Water under the Bridge

by Sherryl Hancock

  “Son of a bitch… You do realize how dangerous a spot you’re in right now, right?” Skyler asked Jet then. “’Cause you know she thinks something is going on…”

  Jet gave a short humorless laugh. “Ya think?” she asked sarcastically.

  “And she’d take you apart before you even had a chance to explain…” Skyler said, shaking her head.

  “I know,” Jet said.

  “Jesus, Jet…” Skyler said, worried for her friend now.

  Jet simply nodded, knowing she was in a bad spot with no really good way out of it.

  “Have you told Fadiyah anything?” Skyler asked.

  “No,” Jet said, looking worried, “but I’m thinking I’m going to need to tell her something.”

  “Make it the truth,” Skyler said, her tone strong.

  Jet blew her breath out, nodding her head. Cat had taken Fadiyah back to Jet’s house earlier that night. Fadiyah had school in the morning and Jet didn’t want her out too late so she’d miss school. Fadiyah was carrying an over-full class schedule to do some catching up.

  Jet walked into the house at three that morning. She ended up out in her backyard smoking. Fadiyah found her there an hour later.

  “Jet?” Fadiyah queried worriedly. “Is Shenin okay?”

  “Yeah,” Jet said, nodding. “She’s gonna be fine.”

  Fadiyah nodded, looking relieved. Sitting down across from Jet she shivered in the cool early morning air. Jet saw it and stood up taking off her jacket and putting it around Fadiyah’s shoulders.

  “I need to tell you some stuff,” Jet said then, lighting another cigarette.

  Fadiyah looked worried for a moment.

  “No, babe, nothing bad, okay?” Jet said, reaching over with one hand to touch Fadiyah’s cheek. “I just need to catch you up on some stuff, so that if the shit hits the fan you won’t be blindsided, okay?”

  Fadiyah looked confused by some of the metaphors, but Jet went ahead and told her what was happening with Tyler and Shenin and how she fit into it. When she finished the story, Fadiyah was in tears.

  “That is so terrible,” Fadiyah said, shaking her head sadly. “I am so sorry for Shenin.”

  Jet nodded. “Yeah it’s really rough.”

  Fadiyah regarded Jet for a long moment. “What she asked you… about if you had not gotten there in time for me…”

  Jet nodded slowly, waiting for the rest of the question.

  “What did you say?” Fadiyah asked.

  Jet shook her head. “I couldn’t answer,” she said. “I don’t know what I would have done… It’s beyond the scope of my imagination as to how I would’ve reacted. Just the idea of it…” Her voice was halting, and finally trailed off as she shook her head, her look devastated.

  Fadiyah reached her hand out, touching Jet’s face, her expression one of complete devotion. “That is why I love you,” she said, her voice soft. “Because you are so amazing.”

  Jet looked back at her. “I’m just me, babe,” she said, shaking her head.

  “And who you are is amazing Jet Blue Mathews,” Fadiyah said, moving to sit on Jet’s lap, putting her arms around her neck and staring down into her eyes.

  Jet reached up, bringing Fadiyah’s face down to hers, kissing her lips. She then moved to stand, picking the smaller girl up in her arms and carried her inside and up to their bedroom where she made love to her until it was time for Fadiyah to get ready for school. They were both a little tired that day, but it didn’t matter to either of them.

  ***

  Shenin was released from the hospital the evening following her admission. Tyler drove Shenin back to the apartment and got her set up in bed to rest. She got Shenin some dinner and took Muffit for a walk. After they ate, Tyler sat next to her on the bed and they watched TV. Tyler put her arm around Shenin’s shoulder and Shenin snuggled against Tyler sighing softly. It felt so good to be almost normal at that moment, neither of them wanted to spoil it with questions and issues.

  Shenin fell asleep lying against Tyler. Tyler carefully moved to lay Shenin down, then got up to take a quick shower and put on sweat pants and a tank top, before lying down next to Shenin carefully. Shenin immediately snuggled against Tyler’s warmth, and Tyler did her best to savor every moment.

  Tyler knew there was something going on and she knew that at some point she was going to need to deal with the reality of it. She didn’t know if it had to do with Jet, or someone else in the group. What she did know was that there was something that Jet Mathews knew that she didn’t and she didn’t like it at all. She really hoped that her trust in Jet hadn’t been misplaced, but something told her it wasn’t. Not knowing was driving her crazy.

  Tyler was asleep when she felt Shenin jolt awake. Looking down she saw a fearful look in Shenin’s eyes as she blinked a few times to try and wake up.

  “Babe?” Tyler queried, worried.

  Shenin was breathing heavily, her hand clenching and unclenching at Tyler’s shoulder.

  “Shen?” Tyler said, her eyes searching Shenin’s face. “Honey, you with me?”

  Shenin looked at her then, her eyes focusing. Then she nodded.

  “Nightmare?” Tyler asked.

  Shenin blew her breath out, nodding.

  Tyler nodded, waiting, her hands stroking Shenin’s arm and shoulder soothingly. “Do you want to tell me about it?”

  Shenin shook her head. “It’s… I can’t really even remember it now.”

  “Okay…” Tyler said, feeling like Shenin was lying, but not willing to call her on it.

  Shenin went back to sleep a little while later. Tyler lay awake wondering what was happening, why Shenin was so closed off from her that she was outright lying to her now.

  The next day Shenin didn’t mention the nightmare, but that night she woke with a start again and a yelp this time when Tyler touched her shoulder.

  “Jesus!” Tyler exclaimed. “Babe, it’s me.”

  Shenin nodded, breathing heavily and grasping at Tyler’s arms.

  “I suppose you don’t want to tell me about this one either…” Tyler said, her tone flat. Even so, Shenin gave her sharp look, Tyler refused to take it back.

  Shenin shook her head, putting her forehead against Tyler’s chest. Tyler’s lips tightened, even as she closed her eyes, fighting the desire to shake her wife. This was absolutely maddening and she didn’t know how much more of it she could take. Shenin had slept most of the next day. Tyler had left to walk Muffit again, and had just come back into the apartment when she heard Shenin saying, “No” sounding upset. She moved toward the bedroom and saw that Shenin was lying on the bed her eyes still closed, but she was writhing, like she was trying to get away, her head moving back and forth.

  Tyler moved to the side of the bed, and she reached out gently touching Shenin on the shoulder. She was stunned when Shenin’s eyes flew open and Shenin literally backed up into a crouched position at the other side of the bed, her eyes extremely fearful.

  “Jesus fucking Christ!” Tyler exclaimed, out of complete shock at Shenin’s reaction.

  She moved to sit on the bed reaching for Shenin, but Shenin threw her arms up in a ‘hands off’ gesture.

  “Don’t!” Shenin cried, her voice terrified.

  “Shenin, it’s me!” Tyler yelled, her voice strident because she had no idea what was going on and it terrified her.

  Shenin’s hands stayed up in a warding off gesture. “Please Ty, just don’t, please…” she said, her voice breathless and trembling.

  “Shenin, what the fuck is going on?” Tyler asked, her patience completely gone.

  Shenin shook her head, putting her hand to head, her hand shaking like a leaf.

  “No, you don’t get to do that this time, Shenin,” Tyler said, her tone sharp. “You’re going to tell me what’s going on and you’re going to tell me right the fuck now.”

  Shenin shrank from her, curling her other arm around herself defensively.

  “Jesus…” Tyler breathed, moving to
take Shenin in her arms again.

  Shenin jerked away, but Tyler grabbed her upper arms, trying to pull her back to her. Shenin shoved against Tyler, her hands pushing at Tyler’s chest and shoulder.

  “No!” Tyler yelled, trying to get through to her wife. “Shenin, stop it!” she yelled, tightening her hold on Shenin’s arms as she did.

  Shenin cried out when Tyler’s hands tightened to the point of bruising. Shenin lashed out with one arm, breaking Tyler’s hold and catching Tyler in the face with her fist. Tyler’s head snapped back and she fell backward on the bed, catching herself with her arm.

  “Are you fucking crazy?” Tyler yelled at Shenin.

  Shenin had already curled back into herself then, her knees up to her chest, her face against her legs, her arms wrapped around them. Tyler stood staring at Shenin, unable to believe what had just happened. Blind fury took over and Tyler turned and walked out of the room.

  She left the apartment, got into her rental car and drove straight to Jet’s house. Jet was out front washing her car, she saw Tyler drive up and get out of the car. She’d turned to turn her radio down and turned back only to catch a fist in the face that threw her three feet backwards onto the ground. Because her ears were ringing, it took her a minute to hear what Tyler was screaming at her.

  “…I fucking trusted you, what did you do to her?” Tyler was screaming.

  “Jet!” Fadiyah exclaimed. She’d heard the screaming and had come out of the house.

  Tyler’s menacing look shifted to Fadiyah and that had Jet vaulting to her feet to put herself between Fadiyah and an extremely angry Tyler.

  Jet held her hands up. “Tyler, calm the fuck down!” she yelled. She glanced over her shoulder at Fadiyah. “Babe, go back in the house.”

  “But Jet… you’re bleeding,” Fadiyah said, her tone plaintive.

  “I’m okay,” she said. “Please babe…” Fadiyah did as Jet asked and Jet looked back at Tyler.

  “Tell me what happened…” Jet said calmly to Tyler, hoping to influence Tyler’s mood.

  “My wife is fucking terrified of me,” Tyler snapped. “That’s what fucking happened!”

  Jet drew in a deep breath and blew it out slowly. “What happened?” Tyler looked back at Jet. “What the fuck don’t I know, Jet?” she snapped.

  Jet shook her head. “You need to ask Shenin that question,” she said simply.

  “I’ve asked Shenin that question and she’s not answering me,” Tyler said, her eyes narrowing dangerously. “And whereas it’s spousal abuse to beat it out of her, it’s not to beat it out of you.”

  Jet’s chin came up. “Then come try,” she said, her tone challenging.

  To back up her challenge, she dropped one foot back in a fighter’s stance, her hands down at her sides, her fingers working like they were itching for a fight.

  “Is that it?” Tyler asked, her look sharp.

  “Is that what?” Jet asked looking confused.

  “You’re gonna fight me for her?” Tyler asked, her tone taking on a haunted tinge.

  Jet shook her head. “That’s not it at all,” she said, her tone sad.

  “Then what the fuck is it!” Tyler yelled, her temper boiling.

  Jet looked back at Tyler, seeing the pain the other woman was in and unable to take anymore.

  “She should be telling you this…” Jet said, her voice gravelly with emotion.

  “Please…” Tyler said, with so much pain in her voice that Jet knew she didn’t have a choice.

  “Come on,” Jet said, gesturing with her head into the house.

  Tyler followed her into the house. Jet stopped in the kitchen to get a bottle of tequila. Then she let Tyler out to the backyard, stopping long enough to kiss Fadiyah’s lips softly, winking at her.

  Jet sat down, lighting a cigarette and turning the stereo on. Tyler stood waiting. Jet gestured for her to sit down. After a long moment, Tyler finally did.

  “You don’t know everything about Iraq,” Jet told Tyler.

  “What don’t I know?” Tyler asked, not surprised by Jet’s statement.

  Jet looked back at Tyler, her look pained. “The gunshot wound wasn’t the only damage…”

  Tyler looked back at Jet, her face serious. “Tell me…”

  “She was raped,” Jet said, knowing that beating around the bush would only make things worse.

  Tyler looked faint suddenly, and she put her hand up to her face, her hand shaking. “Oh my God…” she said, her voice a sick whisper. She looked up at Jet then. “Why didn’t she tell me?”

  Jet looked back at Tyler for a long moment, her look saying you know why.

  Tyler nodded, swallowing convulsively. “Because she knew I already felt like shit for not being there in the first place…”

  Jet nodded. “That’s not all of it though,” she said then, knowing that Tyler needed to hear it all.

  Tyler blew her breath out again, nodding, and waiting.

  “After she got back…” Jet said, grimacing. “About a month and a half after…” she said, trying to lessen the impact. She knew the minute it clicked in Tyler’s head.

  Tyler’s hand shot out to brace herself on the table as she groaned like a wounded animal. In truth it felt like someone had just reached in and ripped out her heart. She couldn’t breathe. In her head all she could hear was the roaring sound of, No! ripping through her skull. Her breath came in ragged gasps as she did her best to cope with what she’d just heard. Then something else occurred to her. Her head snapped up.

  “What did she do?” she asked Jet.

  Jet looked back at Tyler seeing the complete anguish in Tyler’s blue eyes, and knowing that things would never be the same for her. She felt so sick for her that it physically hurt.

  “She went down to Mexico,” Jet said. “She didn’t want a record of it with an American hospital.”

  Tyler stood up, moving blindly to the side of the yard and fell to her knees throwing up. She knew then that it was what had caused the perforated uterus, and it was something that could have killed Shenin and she’d never have known any of it. The implications, the recriminations, the sheer pain of it had Tyler throwing up until she was seeing red in her bile.

  Jet, who had moved to stand by Tyler, handed Tyler the bottle of tequila. Tyler took it gratefully, and drank a large swig. Jet put her hand out, to help Tyler up off the ground. Tyler took it with shaking hands. Walking back over to the chairs in the backyard, Jet got Tyler to sit down, and handed her the tequila bottle again. She pulled out her phone then, texting Skyler.

  The message read: “Shit hit the fan, go get Shenin, bring her here.”

  Skyler texted back: “Holy shit, will do.”

  Skyler knocked on Shenin’s apartment door. When Shenin didn’t answer, Skyler tried the door and was surprised to find it unlocked. Walking inside, she heard a dog whining.

  “Shenin?” she called, hearing the dog whine louder.

  She walked into the kitchen and beheld a sight she’d never forget as long as she lived. Shenin was sitting on the floor of the kitchen, her legs out in front of her, leaning against a cabinet. Muffit was lying with her head on Shenin’s leg, whining pitifully. There was blood everywhere around the two, and a knife lay next to Shenin. The blood was coming from her wrists which she had cut repeatedly.

  “Fuck!” Skyler yelled, dropping to her knees and grabbing at a towel on the counter. She wrapped it around both of Shenin’s wrists, holding it as tightly as she could.

  With her other hand she checked for a pulse.

  “Come on Dev, come on…” Skyler chanted, trying to check again and again for a pulse… “Don’t do this… Don’t do this…”

  Pulling out her phone, she dialed 911. “I need an ambulance at ten twenty-one Pineview,” she said when the dispatcher answered. “Eleven ninety-nine officer down, I need an ambulance right now!”

  Technically Shenin wasn’t an officer, but since she was working for a law enforcement agency, Skyler figured what th
e hell.

  “Come on Shenin!” Skyler yelled. “Don’t do this!” she yelled, tears in her eyes.

  Muffit started licking Shenin’s face, and then kept looking at Skyler who felt like everything was crashing in at that moment.

  Skyler felt for a pulse again and got a flutter.

  “That’s it, Dev, come on!” Skyler yelled. “Come on!”

  She didn’t want to perform CPR, knowing that doing so could force more of Shenin’s blood out of the cuts. She didn’t want to do that, unless she had to. A light pulse was still a pulse.

  “Come on, come on, come on…” she chanted, banging her head on the cabinet next to where Shenin’s head was, just needing to keep feeling something.

  The paramedics came in then and Skyler moved as they worked on Shenin. She almost passed out with relief when they said they had a pulse. They put Shenin on a gurney, and Skyler followed them out. She picked up Muffit, getting Shenin’s blood on her, since Muffit’s paws were covered in it. She didn’t care. She needed Muffit as much as the dog needed her right then.

  In the ambulance, Skyler texted Jet: “All bad, all bad, get to Sinai now!”

  Jet got the text and closed her eyes slowly, would this ever stop getting worse? Walking over to where Tyler sat she leaned down.

  “Ty, I hate to do this, but we gotta go.”

  “Go?” Tyler asked, her eyes glassy, she’d drunk half a bottle of tequila by this time.

  “Yeah, we gotta go, it’s Shenin…”

  “What?” Tyler asked, all the color draining from her face.

  “Stay with me, Ty! We gotta get to Sinai, and we gotta get there, now.” Jet moved to get Tyler up, but Tyler moved with surprising agility for someone who was half drunk.

  As they strode toward the door, Jet grabbed Fadiyah’s hand. “We gotta go,” she told the girl. Fadiyah nodded, following Jet and Tyler out the front door, turning to lock it.

  Jet pulled out her phone. Dialing dispatch she said, “LAPD Officer, Badge number three five nine seven, I need an emergency police escort to Cedars Sinai, from the West Hills, have them meet me on 101 at Valley Circle Drive, blue Maserati, plate two Zebra Echo X-ray four give six, now!”