Resisting Roots (Lotus House Book 1)

by Audrey Carlan

  She whipped around and focused her steely blue gaze on me. “So what’s the problem?”

  “Everything.” I rubbed my forehead and pressed my thumbs into my temples. “I don’t know how to date her, Ma. I’ve had nothing but one-night stands since college. Women that I’m around are not the kind of women you keep or bring home to meet your parents.”

  She blinked a few times and swung the utensil in a circle. “And this Genevieve is?”

  Just saying her name had me thinking about her coal-black eyes twinkling as I kissed her neck, her shoulders, her lips. “Yeah,” I said in awe. “I should have brought her tonight.”

  “Oh. My. God. You’re falling in love with her!” She placed her hand on her chest as if she were having heart palpitations.

  My own heart starting rocking the two-step. Was I falling for her?

  Maybe.

  No.

  We’d just met.

  I shook my head. “Ma, it’s too early. We’ve only gone on one official date, but I’ve been seeing her regularly at the studio and…” I rubbed at the back of my neck, feeling heat start at my chest and push up into my neck. “Last night we took the next step, and…” I let my words fall off, not knowing what to say without sounding like a douchebag to my own mother.

  “You’re not used to wanting to continue to see a woman after that physical step has been obliterated?”

  My mom knew her stuff. I didn’t have to pussyfoot around her. She said it like it was, only in a classier way.

  “Yeah.” The weight of my issue pushed my shoulders down as I sucked back the rest of the beer in one go.

  “Have you asked her out again?”

  “Not exactly. I’m due to see her tomorrow, though, for private yoga lessons. She’s really making a difference in my recuperation after surgery. She’s a miracle worker.”

  Her smile lit up the room, and she clapped her hands. “Perfect. Tomorrow you ask her out again. Easy peasy.”

  I slumped against the counter top. “It’s not easy peasy, Ma. She has obligations. She’s the sole provider for her sixteen-year-old brother and her eight-year-old sister. Her parents died in a car accident three years ago, so she works two jobs to support them. I tried to get her to go out with me on a whim before, and she declined. With Genevieve, I have to be two steps ahead, plan for time with her, or plan to spend that time with her siblings.”

  My mother’s eyes turned soft. “The poor dear. Being alone like that, taking on that breadth of responsibility. She could probably use a big, strong man like you around to help her along the way.”

  I shrugged. “Yeah, maybe. She tries to do everything herself. Works as a yoga instructor at Lotus House Yoga and cuts hair on the sly in her garage. Has a setup and everything.”

  “Oh, she cuts hair.” Ma plumped her golden bob.

  “Yeah, she was going to school to get her license and was almost done when her parents died. She’s doing what she can to make ends meet, but can’t yet afford to go back to school to finish. Does a good job according to Rowan.” I tugged at my own hair. It would need a cut in the next week or so. Maybe I could get Genevieve to cut it.

  “Rowan?” Ma asked.

  “Her brother. Good kid. Plays ball and has college scouts already looking at him.”

  Ma blinked a few times. “Really? So you’d be good at helping give advice on that, too. A young man with no father around to guide him.” Her chin wobbled. “Tragedy. Sounds like they definitely could use you around.”

  “Nice play, Ma.”

  “Sport, I’m just not sure what the problem is. You’re twenty-seven, closing in on twenty-eight here in the next couple months. You have a great job, are up for a new contract, and a beautiful girl has captured a bit more of your attention than you were planning for, but so what? I say get to know her. Woo her. Enjoy yourself. See how the other half does it before you cast judgment on being in a relationship. You might just find it suits you more than you ever thought.”

  I nodded, went to the fridge, and grabbed two beers. I needed time to think, and Dad wouldn’t talk about my current female problems.

  “Dad?” I said.

  “Garage. As usual.” She rolled her eyes. “Dinner in T-minus twenty minutes.”

  I stopped in front of my mom and pulled her into a hug, nestling my nose into her neck. She smelled like lavender, the same as she always did. Some things never changed, thank God. “Thanks, Ma, for making me see that it’s not unusual to feel this way.”

  “Honey, it’s unusual to never feel this way.” She patted my back and held me tight. “Give the process a chance. Allow yourself a moment of vulnerability. Not every woman you meet is a user and after your money, and promise me this…”

  “Anything.” I hugged the only woman I’d ever loved, knowing with my whole heart that she loved me back.

  “Allow me to cook dinner for her and those parentless kids next Sunday. Please? I promise not to make a big deal about it.”

  Her voice was an inch away from throwing guilt, which was not her normal speed, but I knew she wanted this bad. The first girl I’d ever talked about dating in years. Ma was probably in hog heaven.

  I leaned back, keeping my mother at arm’s distance. Her blue gaze pleaded with me. She bit her lip and inhaled.

  “All right. But don’t make me regret it. I’ll see if she can. From what I understand, they always do family dinner night on Sundays, so maybe I could convince her to share her family dinner night with ours.”

  Ma clasped her hands to her chest again. “Oh, I’ll pray that she agrees.” Then she wiggled to her own beat back to her stove where she did what she did best—feed and bless her family with her gifts.

  * * *

  GENEVIEVE

  Trent was acting strange today. He had shifty eyes that looked everywhere around the room but at me as we worked on strengthening his core and thighs for more intense positions. I wanted that hamstring stretched taut, but didn’t want to harm his recovery in the process. It was a fine line between working the muscle and overworking it.

  Finally, after we moved into a forearm plank pose, I slid my hands down his ribcage, set my hand on each side of his hips, and maneuvered him into the appropriate position. Straddling his body reminded me of when I’d straddled him last night. He wasn’t so timid and inhibited when we were unclothed. Why was he acting odd now?

  An acute fear hit me straight through the heart. Now that he’d had me carnally, maybe he no longer wanted me. Maybe he was here just for the private lessons. In the past two weeks, he had made remarkable progress in range of motion, weight bearing, and strengthening. Perhaps now that he’d had his wicked way with me, he no longer wanted anything more.

  Genevieve, don’t be stupid. Just because you felt something deeper this weekend doesn’t mean he did.

  I called out for him to move into dolphin pose. In dolphin, the forearms were on the mat, legs out straight and the hips lifted to the sky. It was an advanced modification on downward facing dog. It forced him to put more effort into his upper half than his lower, which should have been easier for him. As he lifted his hips, I stood behind him, gripped his hips, and assisted him in going deeper into the pose. Since we’d been intimate already, I didn’t have any qualms about lining up my pelvis or leaning against his bum. I wrapped my fingers into the indent at his hips—the indent I’d spent a lengthy time discovering just last night…with my tongue.

  He groaned as I pressed my fingers deeper into the muscle. I hoped it was pleasure, not pain, forcing that response.

  “Are you hurting?”

  “If you call my dick getting hard hurting. Gumdrop, you touch that spot on my hips, and I’ll be pushing into you so fast you won’t even be able to say Namaste.”

  He shook as he held dolphin pose a little longer. I counted to five, needing the full breath as much as he did. His words shook me to my core.

  “Frankly, I’m relieved. Now, bring your knees to the mat and lean forward, resting your forehead on the ma
t for five deep breaths, going into child’s pose.”

  He followed my instructions to the letter, which I appreciated. Made me believe he really wanted the help and wasn’t just here to hit on me. Although, I’d have welcomed that.

  “What do you mean you’re relieved? I’m the one with a hard-on.” He chuckled and rolled over on to his back. He wasn’t kidding. His shaft was tenting his soft gray sweats in a graphic display of his virility. “You press that perfect body to my ass one more time, babe, and I can’t be held responsible for my actions.”

  My face heated as though I’d been sitting too long out in the sun on a July day—only it was closing in on November, and we were inside.

  “Don’t act all shy. You know what your sexy body does to me. We’re supposed to be working. Playtime is later.”

  Playtime?

  I knelt in front of his legs and positioned his ankle to the opposite knee. He grimaced as I lifted the leg, rested his bare foot against my abdomen, and pushed forward. This particular pose would work the sciatic nerve and hopefully relieve some of the tension in his hamstring. I always started with the healthy leg first. I pushed against him, leaning forward so his knee and ankle moved closer to his chest.

  “Damn, that feels good, gumdrop. You wore my ass out this weekend. Need this stretch. Thinking of hitting the gym’s sauna after.”

  I stared at his sculpted face. His chin was square and his cheekbones high as he smirked. Too beautiful for words, and he knew it. Punk.

  “You! I’m the one who had the experience of a lifetime. Nothing will ever compare to that. Ever.” I breathed out slowly, trying not to let his words affect me, even though it was useless.

  He frowned, crinkles in his forehead appearing along the expanse. “You telling me you’re planning on having someone else get in there?” He nodded down to the space between my legs.

  My face was so hot I wished I had my water near me to press the metal bottle against the heat. “Hardly. I just know you’ll eventually move on.” My words were flat and honest.

  Trent’s features hardened, and he clenched his jaw as we switched legs. I had to be more careful since this one was injured and stretching it had to hurt like the dickens.

  “Didn’t we say we were going to take this one day at a time, gumdrop?” His voice came out strained.

  I shrugged. “Yes, but then you came in, and you’ve been acting weird, so I just assumed you wanted to move on. Really, it’s fine. If that’s your thing, I get it.” I looked off to the side. It was one hundred percent not my thing, but I’d known what I was getting into when I accepted that date.

  He attempted to lift his upper body off the mat. I caught him wincing as he grabbed my hands. Before I knew it, I was sprawled on top of his supine form, and his mouth was on mine.

  From nothing to everything in a half of a breath. This man would ruin me.

  We kissed like teenagers necking in the back of a car. I rubbed my lower half against his and gloried in the corresponding groan. He lifted his big hands and held my head while he kissed me properly. Long swipes of his tongue played over mine. I melted into his kiss, never wanting to leave.

  Eventually, we both pulled back enough to suck in some much-needed air. As our heartbeats calmed, he tunneled a hand into the hair at the nape of my neck and pecked my lips softly.

  “Genevieve, this is more than one night. You know it. I know it. Hell, my mom knows it.” He laughed.

  “Your mom?”

  “Yeah, I talked to her about you. That’s why I was acting strange. She wants you to come to dinner this Sunday, and I didn’t know how to ask you. Remember, I’m not used to the dating thing.” He licked his lips and bit down on the plump flesh. The lines around his eyes softened. Nothing but genuine concern emanated from his hazel gaze as he looked at me.

  A relief so strong I nearly fainted flooded my body, and a bout of laughter to bubble up in its wake. I laughed at the absurdity of freaking out about him not wanting more from me. I laughed at the ridiculousness that he was nervous about asking me to dinner with his parents, and I laughed at how stupid I’d been, thinking he didn’t want me. The connection between us yesterday had seemed all-encompassing, yet doubt had worked its evil claws into my psyche.

  I leaned forward and kissed him softly on the lips. “I’m sorry, Trent. I just thought… I mean, you’re you and I’m me. Men like you don’t want to be tied down by someone like me. Poor. Two kids to take care of. A giant house that needs constant work.” I shook my head.

  He squinted. “What are you saying?”

  My voice turned soft and insecure. “We don’t make sense.”

  I tried to maneuver away from his body, but he wrapped his hands around my waist and put me in a lock-down, gripped my neck with one hand, and rolled us so our positions were reversed. I was on the bottom. He was nestled comfortably between my splayed legs.

  He thrust his hardness against my center. I moaned and gasped as he pressed down, his length crushing my need.

  “Does this feel as though we don’t make sense?” He moved his hips in a circular motion.

  “That’s biology. You’re a man, and I’m a woman.”

  “Gumdrop, there has not been a woman yet who could keep my dick hard all through dinner. None except for you. I look at your glossy red lips, and I imagine them wrapped around my length. I see your eyes, and I imagine them filled with desire. And don’t even get me started on your body. Babe, everything about you turns me on, makes feel…needed.”

  I groaned as he continued his ministrations. We had twenty more minutes left in the private room, which was supposed to be used for Savasana, the deep relaxation portion of the yoga practice.

  “I need you, too.”

  Instantly his lips were on mine, my legs pushed up, and my pants around my ankles. Before I could say a word, he’d donned a condom and was pushing into me.

  He was hard, thick, and so warm as he held my legs to my chest and thrust his length deep.

  “Don’t try to stop this, gumdrop.” He swirled his shaft inside me. “I’m not going anywhere any time soon. Does this feel like I want to be anywhere else?” He thrust hard.

  I cried out. He leaned over and took my mouth with his, muffling any further screams of passion. He worked that hamstring while on his knees, pounding into me, holding my knees to my chest as he took me to the brink of pleasure and then pushed me off the edge to tumble into the abyss of sheer ecstasy.

  I went willingly, and within mere moments, he followed.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Tree Pose (Sanskrit: Vriksasana)

  Tree pose is one of the simpler balancing poses in the yogic practice. Tree pose helps you find a sense of stability, works the core, and makes you feel more connected to the present as well as the physical earth. This pose can be achieved by standing with feet hip distance apart and raising one leg to rest at the ankle, inner thigh, or in front of the quad. When you have your balance, raise hands above head into a prayer or steeple hold.

  * * *

  GENEVIEVE

  We spent the rest of the week behaving ourselves. Trent met me at Lotus House every day for his private session. After Monday’s debacle of having real sex in the center, I cut him off. We both agreed that not only was it risqué, it made the experience feel a bit tawdry and something I wasn’t proud of. Lotus House had been my home away from home. I didn’t want to disgrace it by having wild sex in the private rooms. People came to find balance, serenity, and peace. Sure, a roll in the hay made people feel all those things, but it surely wasn’t meant for that, and doing it there made me feel too guilty.

  Trent invited himself to the house, and I allowed it once. He came for a normal chicken and rice dinner with my siblings. To my surprise, he didn’t try to make intimate contact with me outside of a steamy kiss when I walked him to his flashy car. I had expected Rowan and Mary to act differently in Trent’s presence, but instead, they acted as though he’d always been there.

  Row enjoyed having th
e baseball star in the house almost as much as I did. While I cleaned up, Trent played a card game with Mary and watched football with Rowan. Every so often, Trent would engage Rowan about school, baseball, and his college plans, and shared some of his own experiences. Trent expressed that Row should consider which ride gave him the best deal. I waited with bated breath while Rowan made it clear he had no intention of leaving his sisters and that if he was meant to play college ball, he’d do it at UC San Francisco or UC Berkeley. Apparently, he was shooting for the Berkeley team. It was closer. He could live at home if he needed to.

  At one point, Trent laid a hand on Rowan’s shoulder and squeezed. They stared at one another, neither saying a word. Stupid males and their silent communication. Women made everything as clear as possible. Heck, we said things over and over again until our point came across. With men, it was a fist bump, a nod of the chin, a clap on the back, or in this case, a squeeze to the shoulder, and they’d shared a pivotal moment. One I was not privy to.

  Now, I sat in front of the mirror in my bedroom fussing over my hair. The shoulder-length locks, thankfully, were curling nicely into the sassy old Hollywood style I liked. Often, people thought my platinum-blond hair was dyed, but it actually grew out of my head that color. Mary and I had always been considered towheads. I thought a lot about going darker but always ended up keeping what the good Lord blessed me with.

  Mary entered my room at a dead run. “Vivvie, can you do my hair?” She held up Mom's old brush, a hair tie, and a giant red bow.

  She had taken extra effort with her appearance as well. Her current outfit was one of my favorites—a black-and-red plaid long-sleeved romper I’d found at Target on clearance last year.

  “Of course, sweetie. What would you like? Nothing too involved. Trent is picking us up in twenty minutes, and I need to finish getting ready, too.” I wanted to add that her big sister was also freaking out and needed time to breathe into a brown paper bag, but I knew better than to show weakness in front of a child. That was one thing Mom had told me about parenting when I babysat Row and Mary.