Formal Arrangement

by Gilmore, Kylie

  She covered her nose, her cheeks pink.

  He leaned close, pulling her hand off her nose and holding it. Her eyes widened. He stayed close, his gaze drifting to her mouth, on edge with a sharp need for a taste of her sweetness. She moved so quickly she nearly knocked into him as she assumed a pose, propping her chin on her hand and smiling. “How’s this?”

  He leaned back. “Perfect.”

  All the lines of her jaw and chin were obscured by her hand, so he focused on her eyes. He captured the shape of them, the expressive openness, the lashes, the arch of her brows, but the guileless innocence, the sweet vulnerability was harder to capture. It was a tangible thing that drew him in, even knowing he didn’t deserve sweet, knowing he was a man who took. And she was a woman who gave. But Lauren deserved better. She deserved someone who gave back with the same open generosity that she did. What the hell was he doing?

  He set his pencil down, his gut churning. Why was he attracted to her when he was all wrong for her? Was it just because she was so good to Viv? That was messed up. He suddenly felt like he was using her. Fuck. He was. He wanted her for what she could do for him.

  She dropped her hand and straightened. “You’re done already? Can I see?”

  He closed the sketchbook and stood. “Not yet. Might take a few more sessions.” He put everything on the high shelf of the closet next to Viv’s stuff.

  “You didn’t draw my freckles, did you? Because I think you can leave those out.”

  He turned, smiling. “No freckles.”

  “Good. Can I have it when you’re done? I’ve never had an original work of art.”

  He shook his head. “It’s just a sketch.”

  She stood. “I still want it with your signature.”

  “Okay, but it’s not worth anything.”

  She moved to look at his concept art hanging on the two long wire hangers above the bookcase and the adjacent desk. They were pieces from a picture book he’d illustrated about a robot who wanted to be a boy. Normally he didn’t take the old stuff down until he needed the hangers for new stuff.

  She spoke while looking at the drawings. “That’s where you’re wrong. You’re going to be famous one day.”

  “Aw, shucks,” he said, not believing that for a minute.

  She whirled, green eyes flashing, jolting him. “I mean it! You’re not just technically proficient, you’re capturing emotions on the page. Conveying concepts in a visual way is not easy.”

  He was shocked she noticed all that. Most people thought it was the text of a picture book that brought the concept and emotion to the page. And just like that, he was drawn back in. He closed the distance between them. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome,” she said softly, her cheeks pink.

  He turned back to the drawings, trying to keep himself in check. “What do you see on the pages?”

  “Longing, sadness, loneliness…” She gave him a long look that he felt in his gut, like she saw all of that in him, before turning back to the pictures. “Ultimately joy.”

  She nailed it. He felt understood, even though it wasn’t his story. He’d just helped bring it to life. Of course he hadn’t given the robot or the boy any of his darker issues, those stayed buried deep.

  She turned to him. “Have you ever thought of writing a picture book of your own?”

  “I’ve thought about it. Just haven’t had time.”

  “You should make time,” she said firmly. “Maybe this summer while I’m here with Viv.”

  He met her gaze and held it, tension crackling between them. It couldn’t just be him that felt that. She blushed like a virgin whenever he got close. “What’s your schedule look like after the summer?” Idiot. He should be asking her about this weekend not looking to the future and her availability. Somehow he’d gotten Viv and her care tangled up in his attempt to get closer to Lauren. Did he want Lauren for himself or Viv? Both, he quickly decided.

  She stepped sideways and brought her hands together in front of her and then switched them to the back. “Typically eight thirty to four. Then I have to do some prep work at home for the next day.” She rocked on her heels, looking everywhere but at him. “I wouldn’t be much help to you as a nanny.”

  She was ideal in every way. He didn’t care about love. All he needed was a partner, a mom for his little girl and someone to warm his bed. Not just anyone in his bed, though, he wanted her, the woman who’d woken him from his coma of celibacy. If he was clear right from the beginning, spelled out what she could expect from him—an arrangement of sorts based on mutual compatibility—maybe it would work. He didn’t want to hurt her. If they were both agreeable…fuck it, he was going for it.

  “Lauren.” His tone was harsher than he intended, and maybe that made her nervous because her brows shot up over wide eyes. He needed to get the words out there, so he tried to gentle his tone. “Maybe we could—” He stopped himself. This was one of those lines of no return. Lauren was special. She deserved the best. He couldn’t give her what she longed for. He was nobody’s Mr. Right.

  “Maybe we could what?” she asked softly.

  His heart thudded hard against his rib cage. Her voice was soft, her eyes were soft, her skin looked soft. So much softness he longed to sink into.

  “Would you like a hug?” she asked gently.

  “Yes,” he croaked because he desperately wanted to touch her.

  She wrapped her arms around his torso and hugged him. His arms closed around her with almost painful relief. She tightened her hold, but he felt anything but comfort. The need intensified, sharper than he could ever remember feeling.

  He stroked a hand down her back and spoke near her ear, the words dragged from somewhere deep inside. “I haven’t wanted—”

  “Hi, Daddy!” a little voice said from behind him.

  He whirled and took a step away from Lauren, flushed with guilt over his unfinished sentence, I haven’t wanted anyone the way I want you. He didn’t get to have that. Not for a long time. He had a little girl depending on him.

  Viv hugged his legs and he cupped her head, her hair was mostly dry. He cleared his throat. “How was your nap?”

  “Okay,” Viv said, looking up at him. “Hungry.”

  Lauren rushed past him. “I’ll take care of her. You go back to what you need to do.”

  Viv followed Lauren like a duckling to her mama. He followed close behind because that was what he needed to do.

  Chapter Ten

  Lauren was in the front passenger seat of Hailey’s orange Mini Cooper convertible on the drive over to Marcus’s bar in lower Manhattan. It was the only seat where she didn’t have to squish to fit her long legs. Carrie and Ally were in the backseat, both of them shorter than her.

  “So-o-o, are you excited, Laur?” Hailey asked in a super-perky voice.

  Lauren hesitated. She didn’t want to be rude. On the other hand, Joe had told her the dirt and it wasn’t pretty. Best to be honest, she decided. “Hailey, I’m really sorry because I know you went to a lot of trouble to plan tonight, but I already know these guys aren’t for me.”

  “What?” Hailey barked. “Hold on now. You can’t say that before we even get there. What are you even talking about? Did you meet someone?”

  She fought back a blush. She’d met someone all right, but he was off the market and rightly so. She liked Alex way too much—her longing/lusting/craving was off the charts—but he just wasn’t all there. She could see it in his eyes, in unguarded moments, a dark pain. A wall, like Joe had said. And she knew she wasn’t the one to push down those walls. He had them for a reason and would keep them until he was ready, not because she pushed him to be ready.

  “Lauren, did you?” Ally piped up from the backseat. She was easily excitable.

  “Omigod!” Carrie exclaimed. “She’s falling for her boss. The forbidden romance!” Carrie was obsessed with forbidden romances lately, reading tons of them. Not to be unkind, but by no stretch of the imagination was Carrie ever going
to have a forbidden romance. She was textbook girl next door, even more so than Lauren.

  Lauren turned to look at Carrie’s no-doubt eager expression. In the dim streetlight, all she could see was Carrie’s bright blond hair and big round black-rimmed glasses that were supposedly geek chic (but were more geek than chic). “Carrie, please stop with the forbidden stuff.”

  “It’s exciting!” Carrie exclaimed. “Boss and assistant, teacher and student—”

  “Bad boy and good girl,” Ally put in.

  “Yes!” Carrie exclaimed. Then in a forlorn tone, “Good girl, good boy is so boring.”

  “Good doesn’t mean boring,” Lauren said. “You definitely don’t want someone bad. What do you want a criminal or something?”

  “I’m just saying—” Carrie started.

  “Ladies, please!” Hailey interrupted. “We’re almost there and I need to know what’s up with Lauren. She’s the one putting herself out there and I want tonight to be a success.”

  Lauren faced front and sighed. How could tonight be a success when the men were completely unsuitable as Mr. Right?

  “Then what are we here for?” Ally asked.

  “Backup,” Hailey said.

  Lauren turned in her seat. “If either of you feels a spark with any guy here, I’ll back off immediately. But I should warn you off Ethan, Ben, and Marcus.” She winced and faced front. She hated saying anything bad about anyone, but it was true. Joe had told her everything about them. Now that she thought about it, she’d have to be careful what she shared with Joe. He was quite the blabbermouth.

  “What’s wrong with Ethan?” Hailey asked. “He’s gorgeous and a cop. That’s an honorable profession.”

  “Sex addict,” Lauren mumbled.

  “What?” Hailey asked.

  “Yeah, we can’t hear you back here,” Carrie piped up.

  Lauren spoke up loud and clear. “I said sex addict.”

  Dead silence. They were probably trying to match up Ethan with sex addict. It was odd. He didn’t seem overly sexed. Sure, he was sexy, very sexy, especially in his uniform, and he smirked a lot in a sexy way. Maybe he smirked because he was imagining having sex with them!

  She glanced over to find Hailey staring at her, jaw dropped.

  “Look at the road!” Lauren ordered.

  “Are you serious?” Hailey exclaimed.

  Lauren nodded. “It’s true. Joe told me.”

  “Who’s Joe?” Hailey asked.

  “Mr. Campbell.”

  Hailey glanced over at her. “You’re hanging out with Mr. Campbell now?”

  “Ooh, is that who you met?” Carrie asked. “The forbidden older man? Daddy figure?”

  Lauren swiveled her head around to glare at Carrie.

  She shrugged. “Sorry.”

  Lauren turned back in her seat. “I brought Viv over to visit and Joe told me all about it.”

  “Huh,” Hailey said. “Well, maybe a sex addict could be fun. He’d certainly be skilled.”

  “Yeah,” Ally piped up.

  “I’d do him,” Carrie said.

  “Please, Carrie, you’ve slept with one guy,” Ally said. “You can not handle a sex-crazed man.”

  “Really?” Hailey asked. “Just one guy? But you’re twenty-six, right?”

  Carrie huffed. “We dated six years, okay? And we did everything.”

  The women got quiet. Lauren thought that breakup must’ve been tough. Almost like a divorce after six long years.

  “At least I thought we did everything,” Carrie added. “Now that I’m reading all these sexy books…damn, ladies, I missed out.”

  “Oh, Carrie,” Hailey murmured. “I’ll help you as soon as I’ve gotten Lauren on the right path.”

  “It’s not happening tonight,” Lauren said.

  “So what’s wrong with Ben and Marcus that makes them not for you?” Hailey asked.

  “Ben doesn’t believe in marriage. Marcus doesn’t believe in monogamy.” Now those two she really felt sorry for. They’d never get to experience the deep and lasting love of a committed relationship. Neither had she, but she knew for sure she wanted that and was at a point in her life where she wouldn’t settle for less.

  “Pfft. Totally fixable,” Hailey said confidently.

  “I don’t think so,” Lauren said.

  Hailey let out an exaggerated sigh. “The problem is you want a unicorn.”

  “What’s a man have to do with a unicorn?” Ally asked.

  “Obviously she wants a big horn,” Carrie said. “Right, Laur?”

  Lauren remained silent, not wanting to encourage them to explore what her unicorn was. It was one of the things Hailey had intuitively picked up during her intensive questionnaire and interview process for Make Love Bloom (TM).

  Ally ran with the horn idea. “You never know what you’re going to get until the big moment arrives; then it’s either tiny banana, big horn, or something ho-hum in between.”

  “Please,” Hailey said, “like size matters. No, Lauren is looking for a sweet alpha, which I’ve already informed her doesn’t exist. That’s her unicorn. A fantasy.”

  “Charlotte says Ty is sweet,” Ally said. Charlotte and Ty had recently married.

  “He’s definitely alpha,” Carrie said enthusiastically.

  “Okay, well, maybe Ty is the unicorn,” Hailey said. “Lauren, you’re simply going to have to be more open to either sweet and gentle or alpha and rough. You can’t have both. It’s just not realistic.”

  Lauren looked out the window. Alex was sweet. She saw it every day with him and Viv. He also had alpha potential with his edgy vibe and delicious muscles. But he ranked zero on relationship potential. She sighed. Maybe Hailey was right and she just needed to move on and accept that what she longed for wasn’t realistic.

  “How’s your nanny job working out?” Carrie asked.

  Lauren jolted, almost like Carrie knew she was lusting over Alex, though she hadn’t confided her secret lust to her friends. “Viv is great,” she said a little too loud. She filled them in on Viv’s adorable antics. The women listened, but no one was all that enthusiastic. “I guess you had to be there,” she finished lamely.

  “How’s Alex treating you?” Hailey asked.

  Lauren fidgeted, unsure why they were back to her employer. “Fine.”

  “Just fine?” Hailey chirped. “I’m hearing five more layers of not fine in that fine.” Hailey was surprisingly intuitive. And a good listener too. Still Lauren kept quiet.

  “Spill,” Carrie said.

  “You know how he’s an artist?” Lauren said hesitantly.

  “Yeah?” the women chorused like go on.

  “He asked to sketch me,” Lauren said in a carefully neutral tone. She wanted to hear what they thought of it because she was confused. He’d backed off after their near kiss and then almost, sort of flirted.

  “Were you naked?” Hailey asked.

  “No!” Lauren exclaimed. She couldn’t imagine posing naked for a sketch. Alex staring, studying her every flaw. She wasn’t exactly full of curves like men seemed to like. She’d always been tall and lean, medium-size breasts and narrow hips. A swimmer’s body, not a sexpot.

  “Were you in a sexy pose?” Ally wanted to know.

  “Or did he put you in a sexy pose?” Carrie asked gleefully.

  “What were you wearing?” Hailey asked.

  “Tank top and shorts. I posed like this.” Lauren put her chin in her hand in the classic portrait pose.

  “Oh,” Hailey said. “You look like you’re thinking.”

  “I thought it was a good sketching pose,” Lauren replied.

  “Then what happened?” Hailey asked.

  Lauren sighed. “That’s it. For a brief moment, it seemed like maybe a small flirt? Like how an artist might flirt, but then I thought maybe I was reading too much into it.” She shook her head, sure she was reading too much into it.

  “Did you want it to be a flirt?” Hailey asked.

  “I don’
t know,” Lauren said. This was why she was confused. And overwhelmed. And, terrified, actually, over her growing feelings for him. There were moments when she was sure the attraction went both ways and then they vanished. Like Alex shut them down because of his pain. That was probably a good thing. The right thing to do. After what Joe confided, she knew Alex had a lot to work through before he could be there for anyone besides Viv.

  “What do you mean?” Ally asked. “He’s hot.”

  The women all murmured agreement.

  “You should see him shirtless,” Lauren confided. “Totally ripped. He works out with Viv.” She smiled remembering their adorable dance. Viv looked so ecstatic to dance with her daddy.

  “Oh-kay,” Hailey said. “So what’s the problem?” She honked the horn and swerved around a double-parked car. “He’s hot, he’s maybe flirting with you, and you think he’s ripped.”

  Lauren tried to explain without revealing the intimate details Joe had shared. “It’s just that, well, his fiancée’s death was hard on him.” Alex felt like it was his fault. That was something he needed to forgive himself for, not something she or anyone could help him with just with words. It was difficult emotional territory and a decision he had to come to terms with on his own time.

  “It’s been two years,” Hailey said gently.

  “I don’t think he ever had time to really deal with all the emotional fallout,” Lauren said quietly. “Too busy being a single parent. He’s not looking for a relationship, that’s for sure. He sort of warned me away at our interview, telling me how he fired two nannies that hit on him. He flat out said he was unavailable and not looking for anyone.”

  “You don’t have to be looking to find someone,” Hailey sang.

  Lauren’s brows shot up. “I can’t believe you just said that. You’re the one running the Make Love Bloom (TM) service to help people find someone.”