The Confession (The Promise Series Book 7)

by Kate Benson

  “I love you,” I rasp out, still unable to catch my breath. “I still love you.”

  My God, please let this work.

  I’m not sure how long I sit there, but by the time the light seeping in from outside has begun to fade and its nearly time to leave, the sound of tires on the gravel driveway outside pulls me back.

  The last thing I want is to see anyone right now.

  I don’t care who it-

  “Analise?”

  Drake.

  My heart stops, but somehow, begins pounding so loudly inside my chest I worry somehow it will give me away.

  I’m not ready yet...

  My eyes dart above my head to the lock, finding it secured and for a split second, a false sense of relief floods my chest before the sound of his feet making their way up the porch steps fill the otherwise silent room.

  His fist raps against the door, shaking it behind me and making me jump, the soft gasp leaving my lips enough to have me clamping my hand over my mouth.

  “Ana?” he calls out once more, his voice cracking slightly before he tries the locked door to no avail. “Baby, are you here?”

  There’s something in his voice, something I’ve only ever heard a few times before.

  Desperation.

  It calls to me, begs me to answer, to let him in, let him explain this nightmare all away, but I can’t.

  After everything that’s happened, all the pain coursing through me right now, I know I’m not strong enough to let this fail.

  This has to go perfectly or this time, neither of us will survive.

  “Baby, please,” he rasps out, the quiet sound of his forehead resting against the door as his voice breaks almost enough to break me. “I don’t know…” he continues, my body twisting slightly to face the door. I trace the edges of the molding, a part of me wishing it was his skin beneath my fingertips while the other part wishes him away altogether. “I don’t know why I came here. I know you’d never…” he stumbles. “I just know I have to try,” he admits, quietly sniffing back his emotion. “I won’t stop, love,” he whispers, the sound of his fingertips brushing over the doorframe pulling me gently to my feet. “If it takes the rest of my days, my sweet Analise, I swear to God I won’t ever stop.”

  I hold my breath, a part of me embracing the craving that still courses through my veins at the sound of his voice, another resenting the fact that someone who has the power to destroy me so completely still has such claim over my soul.

  He whispers his love for me, the sound of his feet shifting causing my heartbeat to waver slightly once more. The thought of him being just outside, close enough to touch, pulls another low sob from my chest.

  You could go to him now, I remind myself. Put this all to an end right this very second.

  I brave a single step closer, my fingers tracing the handle and his feet shift, the angst nearly too much to bear.

  Be strong, Ana…

  Not yet.

  Not like this.

  His movement stops and I panic, my hand clamping tightly back over my lips. I don’t have to see him to feel his gaze through the door, searching for any sign of the girl that brought him here.

  He doesn’t find her, though.

  He won’t ever find that girl again, I think to myself as I listen to him drive away, my knees slowly finding the comfort of the hardwood beneath me. She died beside her husband on a bathroom floor.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Drake

  It’s been days since I’d last seen her.

  Five of them, to be exact.

  Some might say five days is simply a blink in our existence, a simple breath of nothing over the course of it all.

  For me, five days has been an eternity.

  I come to a slow stop from the sprint I’d made when I saw her, a matter of steps all that separates me from her when I’m forced to bend to grip at my knees.

  I’ve been running, chasing after her since the moment I realized she was gone. I’ve spent the last five days searching, wishing, praying like I’ve never prayed that somehow, she’d come back to me.

  I racked my brain, practiced the words I would say until they were so well rehearsed, there was no way I could leave a single detail out. Something told me if I ever found my way back to her, I’d have only one chance to fix everything, absolve for my sins if I was to ever call her mine again.

  I want nothing more.

  I want her more than the breaths racing from my chest, but as my eyes finally fall onto her slender frame, her chocolate hair whipping gently, it all escapes me.

  Every word, every bargain I’d been prepared to make is instantly lost to the wind.

  I can only stare at her, silently begging her to be real this time.

  My foot slowly lifts, the faint sound of the fallen leaves brushing against the sole with an almost silent crunch causing her to release a breath of her own.

  She knows I’m here.

  She knew I’d come, yet she says nothing.

  She gazes out into the early night, the fireflies beckoning us from the brush nearby as her eyes remain focused on the tall turbines off in the distance. The breeze blows once more and her familiar vanilla scent mixed with the distinct smell of cigarette smoke washes over me, the knot that’s been resting in my throat swelling once more. As I struggle to speak the words I’d planned, I choke up. After so many days, so many sleepless nights that go back much further than the horrible fate this week had afforded us, finally seeing her is more than I expected.

  More than I maybe even deserve.

  Something inside my soul begs me to move forward, but I know it’s a mistake. As badly as I want her, as badly as I need her, I know deep down one false move will cause her to flee from me once more.

  This time, likely for good.

  Just breathe.

  “Are you just going to stand there or are you going to talk to me?” she finally speaks, her voice as worn and broken as my heart.

  “Analise,” I breathe, her voice leaving me like a prayer. “I’ve searched for you everywhere.”

  “I know,” she admits as she tosses the cigarette into the now familiar pile at her feet, her voice just as low. “I needed time.”

  “Have you had enough?”

  “You’ve found me, haven’t you?” she says bluntly.

  The confirmation that she’s been hiding from me hits me like a sledgehammer, the suspicion I’d had of it all along doing nothing to lessen the devastation.

  “Analise…”

  “This will be your one and only shot to say your piece, Drake,” she interrupts, swallowing the knot in her throat. “You’ve got until sundown. You should probably make it count.”

  The severity, the finality of her words causes my heart to race, my eyes to tear as I struggle to keep hold of the emotion coursing through me.

  I nod silently in understanding, taking a moment. Eventually, my voice finds me.

  “I’ve thought relentlessly about what I’d say to you,” I confess low, my voice wavering slightly. “I planned to make this big speech to win you back,” I begin, trailing off. “Well, try to, anyway.”

  “And now?” she asks, hiding the shudder of her chest.

  “Now, Ana,” I whisper, both of us swallowing hard. “Now I can’t breathe.”

  She stares back at me, the emotion sitting in her chest matching mine, although she’s hiding hers much better. The shade of the trees surrounding us steal what’s left of the dying sunlight above. Despite my desperation to meet her gray eyes, search for the spark I’ve been praying still resided in her soul, I’m granted nothing until I brave a half step forward, her eyes falling on mine for the first time in nearly a week.

  “If I mean anything to you, you’d better find a way to inhale, Mr. Mitchell,” she says, the shaky edge in her voice not lost on me. “One way or another, I’m leaving with the sun,” she whispers, glancing over her shoulder to the horizon before she returns her now teary gaze to me. “I think we both need you to
make this count.”

  Analise

  I won’t ever forget the day I met him.

  It was early, and the sun had just risen over the horizon, its rays blazing over the earth and painting it gold.

  I’d always thought the sunrise was the most beautiful thing in the world until I glanced up and saw him staring back at me. His indigo gaze bled into my soul, taking it completely and all at once.

  After days of being secluded, taking myself from the same world that chewed me up and spit me out, a piece of me wondered if the sight of those same eyes would still consume me.

  Tonight, while they don’t hold the same vibrance, something in them takes me just the same.

  A jolt moves through me and I swallow it, push it away and pray for it to find me again later.

  I can fall apart when this is all behind me.

  Right now, I just need answers.

  “I’m not sure where to start,” he confesses.

  “Then go back to the beginning.”

  He holds my eyes for a moment, seeming to trace the lines in my face, memorize them in the same way I’m memorizing his before he gives me a subtle nod and releases a sigh.

  “That day in your room at Briargate, the day I lied to you,” he starts with a broken voice, pulling a nod from me. “It was Sophie, but it wasn’t what you think.”

  He moves to step closer and slows when I pull away a half step of my own, pulling his phone from his pocket.

  “I saw the texts, Drake.”

  “Please look again,” he asks, his voice low. Reluctantly, I take the phone from his hand, resisting the urge to graze his fingertips. I hold his eyes for a moment before I allow my gaze to drift down to the screen. At first glance, the words are all too familiar, stinging deep enough to have me reaching for another cigarette and ignore the almost silent sigh of displeasure. As I scroll further, however, I see mentions of his company, things I’d never noticed in my haste before. I’m about to speak, ask him why this matters, but his deep voice cuts me short. “My list of faults is long and ugly, but I could never be unfaithful to you, certainly not while you’re sick and never with your best friend,” he promises. “An omission is the same as a lie,” he whispers, the familiar words he’d spoken to me making me nod gently as I swallow the knot in my throat, my eyes still locked on the screen. “I never should have kept things hidden from you. I should have told you the truth from the beginning.”

  “And what is the truth?”

  “I signed the company over to Chase,” he admits, surprising me enough to raise my gaze to find his still locked on me. “Your doctors said you weren’t getting better, suggested a transfer to a hospital I could never put you in,” he swallows hard. “I couldn’t take care of you and work, so I had to make a choice.”

  “Drake-”

  “That choice was the easy one,” he cuts me off, shaking his head. “The harder part was admitting I needed help and realizing Sophie was the only one who could do it. I should have told you, but…”

  “But what?”

  “But I was afraid you’d blame yourself… relapse and this time…” he trails off once more, refusing the rest of the thought we both hear screaming silently between us as he glances down at his hands. The fingers from his right hand slowly turn the wedding band he still wears around his finger, his voice breaking as he brings his eyes back to mine. “And I’d rather be a liar than a widower.”

  His words are some of the harshest ever spoken, but one look at his features, the anguish resting in his eyes as they begin to sting with traitor tears and I can’t find it in me to be bitter about them.

  “Sophie begged me to tell you, to tell Chase. But I knew if I had to choose between your anger and the risk that came with losing you, there wasn’t a single lie I wouldn’t tell, Ana. Not a single thing I wouldn’t do if it meant saving you, so I swallowed it and made her vow to do the same. I thought if I could just get the papers signed, get you out of Briargate, I’d be able to explain it all, focus on taking care of you like you needed. And I was so close to being able to give that to you, but something was wrong,” he continues, shaking his head. “Something deep within you I couldn’t comprehend until the last night… the last moment I saw you.”

  The memory comes screaming back to us both and something in my chest freezes instantly, my lower lip quivering with emotion.

  “Careful,” I manage, my voice slipping into a whisper, a breath really.

  His eyes hold mine, hold the same vulnerable desperation as mine.

  “I didn’t know,” he whispers, taking a step closer. This time, I let him. His fingertips graze mine and my eyes flutter shut, taking me right back to that broken night. “I swear to God, Analise. I didn’t know.”

  His voice is a broken sob, sorrow resting so deep within his words, my eyes spring open of their own accord to find him just as broken as I’ve been.

  “I never would have let you endure that on your own. I’d let a thousand deaths take me first,” he vows. “The second I realized, all I wanted was to find you,” he whispers, his palm moving to the bend between my neck and shoulder, cradling my face, stroking my heartache. “Everything else fell away, but I was too late. You were already-”

  “Gone,” I complete his words, my voice so faint, so low, it’s lost to the breeze, his steady gaze the only thing telling me he’s heard me.

  He swallows hard, nodding his acknowledgement as he searches my features, his palm trembling as it remains on the arch of my neck. It only takes a moment for me to realize he’s breathing in time with my pulse, that the gentle caress coming from his fingers stays locked on the low hum of life moving through my veins.

  My eyes trace his shoulders before they move up to the curve of his full lips. I miss the radiance of his hidden smile, crave the taste of them against mine as my name falls from them and out into the abyss. As I find his eyes, glassy and tired, his dark hair falls boyishly over his brow and I ache to push it back, feel the silk of it rushing through my fingers like it had so many times before. The pad of his thumb tenderly strokes the same sensitive spot just below my earlobe and he releases a sigh, evidence of his held breath while I stand, still searching for mine.

  I silently savor in the feel of his flesh, the sensation of his hot breath dancing across my skin and as the light surrounding us slowly turns to dusk, a chill moves over me, but he never lets me feel it.

  All that’s left is him.

  Us.

  “My time is up,” he manages, his voice low and deep, yet broken all at once. His eyes leave mine for a moment as he clears his throat and releases a deep sigh. “There’s more to tell you, but I made you a promise and this time, I’m going to keep my word,” he slowly raises his hand to my brow, gently brushing the hair from my eyes as he holds them, memorizing me. “If you have to walk away, I’m not going to try to make you stay,” he promises, his voice gravelly, staggered as he begins choking on the same emotion stuck in his throat that I feel in mine. “I know I’ve hurt you, so if that’s what you want, Analise, I’ll let you go,” he rasps, the tears he’s been trying so desperately to fight finally escaping. His palm moves back to my neck, his fingers brushing my collarbone before his eyes move back to meet mine. “I’ll let you go, baby,” he whispers, his voice broken enough to break something deep inside me, too. “But the man you married? The man you begged for all those nights?” he whispers, reaching for my hand and pulling it into his before holding my palm to his chest, just over his pounding heart. “He’s still here, Ana, and all he’s ever wanted is you.”

  His eyes stare into mine, seeming to commit them to memory then, lock them away and it steals my breath, my words, my everything. He releases a gentle sigh, nodding slightly before he leans forward and presses his lips to my hair, holding me close before reluctantly releasing me.

  I immediately mourn the loss.

  Instantly, the breath rushes out of my lungs all over again.

  “I love you,” he says once more and after a brief mo
ment, he swallows hard and slowly, begins to turn toward the darkened sky.

  His chest raises with a deep breath and he releases it, both of us trembling as he faces me. The lines of his face are fading away as the last of the light slips beneath the trees. Yet somehow, here in the darkness, I see him even more clearly in this moment than I think I ever have before.

  The sound of his foot shifting against the leaves below screams at me.

  “I have one more question,” I confess, pulling him back to me, his movement stilling at once.

  I take the three steps that separate us, coming to a slow stop in front of him, basking in the familiar sensation of him hovering over me.

  “Anything.”

  “If tonight, right now in this very moment, I could snap my fingers and take us back to page one, that first day,” I start, memories swarming us both simultaneously. “If we could do that, still knowing what we’d endure, that it would all lead us right here, would you still do it?” I ask, my voice breaking to the wind. “Would you still have come for me?”

  He stares back at me, takes in my tear-stained eyes, the disarray of my hair. He releases a low sigh of regret I can only hope is for all the pain we’ve seen, all the days we’ve lost and ever so gently, he caresses my jaw before angling my eyes to his.

  “In a heartbeat,” he whispers, his own voice breaking slightly with emotion. “That man was set in his ways, naïve, stupid… he hadn’t tasted a fate without you in it,” he manages through his emotion. “I’ve tasted it now and it’s not something I ever want to endure again. I’ve done a lot of bad things in my life. I haven’t always been a good man, a good husband even, but I swear to God, you’re the only thing I’ve ever truly loved,” he manages, returning his watery gaze to mine. “There’s an exception to every rule, a weakness hiding within every man. You are mine.”

  The shallow breath that’s been sitting in my chest for months finally escapes, my own tears slipping free before he sweeps them away.

  “If I had to choose, my sweet Analise, I’d go back and take you. Every single time.”

  “I would, too.”