"So where is Sheila?"
"Spirit guides are for helping souls in the physical dimension. There is no need for spirit guides here." He lifted his hands and gave a small shrug. "So you have me."
"Where are my grandparents? Why haven't they come to me?"
"Because you haven't accepted your present reality."
"And yet you are here."
Mike nodded, his expression thoughtful. "Yes. Probably because we've interacted before."
"Did you know you had crossed over, Mike?" I wondered now if it happened so fast we didn't even realize what happened. Did we just continue on then with the belief we were still alive?
"I knew. I saw my death coming a split second before it happened. I accepted the situation because..." he paused to search for the right words. "This is where we all belong. Coming home isn't something to avoid. Eventually we all make it back here and really, once you cross over and accept it, you wonder why you left in the first place. The hard part was leaving you behind ... those we love." He glanced around him in a manner that told me he was puzzled to find me here ... on this island. "I gave myself no limitations but embraced my death." He returned his gaze to me and there was a look in his eyes that suggested apology for the way he'd been about my ability. "It's pretty amazing here. But I'm not sure what's going on with you, Tess. You aren't embracing this."
"No I'm not. I am not ready to be dead." My relationship with Kade was in a great place and I wanted to enjoy more of it. I liked my life and I didn't want to leave it.
"Every decision is yours to make, Tess." And then he was gone.
"Tess?" Rosemary touched my arm. "Are you dead too?"
What did Mike mean by that? Every decision is mine to make? Every last one? Then why in the hell was I here! I did not choose this.
"Rosemary, let's concentrate on you for a moment. You've been here longer than me. I need you to tell me what happened after Grace was taken away." Maybe through helping Rosemary accept her death, I could figure out what to do about mine.
"Let's get some tea." Rosemary turned away and headed for the cabin. Since it was once again intact, it seemed we were right back where we started.
I followed Rosemary inside and everything was as it was when I first landed on this God forsaken place. Too restless to sit, I wandered around the room and waited for Rosemary to make the tea she seemed to love so much.
"Hello!" Grace's voice called to us from outside and then she waltzed through the door as if nothing had happened. Like everything was normal.
Rosemary dropped the two mugs of tea she was holding and covered her mouth with her hands.
"Mama! Are you okay?" Grace ran to her mother and looked down at the mess on the floor.
"Grace? Are you really here?" Rosemary reached out and touched her daughter's hair, tightening her hand around it as she lifted her other to grasp Grace's arm, pulling her close. "Are you really here?"
Grace nodded, her chin warbling with the effort it took not to cry. "I am, Mama. I'm really here."
"And you are dead?"
Grace gave a small gay laugh. "Do I look dead?"
"You look wonderful. You always have." Rosemary touched her daughter's face. "But we are not alive anymore are we?"
"Mama, we are very much alive. But we aren't part of that awful life anymore. We are here and I want you to stop exiling yourself. I want you to come with me."
Dropping her hands, Rosemary gave her daughter a sad smile. "You don't understand do you? I can't leave here."
Grace turned to me, her eyes pleading. "Can't you talk to her? I thought once she realized the truth then she'd leave this place!"
All your decisions are yours to make. "I'm sorry, Grace, but I can't tell your mother what to do."
"Why, Mama? Why are you here? Why won't you come with me? Don't you love me anymore?" Grace's blue eyes filled with tears that soon spilled over and ran unchecked down her face.
"It's because I love you, Grace, that I must stay." Rosemary looked over at me and gave a grateful smile. "And now that Tess is here, I won't be so lonely."
Oh no! Did she think I was going to exile myself along with her? "Rosemary, I am not going to stay here with you."
Rosemary lifted a brow, her eyes challenging. "Oh no? Then leave."
I turned to Grace knowing my eyes were filled with the hope blazing through me and prayed she didn't deny my silent plea. "Can you take me back to shore?"
Grace sighed, her look pitying. "There is no shore here, Tess."
I expected her to say as much but the impact of her words still hit me hard, whooshing the breath from my body. I took a step toward her, fighting to contain the desperation stirring to a frenzy in my chest. "Help me get off this island, Grace!"
"I can't do that." Grace glanced from her mother to me, her expression sad. She gave her mother a hug, holding her tight for a moment and then she stepped away. "When you are ready to leave, Mama, then call for me." She went to the door and opened it. "I won't be back again, Mama. Not until you're ready to come with me."
"But what about me, Grace!" I rushed to her and made a grab for one of her arms but my hands went right through her. I guess knowing she was a ghost now made her less solid to me. "If you can take your mother away, why can't you take me with you?"
"I'm not your destiny, Tess."
I stood wringing my hands in an attempt to control the despair overtaking my mind and Grace reached over to squeeze them. So she could touch me but I couldn't touch her? Is that how it was to be now?
"The decision to leave or stay is yours to make."
"But I've decided to go with you!"
"No. It doesn't work that way, Tess." Grace gave her mother a lingering glance. "Goodbye, Mama. I love you." And then she went out the door.
"Wait!" I wrenched the door open but she was gone. A glance toward the wharf showed no sign of a boat. So now what?
"I came back here after Grace was taken away. There was a can of peanuts in the cupboard. Grace loved peanuts. I'm allergic to them. I ate the entire can and when I was through, I lay down on the bed."
I let my forehead rest against the door while Rosemary talked and when she finished, she went back into the kitchen to make more tea. Was this to be my life now? Drinking gallons of tea with Rosemary and crocheting doilies? I closed my eyes and started praying. Surely I didn't deserve this?
"Tess? Your tea is ready."
I swung around and watched as Rosemary crossed the room to her rocking chair. She set my cup on the small round table and once she was settled, she cradled hers on her lap then looked my way, beckoning me with her hand. "Come sit. You don't look well."
No, I was not well. In fact, I may be dead and I was not very happy about it. But I couldn't stand here all day, so I crossed the room on leaden feet and dropped onto the sofa. "I can't stay here forever, Rosemary."
"It does seem like a long time, doesn't it?" Rosemary sipped her tea.
"You are okay with that? Staying here forever? Never to see Grace again?"
Rosemary winced at that and lifted her eyes to mine. They were swimming in tears again. "I think I am getting just exactly what I deserve."
"Fine, but I am not!" Is this what I get for trying to help ghosts? I get stranded in their hell?
"I'm not sure why you are here, Tess, but I'm really glad you are."
I leaned forward in my chair. "Rosemary, I can't stay here!"
"But where would you go?"
"I don't know! I'm a little confused about things right now."
"Then this is the best place to be until you figure it out." Looking quite pleased with the situation, Rosemary sank back in her chair and began to rock. "This place has always been a refuge for me and now it's yours as well."
She was starting to piss me off. Did she really not care about my plight? I didn't want to be here, didn't that matter? I started to stand but a wave of nausea caused me to fall back on the sofa. How is it that I am feeling so sick if I am freaking dead! "Something is
wrong, Rosemary."
"You need to lie down." After setting her tea on the table next to mine, Rosemary stood up. "I'll get you a pillow."
The room started spinning and I grasped the arm of the sofa to steady myself. What was wrong with me?
"Here you go. Just lie down." Rosemary pressed against my shoulder until I did as she bid. Once my head was on the pillow, she covered me with the afghan. "Sleep for a bit, Tess. You need rest."
For some reason a song came to mind, "I'll Sleep When I'm Dead" and I almost laughed. Almost. Except it wasn't funny. Not by a long shot. And though I thought I was too wired and upset to sleep, I knew I was not going to stay awake. Maybe I'd wake up and find this all to be a dream. Yes. Maybe that's what will happen!
Chapter 9
"Tess."
The voice was just a whisper in the dark, barely audible but enough to get my attention. I strained to hear more and tried to get a lock on where it was coming from.
"Tess."
I moved forward cautiously. It was pitch black, not a hint of light anywhere. Under the circumstances, I was quite reluctant to move.
"Come back to me."
What did that mean? The plea in the tone was unmistakable. Who did the voice belong to? I took another step forward and put out my hands to ensure I didn't smack face first into something. Just empty space as far as I could tell. Another step.
"Please, Tess."
Why couldn't I see anything? Where was I? Frustration mounted as I took two more steps.
"Where are you?" My shout echoed so loud I had to press my hands to my ears.
"Wherever you are, whatever is happening ... just come back."
Tears blinded eyes that couldn't see anyway. I didn't bother wiping them away. I knew who it was now and it went a long way towards calming me. It was Kade and his voice sounded so sure, filled with conviction. And why wouldn't it? He believes in me. In us.
"Kade!" Emboldened with confidence that he wouldn't call me forward if I was in danger, I took a few more shuffling steps, my hands groping before me, making contact with nothing. "Kade? Kade, where are you?" Not wanting a repeat of that awful echo, I raised my voice just enough to be heard.
"Help me find you, Tess."
If only I knew where I was! Not that it really mattered, I was pretty sure I needed to be the one doing the finding. "Where are you?" But my concentration on listening for an answer was interrupted by a sudden cold. I stopped moving and waited, wondering what it meant. The stench came next and my stomach heaved. This time I couldn't stop the spasms and dropped to my knees to wretch. Laughter filled the space around me, coming from all angles. I knew that laugh. It was Cain, the evil entity Kade and I vanquished from our home! The more I heaved, the louder his laughter became.
"Oh God, Sheila, why have you left me!" I managed to choke out the words and the laughter stopped in response. Total silence.
"Where's your light, Tess?"
I sat up on my knees and used my t-shirt to wipe my mouth. "There is no light." It wasn't like me to feel so defeated and yet I felt betrayed by the circumstances I now found myself facing.
"That's how you felt when Mike died. Your feeling of betrayal is still your downfall."
I had to think about that for a second and my heart pounded loud in my ears as I did so. If Sheila was talking to me, then I couldn't be dead. Didn't Mike tell me that she could only help me in the physical world? "Tell me what's going on, Sheila!"
I pushed to my feet then closed my eyes and concentrated on replenishing my strength. Pulling in deep breaths, I managed at last to counter the nausea and the stench dissipated. The cold, however, slithered over me, wrapping around my skin in a chilly, wet sheath.
Although Sheila didn't answer me, I knew she was near, waiting for me to do what I needed to do. So I started the process of activating my energy centers, the seven chakras aligned from pelvic to crown within my auric body. As I imagined each center spinning faster and faster, its corresponding color growing brighter and brighter, the cold clinging to my skin eased off and by the time I reached the seventh center, the crown chakra, warmth began to seep through me from the inside out.
"You are not going to give up again."
I shook my head at Sheila's statement. She was right. Whatever happened to us, it was our choice to make. Just as Mike told me. I chose to come to this island and help Rosemary and I would leave it once I accomplished that task. "No. I'm not giving up."
"Unless I get you first."
That was Cain's voice. Though it triggered alarm, I fought to stay calm. It seemed I had stumbled into his territory. But I wouldn't be staying much longer. No. So I ignored his threat and got busy imagining my protective light and all the while Cain's laughter echoed loud and irritating. But then suddenly it stopped and I went on alert, knowing something more was about to happen. A moment of silence, complete stillness, then a great suction pulled me forward. Though I tried to resist it, I was soon getting dragged along faster and faster unable to keep up. Finally I tumbled forward and fell flat on my face. The surface beneath me was hard but it didn't hurt when I smacked into it. I spread my arms wide feeling the smooth surface, finding nothing to grab onto. Onward I slid, twisting and turning unable to dig in or slow my progress. With my concentration interrupted, I forgot about the light and the world around me was nothing but darkness.
The roaring wind became so loud it hurt my eardrums so I gave up looking for something to grab and covered my ears. Would this ever stop?
"Tess! Please wake up!"
I opened my eyes and found Rosemary leaning over me. A quick glance told me I was lying next to her on the bed. My relief was so great I had to close my eyes for a second. All that was a dream? All of it? "Rosemary, what happened?" I opened my eyes and sought hers. Light was beginning to filter into the room from the window. It wasn't much but enough to make out her frightened expression.
She sagged back against her pillow. "You must have had an awful dream."
I pushed myself up on my elbows and looked around. The sun was fast rising and outside the window I heard birds singing in joy for the new day. "I was on the couch when I fell asleep so how did I get in here?"
"The couch?" Rosemary sat up and straightened out her nightgown. "You slept on the couch the night before. Last night you agreed to sleep in here with me. Don't you remember?"
"How many nights have I been here, Rosemary?"
Frowning as if confused by the question, she reached over and pressed the back of her hand to my forehead. "Is your head still bothering you, my dear?"
"How many nights?"
"This was your second night. I'm sure Grace will be here today. The sun is already shining. No reason for her not to make it out." She stepped out of bed and pulled a night-robe around her. "I'll go stoke up the wood stove and make us some coffee."
To say I was confused would be an understatement. Too stunned to respond, I watched Rosemary exit the room, her manner suggesting she was doing so with undue haste. I pondered over my confusion for only a few more seconds before I jumped out of bed with the intention of following her. But a stab of pain lanced through my brain bringing me to my knees. Though I banged them on the floor pretty hard, the mattress stopped the rest of me from further harm. With my face buried in the tangle of blankets, I sucked in slow, deep breaths and did another quick charge of my chakras. Once I felt my strength return and the pain recede, I put my light of protection in place and managed to achieve a modicum of calm.
Obviously I was going to have to keep my wits about me while I figured out what the heck was going on now. One thing for sure, I needed to keep my imaginary light in place and remind myself often that its protective force will indeed keep me safe.
With the vision of myself all lit up like a super-watt light bulb, its glow a strong barrier around me, I pushed to my feet and limped to the door. Despite my recharged energy, my knees hurt like hell.
Rosemary was just closing the door to the wood stove when I appeared in the
doorway and she looked up to smile at me, though that quickly faded to a concerned frown. "Are you sure you are okay to be up? You don't look well at all."
"I banged my knees on the bed."
Rosemary stood up and bustled toward me, her expression sympathetic. "Are you okay?"
"Rosemary, we need to talk."
She breezed past me and headed for the kitchen. "About what?"
Had I really dreamed an entire day? Rosemary was acting like yesterday never even happened. Surely I didn't dream all that. No. I couldn't have. Could I? Not to be deterred in any case, I practically marched into the kitchen. No more sugar-coating this situation. Rosemary had to know what was going on here. I wasn't going to let her put us back to day one.
"Rosemary, you know Grace isn't coming today. She told you she isn't going to come until you are ready to leave with her."
Rosemary stopped spooning sugar into our coffee to look at me in shock. "What? When did she say that?"
Another sharp pain lanced through my head. I sucked in a wincing breath. "What the hell!"
"Another headache? Let me make you some tea..."
"I don't want any more damned tea, Rosemary!" And then it seemed as if my entire body was just hit by a bus. I fell backwards onto the cold floor and then sunk through it, falling through space. Oh God, not again.
"You're in my world now."
Cain! Though stirrings of fear festered in my chest, I fought against it, sending out a mental plea for Sheila. Surely my spirit guide could respond now?
"For those who have eyes, let them see!"
Sheila's voice was the calm in the storm and I latched onto it with a tenaciousness I was fast learning to develop. In a world based on illusion, the only thing we have is our convictions of belief. Whatever is happening to me, it was all in my head. Knowing that, I needed to remember it is with my thoughts that I must control it.
"Stop!" My tumble through space ended as abruptly as it started and as my awareness returned to Rosemary and her cabin, Cain's voice drifted through space, fading fast but not before I got the message.
Rosemary's Ghosts (Tess Schafer-Medium) Page 15