Setting the bottles aside, one of which he’d grabbed for her, Max was sure she could hear the relief in his voice as he said, “I’d love to.”
“Cool.”
“But first… I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry about what Kyle said about your father.”
She closed her eyes as she sighed, chin tucking into her chest. “I… I know it sounds awful, but I don’t even want to think about that right now. I…can’t.”
Placing his hand on her shoulder, he gave it a gentle squeeze. “It doesn’t sound awful, Viv. Not at all. Just know that I’m here, if you decide you need to talk about it.”
“Thanks.” Lifting her head, she opened her eyes and gave him a look that was impossible to read, as if she were working to keep her emotions hidden, and it reminded him of the night they met. But instead of telling him to get lost, she simply asked, “Do you have anything we can use to attach the leaves?”
He went back into his home office and grabbed a small case of tacks from the desk, then joined her in the living room, and they chatted about casual things as they worked their way through the cabin. She asked how the meeting at Lev’s went, and he told her what had happened. Then he asked what she thought of Elliot, since he knew his partner and Skye had walked her over together.
“He’s a sweetheart,” she told him, handing him the last leaf to put over the second window in his bedroom. “I get why you like him so much. And he and Skye are one of the cutest couples ever.”
“Yeah, he’s a great guy.” Pushing the tack into the wall, he fought the urge to lick the drop of her blood that had fallen onto his finger as he held the leaf in place, its heady scent making his mouth water. “So how often do these need to be replaced with fresh ones?”
“Lev said every five days.”
“I’ll mark it on my calendar.”
She slid him a sharp look, then quickly lowered her lashes, but not before he caught the burn of surprise in her beautiful eyes, as if she wasn’t sure she would even still be staying there in five days.
“Hey,” he husked, reaching out and curving his hand against the side of her face, his thumb stroking against the corner of her soft, red lips. “I know I screwed up by not telling you everything and I’m sorry. So damn sorry. But don’t think for one second that I’m going to let you go. I’m in this for the long haul, Viv. For as long as you’ll fucking have me.”
Her chest lifted as she pulled in a heavy breath. “Are you coming to bed?”
He arched one brow, while his heart jerked so hard against his ribs he was surprised they hadn’t cracked. “Is that an invitation?”
“I… Yes. I want you.” She wet her lips with a nervous flick of her tongue as she gazed up at him, then placed her hands against his bare chest, right over the painful thudding of his heart. “And, yeah, I’m still hurt by what you did. And pretty pissed about it too. But after everything that happened today, I need you.”
He stared down into her bright eyes, completely thrown by how incredibly brave and amazing she was. It wasn’t lost on him, how significant those three little words were coming from her. I need you. Hell, he wouldn’t be surprised if she’d never said them to another soul. And the fact that she’d just said them to him—that she’d opened up to him like that and laid herself bare—completely blew him away.
“I need you too,” he groaned, pulling her into his arms. With his hands under her sweet ass, he hoisted her up, her long legs going around his waist and her arms around his shoulders, his face buried against the side of her throat as he breathed in her warm, intoxicating scent. “God, Viv. I need you so much.”
Gripping him by the hair, she pulled his head up until they were eye to eye. “Before we get carried away…”
He started toward the massive king-size bed on the other side of the room, grinning at the way her blush was deepening. “Yeah?”
“Um, Lev talked to me about Venatori sex.”
His grin was wiped clean, a scowl immediately taking its place as he jerked to a stop. “The hell he did.”
Her lips twitched with a wry little smile, fingers playing with the ends of his hair. “You don’t need to freak out. It was…informational.”
Max made a low sound in the back of his throat. “I’ll just bet it was.”
“And embarrassing!” she laughed. “Honestly, I blushed the entire time.”
He tilted his head back and sucked in a deep breath, determined not to act like an ass and ruin the night. When he was sure he could be trusted to open his mouth again without sounding like a complete dick, he walked over to the bed and laid her down in the middle. “So what exactly did Slivkoff have to say?” he asked, stretching out beside her, his weight braced on his elbow, his other hand curved possessively around her hip.
“Apparently, now that I’ve…changed, I no longer need to take my birth control pills. They don’t work on me now. But we don’t need to worry, because I… I can only get pregnant the month after my birthday every year.”
“No shit?”
“No shit.” She bit the corner of her lower lip. “My birthday is May 31st, by the way.”
A slow smile kicked up the edge of his mouth, and he playfully waggled his brows at her. “Guess this means we’ll have to get creative in June.”
She laughed as she rolled toward him, her fingertips trailing along the edge of his jaw. “I guess so.”
“At least until we’re ready to start a family.”
He kissed her before she could say anything to that crazy announcement, stealing her words off her tongue like a thief. He didn’t know where the hell it had come from, but he couldn’t take it back. Didn’t even want to.
So then we’re claiming her? the beast asked, its gruff voice almost giddy.
We’re keeping her, he growled back.
That wasn’t my question!
Knowing he wasn’t going to be able to tell the wolf what it wanted to hear, Max focused on the incredible woman in his arms, determined to give her as much pleasure as she could possibly take, as if that could somehow make amends for what he’d done. Seams ripped as they tore at their clothes, their hands and mouths constantly touching and tasting as they rolled across the soft bedding, knocking a pillow to the floor. They were a gasping, clutching knot of molten craving, devouring each other like animals, each wet, passionate kiss bringing them closer together in a way that he hoped to the gods he didn’t ever destroy. Didn’t tear apart with his fear and inability to let go of the past.
Then she spread her legs for him, hands clutching at his arms as he shoved deep inside her, and as devastatingly good as it’d always been between them, it was different now that he was no longer hiding the truth from her. Somehow, the best had become something even better, everything sharper and brighter, every sensation magnified to the point that his breath hissed through his teeth from the sheer shock of HOW. FUCKING. GOOD. IT. FELT. All of it. Every single part.
Hearing the tight sounds that she made against his ear.
His blood pumping heavily through his veins, scalding and fast.
The way they clung together so tightly, generating enough heat that they could have warmed the city of Baltimore.
It was the most devastating, extreme expression of pleasure and need and emotion that Max had ever known, ferociously intense and painfully sweet. So goddamn perfect it made his eyes burn, and he buried his face against the side of her throat again, just breathing her in, wanting the moment to last forever. For always. Until the end of fucking time.
But it didn’t.
He’d been doing so well at keeping the beast inline, until a shaft of moonlight came through one of the high windows, spilling across the bed and touching their bodies. Touching him. And suddenly that control shattered as violently as bone when struck by a hammer.
“Oh… Fuck,” he gasped, the tips of his fingers burning as his claws started to break through the skin, his mouth filling with blood as his fangs dropped hard and fast. Burying his claws in the pillow on eithe
r side of her shoulders, he turned his head away, not wanting to freak her out, only to have her place her soft fingertips against the feverish side of his face.
“Don’t turn away from me,” she whispered, urging him to look back down at her with that gentle, tender touch.
“Don’t wanna scare you,” he panted, feeling as though he’d said those words to her a thousand times before. He’d frozen on a hard downstroke, buried deep inside her, and didn’t dare move, every lush, wet beat of her pulse around his rigid shaft like a primal call to his beast, tempting it to make the bond that it so desperately wanted.
The bond that still terrified the hell out of the man, because of his deep-rooted fear that he would convince himself it was the right thing to do, but only for his own selfish reasons, instead of doing what was best for her.
Best for Vivian.
She stroked her soft hands down his tense back, and he swore he could hear the smile in her voice when she said, “Stop hiding from me, baby. You don’t scare me. You could never scare me.”
It took nearly every ounce of strength he possessed, but Max finally managed to retract his claws. But there was no pulling back his fangs, and as he slowly brought his heavy-lidded gaze back to hers, his weight braced on his straight arms as he stared down at her, he knew she could see the sharp points gleaming beneath his upper lip. But she didn’t flinch or look away. She just kept staring up at him, looking at him as if he were the one thing in this turbulent world that she’d be happy to look at for the rest of her life, and he couldn’t hold still a second longer. Pulling his hips back until only the very tip of him remained inside her, he watched the pleasure burn into the deepening violet of her eyes as he tightened his muscles and drove back in, her skin instantly gleaming with those breathtaking veins of golden light.
“You belong to me, Vivian. You belong right here, in my bed, under my body,” he growled, thrusting harder…faster…deeper. “You belong right here, with my cock buried a mile inside you, and your cream soaking every goddamn inch of me.”
“And my blood?” she moaned, clutching at his sides, her nails digging into his sweat-slick skin.
His rhythm stuttered, lungs locking down so fast it stung. “What?”
“You heard me,” she whispered. And she was right; he had. But he had no words to give back to her, not trusting anything that might have come out of his mouth at that moment, his pulse roaring in his ears like a trapped beast. So he leaned down and took one of her succulent nipples into his mouth, careful not to prick her with his fangs, while praying like hell that he could use pleasure to distract her from that terrifying question.
And my blood?
Christ, was she asking him to bite her? To make a blood bond with her?
“Max, don’t hide from me.” She placed her hands on the sides of his head, his tongue giving one last greedy swipe to her delicate flesh before she pulled him back up to her. “Please.”
He stared down into her flushed, precious face, and started to shake, his rhythm slowing again until he was only gently rocking back and forth inside her.
“Skye told me that the connection doesn’t control the way we feel about each other.” Her voice was breathless and soft, brimming with emotion. “That that’s all us. All me and you. And I… I know what I want. I want to be yours.”
“Vivian,” he husked, unable to believe what he was hearing.
“If you want that too, Max, then just trust yourself.”
He was locked into her mesmerizing gaze, unable to look away. “It’s not about me.”
“You sure about that?” Her head tilted a bit to the side on the pillow, one hand gently pushing into his hair as she quietly said, “Because I’m ready…if you are. I’m ready to bond with you.”
Oh… Oh, God. Just hearing her say it nearly killed him, and hunger, darker and more savage than anything he’d ever felt before, instantly tore through his veins.
I’m ready to bond with you…
Christ, those words! They scraped him raw inside, the urge to sink his fangs into her silky flesh and feel the warmth of her blood spilling over his tongue driving him dangerously close to the edge, pushing him to do it. To just take what he wanted. Take what she was offering so freely. Make the bond and tie her to him in a way that was so permanent and lasting, it could never be undone.
Do it! the wolf roared. Do it now!
With his lungs heaving like a bellows and his heart thundering, he growled as he lowered his head, the softness of her flesh against the tip of his tongue so sweet it made him groan. “Vivian,” he whispered, her soft cry of release suddenly filling his ears, his fangs scraping across her throat, a second away from biting deep…biting hard.
But then there was nothing.
Nothing but a pure, blinding panic that had him turning his head away from her, and with another savage growl ripping up from his chest, Max felt himself sinking his fangs into his own arm, tearing into his bicep just as he erupted inside her in a scalding, violent rush.
And then it was like falling into an icy, bottomless lake.
Instant shock.
Dread.
And the painful, terrifying realization that you’d just made a horrific, life-changing mistake.
Bracing himself over her on his straight arms, his blood dripping onto the bed from the bite that he’d made, Max carefully withdrew from her body. She didn’t need to say a single word for him to know that he’d screwed up.
But when she did speak, it ripped a goddamn hole in his heart.
“God, Max.” Her face was turned to the side, as if she couldn’t bear to even look at him, her voice too quiet, too contained, as if she were holding herself together as tightly as she could. “I… I don’t even know what to say.”
“Vivian,” he scraped out, struggling to think of what he could say to make her understand as he sat back on his heels.
“Later. We’ll…talk about this later,” she whispered, tugging the sheet up around her and then rolling to her side, giving him her back.
“Shit,” he muttered under his breath, his heart jerking in hard, heavy beats as he sluggishly moved to his feet, then staggered his way out of the room, his head spinning with the enormity of his actions.
Christ, she’d offered him every part of her, and he’d thrown it back in her face, biting his own goddamn arm!
Grabbing another pair of sweats from his laundry room, he didn’t even bother with a shirt or shoes as he headed out his back door and down the rear porch steps. When his feet hit the cold, frosty ground, he tilted his head back, breathing in the heavy scent of the forest as he let the power of the moon soak into him, calling to the most primal parts of his soul.
His beast instantly rose beneath his surface, the wolf’s voice more subdued than Max had ever heard it as he said, All these years, you’ve blamed me, as if I’m a part of that asshole who attacked you. But I’m not. I’m you. Maybe not a part you recognize or know how to accept—but I’m not a bloodthirsty monster. So why don’t you stop being such a stubborn prick and try to get to know me?
“Huh,” he muttered into the moonlit darkness, unable to think of a single argument or snide comment to say in response. Because the wolf was right.
Well, look at that. Could it be that he’s finally going to take his head out of his ass and see the light?
A hollow laugh rumbled up from his chest. “Once a smartass, always a smartass, huh?”
Same one you see in the mirror every day, genius.
“So if you have all the answers, then tell me this: What the hell do I do now?”
That’s easy. You do what you should have done a long time ago, Max.
“Yeah? And what’s that?” he asked, honestly wanting to hear its advice.
You talk to your friends. Your family. Reach out to the ones who care about you—who’ve always had your back—and let them help you.
Let them in.
Then let them show you the way.
Chapter Twenty-One
&
nbsp; I Want a Wolf
They’d been in the Alley for four days, and as far as Max was concerned, it’d been four days of complete and utter hell. At least when it came to his life mate.
Emotional distance. Sleeping apart. Barely speaking. That was the routine that he and Vivian shared now. She kept claiming she was tired from the relentless Venatori training that Lev, Sam and Kyle were putting her through, but he knew it was more than that. Knew it was him. So he’d stayed out on the sofa each night, after he dragged his tired body in from his own training, knowing damn well that she didn’t want to share the bed with him.
She’d kissed him that following morning, after the bite disaster, before heading off with the mercs, but he’d been able to tell that she was already pulling away from him. He could feel that emotional withdrawal like a physical sensation, and it’d terrified him, because it didn’t feel like a glitch.
What it did feel like was a goodbye. One that would last for a hell of a lot longer than a day.
And she hadn’t kissed him since.
After he’d woken up on the sofa that morning, he made his way into the kitchen for a much-needed cup of coffee, and found a note saying that she was already heading up to the training field with the guys. Too restless to just sit around and wait for her to return, he’d changed into workout gear and went out for a run, steering clear of the training field, since the last thing he wanted to see was her getting up close and personal with other males. Max knew it was just training, but that didn’t make seeing her rolling around on the snow-covered ground with another man any easier to swallow. Even after she’d assured him that Lev, Sam and Kyle all thought of her as a little sister.
He ran until his muscles were screaming in protest, then started making his way back to the Alley. As he came out of the woods, he caught sight of Vivian leaving his cabin, her lower lip caught in her teeth as she came down the front porch steps. She was wearing some of the winter training gear that Carla had loaned her, her long hair pulled up in a high ponytail, not a stitch of makeup on her face, but he’d never seen her look more beautiful.
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