She did, revving up fast as she stared at his thick erection. No wonder she was sore after the last round. Her fingers stilled, watching him stride to the nightstand, rip open a condom, and roll it on. She moved to join him and he quickly closed the distance between them.
“Nope,” he said, backing her up. “Right here. Against the wall. Just like in your favorite book.”
“They fucked in a lot of places.”
He swore. “I am loving hearing fuck come out of that angelic mouth.” His mouth covered hers as he pressed her against the wall. She clung to his shoulders, her nails digging in, needing a lot more from him. He cupped the back of her knee, lifting her leg, opening her to him. Yes! Finally. He pressed at her entrance and she arched to meet him.
He stilled and stared at her mouth. “Tell me all the places they fucked, all the ways. I want all the filthy details.”
She was so done talking about fiction. She reached around, grabbed his ass and pulled him tight against her, reminding him how hot and wet she was. She whispered the filthy words from the book, words she knew he was dying to hear come out of her mouth. She’d barely gotten started when she yelped as he suddenly turned her to the wall and bent her over in one quick move.
He covered her with his body, his hand on her mouth as he spoke fiercely in her ear. “You have to keep quiet or you’ll wake Viv. Put your palms flat on the wall.”
She did and he took her in one swift thrust. She cried out, the sound muffled by his hand. He thrust again, his voice deep velvet. “Now I’m going to fuck you hard and deep.” He took his hand off her mouth. “Keep the volume down.”
“Do it,” she practically growled.
He gripped her hips and gave her what she needed. Hard, pounding thrusts that filled her, excited her, his breath harsh by her ear. She’d never truly been fucked before Alex, their bodies slick with sweat, everything dropping away to a haze of primal heart-pounding need. And then his hand reached around, his fingers delving between her legs, and she bit back a cry, trying to keep quiet. Soft whimpers escaped as he overwhelmed her, thrusting deep, stroking over and over until she broke. He continued to stroke her, making her shudder and moan helplessly under him, the intensity too much as he slowly pumped into her and she realized he wasn’t going to stop. He wanted her to come again and she was way too raw and too far gone. Her breath hitched in a moment of alarm. He filled her, held her captive, controlled her completely.
His voice was low and deep. “Let go. Don’t fight it.”
She tensed as he pushed deep, stroking her faster, and then she was lost in sensation. His voice, gruff and rasping in her ear, told her in explicit detail all the ways he wanted to take her. Her body jerked and then she broke violently, the sounds of her ecstasy suddenly contained by his hand over her mouth. Finally he released his hold on her mouth, grabbing her hips with both hands and pumping deep over and over until he let go, his mouth pressing against her neck. She felt as much as heard the low groan he was trying to contain vibrating against her neck. A long moment passed where they both caught their breath. Her heart was still pounding, her head slightly woozy.
He withdrew and she straightened, her legs trembling. She grabbed his arm for balance. He pulled her to the bed, yanking back the covers for her. She collapsed face-first into a pillow, completely boneless.
She vaguely remembered they were supposed to talk, but she was beyond speech. She drifted, sleep pulling at her. She wished he’d turn out the lights but couldn’t formulate the request. He was moving around the room and she wanted to tell him to settle down and sleep already.
Slowly she became aware he’d joined her in the bed, coaxing her with his deep voice and warm hands.
~ ~ ~
Alex took one look at Lauren’s soft supple body, completely limp and relaxed, the best possible state for having his way, and felt his cock stirring back to life. He trailed his fingers down her spine, making her shiver. He continued down her smooth back, sliding both hands down her sides and the curve of her hips and then cupping her ass, aching for more. She didn’t stir. He’d thought way too much about being with her again. Especially after reading what she was into.
He shifted, lifting her hair and gently kissing the nape of her neck. She sighed. He kissed across her shoulder and back up her neck to the soft spot just under her ear. It occurred to him that he wanted her to stay in his bed permanently. This thing between them worked. And Viv would have the mother she needed.
“Imagine if you didn’t have to go home,” he whispered, knowing she was too wiped out to move. She had to listen.
“What do you mean?” she asked softly.
He pressed his advantage, she was so soft and agreeable right now. He slid his hands across her shoulders and down her back. “I mean if you lived here permanently.”
Her eyes were closed, enjoying his touch. “We’ve only been…whatever for three weeks.”
He nipped the side of her neck. “Say it.”
“Lusting, craving, fucking. Pick one.”
He got harder. “Yes to all three. But it’s more than that, right?” He rolled her over and she moved as easily as a rag doll. He slid his palm up her inner thigh and nudged her leg to the side. She opened her legs and reached for him. He climbed on top and she wrapped her arms and legs around him like a hug. He should probably get another condom, but he felt too good to move away from what his body craved.
“Mmm,” she said, a satisfied sleepy smile on her face.
He kissed that smile. “Viv loves you. We work well together in and out of bed…we should get married.”
Her eyes flew open. “What?” She dropped her arms and legs from him. “What?” she repeated, blinking like she was confused or something.
“That’s what you want, right? A committed relationship. I’ll give it to you.”
“You can’t even look at me when we fuck.”
“I’m looking at you now.”
She huffed. “I’m getting the feeling you haven’t had much intimacy in relationships.”
“Not much relationships either. Does it really matter?”
She pushed at his chest. “I can’t talk like this. Get off.”
“Why?” He was enjoying this position and hoping for more once he got the marriage thing out of the way.
“Your body muddles my brain. I seriously can’t think.”
He grinned, happy to hear that, and shifted to lie next to her. He propped up on an elbow and splayed his hand low on her flat belly. She pushed his hand off and rolled to her side, propped up on her elbow, facing him.
“How long were you with Tammy before you found out she was pregnant?” she asked.
“Four months.”
“And how long were your relationships before her? Anyone serious?”
“Nothing ever lasted more than a couple months. I don’t get why that matters. I don’t care how long you were with someone. All that matters is here and now.”
“I’m just trying to understand how you can propose marriage after three weeks.”
He stroked her hair back over her shoulder. “Easy, we fit.”
She groaned, rolled to her back, and covered her face with her hands.
“What’s that mean?”
She dropped her hands. “Do you love me, Alex?”
“What kind of question is that?” he asked, stalling for time. He couldn’t say the words. He wasn’t in love, but what they had was better, compatibility, a mom for Viv.
“A legitimate one,” she snapped.
“For someone who just proposed marriage?” he asked like he was offended.
Maybe he’d brought it up too soon, but it all fit in place in his mind. She remained quiet and he decided to distract her. “C’mere, sit up.” He sat up too. He hadn’t taken her in that position yet and thought she’d probably like it. Bonus, he’d get credit for intimacy facing each other.
She scrambled up to a sitting position. “I don’t take marriage lightly.”
He debated moving her into his lap
or just telling her to get there. He reached for her and she crossed her arms. “What’s more serious than a proposal?” he asked.
“Love!”
He went on the offense. “Do you love me?”
She looked away. “I’m trying not to, but I’m leaning in that direction.”
He couldn’t help his wide smile. “Okay, so you’re leaning, that’s good. We both love Viv. She needs a mom—”
“See?” she cried. “This is what I was afraid of. You want me for her.”
“I want you for me too. Plenty of women threw themselves at me before I met you and I had zero interest.” Fuck it. He pulled her into his lap, settling her long legs around him and pulling her close for an erotic naked hug. As always she hugged him back, her arms around his torso, her head resting on his shoulder. “But then you came along and I wanted you like I’ve never wanted anyone before.”
He stroked her back, trying to enjoy the hug and not push for the hard fucking he craved like his next breath. If he wanted her more every time they fucked, that would make marriage easy.
She pulled back to look at him. “If you had met me before Viv, would you have wanted me?”
He kissed her, avoiding the question. She yielded immediately. This was what he couldn’t get enough of, the soft surrender, the open vulnerability even when he was pushing her out of her comfort zone. He broke the kiss, sliding his hand under her hair to cup the back of her neck, giving it a squeeze before admitting, “Before Viv, I liked wild free spirits like me, but I’ve changed since she came into my life and what I want changed too. Now I like women with the face of an angel—” he brought up his other hand, brushing his thumb across her lower lip “—and the body for sin.”
She jerked her head away.
He cupped her face with both hands, turning her back to him. “And a good heart. A mother’s heart.”
Her eyes welled up. “This isn’t going to work out.”
“Why not? Everything fits.”
She tried to pull away, but he kept her close. “Lauren, I need you. In so many ways, in and out of bed.”
She took a deep shuddering breath. “I know you checked all the boxes and think it all makes sense, but it’s…it’s not happening. I can’t marry you. Not like this.”
“Lauren.”
“Please,” she said softly to his chest.
He loosened his hold and she climbed off his lap.
“Need and love are not the same thing,” she said quietly.
That hit him like a shock of cold water. It sounded so final. Even worse, she got out of bed and reached for her clothes.
He watched numbly. She needed the words, the right words, but he had nothing. He’d given up his old careless ways, given up all relationships but one, the important one, Viv.
He didn’t have it in him to give any more than that. And he knew for damn certain he didn’t deserve her love. But they could have something better, more stable, for Viv’s sake.
He watched her dress, at a loss as to how to make her stay.
She turned to him, completely dressed, her hair still mussed from their tangle, whisker burn on her neck. “Look, I’ll still help with Viv, but this part—” she pointed to the bed and then met his eyes, her chin lifting “—this fucking part is over.”
She left, quietly shutting the door behind her. He waited, stupidly hoping she’d have second thoughts and return. She wanted him as much as he wanted her. She’d admitted she hadn’t been with anyone for months before him.
The front door quietly closed too.
He flopped back on the mattress and promptly hit his head on the headboard. “Dammit!” He held his smarting head.
A toddler cry went up from the next room.
The angel had left and he was back in hell.
Chapter Seventeen
Alex knew he needed Lauren as a nanny, but being with her every day and not being with her was torture. Pure torture. He never should’ve slept with the nanny. Or at least he should’ve waited until the end of the summer when he didn’t have to have her in his house every day. What the hell was he supposed to do? It had only been three days and he didn’t know how he was going to get through the next seven weeks.
Yesterday just before Lauren left for a long Fourth of July weekend off, he even caved and asked her if she was going to more singles events with Hailey this weekend. Her answering snarl told him all he needed to know. They were both hurting with the cool distance after being as close as two people could get.
Clearly he’d royally fucked up.
It didn’t help that Viv babbled about “Thuper” when she missed Lauren, which felt like all the time. Viv wanted him to tell Lauren stuff during her time off, but since he and Lauren were on rocky ground, he only pretended to.
He dressed Viv in a red T-shirt with fireworks on it, put her hair up in pigtails, and headed to his dad’s place. His dad always had a cookout for the Fourth of July. Later they’d go to nearby Clover Park for the fireworks. Call him overprotective, but he had a small set of headphones to shield Viv from the noise.
He supposed it spoke to his desperation that he hoped his longtime bachelor dad might have a clue what he should do to fix things. He figured, since his dad spent a lot of time with Lauren, it was at least a slim possibility he could be helpful.
Luckily when he got to his dad’s house, Josh was manning the grill, not his dad. Logan, Ty and his wife, Charlotte, were there too.
“Hi, Viv! Don’t you look festive with that fireworks shirt?” Charlotte asked.
Viv held out the bottom of her T-shirt, showing off the fireworks.
“You know what would go perfectly with your shirt?” Charlotte asked, reaching into her large purse.
Viv shook her head so hard her pigtails smacked her in the face.
“A fireworks barrette!” She held up a sparkly red barrette with short red, white, and blue ribbons hanging down from it. Perfect for a little girl.
“Yes!” Viv hollered, running over to Charlotte and turning her back to her the way she did when Alex did her hair in the bathroom mirror. “Thank you!”
Charlotte clipped it to Viv’s hair above one pigtail and took a picture with her cell phone, showing Viv.
Viv turned to him. “Daddy! Thuper.”
He pulled out his cell and dutifully snapped the picture he knew Viv wanted him to share with Lauren. “You look awesome. Like a superstrong fireworks girl.” He made sure she thought of herself more as strong than cute, even though she was extremely cute. He wanted her to be a kickass girl who took shit from nobody. Like his sister, Mad.
“Thuper!” Viv insisted.
“I know, I know.” He wasn’t enough anymore. Everything had to be shown to him and Lauren. He sent the picture to his dad instead of Lauren. He looked over at Viv, who was patiently waiting. “She says awesome.”
Viv beamed and his heart sank. He had to come up with some way to keep Lauren in their life. He couldn’t disappoint his little girl.
“Where’s Dad?” he asked his brothers.
“Inside cutting up a fruit salad,” Logan said. “I brought it from the supermarket, already sliced, but he’s cutting it all to toddler-sized pieces. He’s even cutting the grapes in half.”
Alex smiled. His dad looked out for Viv and would definitely want to help Alex snag the best mom for her. “Can you all keep an eye on her while I talk to Dad?”
“Sounds serious,” Josh said.
“It is.” He turned to Viv. “Ask Uncle Logan to play basketball with you.”
“Ball!” Viv said, pointing toward the side of the house with the basketball net.
“Basketball,” Logan said, scooping her up and holding her on top of his shoulder. Viv squealed in delight.
“Hold up, I want in on this too,” Ty boomed.
“Me too,” Charlotte said.
“You just watch,” Ty said to Charlotte. “Let’s keep you nice and still.” Charlotte was three months pregnant and Ty was vigilant in keeping her from
too much activity. With good reason. Charlotte was at risk for a number of scary pregnancy complications due to a previous health condition. So far Charlotte was perfectly fine, but after what happened with Tammy, Alex couldn’t blame Ty for his concern.
Charlotte rolled her eyes and they all headed around the house to the driveway. The toddler-size basketball net was always set up in front of the regular net.
He went inside where his dad was carefully chopping grapes. “Hey, Dad.”
His dad put the knife down. “Oh, hey, I didn’t know you were here. Where’s Viv?”
“Playing basketball with the guys.”
“She’s going to be an athlete,” he said with a big smile. “She’s a Campbell all right.” His dad got them all into sports as soon as they could hold a ball.
“I guess she did take after my side a bit.”
His dad went back to chopping grapes. “A lot. You had light brown hair at her age too. Same eyes, cheeks, ears, attitude.”
He shoved a hand in his hair. “Sometimes all I see when I look at her is Tammy. Especially the bow in her top lip and the cleft in her chin.”
His dad paused and then went back to chopping. “You haven’t mentioned Tammy by name in a while. Viv been asking about her mom again?” Somehow not having to look his dad in the eye made it easier for Alex to talk about Tammy.
He got out two glasses. “No, Viv hasn’t talked much about her mom since Lauren started taking care of her.” He went to the sink and filled them with water. “It’s just that Viv has become so attached to Lauren and I can’t help but think she wants a mom. And then I think about Tammy and all Viv’s missing out on not having her.”
His dad gestured to the kitchen table. Alex took a seat, passing his dad his drink. They often sat at the table growing up, talking over a drink. They were quiet for a few minutes, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. His dad was good at handling sticky situations. Alex didn’t know if it was from being a cop or just from dealing with all of his kids and the troubled kids he mentored through the Police Athletic League. Many of those kids had become like family—Park, Ethan, Marcus, Zack, and Ben. His dad had so much love to give and Alex couldn’t help but wonder where all that came from. After all, Alex’s mom had dumped his dad years ago when Alex was only five years old. Just up and walked out on her kids, never to return. His dad had been a single dad, holding it together for six kids plus his honorary brothers. Alex could barely hold it together as a single dad to one kid.
Formal Arrangement Page 18