Home Torn

by Tijan

  “He walked away,” Dani said again, to herself.

  “Holy…that could’ve played out for another hour, but…man…I haven’t seen something like that since Tilly Wade launched herself across the table at Harry Hubbards.” Kate laughed. “Harry Hubbards never walked the same again.”

  Jake was happily talking with excited watchers as his money was already being moved to the winner’s table.

  Dani suddenly shot through the crowd and pushed her way up the stairs.

  She veered for the back bathroom and just as she cleared the corner, Boone was just exiting.

  He stopped short at her presence in the empty hallway, but didn’t say a word.

  “Can we talk?” Dani asked hoarsely, one hand held suspended against the wall.

  “There’s a back porch that looked empty.” Boone didn’t look surprised, just ready, as if he’d been waiting all evening.

  Dani jerked her head in a shaky nod, but she followed as he led the way through the darkened hallway.

  The crowd’s rumble faded to a soothing murmur in the background as Boone opened and closed the door behind Dani.

  It was a cold room, blanketed with the night’s rain on three sides of them.

  The furniture was bare, but kept clean as a table had been pushed against a wall with chips, cans of pop, and cookies were gathered and left to help fill the dishes in the main living room.

  “It’s raining a lot out there,” Boone started.

  Dani didn’t care about the rain or the storm. She turned abruptly and cried out, “I’m sorry.”

  Boone jerked his own shaky nod as he turned and sat on one of the cold couches, cloaked in dull flowered print.

  “I was pretty angry when I found out that you lived here.” Boone took a ragged breath. “I still am angry, I guess.”

  He didn’t sound it. He sounded calm, almost peaceful, but Dani knew what he spoke was true.

  She felt it.

  “You left that game. Just now, you knew what Jake had, didn’t you?” Dani edged closer, cautiously.

  “Yeah.”

  “Why?”

  “Why’d I leave the game or…what? Why what, Dani? You tell me.”

  “You walked away from that game. Why?”

  “Because I didn’t sit down at that table for poker.” Boone shook his head as a bitter chuckle rang free. “I didn’t even come to this party for the poker.”

  “Why’d you come?” But she knew and she asked anyway.

  “I came…for a few reasons. One, it really pisses me off that you’re here. Two, it really pisses me off that my brother still thinks he can order me around. And…because I couldn’t not come tonight.”

  He sounded sad.

  “I don’t…I don’t know what that means,” Dani mumbled to herself. She still hadn’t sat down.

  “No, see, that’s the problem because you do know, but you don’t want to know.” Boone stood up abruptly and found her through the darkness. His eyes bore into hers and he said simply, “I still love you. And that’s the kicker, isn’t?”

  Dani pulled away.

  “I love you and I will probably love you for a long long time.” He shook his head. “I hate this. I didn’t…after you left, I didn’t know what to do so I went home and…Drew’s been trying to get me back into the business. See, I used to be the headhunter for them. It’s somewhat ironic that they pulled in Bannon’s father considering…everything really.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “I hunt for heads,” he explained shortly. “I found who’s in the way and I take them out, however I can. Bannon’s being a problem and Drew’s not used to losing, so he…brought in father and father brought in his best friend instead. That used to be my job. I used to do all the research. I used to find the guy’s weakness and exploit it. It’s why…it’s why we met, actually, in the first place. I started to look too deep and I’d find out how the guy was always barely tredding water. I started…Drew said I started to think too much. I felt for the underdogs and that was my problem. I was supposed to clear my head, figure out what made me tick and I was supposed to come back, better than ever.”

  The door opened suddenly and Bubba moved into the room. He stopped after two steps and blinked in surprise.

  “Oh…sorry.” And he was gone.

  Dani stood, grabbed two cases of pop and three bags of chip. She walked to the door and just as it opened again, she held them up.

  Bubba chuckled, self-consciously, and plucked the items from Dani’s hand. “Thanks.” He lingered a moment and smirked, “Shelly.”

  Dani rolled her eyes and turned back to the solemn air around them.

  She murmured, “I’m sorry that instead of finding yourself, you…”

  “Got my heart ripped out? Because that’s what happened, isn’t it?” Boone said quietly.

  “Did I really?” Dani asked. “Was I your heart or did I just stand for what your heart really wanted?”

  “Are you asking me if I really loved you or if I loved the reprieve that you gave me? The happiness, Dani?”

  “You know what I’m asking,” she said tightly.

  “Yes. You made me happy, Dani, and after the storm, you looked like you were still drowning. I thought I was giving you a future. I didn’t know…I didn’t know that I was handing a nightmare to you instead.”

  “It wasn’t—stop that!”

  “Stop what? Telling the truth? Saying it how it was?”

  “Yes! And no!”

  “Which is it, Dani? Do you want me to let you off the hook and say that I actually loved the idea of you and not you? Do you really want me to cheapen what I thought we had?”

  “I wasn’t right so how could it have been so wonderful?” Dani cried out.

  “I knew you weren’t right!” Boone shot back. “I’m not stupid. I saw things, like when you’d get up the middle of the night and just look out the window for hours. I saw all of that and yeah, I knew that you had your own demons, but I figured you’d let me in after a while.”

  “I…I…” Dani turned away, unable to speak any longer.

  He was right and he was wrong. She’d kept him out while she knew that he had loved her.

  “You…” Dani took another breath and said, “You wanted from me what I couldn’t give you. And you might be thinking that you were okay with that, that…no pressure—you’ll love me enough for us both, but it’s not like and I knew that. I was locked down, Boone. I couldn’t…we barely talked the last six months, did you know that?”

  “Of course I knew that.”

  “It’s…I kept thinking that the reason I feel so awful about us is because of how it ended. I took the coward’s way out, yes. There’s no ‘but’ to that statement, but…maybe there is. I don’t know.”

  “How it ended isn’t the problem,” Boone countered swiftly. “I know that I’m haunted by what we could’ve done and didn’t do.”

  “You never told me about your family. Nothing. You never…it went both ways, Boone. You just…you talk prettier than me.”

  “What?”

  “You do. You talk so smoothly, but you say just as much as me, if not less.”

  “We never talked about our pasts.”

  “Exactly! That’s what I’m saying. Both of us didn’t say anything. I thought—I thought that was the agreement between us. That…I knew that I was running away. I knew very well what I was leaving behind, but I wasn’t able to be in a serious relationship.”

  “But…we were serious, Dani, whether you want to believe it or not. Asking for a future, I thought that’s what you wanted.”

  “No!”

  “That’s what all girls want.”

  “No, it’s not. Some of us aren’t hardwired that way. I’m not.” Dani turned away.

  “So what? Was it just sex? Was it…what was it? Was I convenient?”

  “No!” she cried out. “It’s not like that, I just thought…I’m laying there, in a hospital bed, trying to wrap my mind around what I’
d just gone through and you come in with this shiny engagement ring. What am I supposed to do?”

  “Tell me that it was too much.”

  “You can’t tell a person that. The other person is supposed to know that!” And Dani finally found the right switch. “You were supposed to know that I was hurting. You were supposed to know how to comfort me, but you didn’t and the person is supposed to know.”

  “I’m not a mind-reader, Dani. How am I supposed to know that?”

  “Because we didn’t know each other that well and we should’ve if a ring and a future comes into the conversation. That’s just it, Boone! You didn’t know that about me and you should’ve and I’ve been racked with guilt because I ran and…it takes two, you know.”

  “It takes one to ruin a relationship.”

  “We were two half-people trying to fit together.” Dani hugged herself to ward off the chill. “You weren’t whole and I wasn’t whole, but I knew that we were both…not-whole…as silly as that sounds right now.”

  “Well, I didn’t.”

  “Exactly!”

  “How was I supposed to know?”

  “That’s my whole point! You didn’t know and you should’ve. You’re such a guy.” She grimaced. “You just think the way to fix something is to buy something with diamonds. It’s not the way to fix anything. Look at me, I am not…I’m not exactly ambitious to fix things, but I’m doing it because I can’t handle being half of a person anymore. I’m sick of it!”

  “I don’t know what to say anymore.”

  “But you should!” Dani shouted. “You should know and the fact that you don’t—that’s what I’m talking about. You should know exactly what to say, what I’m not really saying but that I mean, you should know that and…you don’t even know half of it.”

  “Oh.” Boone reared back and gestured towards inside. “So…those two guys in there, would they know? Your ex of ten years—ten years!—he’d know exactly what to say, wouldn’t he? Or how about the other guy? Bannon. How about him?! Would he know?”

  “That’s not my point,” Dani said quietly. “Jonah’s not supposed to know, not yet and…Jake, that wasn’t the problem with us.”

  “Would he know what to say right now?”

  “Yes.” And her heart skipped a beat. “Yes, he’d know, but he wouldn’t say it.”

  “I don’t understand that at all.”

  “You don’t have to understand it,” Dani said softly. “You’re not the guy who’s going to be in my future. If you were, I wouldn’t have ran across an entire continent from you.”

  “But you did and here we are. I don’t think its mere coincidence. I’m here for a reason. You’re here for a reason.”

  She heard the tilt of hope in his voice and looked, stricken, at someone who might’ve held her future.

  “I wasn’t…not in touch with reality when I said that I loved you. It’s you. I love you and I loved you back then. Maybe, maybe I wanted the future and I was too selfish to really look at you, I don’t know. Maybe what you say is true, but…it’s you, Dani. I don’t think it’s ever going to be not you.”

  Her eyes closed.

  “I love you and I want…I want another chance.”

  She exhaled.

  She was a clean slate for a mere moment and when she inhaled—everything burst inside of her. Too much for her to feel one at a time, to understand what she all felt.

  “But, I heard you. It was too much before and I don’t want to make the same mistake. I’m willing to—no pressure, okay? I’m willing to just stay here. I’ll even move here and we can date. Just date, hang out, you know.”

  Dani held herself still.

  “You haven’t said anything,” Boone murmured, hoarsely. “Say something.”

  “I…”

  “Something more.”

  Dani took a deep breath and tried, “I…I…don’t know.”

  “I’m not…I’m not trying to leave with something superficial to cling to. That’s not what this is about, that’s not what I came to the party for, but, I didn’t even know that I wanted this until just now, but it’s the truth. That’s what I want and if you absolutely, know right now, that there’s no chance of you and me—if the other guy is going to be your future, then I’ll hear it and I’ll leave. I promise, but, if there’s any opening at all, I’m willing to wait until you know what you want.”

  “This isn’t fair,” Dani whispered and ducked her head. She held herself tight.

  “What’s fair?”

  “I can’t…I can’t give you a definite no—”

  Boone interrupted quickly, “Then you just gave me what I want. That’s it.”

  “That’s…”

  “I want you back, but, you know, now, what I want. And I’ll give you space, as much as you want—”

  “It can’t happen like that!”

  “Fine. A date.” Boone stepped closer. “One date, one, fun date. How about that?”

  “You’re such an ass,” Dani cried out and moved away. “You can’t…you’re asking for more than one date and you know it. You’re with that ho-bag and I’m with…” She said the words she’d never said before, “I’m with Jonah.”

  Boone held himself rigid. Listening.

  “One date would mean that both of them are already gone and that’s more than what you’re asking for right now. It’s not fair, Boone!”

  “Okay. Okay. I’ll just…I love you. I’ll leave right now. I won’t end it with Lari. You could still end it with Bannon, but—” at the look of desperation that flashed across Dani’s face, he said quickly, “I won’t ask for that. I’m not asking for anything. I’m just telling. I’m telling you that…I love you.”

  He sobered even more and said tenderly, “And you’re always going to be that for me.”

  Dani nearly crumbled.

  A man who’d seen her at her worst now shared the place she held in his heart—she nearly crumbled.

  Dani held on, kept firm, for herself. No one else.

  Boone saw the resolve flash over her features and drew her into his arms. He kissed her forehead, tenderly, and whispered, “That look just now—on your face—it’s why I love you.”

  Dani fought the swimming tears, but a few broke the dam.

  Boone left the room, but Dani stayed back another twenty minutes. She needed the silence and the emptiness to breathe. That’s all she needed. She knew formulating a logical thought was out of the question, at least until her twenty minutes was done.

  Then she’d stand up and live her life again, but until then—twenty minutes.

  She needed it, but as soon as Boone cleared the doorway, it burst open and Kate rushed in, frantic.

  “Okay.” Kate waved her hands, panicked. She couldn’t sit; she just stood there, restless and hurried out, “We’ve got a problem. A very very big problem and I don’t know what to do about it.”

  “What are you talking about?” Dani asked tiredly. Meek.

  “Jonah is at the winner’s table right now and it’s him with Jake and Jeffries and there are flash flood warnings going on right now, but…”

  “People are drunk,” Dani said flatly.

  “People are drunk. People are buzzed from the games. Aiden’s a mess. She’s on, like, some other cloud right now. She’s not even making sense. I don’t know what’s that about, actually, I kinda do. She’s worked up about her dad, but trying to be a perfect hostess and she’s pretty pissed at Jonah too.”

  “Who else is pissed at him?”