Home Torn

by Tijan

  brother, but he watched Dani. “And…I don’t know what you’ve said…” he spoke the last words to her.

  Dani surrendered, “Jonah knows. My aunt Mae knows and Robbie knows there’s something. I didn’t fill him on anything really, except I didn’t want it known around town.”

  Drew Quandry was silent. He watched the two exes.

  He spoke now, “So…you’re the girl that broke my little brother’s heart.”

  Dani sighed lightly, but replied, “He’s not the only one who lost weight and he’s not only the one that’s still hurting.”

  “And yet Bannon must be quite enjoyable in bed,” Drew said scornfully.

  “Drew,” Boone reprimanded.

  Dani stepped closer and said swiftly, “With all due respect, your brother’s relationship is between me and him. Not you. And you don’t know a thing about me except that I left your brother. That’s all you know about me.”

  “You walked out on him when he was celebrating your engagement,” Drew shot back. “I know that too. And I know that you’re the reason my brother’s half the man that he used to be.”

  Dani stepped back and studied Boone in return. “Is that true?” she asked softly. “Are you half the man you used to be because of me?”

  Boone closed his eyes and shook his head. He ran a weary hand over his jaw and muttered, “I don’t want to do this here. Not with my brother here and not…you’ve got something brewing inside of you. I can tell.”

  Dani flinched. Not at his ability to read her, but that he’d seen what she had ignored. She wanted to ignore the winds that churned within her.

  “Fine,” Dani clipped out. “I’d like to talk before the poker game Friday night.”

  “I’m not going that night,” Boone said quickly. “We have…” He gestured to his brother, “something else going on.”

  “Oh. Fine. Maybe after that?”

  “Coffee?”

  “Isn’t this sweet?” Acid dripped from the eldest Quandry brother. “You’re planning your post-breakup breakup. Are you going to read a note to him over coffee?”

  Dani whipped her eyes to him, feeling the lash from his scorn.

  Boone said sharply, “You’re out of line, Drew. Back off.”

  “No, brother. She raked you over the coals before and I’m not going to let her do it again.”

  “Excuse me?” Dani asked, gravely.

  But anything anyone might’ve said further was cut short as the door opened behind and Kate called out Dani’s name with Jake right behind her.

  Jake grinned warmly as he saw Boone standing next to Dani. He clasped him on the shoulder and proclaimed, “Hi there! Good. I was hoping you’d get to know Dani some more. But you’ll get to know her some more at the Meadows’ poker game.”

  Kate rolled her eyes and remarked, “Please. You’re drooling. Dani can’t handle watermarks on her precious wheels.”

  Jake closed his mouth, but shot a glare towards his partner.

  Kate smiled and then looked to Dani. “Are you okay? We heard what you asked Mae…is it true?”

  “I—”

  Jake interrupted her, “She doesn’t want to talk about that, not in front of folk she don’t know. That’s private, Kate.”

  “Jake—”

  Kate turned her back to Dani and cut her off, “Why don’t you let her talk for herself? If Dani doesn’t want to talk about it, she can say it with her own words. She doesn’t need you taking care of her.”

  “Guys—” Dani tried again.

  “I don’t take care of her,” Jake threw back, annoyed. “But that don’t mean I can’t care about her, now can I?”

  “That doesn’t even make sense,” Kate said scornfully.

  Dani closed her mouth and waited it out.

  “What does that mean?” Jake asked, indignant.

  “Nothing.” Kate glared. “Except that you didn’t make one bit of sense just now.”

  “Guys,” Dani said firmly and stood between them. Exasperated, she exclaimed, “Now’s not the time to snipe at each other because the squad car’s too small for the two of you.”

  Kate turned her back to Jake, effectively cutting him out the loosely formed circle, and asked Dani, “Are you okay? If you want to talk, you know that I’m here.”

  “I’m…I’ll be fine,” Dani promised.

  “Or you can talk to Jonah,” Kate added in earnest.

  Jake groaned behind her.

  Kate turned to land a scornful glare, but Dani glanced at Boone and saw his eyes downcast.

  Dani quickly said, “Uh…Mae and I are going to talk tonight so I’ll know everything tonight. I’ll be…it’s a good thing, what I found out.”

  “Except that you were kept in the dark for how many years?” Kate said without thinking. She wasn’t helping.

  “Yeah, um…” Dani saw Boone glance up and their eyes met and held. She apologized with her eyes as she murmured, “I, just, it wouldn’t be the first thing that’s been kept secret in my family.”

  “I’ll say,” Jake grumbled.

  This time, Kate caught the sharp reproach in Dani and stepped clear. Dani moved forward and said sternly, “You’ve known for over fifteen years what my family is like so don’t start complaining now. Fifteen years and you’re marrying into my family so shut your complaints, Jacob!”

  Jake shut up, but the reminder of fifteen years cast a painful muse over him.

  Dani always knew death knew her name.

  She just didn’t what form death had taken, but now she knew.

  “Jake…” Dani murmured, softly again, “I’m sorry. I…”

  “You’re right,” he said firmly, quickly to silence her apology. “Fifteen years, Dani, that I’ve been around. I do know and in some ways, your family is more my family than my own.”

  In fact, Jake never talked about his family.

  There’d been a reason why he had congregated to Dani as she had migrated towards him.

  They’d both offered a shelter from the family turmoil each held in their homes.

  Dani remembered Boone—she’d never forgotten—and she saw a keen interest that was prominent in his eyes.

  Drew saw it too, but no one else would’ve read him.

  Drew had been quiet throughout the exchange, but he spoke now with a hand to his brother’s shoulder, “Danny’s mentioned you. You’re Jake Cairns, you’re the deputy that’s engaged to Julia O’Hara.”

  Drew slid a sideways glance underneath his eyelids to Dani, but he proceeded smoothly, “Susan was impressed with how you carry yourself. She said you were a good man to have on the team.”

  At the questioning glance from Jake, Drew explained, “Oh, sorry. Susan’s my fiancée. I’m sure they all shared with you, but we came up to Tenderfoot Rush for a family vacation. Our father’s flying in this Friday. That’s why Danny and I won’t be able to make the poker game.”

  Dani tucked that information away, but Jonah would probably already know that last bit of information. The senior Quandry probably wasn’t flying in for a family hug.

  Jake glanced in Dani’s direction also, but he flashed a charming smile—there was that boyish charm that’d always be his sidekick—and he replied, “That’s great! Family before pleasure. That’s what I always say.”

  Kate looked dumbfounded as she gazed at her partner. She sent a searching look towards Dani, but caught the unspoken command for silence instead.

  Kate quieted the words she’d been about to speak and she shifted back on her feet, now attuned to the undercurrents that were being sent throughout the group.

  Dani inwardly sighed in resolve. She knew Kate would be blaring her ear off with questions later on, but right now—Dani tried to read Boone.

  At the mention of their father, Dani saw that Boone had shut down.

  A wall slammed over him and Dani wanted to know why.

  She remembered that he had gone on a sabbatical from his family. It had been the reason they met in the first place. He had le
ft the pressures from his family.

  Drew caught the questions in Dani’s face as she watched his little brother. He quickly said, “I think we should be heading out. It’s nice to meet you again, Deputy Cairns and you too,” he said the last bit to Dani as he clamped a hand on his brother’s shoulder and turned him in their car’s direction.

  Boone allowed himself to be led away a few steps, but he turned abruptly and commented to Dani, “We’ll talk.”

  Dani nodded, “We’ll talk.”

  Boone nodded again, his eyes somber, and followed his brother to their vehicle.

  Kate and Jake looked at Dani, perplexed.

  “You’ll talk?” Kate exclaimed. “What the hell was that?”

  Jake was quiet, uncharacteristically quiet.

  “I don’t…”

  “Oh my god!” Kate’s eyes lit up as she remembered some of their drunken ramblings. “He’s…”

  “Don’t,” Dani said sharply.

  Kate closed her mouth tightly and glanced at Jake. “I can’t.” She burst out, “Jake’s my partner. I can’t…”

  “I know.” Dani sighed, accepting the inevitable. She had hoped for damage control, but she realized how futile the attempt would’ve been. Dani looked at Jake and said faintly, “You don’t have to worry about the Quandrys hurting me.”

  Jake waited.

  Dani saw the man that he had become. That man stood before her now as he waited for her words.

  “You don’t have to worry about them hurting me because…Daniel Quandry was my fiancé.”

  Jake gaped, silently.

  “He wouldn’t want me hurt,” Dani said softly.

  Jake looked away.

  “Man.” Kate shook her head, ruefully. “You always get the guys. Seriously, it’s just not fair.”

  Dani attempted a grin, but failed. She also looked away when Jake looked back. She saw raw emotion in him and she couldn’t do anything or say anything to make it go away. She couldn’t hide her past. Not any longer.

  She reeled from a secret kept from her while she still stood and attempted in vain to keep her own past secret.

  The irony wasn’t lost on her.

  “I’m sorry, Jake,” Dani said softly. Reaching.

  “It’s…” He shrugged. “You got over me. That’s good.”

  He turned jerkily away and walked towards their parked squad car. Kate went with, lifting her hand in an unsure wave.

  “Hey.”

  Dani turned around.

  Mae stated, “You’re still here.”

  “I’m still here,” Dani noted and she felt the second innuendo of her words. “I’m not running, if that’s what you thought.”

  Mae flushed and it was the first time that Dani had seen her aunt react as she did. Flushed and off-balance, as if she was unsure of herself.

  “Dani,” Mae murmured.

  “What?”

  “I…” Whatever courage had been there flew away and left her aunt in depletion.

  “Your momma said I needed to have my life in order before I could adopt you and make it legal,” Mae burst out.

  Dani waited.

  “She did and that’s why I never said anything.” Mae stood there, uncertain and full of love.

  Dani saw it and she regretted every doubt or hurt that had crossed within her.

  She regretted it all because the one person she could count on, the one person she knew would stand for her, stood before her. It had been her momma. Her momma died. It had been Jake. Jake chose another. And it had become her aunt—and Dani didn’t realize, until that second—that instant—that she had merely been waiting for her aunt’s back to present itself.

  “I just…I never thought it was enough,” Mae confessed, brokenly. “I never thought…and I just thought about it today, but…my adoption for you was legal on February 26, 2002.”

  Dani sucked in her breath and heard the date.

  “I’m really sorry, Dani. I just never felt like I was ready for you, like I was good enough for you to come live with me and then…”

  Dani had left Craigstown February 25th of 2002. She had been adopted one day later. One day.

  “I was already an adult.”

  “I know, but…it still meant something to me. Kathryn told me long ago that she’d take care of you, but I needed to get my act together. I think it’s partly why she was distant to you, because of me, because she knew that I wanted you.”

  “No.”

  “What?”

  “No,” Dani said again, remembering the past, remembering the arguments between Julia, Erica, and her. She remembered how Kathryn always sided with them, how she served them first. “Kathryn loved Julia and Erica because she understood them. She didn’t understand me. I was…I was different because I kept to myself and I stayed in the background. Erica and Julia just demanded her attention, but—”

  “It shouldn’t have mattered,” Mae interrupted her, harshly. “Kathryn should’ve loved you all equally.”

  “Like you do?” Dani met her aunt’s gaze head-on. Unflinching. “You hardly talk to Julia, but you dote on me. That’s not equal. You and Kathryn are both aunts to us and yet, you both take favorites.”

  Saddened, Mae murmured, more to herself, “I’d like to know Julia, believe me. I can’t, though, because that was the agreement between me and Kathryn. She got Julia and I got you.”

  “Was this after Erica died?”

  “Yeah. We figured we’d split you guys up.”

  “We’re not cattle!” Dani whipped back. “I am not a piece of meat for you to trade and neither is Julia.”

  “I know that.” Mae nodded, somber. “I do know that, but…Kathryn’s already got that girl brainwashed.”

  Dani shook her head, disgusted and disappointed, “I’ve been through a lot. I’ve…held a dying child in my arms—more than one. I’ve watched someone I loved walk out my door. I heard that door shut and it felt like my coffin had just been slammed shut. Do you know what that feels like? I’ll remember that door for the rest of my life.” She looked at her aunt and she saw the years of age. She saw the wrinkles and she realized that someone who’d seen her side of ditches, greed, and rejection stood in front of her.

  It’s that moment when a person ceases being someone idealized.

  Dani saw her aunt in that moment. She saw another human who did the impossible and yet, she was still human. Dani remembered the delusional whisperings of her grandmomma. Sandra O’Hara had told her daughter to hand off her babies to the remaining sisters.

  Dani whispered, stricken, and ashamed, “You’re meant for more. I’m meant for more. Our family—god—we’re just wrong. We’ve been split down the middle and no one has questioned it. No one’s tried to close the gap.”

  Mae frowned and searched her niece’s face. “I’m…I did what I could. I don’t…”

  “No,” Dani murmured. “You wouldn’t know what to do because you were given an olive branch.”

  “I was given a life,” Mae spoke, clear. “I needed…you were my reason I got right, Dani. Don’t…don’t walk out on me.”

  And that was the moment that Dani felt her breath ripped from her lungs. Mae thought she had left her before and she thought she’d leave her again.