Dizzy

by Jolene Perry

  “Grow up, Ziah,” Lora’s voice echoes in the small space.

  I spin to face her. How doesn’t she get I’m upset about way more than her stupid wedding? I open my mouth to tell her about James, but I can’t do it. She’s been with me all afternoon and hasn’t asked once about what has me down.

  Instead I jump to offense. “I’ve met Dylan. You do NOT want to be part of that family. Is it for the money? Because—”

  “I’m stopping myself from slapping you right now.” Lora yells. “I’m in love, Ziah. Deal with it and get your ass back to the table please. It’s weird.”

  And with that she turns and walks out. I leap out to follow her, so it’ll look more like we just had a little girl talk and less like my sister’s pissed. We both find our smiles before making it back to the table, and our food’s there.

  Something to do. Too bad I’m not sure if I can eat, because Mom’s restaurant rocks. All comfort food with a gourmet twist. Zila’s – Half me (Ziah) and half my sister (Lora). I’m a little too proud that my part of the name comes first. But now that I have my meal, the mac and cheese with bacon just looks like lumps, and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to swallow it down.

  “So. We have one more small announcement.” Lora smiles, but Derrick has this really odd, nervous look on his face.

  “I knew it! You’re pregnant, aren’t you!” The words fly out of my mouth before I have a chance to stop them.

  Dylan tenses next to me. Dad chokes. Dylan’s dad coughs. Mom throws me another knock-it-off look around the front of Dad.

  “God. Ziah. No.” Lora rolls her eyes. “Drop it with that already, would you?”

  Right. I may have brought it up this afternoon while buried under a stack of bridal magazines.

  “We’re taking winter semester off to plan the wedding and spend some time with our families!”

  Derrick touches her cheek again. Both Mom and Dad stiffen, and I sit back because I won’t need to say anything now. The voices around the table reach an odd level of tense excitement I plan on tuning out. Mom and Dad might be relaxed about a lot of things, but graduating from college is not optional. Not if you want to be on speaking terms with them.

  I close my eyes and wonder what on earth went wrong with James and me. How could he have wanted more from me, when something was happening with him and Alyssa? I want to talk to her so badly, but I can’t. She’s one of the guilty parties.

  Finally the voices at the table are animated enough that I open my eyes. Dylan’s just sitting back like I am and letting it happen. Huh. Maybe he’s not into this whole wedding thing either. Oh. Of course. One girl for the rest of his brother’s life. Dylan probably can’t imagine that—it would probably be like going without air for someone like him.

  Dad’s talking. Mom’s talking. Dylan’s dad is talking, and Derrick and Lora look like they’re being pounced on. Ha. That’ll teach them.

  “Wait. What?” Dylan’s leaning so far forward he’s about to lose his chair. “Did I just hear what I think I heard?”

  Oh. Crap. Maybe I should have been paying attention.

  “I know Ziah’s in.” Lora’s smile is way too forced, and her green eyes are on mine. “We plan on jumping in again tomorrow over her favorite muffins.”

  I’m sure she’s trying to give me some clue by stressing favorite muffins, but I’m not in the frame of mind to figure it out.

  “I’m sorry, what?” In what? What am I supposed to be in? Dylan looks equal parts pissed and disbelieving.

  “Helping plan the wedding.” I swear her smile stretches even farther—something I didn’t think was possible until a minute ago.

  I choke, which turns into a cough, which turns into a giggle. And then into one of those giggle fits there’s no way I’m getting out of. I know I let loose a couple of snorts, and the more everyone looks, the harder I laugh. It’s just so absurd. I’ll be about as helpful as a twelve-year-old boy. And my emotions are so mixed up, my body has no idea how to react anymore.

  The thought of spending any more time looking at another overly floofed wedding dress makes me want to puke—especially because I feel like I sort of lost my friend and my boyfriend in one text.

  “I’ll be okay,” I say, as I wave my hand in front of my face trying to calm down, but my voice comes out all whiny because I can’t stop laughing.

  Me. Plan a wedding. Right. Math I can do. Dissecting pigs for biology I can do. Wedding? I don’t thread needles. I can’t even make mac and cheese, and no one would ever ask me for my handwriting on a sign at school. I don’t do dresses, and I don’t understand weddings.

  Then Dad’s hand touches me as he rubs my back up and down, and I finally start to calm down. The whole table staring at my red face sobers me further.

  “Please,” Lora mouths at me across the table.

  I sit up and pull in a few breaths. “Yea. I’m in.” I give her a look that says she SO owes me later, but I’m still taking odd breaths to keep my hysterics in check.

  “Umm, I’m not,” Dylan pipes up. “What do you mean, help plan a wedding? Can’t you pay someone for that? First you spring this on me, and then you expect me to jump onboard and be a designated wedding planner? You can pick your own flowers.”

  He leans back in the chair and crosses his arms. His words come out angry, but the way he looks at his brother… it’s almost as if he’s hurt. I feel a little bad for him, but I don’t want to feel bad for the guy who ruined my favorite T-shirt and threw the party that changed everything between me and James.

  “Dylan… We want to do this together. With your help. You’re my brother. I need you by my side in this.”

  Even I wouldn’t be able to say no to the way Derrick’s looking at him. Bet he trapped my sister with that same look. I could swear I notice Dylan shaking. What is he thinking? I never would have expected he’d be this upset.

  “We’ll talk about it later,” their dad jumps in.

  Dad clears his throat and makes a few more comments about how Lora had better keep on track, and that taking a semester off is a big deal. They’re back to a normal level of conversation, and I’m back to my food and planning in my head how I’m going to make Lora pay for what she’s about to do to me.

  I don’t look at Dylan while I eat. I just sit and eat… Well, nibble. Mom, Dad, Derrick, Lora, and Dylan’s dad are all chatting like no one freaked out, like no one’s getting married way too young and taking a semester off of school.

  Dylan is just as silent as me.

  ***

  The moment I can get away with it, I hide in the kitchen. Mom’s there minutes later, afraid to leave her cooks for too long.

  “Can I have the car and go home?” I ask.

  “Say goodbye to your sister first.”

  I don’t mean to, but I snort.

  “Come on, Ziah. You could have at least tried to be nice after Derrick overheard you calling your sister stupid for wanting to get married.”

  I slump in my chair that sits at my favorite little corner of Mom’s kitchen, because it wasn’t just that. Lora knows me. She’s always the first person to know when bad things happen, and she didn’t even ask. She just assumed I was upset because of her. Being engaged has already turned her into a self-centered bridezilla.

  “Fine.”

  And wedding planning, watching those two together. Gag. Hurt pushes into my heart. I don’t want to be around anyone in love after losing James. It just sucks.

  I open my mouth twice to say something about James and Alyssa, but nothing comes out. I blink away a few tears as I leave the kitchen.

  There’s a small area outside to eat, but most people don’t go out in the winter because it’s too cold. When I step out, I almost run into Dylan’s back before stopping. His eyes are on Derrick and Lora holding hands and standing close in front of Derrick’s car.

  The thing is, she looks happy. In love. I don’t want her to look happy or in love.

  “Crap,” I say under my breath.

&nb
sp; I know right now even though I’m in shock over her skipping out of her next semester of college and pissed that she couldn’t see past herself to know something else was going on with me and not happy about her getting married. Like everything Lora wants me to be sucked into, I’m going to get sucked into this.

  “Yeah. I hear ya,” Dylan whispers almost next to me.

  I jump and then swallow because I can’t find words with him so close. Why do the assholes have to be so hot? “Not jumping with joy for the happy couple?”

  “Jumping in my car and getting the hell out here.” He flips his keys in his hand.

  “Ditto.”

  “Guess I’ll be seeing you around.” He shrugs and walks off.

  Guess so.

  Seven

  ~Dylan~

  My brother is an ass.

  First, he has me playing the part of some chump in a romantic comedy by declaring me one of his wedding planners. It pisses me off. He knows how I feel about the marriage, and now he wants me to play opposite the part of… whatever chick is playing in rom-coms these days. Oh, and of course he chose to spring it on me at the engagement dinner because he knew I couldn’t freak out too much.

  And second, he’s been locked in the room with Lora for hours. Yep, he gets engaged and suddenly gets to play house and have his girl stay over. Guess where that leaves me? I get to be the one to go pick up my future sister-in-law who happens to be the angriest girl I’ve ever met. Or… at least she was last night. I have visions of her going home after the dinner sticking pins in her Derrick and Dylan voodoo dolls.

  And it’s all so he can get laid. What other reason would there be for me to pick Ziah up, bring her home, and then all of us to leave and go play wedding planner? My brother has been back a day, and he already doesn’t feel like my brother anymore. It’s like he’s already forgotten about us and our pact.

  I pull up in front of Ziah’s house. After glancing at my cell, I toss it on the seat. I’m right on time, so I honk the horn and wait for her to come out. She’s out the door about ten seconds later, scowl in place, but stops dead in her tracks about twenty feet from my Hummer.

  I’m not going to roll down the window. I’m not going to roll down the window.

  I roll down the window. “What?”

  More scowling. “I’m not riding in that thing.”

  “What? Why?”

  “It’s ridiculous! It’s—” She’s gesturing and looks stunned or something.

  “She’s cool as hell. Get in the car, Hanes, or I’m leaving.”

  She humphs before crossing her arms and walking to the passenger’s side. I watch as she climbs up and in. Her feet automatically come up, and she rests them on the dash.

  “What are you doing? Why would you put your feet on Mary?” What’s wrong with this girl? She’s a nutcase.

  “You named your car?” She rolls her eyes. “Of course you named your car.”

  But she puts her feet down, and I swipe my hand across the nonexistent foot-marks on the dash.

  “What do you mean ‘of course I named my car’?” Five seconds with this girl, and I’m already a million times more annoyed than I was before.

  “Nothing.”

  She has her face practically plastered to the window so she doesn’t have to look at me as I drive. I turn up the music, hoping it’ll drown out her moodiness. Two can play at this game. Though for her, I’m pretty sure it’s not a game, and she actually hates me. What did I ever do to her? Nothing. Girls are just crazy, and my brother is getting himself tied up in the craziness. He’s screwed if Lora is as pissy as her sister.

  I glance over at her. She’s still looking out the window. She has her hair tied up in a ponytail thing, which would not be hot if it weren’t for the one little strand of hair that fell down. The air from the heater makes it brush against her cheek, and something makes me want to reach out and slide the silky strands through my fingers before I tuck it behind her ear.

  Apparently it’s not girls who are crazy. It’s me. There’s seriously something wrong with me. We’ve gotten along all of about two seconds of the times we’ve seen each other, yet I’m fantasizing about playing with her hair? It’s something Derrick would do with Lora.

  As much as I try, I can’t seem to make myself focus on the road. The music isn’t distracting me like it should. I can’t even find it in myself to think about my dumb ass brother and how he’s doing a douche-bag thing getting married and dragging me along for the ride.

  Against my better judgment, I turn down the radio. “Just curious, but is there a quota of hours you have to spend mad, and you’re behind? You don’t have to play catch up every time you’re with me, you know.”

  Her head whips around, that little lock of hair flying with it. “What? I’m not mad, and you don’t have to be a jerk.”

  She’s going to be pissed, but I can’t help it, I laugh.

  “What’s so funny?” She turns sideways in the seat, and I swear I see a hint of a smile. She’s trying to hide it, but I see all.

  “You… not mad. That’s got to be the funniest thing I’ve ever heard.”

  “Maybe it’s just you, ever think of that? Maybe you bring it out in me?”

  “Aww, I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.” Her mad face is breaking, and the smile is peeking through more. “Don’t smile, you’ll ruin it. If you smile now, I’m going to know you don’t really hate me. That you’re madly in love with me but too scared to admit it.”

  She freezes, and I know she’s about to blow. “I don’t do love, and if I did, it definitely wouldn’t be with you.”

  She crosses her arms again and goes back to staring out the window and pretending to be interested in streets she sees every day.

  I don’t try to talk to her anymore. It makes for a long ride back home, especially when I can’t stop myself from wondering why she’s anti-love all of a sudden. She looked pretty happy with that guy at the party. Are they together? Did they break up?

  Why do I give a shit?

  I jump out of Mary when we get home. Ziah is right behind me—her lips still glued shut as I let her in the house. “They’re in Derrick’s room. They’ve been in there since last night. If I know my brother, they’ll be in there for a while.”

  “What?” She finally speaks. “Lora called and said we were going as soon as we got here.”

  I shrug, but to my surprise, Derrick and Lora start walking down the stairs holding hands. Nice. Pushed to the side again. Derrick and Lora come out for Ziah, but I haven’t seen him since last night.

  “You guys ready?” Derrick asks, a cheesy smile on his face.

  “No,” Ziah and I say at the same time. I glance over at her and give her a nod. At least we agree on one thing.

  “Ziah!” Lora hisses.

  “I’m kidding, Lora.”

  Lora smiles, but I’m confused as to why. Even I can tell Ziah’s lying, and I don’t know her very well.

  “What’s the plan?” If she can pretend to care, I guess I should, too. Derrick starts babbling about how we’re just going to lunch today. Apparently Lora likes to make lists, and she needs all our help to write one for all the crap they’re going to make us do.

  “How much is there to do? I mean, do we really need a specific lunch date just to make a list?” I don’t know about them, but that sounds ridiculous to me. “I mean, I can stay here, and you guys can just give me the list later. I’ll take one for the team like that.”

  “Hey! That’s not fair! If I have to go, you have to go, too!” Ziah gives me the evil eye.

  “Sorry, I thought of it first.”

  “Which means you’re the only one who can do it?” She turns toward me, and her hands go to her hips. “I have a whole lot of stuff going on that—”

  “Stop!” Lora yells. Both Ziah and I shut up. She’s not looking like the sweet, hot- chocolate-making sister right now, and I start to see where Ziah gets her attitude. “You guys are being ridiculous! Ziah,�
�� she turns to her sister. “It’s not like I ask a lot of you. This is important to me, and I want to share it with you. If that’s too much to ask…”

  “And you,” Derrick shoves me. Of course, Ziah only gets a look, and I get shoved. “Stop being an ass. What else would you be doing? Going out with one of the girls you never want to see again? You can do that shit later. I’m your brother. Stop acting like a douche-bag.”

  Me? I’m the douchebag? He’s the one who doesn’t want anything to do with me unless it’s to put me to work on the wedding I’m trying to save him from.

  I look over at Ziah for support, but her eyes look watery. She turns away from all of us, and I’m not sure anyone notices but me.

  “You’re right. I’m sorry. Can I use the bathroom before we go?” she asks before she sniffs. Something’s definitely up.

  “I’ll show you where it is,” I say.

  She doesn’t say a word to me as I show her where the bathroom is. I don’t really feel like talking either, but part of me is curious what’s going on. She may be pissy, but she’s the only ally I have in this.

  A few minutes later, we’re all piled in Derrick’s car, Ziah and I in the backseat. She’s looking out the window again, and I find myself wondering what’s wrong. Is it just the wedding? I mean, that’s enough because it’s a hell of a big thing, but I’m guessing there’s more.

  I watch as her eyes drift forward to look at Lora. A couple times she shakes her head, and others she just looks sad. Looks like I’m not the only one getting ditched by the lovebirds up front.

  I’m surprised when he doesn’t slow down as we approach our pizza place. “Um… did you forget where we eat?” I thump Derrick in the back of the head.

  “I’m not really in the mood for pizza.”

  Lora jumps in. “We can go eat pizza if you guys want. I’m cool with anything.”

  Her words are nice and all, but they kind of feel like she’s throwing me a consolation prize. And even though I really want some damn pizza, I’m not taking it. “Nah, it’s cool. We can eat wherever.”

  A few minutes later we pull up at a little Mexican restaurant. Derrick and Lora sit on one side of the booth, and Ziah and I on the other. While we’re waiting for our food to arrive, Lora pulls out her trusty pen and paper.