things. And that bothers. They cannot be like you. Do what you like, regardless of whether you like others or not.

  - But Gabs, I'm tired.

  - Did you talk to your parents as we agreed?

  - I did, but ...

  - But what?

  "They didn't care," he said sadly. - My mom didn't even bother to answer and my dad wants me ‘to get involved, to fit in’. Changing schools is out of consideration.

  Sometimes I hated Ariel's parents. They always welcomed me very well when I met them at their home. But seeing how they neglected him pissed me off.

  It was clear that he was bullied at school. How could they not see that? If they had done anything, Ariel would not be here now with that arm in a cast and crying.

  - How did this happen? - I pointed at his arm. - You dodged the question and didn't answer.

  He seemed to be reluctant to tell me. And he was right. I was holding on so hard not to go to school and throw each of these kids out the window. But I wasn't going to do anything crazy. If I were arrested, he would have no one to look after him. I had already researched penalties for infractions at my age and could not risk it.r />
  - I fell down the stairs.

  - Ariel, you were thrown down the stairs. It's quite different.

  - I wasn't thrown or pushed.

  - Alone I'm sure you didn't fall.

  - I was trying to get loose and lost my balance.

  - And why were they holding you?

  - Because I didn't want to hear them talking about you.

  - Talking about me?

  - Don't make me repeat what they said. It's dirty.

  - In my school I hear a lot that must be much worse. Believe.

  - They ... They. Ariel lowered his head. - They said that I pay you to touch me.

  - What?

  - That I pay you to do things with me.

  So that was the point. They were calling us gay. Honestly it didn't bother me. I couldn't explain how deep our relationship was, but it went far beyond the labels. I loved him deeply and was not ashamed to express it. But was Ariel ashamed of it? I hadn't stopped to think about the standpoint. I got into his life and mastered all aspects of it. Could he be bothered by this? Was I doing him more harm than good?

  Could Ariel be refraining from doing what he wanted because of me? For fear of hurting me?

  But just thinking about getting away from him made me sick. I needed him much more than he needed me.

  My whole world revolved around him.

  - And it bothers you? I asked, afraid of his answer. - The Insinuation that you and I have a relationship like this?

  Ariel turned around with wide eyes and grabbed the sleeve of my shirt.

  - No! I do not care! But I hate it when they talk bad about you. As if they knew you. I don't care if they talk about me, but I can't accept when it's about you.

  A smile escaped my lips. Ariel felt the same way as I did. I wanted to know how to correctly express that feeling that was eating me up but I didn't know how. Actually, I knew, but I didn't feel Ariel was prepared to accept everything I had to offer.

  At least not yet.

  Soon after, I saw his parents entering the ward. I couldn't believe they were just arriving now. Who leaves their child in the hospital alone after falling off the stairs?

  - My son, how are you? Me and your mom were in an audience and we only heard the message a little bit ago .

  His parents were very busy with the law firm, but I still couldn't accept that they didn't have time for their most important asset.

  Anger rose again through my body. It was their fault. They knew and did nothing.

  "I was so worried," said his mother as she hugged him. - I'm glad you're okay.

  I couldn't help myself. Ariel would never say anything to them about it.

  - Where are you seeing that he's okay? - I said getting up. - He fucking broke his arm! Are you aware that it could have been the neck? And this is all your fault! How could you not see what was happening? He said! He told you and you ignored it!

  I was practically screaming in the office. Ariel's mother started to cry. It was clear that she had not thought at all of the chances of what could have happened to him.

  I gasped for air after everything I said. And I was prepared for their rage. I was nobody to interfere with their family life, but Ariel was much more important than these issues. Someone needed to be there for him and I was that person.

  But unlike expected, his father approached me and hugged me, leaving me perplexed.

  - I'm sorry, Gabriel. I should have heard what my son said. I have no words to thank you for everything you have done for him. Thank you for being there when we can't.

  Tears filled my eyes. Like his mother, I had no real awareness of everything that could have happened. I felt powerless for not being there to prevent it.

  - If I had been there it wouldn't have happened.

  And that was the real question. I didn't just blame his parents. I blamed myself for not doing anything.

  His father took a little distance until he was looking me in the eye.

  - That will not go unpunished. I will do the impossible so that these boys are punished and do not study there anymore. And if anything, however small, happens again, I will put him in your school. I give you my word.

  It did not go unnoticed that his father had said all this to me and not to Ariel. It was as if he owed me an explanation. I realized that his parents understood my feelings better than I did and were giving me their blessing.

  It was clear to everyone that no one loved Ariel more than I did.

  I nodded my head confirming that I believed his word.

  Ariel's mother filled him with questions about everything that happened and had been happening. She had a pad of paper writing everything down.

  After he was released we went to his house where his parents ordered pizza and invited me to spend the night.

  Despite everything that had happened, Ariel seemed happy with all the attention he was getting from them. But even so, his eyes constantly searched for me in the room.

  I made a makeshift bed on the floor in his room. I had already told my parents that I would be there all weekend.

  After turning off the lights, we were silent for a long time. I could not sleep. All that adrenaline of the day was running wild through the body.

  "I was very scared," said Ariel, almost whispering. - I thought I would never see you again.

  I climbed onto his bed and hugged him carefully. In addition to the broken arm he had some abrasions on his body.

  - Me too. I don't know what I would do if I lost you.

  - Promise me that if that happens you won't do anything crazy?

  - This will not happen again. Your father promised, remember?

  - I know. But everything that happened today made me think about how you would look if something happened to me.

  - AND?

  - And I don't want you to blame yourself. A lot can happen and if I leave I want you to be happy.

  - What a funeral conversation. - I squeezed his body slightly - I don't even want to think about it.

  - Just promise.

  - If it will make you shut up and sleep, I promise.

  - Thank you. Not only for that, but for everything. Mainly for always being by my side.

  - Thanks for letting me be by your side.

  I kissed your forehead lightly. It was an intuitive gesture.

  Soon after, Ariel fell asleep because of the painkillers. And I was still thinking about everything he said.

  I just didn't know at the time that I would have to keep that promise too soon.

  17 Years Old

  gABRIEL

  - A

  riel, aren’t you coming to eat?

  - I'm finishing now!

  Ever since I converted his housekeeper's room into a studio, Ariel was always getting lost inside it.

  I was still amazed at his enormous talent for painting. He took a short course during the holidays when we were fifteen and when he left the course he was almost a professional.

  The way he mixed colors and shading was impressive. Rare people were born with gifts. Most of them had to study for years to get to the bottom of the job he was able to do.

  And his creativity was limitless. In addition to painting what he saw, he was able to create works from scratch. Using only his imagination. And even though his works were distinct from each other, they all had his aura printed.

  Anyone who saw his works, even using different nuances and features, could clearly see that it belonged to the same artist.

  I went to the makeshift studio to call him again. If I didn't do that he would go all day without eating. Ariel said that because he had to study he didn't have all the time he needed to create, so in his spare time he divided his attention between painting and me.

  I stopped at the bedroom door and stood, admiring him. He was more handsome. It was as if the colors of the screen radiated on his skin.

  And every day I felt more caught up in those feelings. I knew exactly what I wanted from him, but I didn't have the courage to move forward. I
knew he would accept everything I had to offer, but the fear that it might not work out in the end was huge.

  How I wanted to kiss the delicate skin on his neck.

  That kind of thinking dominated my mind every day. All the time. I played it whenever I felt like it, but it wasn't enough. No longer.

  I wanted to kiss his whole body and fill it with marks. Although I haven't kissed anyone yet, in my head I had already done much more obscene things with Ariel.

  I had already touched everywhere and kissed him countless times. Exploring every bit of that silky skin and making him delirious with pleasure.

  I even did a lot of research on how two men do this kind of thing. And even though I felt ready to finally take the next step, I didn't know how.

  After so many years of living this almost platonic relationship, I felt trapped in limbo. We weren't just friends, but we weren't lovers either.

  I went into the room and touched his neck lightly, caressing him. It was the maximum I allowed myself to do.

  - How's school?

  - Normal. - Ariel tilted his head a little giving me more access to his neck. - The usual.

  - Isn't anyone disturbing you?

  - No, Gabs. Nothing has happened since that accident. - He got up suddenly and stretched - Two years ago. It's time to let it go.

  Since Ariel broke his arm, nothing had happened. His parents went to school and threatened to sue if the students involved were not expelled. His father was so scary and intimidating, that no student dared to put a finger or say anything to Ariel. Even so, I was still worried. I made him promise that he would tell me if anything, however small it was, happened.

  I held out my hand to him.

  - Come on, let's eat soon. We still have to study.

  He took my hand and I took him to the kitchen table.

  As we ate, I realized that he was thoughtful. After a while, Ariel looked at me.

  - Gabs, do you know what you're going to do next year?

  - I haven't thought about it yet.

  It was a huge lie. I had thought about it several times. And honestly, I was waiting for Ariel's plans. I wanted to be close, regardless of where he went.

  - I already know what I want to do.

  - Then say it. Stop making suspense.