And no doubt telling him how much she hates your guts right about now.
She sucked in a sharp breath, knowing damn well just how true those words were. Her chest hurt as she thought about how accepting and kind Michaela had been to her when they’d met that first morning at the Alley. Oh, chère, you’re stunning, Michaela had said in her sultry Louisiana drawl that was so much stronger than Max’s. I bet you and Skye broke all kinds of hearts back in Pennsylvania.
Vivian and Skye had laughed at how wrong she’d been, but had thought it was sweet of her to think so.
And then there’d been his friend Sayre, the beautiful pregnant witch who was like a second sister to him. When she’d hugged Sayre goodbye, after the witch had come running up to her just as Vivian had been climbing into the truck, Sayre had whispered a private word of warning in her ear: sometimes control isn’t a sign of strength, but of fear. And, yeah, she still didn’t know what to make of that little kernel of wisdom. But she’d meant it when she said that she would miss Sayre, having enjoyed the times they’d chatted when the witch had joined her and Skye for an early morning breakfast.
Vivian had actually liked all the women in the Alley, and even the ones she’d met who lived up in Shadow Peak, like Lindy Matlock, who worked security for the pack. And speaking of Lindy, she turned her head and narrowed her gaze on the cocky blond driving the truck. “If we’re going to talk about personal choices today, Lev, then what exactly is your problem with Lindy?”
He flinched like someone had just shoved a bolt of lightning up his ass, then immediately tried to play it cool. “No idea what you’re talking about, Vivvie. I’ve got no problem with Lindy.”
“Bullshit,” she snorted.
He scowled, then grumbled something about how Sam was driving like a grandma after glancing in the rearview mirror, acting as if he could just change the subject on her. Not that she was letting him get away with it.
“You do know that she’s crazy about you, right? I mean, you’re not that blind, are you?”
He didn’t say anything right away. But then he rubbed his jaw a few times, and muttered, “She might like my face. Doesn’t mean she wouldn’t hate what’s behind it.”
Vivian rolled her eyes. “If you really believe that, then you’re even dumber than you sound right now.”
“Jesus,” he snorted, “you just love to throw out the insults, don’t you?”
“Only if they’re the truth.” She twisted toward him in her seat and tucked her leg up under her, getting comfortable as she asked, “Did you know that Lindy wants to train to be a Runner?”
It was impossible to miss the surprise, as well as a good bit of panic, that swept over his rugged face when he glanced her way. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“I swear to you it’s true. She already talked to Mason about it and everything.”
His expression of surprise was quickly bleeding into another scowl. “How do you even know that?”
“Because Kyle and I bumped into her while she was running one of her patrol routes and we talked.”
“Fuck.”
Studying his rigid profile, she said, “She’s an awesome woman, Lev. I don’t know what your freaking problem is.”
“Speaking of problems,” he ground out, making it clear he was done talking about the beautiful Lindy. “What are you going to do about your Max-shaped one?”
She groaned as she rested her temple against the seat and closed her eyes. “Do we really have to talk about him right now? I need to get my head focused on what’s waiting for us in Albany. I mean, come on. It’s not like I’m going into this thing as an experienced fighter.”
“And like I told you before we left, your inner Venatrix will be able to handle whatever they throw at you. So relax and just answer this one last question for me. Have you ever glowed around Max?”
Her eyes shot open as she quickly straightened in her seat. “Why would you ask me that?”
“Yes or no?” he murmured, doing that thing with his hand again that made it difficult to tell if he was grinning like a jackass.
Feeling like she was headed for a trap, she quietly said, “Yeah.”
His shoulders shook as he gave a husky laugh, and when he lowered his hand to flick on his turn signal so he could change lanes, she could definitely see that he was smiling. “I’ve never seen it happen myself, but I’ve heard that it can be pretty impressive.”
She wet her lips with another nervous flick of her tongue. “What exactly are we talking about?”
“Doesn’t happen often for our kind, and it’s not nearly as easy to pick up on as the whole Lycan life-mate thing. But when a Venatrix finds her true heart mate, she can glow when certain emotions are felt strongly enough. Things like pleasure and fear are said to be the strongest causes.”
Her breath left her lungs with a stunned whoosh, and she turned in her seat to look back out her window, thinking about the times when it had happened. She’d lit up like a glowworm when she’d been terrified for Max during the fight he’d had with the three shifters outside the pink strip club, and then again at the garage. And her skin looked like she was filled with crackling veins of fire every time he made her come.
But she hadn’t so much as flickered the night the Reapers had saved their asses, which was odd. But she’d been exhausted then, and she wondered if her Venatrix abilities had just been too depleted at that point, since she’d still been going through her awakening.
“What… What’s a heart mate?” she asked, while her pulse started to rush through her ears, rapid and loud.
“It means that he’s your perfect match, or some metaphysical shit like that, which really isn’t shit at all. I mean, this is some serious stuff,” he rumbled, another husky laugh on his lips as he shot her a smile. “And you’ll need to be extra careful during that one month of fertility every year, because the two of you together—a Lycan life mate and a Venatrix heart mate—are probably going to be the most powerful baby-making machine the world has ever seen.”
“Jesus, Lev.” She blinked as those stunning words worked their way through her head, her throat so tight she could barely get out her next question. “Why… Why didn’t you tell me before now?”
“Because I wanted to make sure you knew how you felt about him first. It’s better to go into these types of things with a clear idea of where your heart is at beforehand. That way you won’t waste time second-guessing if you feel a certain way simply because the connection’s making you feel it.”
She didn’t have a freaking clue what to say to that, so Vivian just leaned over and pressed her forehead against the cold glass of her window, her emotions in so much chaos she couldn’t make any sense of them.
As if listening through a thick fog, she heard Lev go on. “So I’m going to say this one extra thing, and then I’ll go back to being neutral.”
Her shoulders shook as she gave a quiet snort. “You don’t have a neutral bone in your giant-sized body.”
“Aw, sure I do,” he drawled, and there was a warmth in his deep voice that had her sitting up and looking over at him, unable to shake the feeling that he was about to say something important. “But these past few days, I think you’ve been so terrified of acting like your mother, you’ve missed the fact that you’re just making your old man’s same mistakes. Cutting yourself off from those who care about you. Thinking the only way you can handle this is alone.”
She blinked, wondering, Oh… Oh, wow. Is he right?
“You doing okay over there?”
“Yeah,” she whispered, needing a moment to herself as she buried her face in her hands. “Just… I just need a second to think.”
“Take all the time you need, honey,” he murmured, turning the radio on low to a Classic Rock station.
While Eric Clapton poured his heart out about Layla, she kept thinking about Max’s last words to her, and what Lev had just said, and her heart started pounding hard and fast in her chest as it suddenly became so f
reaking obvious how right they both were. God, she’d been such an idiot!
She was making the same mistakes as her dad. Closing herself off. Running from the hard part. From living and loving and trusting the ones who held your heart. And, yeah, taking that risk meant having something to lose, but wasn’t that what life was really all about?
She’d thought she was so high and mighty, accepting her path so easily, but she was acting in the same dangerous vein that Vincent might have done. Thinking that those she loved might drag her down, instead of trusting their decisions and their strength.
That was just her fear. Her cowardice. And, damn it, Max deserved so much more than that.
He deserved everything. All of her. And if she had a single ounce of intelligence, she would hold on to him with everything that she had…and be thankful for every single incredible moment of it.
Max Doucet was so many beautiful things, both inside and out, and for some miraculous reason, he’d been matched with her. Both as a Lycan life mate and a Venatrix heart mate. What were the freaking odds?
And what about his bite? her inner Venatrix asked. You gonna be able to handle him holding out on you without pitching a fit?
Lowering her hands, she sucked in a deep breath as she lifted her head and stared sightlessly out the front window, thinking hard about the Venatrix’s words. And in that moment, Vivian knew that she could handle whatever Max decided, because she knew that it was coming from a place of love and protection.
God, he’d kept telling her, but she hadn’t listened. He was protective of her in ALL ways—so it stood to reason that he would be protective of her when it came to a blood bond as well.
And more importantly, she’d learn to be patient and stop trying to control everything, the memory of Sayre’s whispered words in her ear before she’d left making her gasp. Wow, the little witch so knew what she was talking about, and Vivian was determined to stop being such a control freak over their future. She’d wait for Max to be ready for that next step, and stop trying to dictate how and when they moved on to it.
Then there was the fact that she’d been so focused on trying to make him accept the wolf’s needs when she’d urged him to bite her, she’d completely overlooked telling him how she felt. And, yeah, at the time, she still hadn’t even put a name to her feelings, but really, how blind could she be, seeing as how they’d been staring her right in the face?
He’d been right not to bond with her that night, when there had still been so many things that needed to be worked out and said, starting with the most important one, and she was going to say it right now, even if he wasn’t there to hear it.
“Lev,” she whispered, not sure he’d even heard her until he said, “Yeah?”
Vivian pulled in another deep breath, then slowly let it out. “I love him.”
The merc turned his head and gave her a warm, genuine smile, before looking back at the road. “Then congratulations, Vivvie, because you and Max have just hit the fucking cosmic jackpot.”
She laughed, then nearly choked on the happy sound as panic swept through her. Shit! She had to make this right, and it needed to happen now! No way in hell was she going to go into battle without her badass Lycan at her side. She just hoped to God she could convince Max to forgive her and give her another chance.
Hoped that he still wanted her.
And maybe, one day, if she were lucky enough, he could come to love her too.
Oh, God, please. Please let him love me.
Looking at Lev again, she said, “I need you to get off at the next exit.”
“We seriously going back for him?” he asked, already changing lanes.
“We have to,” she said, nearly bouncing in her seat with excitement. “I’m crazy in love with him, and I don’t want to do this without him.”
Gently, he asked, “And you trust him?”
Her throat worked as she gave a hard swallow, and then her lips curled with an easy smile as the answer came to her in a warm, dizzying wave of relief. “I really do. I just don’t know why it took me so long to figure out.”
“Well, from what I hear, love can make us do some crazy shit,” he murmured, before sliding her a curious look and a grin. “And given everything you’ve just said, I guess it’s cool for me to tell you now.”
She blinked, wondering how many more secrets the guy could possibly have to share. “Tell me what, Lev?”
“I’m not exactly sure what’s been going down between the two of you on a personal level, but when it comes to his beast, Max has been working to overcome his hang-ups.”
She stared at his rugged profile in shock. “What are you talking about?”
Rubbing at his whiskered jaw again, he said, “He’s been working with Brody and some of the other Runners the past few nights, learning to give his inner beast the kind of freedom that it’s never had before. To start mending the bridges between the two of them, so to speak.”
“Ohmygod,” she breathed, her thoughts spinning so fast she could barely keep up with them. “That… That’s amazing! But why didn’t he tell me?”
“I don’t know for sure, but if I had to guess, after talking to Brody about it yesterday, I’d say it’s because he wanted you to come to believe in him the same way he’s always believed in you.”
Covering her eyes, she groaned like she was in pain. “I can’t believe this. I suck so bad.”
“Naw,” he laughed. “You still have time to make this right. It’s not our mistakes that define us, Vivvie, but what we do once we recognize that we’ve made them.”
Lowering her hands back to her lap, she shook her head and gave him a little smile as she looked his way. “I hate to say it, because you already have like the biggest ego in the world, but you’re so freaking smart sometimes, Lev.”
With a deep rumble of laughter shaking his chest, he said, “You mean hot, right? So freaking hot. Because ‘smart’ is so not going to get me laid.”
Her smile turned sly. “It would if you were looking in the right places.”
He snorted.
“And stopped being so freaking blind.”
Suddenly clueing in on the fact that she was talking about Lindy, he scowled. “Christ, woman. Don’t start that again.”
“Okay, I won’t. But I still think you’re making a colossal mistake.”
He grunted in response, then gave another low laugh after checking his rearview mirror. “Well, what do you know? Looks like we won’t be needing to turn around after all.”
“What? Why?”
Grinning like a jackass, he said, “Because the boy is tailing us.”
She quickly twisted in her seat, looking out the back window, and sure enough, Max’s Chevy had just slotted in between Lev’s truck and the one that Sam was driving.
“I can’t believe it,” she whispered, though it wasn’t the fact that he’d found them that stunned her, since she still had that tracking dot in the sole of her Converse. No, it was the idea that he would come after her at all that had her so surprised, and she wished that the sun wasn’t shining against his windshield, since it was making it impossible to see his face.
She was just about to demand that Lev find a place to pull over, when he took the offramp for a little rest area, her heart thundering with too many emotions to count as they parked and she flew out of the truck, rushing over to the Chevy as Max unfolded his long body from behind the wheel, looking more gorgeous than she’d ever seen him.
“What are you doing here?” she asked in a breathless tumble of words, only vaguely aware of Sam parking his truck on the other side of Max’s. “I can’t believe you came after us.”
Pushing his hands into his front pockets, he locked his shuttered gaze with hers as he quietly said, “You can tell me to stay in a corner, Viv, but it doesn’t mean I’ll listen. And just to be clear, I came after you.”
“But you were so cold,” she whispered, thinking of how he’d told her that they were done.
With a wry twist t
o his lips, he said, “Yeah, well, when I realized you were ditching me, it was either that or put my fucking fist through a wall. But watching you drive away from me put a lot of shit in painful perspective.”
“I’m sorry,” she blurted, his beautiful blue eyes widening with surprise, as if he’d been expecting to have another argument on his hands. She tried to pull in a deep breath, but couldn’t, the rest of her apology rushing out of her in a hoarse, emotional mess. “I made such a huge mistake, Max, and I’m so sorry. We were just getting ready to turn around and go back for you, because I never should have left without you.”
“What changed your mind?” he asked, and she noticed that his breaths were getting a little deeper as he took a step toward her.
“I realized… Well, I realized a lot of things,” she said shakily, wetting her lips with the tip of her tongue. “But the most important one is how I feel about you, and I… I just told Lev that I’m in love with you.”
His head jerked back so hard it’d looked painful. “You did what?”
“It’s true,” Lev called out from somewhere behind her, obviously listening to their every word. “So don’t be too tough on her, man. She knows she screwed up.”
“Will you get the hell away from here?” she snapped, glaring over her shoulder at the smiling jackass.
He held up his hands in a sign of surrender. “Just doing my best to keep you both from acting like idiots again.”
“Fuck off, dude!” Max growled, though the words didn’t pack any punch, seeing as how he was obviously smiling back at Lev as he said them, and she was happy that the longtime friends were no longer at odds over her.
“Love you too!” Lev shouted, before climbing back into his truck as if he meant to give them some privacy.
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