Of Loss & Betrayal (Madison & Logan Book 2)

by S. H. Kolee

  Logan dropped a kiss on my head. “I can’t imagine how awful that must have been for you. I wish I could remember, if only so that you don’t feel so alone with the memories.” He gave me another kiss. “Can you tell me about the good memories with Cassie?”

  My heart squeezed with emotion at his request. It touched me that he wanted to know about Cassie. About me. Memory loss or not, Logan cared about me.

  We spent the rest of the night talking about Cassie. I pulled out a photo album that dated back to elementary school and spanned all the way to college. Logan looked at all the pictures with interest, especially the college ones where he was included. It must have been disconcerting to see himself in pictures that he couldn’t recall being taken, but Logan took it in stride. As if in silent agreement, we carefully avoided talking about our cheating and Cassie’s death. We only talked about the good memories, and it was both nostalgic and cathartic to relive the past.

  It was late when we finally went to bed. I was happy that it was assumed that I was going to stay over. We were both exhausted so we didn’t do much more than cuddle. I had no problems falling asleep in Logan’s warm embrace.

  The next morning was sunny but bitingly cold. I made Western omelets for breakfast and Logan was effusive in his praise. We nursed our cups of coffee as we talked about what to do for the rest of the day.

  “Do you want to go to the aquarium?” Logan asked.

  I paused with my mug halfway to my mouth. “Do you remember our trips to the aquarium?” I asked hopefully. My hopes were dashed when he shook his head.

  “No. Did we used to go a lot?”

  I swallowed my disappointment and smiled at him. “I used to drag you all the time. I have a slight obsession with sea otters and you used to humor me about it. We would usually go to the Half Pitcher afterwards for their massive plate of nachos.”

  “That sounds like a good plan to me,” Logan said, returning the smile. I felt a little flutter of excitement at the way he looked at me. His gaze was full of affection and humor, the way it always used to be before the accident.

  We got ready quickly and headed to the aquarium. I turned up the music in the rental car that Logan had gotten after being discharged from the hospital. I felt upbeat and happy. Logan and I were together and we had a day of fun ahead of us. I couldn’t ask for anything more.

  We had a great time at the aquarium. Logan seemed to enjoy it as much as I did, not seeming to mind that we spent a long time at the sea otter exhibit. It was late afternoon by the time we got to the Half Pitcher, and the bar was already crowded with patrons watching a football game, but we managed to snag one of the last tables.

  I took a sip of the beer we had ordered, looking around at the crowd. I turned back to Logan.

  “Does any of this seem familiar to you?”

  “I remembered the aquarium, although I don’t remember going there with you.” Logan quirked his mouth. “Sorry. But this place I don’t remember at all.”

  “We come here pretty regularly,” I said, not taking offense that he hadn’t remembered going to the aquarium with me. I was used to it by now. “Usually on the weekends, but every now and then we would come here on the weekdays after you got off work.” I took another sip of my beer before continuing. “Speaking of work, do you know when you’re planning on going back?”

  “Probably the week after next. My firm told me to take as much time as I need, but I know the work is piling up. I think it’ll be good for me to go back to work. Getting back into the routine of my life might help me regain my memory.” He reached across the table to hold my hand. I felt a thrill at the simple touch. What was once an ordinary, routine touch of affection meant so much more now because it meant that despite his memory loss, Logan wanted to be with me.

  “What about you?” he asked. “You mentioned that you told your boss you were taking time off work, but there’s really no need to.” He gave me a wry grin. “You don’t have to coddle me. I won’t wander off into the street by myself.”

  I laughed. “I know. I just want to be here for you, to answer any questions you may have. I’ll probably start writing again after Thanksgiving. I’m lucky to have such a flexible boss.” I squeezed his hand. “You’re handling your memory loss unbelievably well. I would probably be having a nervous breakdown if I were you.”

  “It’s not always easy,” Logan admitted with a slight frown. “It’s unsettling, to say the least, to know that there are gaping holes in my memory. It’s hard to come to terms with the fact that I can’t remember some of the most important people in my life. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t worry that I have some sort of permanent brain damage, regardless of all the tests at the hospital coming back normal. And sometimes I wonder if I’ll start losing more memories instead of regaining the ones I lost.”

  I was surprised by his admission. Except for when he had first woken up from being unconscious, Logan had seemed to take his memory loss in stride. Maybe I had been too engrossed in my own emotions about his amnesia to see what he was going through. I felt guilty for being so self-involved.

  “I guess you seemed so self-assured that I took it for granted that you weren’t having a hard time handling all of this.” I frowned. “I’m sorry.”

  “There’s nothing to be sorry about,” he said, rubbing his thumb back and forth against my hand. “You’ve been there for me every step of the way. I’d be lost without you.”

  I tried to not get teary eyed by his words. Luckily, the waitress appeared with our nachos, so I had something to distract myself with before I started bawling.

  “Holy plate of nachos,” Logan said with disbelief as he eyed the plate. I laughed at his incredulous look. The nachos were pretty awe-inspiring. The plate they were on was actually a metal pizza pan that could barely contain the massive amount of chips, ground beef, cheese and other assortment of toppings that made up the nachos.

  “I told you it was big,” I said as I started to dig in. “It could feed a family of six.”

  “I can see why we came here all the time,” Logan commented as he started to eat as well. “Although I can feel my arteries hardening just looking at it. How much of this do we usually actually eat?”

  I didn’t answer. Instead, I watched him as he pushed all the jalapenos to my side. He looked up when I didn’t reply.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Why are you doing that?” I asked.

  Logan looked at me confused. “Doing what?”

  “Pushing all the jalapenos to my side.”

  He frowned as he looked down at the nachos. “I’m not sure. I didn’t realize I was even doing it.”

  “It’s just…” I faltered before continuing. “You always used to do that because I love jalapenos.”

  Logan furrowed his brow. “Maybe my body remembers even if my mind doesn’t. I was doing it without thinking.”

  “Maybe this is a good sign,” I said with a hopeful smile. “Maybe this is the beginning of you regaining your memory.”

  “I hope so.” Logan looked at me intently. “As much as I want my memories back, as long as I have you, I’ll be okay. We can make a lifetime of new memories together.”

  My heart melted at his words. Although I desperately wanted him to regain his memory, he was right. As long as we were together, everything would be okay.

  We spent the rest of the afternoon at the Half Pitcher in easy conversation, as we drank and ate our fill of the nachos. When we got back to his apartment, we made passionate love and then held each other in bed for the rest of the night, content just to be together. I wanted to tell Logan I loved him, something I was so used to saying to him all the time, but despite his profession of wanting to be with me, I didn’t want to scare him away. I decided to wait until we had spent more time together to say those words to him. After all, there was no rush.

  Chapter Eleven

  I groaned and pulled the covers over my head. I heard ringing but was trying to shut out the noise. I was warm and c
ozy in bed and the last thing I wanted to do was answer the door.

  Despite trying to ignore the doorbell, it was relentless. I rolled to my other side, feeling the warmth of a body next to mine. I opened my eyes, realizing that I was in Logan’s bed, not mine. He was asleep next to me, oblivious to the doorbell.

  “Logan,” I said, my voice raspy with sleep. I shook his arm. “Logan, wake up. Someone’s at the door.”

  He finally opened his eyes, squinting against the sunlight streaming in through the windows. “What? Who’s at my door?” he asked grumpily. “I’m tired.”

  I rolled my eyes. Logan could be a bear sometimes in the morning. “How am I supposed to know? I don’t have x-ray vision.”

  Instead of getting up, he took my arm and pulled me on top of him. He wrapped his arms around me and settled himself to go back to sleep, his eyes closing. I propped myself up on his chest with my arms.

  “They’ve been ringing the doorbell for a while. I don’t think they’re going to stop until you answer the door.”

  Logan groaned but he finally opened his eyes again and begrudgingly rolled out of bed. He glanced at the clock on his bedside table.

  “It’s eight o’clock on a Sunday morning,” he muttered, sounding disgruntled as he pulled on his clothes. “Who drops by unannounced at eight o’clock on a Sunday morning?”

  I had a sinking feeling that it was Kristina. Who else would be so persistent in ringing the doorbell? I knew she wouldn’t leave until Logan answered the door. Maybe seeing that Logan and I were together would drive home the fact that she had no chance.

  I pulled on a t-shirt and leaned down to pick up my jeans but hesitated. I wanted it to be crystal clear that I had stayed the night. What better way than to look like I had just gotten out of bed? The t-shirt I had put on was Logan’s and it hit mid-thigh so it was plenty modest. I straightened and followed Logan out of the bedroom. It might be cruel to give Kristina such an obvious display of us having slept together, but there was no room for mercy. I wanted there to be no question in her mind that Logan had chosen me.

  I was a few feet behind Logan when he opened the door. As expected, Kristina was standing there, looking perfectly composed with a smile, as if she hadn’t just been ringing the doorbell like a madwoman.

  I couldn’t see Logan’s expression but he didn’t sound too happy. “Kristina. What are you doing here?”

  To her credit, her smile didn’t falter at his dismayed tone. “I’m sorry to come over so early. I just really needed to talk to you.” She glanced behind him and while her smile didn’t budge, I saw the anger in her eyes when she caught sight of me. She turned her gaze back to Logan.

  “Can I come in?”

  Logan turned his head to look at me and I just shrugged. It was better that Kristina spoke to Logan while I was present, so she might as well come in.

  Logan stepped aside so Kristina could come in. He closed the door behind her and walked over to stand next to me. The intention of his action was clear and Kristina wasn’t able to keep the smile on her face. She stopped a few feet in front of us and I could feel the tension radiating from her body.

  “It seems that I’ve interrupted your cozy morning.” Her façade had melted away and she glared at us accusingly.

  “You said you needed to talk to me,” Logan said, ignoring her comment. “What do you want to talk about?”

  “I’m not talking in front of her,” she said snidely. Her tone turned pleading. “Can we talk alone? Please. I don’t feel comfortable saying everything that I need to say to you in front of her.”

  Logan hesitated, and his hesitation killed me. The fact that he was actually considering obliging Kristina’s request to talk alone meant that he wasn’t fully committed to me and our relationship.

  I was relieved when he refused. “I’m sorry, Kristina, but anything you have to say to me, you can say in front of Maddie.” His voice turned gentle. “I know that we used to be together, and I’m sorry to hurt you. You don’t deserve that. But it would hurt you even more to make you believe that there’s a chance for something between us. Even without my memory, I know that Maddie and I belong together.”

  Kristina’s face twisted with anguish and for a second I felt sorry for her. There was a small voice in my head that reminded me we had wronged her in the first place, by cheating while she and Logan were together. But feeling bad about that wasn’t nearly enough motivation to give her any room to get close to Logan.

  My sympathy for her vanished when she spoke.

  “That’s the irony of all of this. We were getting back together! When I came to visit you in the hospital after your accident in L.A., you said that realizing how close you had been to being seriously hurt, or even dying, made you reevaluate everything in your life. And you realized that you and I belonged together. You told me that you were only with Madison out of guilt because you knew how hard it was for her to get past Cassie’s death, even after all these years. But you loved me. You were going to break up with her when you got back to Chicago. You just wanted to find the right time to do it.” She made a sound of frustration. “But then you got into another accident and lost your memory.” She looked at me with a sneer. “And now she’s filling your head with all these lies of how you two belong together. About how devoted you are to each other. The truth is you’re sick of her and her constant need for attention.”

  I was shaking with rage at her attempt to mislead Logan. “If anyone’s a liar, you are,” I spat out. “You’ll do anything, say anything, to try to get Logan back. I’m not going to let you waltz in here and fabricate some story about how Logan was going to go back to you. You and I both know that he would never consider that.”

  “Oh, yeah?” Kristina said with a smirk. She pulled out a small black box from her purse. A box that would fit a ring. I felt sick to my stomach when she opened it. “Here’s proof that Logan wanted to get back together with me.”

  A dazzling diamond ring mocked me and I watched in stunned silence as Kristina took the ring out of the box and slipped it onto her finger. I looked at Logan and he looked as bewildered as I felt.

  “Are you saying that I proposed to you?” Logan asked skeptically. “When would I have done that?”

  Kristina walked closer to him, her face imploring him to believe her. “We talked for hours while you were at the hospital. You admitted your feelings for me. You told me that you had been planning on proposing to me before Madison got in the way, but you felt responsible for her happiness because you had played a major part in her destructive behavior since you had cheated on Cassie with her. But now that you had gotten a reminder of your mortality and how short life was, you wanted to be with me. The next day when you were discharged, we went to the jewelers together and picked out this ring. You told me you loved me and wanted to spend the rest of your life with me.” Her voice broke. “Please, Logan. You have to remember. You can’t leave me again. I can’t bear it.”

  I must be in a nightmare. This couldn’t possibly be true. Before Logan could say anything, I stepped in between them.

  “So you have a diamond ring,” I scoffed in disdain. “What does that prove? Nothing. You could have just as easily bought that yourself.”

  Kristina shot me a hateful look and pulled out her phone. “Pictures don’t lie.” She flipped through her phone and then held it up for us to see. I almost threw up when I saw the evidence in front of me as clear as day. But I still couldn’t believe it. It couldn’t be true. Logan loved me. This had to be some sort of setup. It had to be fake. But I couldn’t look away from the picture.

  Logan and Kristina were in some sort of café and they were sitting next to each other, both smiling. Kristina had her hand on the table and the same diamond ring was winking in the sun on her finger.

  “I had the waiter take this picture so I would have a memory of when Logan and I officially got engaged. Thank God for it because now I have proof.”

  “You’re lying.” My voice was low but the simm
ering rage was clear in my tone. “You’ve somehow managed to fake a picture of you and Logan together. This can’t be true.”

  Kristina wasn’t looking at me anymore. She was looking at Logan, who hadn’t said a word since Kristina had started weaving her lies. His expression was hard to read and I felt myself start to get angry with him. He couldn’t actually believe this drivel. Yet he hadn’t told her she was being ridiculous.

  “Logan, please,” Kristina begged. “Tell me you believe me.”

  “I don’t know what to believe,” he finally said. “I…this is just a lot to take in right now.”

  “You can’t believe this.” My voice was shaking with both anger and fear. “She’s lying, Logan! How can you stand there and say you don’t know what to believe?”

  He put his hands up in supplication. “I’m not saying that I believe it. I’m just confused by the picture.” He rubbed his forehead, looking perplexed. “I just don’t understand how she has a picture of us together with the engagement ring if it isn’t true.”

  It felt like my heart was physically being ripped apart. I wanted to shake him and scream at him to wake up. To remember me. Us. What we meant to each other. I knew the picture was damning evidence, but I couldn’t believe it. I wouldn’t. It had to be fake.

  I blocked Kristina out, focusing on Logan. “You told me you knew we belonged together, even if you didn’t remember me and our past. How can you even entertain her lies? Maybe she had someone photoshop the two of you together.”

  “Are you kidding me?” Kristina snarled, pushing herself back into my world. She shoved her phone in my face. “Look at it! There’s no way this was photoshopped. You’re just in denial. There’s even a timestamp on the picture to show when it was taken.”

  I slapped the phone and her hand out of my face, but not before I saw she was telling the truth. The time stamp was indeed the day after his accident in L.A.