by S. H. Kolee
“I have to go to the bathroom,” I said as I jumped up from my seat and walked quickly to the back of the bar before Mack could say a word. I felt like I had been socked in the stomach when I passed the storage room where Logan had once fucked me. I barely made it to the bathroom before the tears started spilling down my cheeks.
I was relieved to see that the bathroom was empty, and I forced myself to stop the flow of tears before I really started sobbing. I stayed in the bathroom for a few minutes, wanting to make sure I had my emotions under control. I took a deep breath before exiting. I was okay, I told myself. I had to get used to life without Logan. The wound was still raw since it had just happened. It would get easier with time.
I tried to smile when I got back to the table, but Mack’s expression told me I wasn’t fooling him.
“You’ve been crying,” he said, frowning.
“The nachos were so good I was overwhelmed with emotion.” He didn’t laugh at my joke.
“Madison, I’d like to think we’re friends. You can talk to me.”
His expression was so sympathetic that I could feel myself getting emotional again. I shook my head, telling myself I would only break down again if I told Mack, but the words poured out before I knew what I was doing.
“I walked in on Logan in bed with Kristina.”
Mack looked dumbstruck. “Are you sure?”
“Of course I’m sure!” I said angrily. “It’s not exactly something you can be mistaken about. Unless you think hanging out with a naked woman in bed can be innocent.”
“I’m sorry,” Mack apologized. He shook his head. “I just can’t believe Logan would do that. He’s devoted to you.”
“The old Logan,” I clarified bitterly. “Maybe this Logan is an asshole.” I clenched my hands into fists. “Then again, I don’t know if the old Logan was cheating on me too. Maybe the whole engagement story isn’t a lie.”
“There’s no way Logan was going to break up with you to marry Kristina,” Mack insisted. “Even if he was an Academy Award winning actor, there’s no way he could pretend the kind of love he has for you.”
I gave him a caustic look. “He has a pretty shitty way of showing his love.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I’m not going to do anything,” I said in a scathing tone. “They can have each other. I never want to see Logan again.”
“I’m so sorry, Madison.” Mack reached over to touch my shoulder. It was at that inopportune moment that I saw Logan step through the doorway of the bar. His eyes zeroed in on us, and I could feel his rage all the way across the bar. His face was a mask of fury as his long strides ate up the space between us. I drew in a quick breath and Mack turned to see what I was looking at. I saw his body tense. He stood up quickly as Logan approached us.
“What the fuck is going on here?” Logan snarled. His eyes moved from me to Mack. “You fucking asshole. I knew you were angling to get a chance with Maddie this entire time.”
“Logan, calm down,” Mack said calmly, although I could see how tense he was. “It’s not what you think. We’re just here as friends.”
“Friends,” he sneered. “Right.”
He pushed Mack out of the way, and I saw Mack’s hand clench into a fist although he didn’t do anything. Logan towered over me but I just glared at him.
“What the hell do you want?” I said scornfully. “Is Kristina busy?”
“We’re leaving.” Logan grabbed my wrist and pulled me up from my chair.
“Get off me!” I wrenched my arm away but his grip on me just tightened.
The next few seconds happened in a whirlwind. Mack grabbed Logan’s arm to pull it off me, and Logan spun around, his expression enraged as if he were an animal having his territory threatened. Before I realized what was happening, he swung and punched Mack in the face. Instead of going down, Mack returned the swing and pandemonium ensued. Logan let go of my wrist and I staggered back as they became a blur of swinging arms and fists. The other patrons in the bar crowded around them, talking excitedly amongst themselves as if they were watching a spectator sport. Even with the loud chatter, I could hear their grunts as fists made impact with flesh.
“Stop it!” I screamed, finally snapping out of my stupor. I didn’t know what to do. No one was stepping in to stop them, and they were fighting like they wouldn’t stop until one of them was unconscious or dead.
I grabbed Mack’s shirt, trying to pull him away from Logan, but instead his elbow connected with my eye. The pain was sharp and intense and I gasped, letting go of Mack’s shirt to cup my eye.
Logan growled and grabbed Mack, throwing him to the ground. “You stupid fuck,” he spat out. “You fucking hit her.”
Logan came near me but I backed away, putting a hand out to ward him off. “Stay away. Don’t touch me.”
“Maddie, just let me make sure you’re okay.” His face was bloody but that didn’t hide the pained expression.
“Both of you are assholes,” I hissed. I glanced at Mack who had gotten back up. His expression was unreadable. “Just leave me alone.”
I grabbed my purse and coat and ran out of the bar, welcoming the bitingly cold air that met me. I couldn’t believe they had just brawled in a bar. It was embarrassing and stupid and just made everything worse.
I put my coat on and walked home. I barely felt the cold since my anger kept me warm and walking helped to expend some of my wound up energy. When I finally got home, I stripped off my clothes and changed back into my sweatpants and oversized shirt. I was going to stay home all weekend and get drunk. I glanced at my cell phone, which I had put on silent on the walk home, because it had kept buzzing with calls and texts. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, especially not Mack or Logan.
I decided that screwdrivers were my drink of choice and made my first one. I sprawled out on the couch with the TV on for mindless noise. I gingerly touched the edge of my eye and winced. I was definitely going to have a black eye in the morning.
I was on my third drink when the buzzer to my building’s front door sounded. I knew it had to be either Mack or Logan so I ignored it, but it still made me anxious to know that one of them was right outside. I was relieved when the buzzing finally stopped, but then I heard footsteps coming closer to my door. Even if one of them had made it past my building’s front door, there was no way I was letting them into my apartment.
Despite my conviction to stay silent, the never-ending knocking was hard to ignore. I was sure my neighbors were getting annoyed with all the noise, but I didn’t know what else to do but ignore it.
Finally, I had enough and I stalked over to the door. “Leave before I call the cops,” I yelled.
“Madison, please open the door. I just want to talk to you.”
Out of the two, Mack was the one I was least angry with. Yes, he had gotten in a fight with Logan, but that was his only offense. And he had done it trying to defend me.
I sighed and opened the door, swallowing a gasp at the sight of him. Bruises were already forming on his face and he had a busted lip.
“Oh, my God, are you all right?” I exclaimed, forgetting about my anger. I stepped back to let him in.
“You should see the other guy,” he joked, wincing as he smiled. His smile disappeared when he saw my expression. “Sorry, bad joke.”
“I can’t believe you got into a fist fight,” I said, shaking my head. He followed me into the living room. “I’m not one of those women who likes that sort of Neanderthal behavior.”
Mack sat down on the couch and I sat on the armchair next to him. He gave me a rueful look.
“The last time I was in a fist fight was in high school when some asshole pushed his girlfriend.” He grinned at me. “What can I say? I’m just a noble kind of guy.”
I frowned. “I didn’t need you to be my knight in shining armor.” He looked a little hurt so I gave him a gentle smile. “I just don’t need more drama in my life. But I guess I should say thank you for trying to protec
t me.”
“You know, I had a crush on the girl who got pushed around by her boyfriend. That’s why I got so angry.” Mack’s tone was conversational, but his expression was anything but casual. My pulse quickened at his words, but I was unsure how to take his statement.
“Are you saying that I let Logan push me around?”
Mack shook his head. “That wasn’t the part I was referencing.”
I swallowed audibly, but didn’t say anything. What could I say? Either Mack was admitting he had feelings for me, or I was completely misunderstanding his point.
“It happened before I realized it,” Mack said quietly. “It first hit me on Thanksgiving. I realized I was jealous seeing the two of you together.” He shook his head. “I would never be admitting any of this to you if you were still with Logan. But now…” He trailed off and looked at me. “Am I making a fool of myself?”
“No, of course not,” I said quickly. I took a deep breath before continuing. “I’m grateful for everything you’ve done for me. You were there for me when I needed someone to lean on the most, even though I was a virtual stranger to you. I can’t tell you how much I’ve appreciated your help. You’ve made me laugh in moments where I wanted to cry.” I bit my lip. “But I don’t feel anything but friendship for you. Honestly, after the whole debacle with Logan, I think I need to take time off from dating, and just be by myself for a while.” I clenched my hands together on my lap, feeling guilty by my rejection. “I’m sorry.”
Mack gave me a sad smile. “There’s nothing to be sorry about. You can’t make yourself have feelings for someone if they’re not there. I’m not sorry I told you, though. I just needed to be honest with you, because Logan wasn’t entirely wrong when he said I was angling for a chance with you.” He frowned. “I just would have never acted on it if that jackass hadn’t screwed you over.”
I ignored his comment about Logan, not wanting to think about him. Mack frowned as he studied my face. “And I’m a jackass for hitting you. I’m so sorry.”
“It wasn’t on purpose,” I said. “I shouldn’t have tried to stop you. I don’t know why I thought I could.”
He grimaced. “Does it hurt? You’re going to have one hell of a shiner tomorrow.”
“I’m fine,” I reassured him. I smiled. “It’s my first black eye. Maybe it’ll give me some street cred.”
Mack laughed, and I was relieved that despite his confession, things didn’t seem awkward between us. He left soon after, since there wasn’t really anything else to say. I fell into bed after he left, exhausted by the tumultuous events of the day. I told myself that at least things couldn’t get worse.
Chapter Seventeen
I felt more refreshed than I expected the next morning, despite having drank multiple screwdrivers. It was probably a good thing that Mack had stopped by last night, since that had stopped me from drinking more.
I made a pot of coffee and then finally checked my phone, which I had kept on silent since last night. As expected, I had multiple phone calls and texts from Logan, interspersed with a few from Mack. What I didn’t expect to see was the numerous missed calls from Cassie’s mother.
It had been such a long time since I had spoken to her. My stomach was in knots as I listened to the one voicemail she had left despite the multiple missed calls. I was surprised when I heard Mr. Brooks’ voice instead of his wife’s.
“Madison, please call me as soon as you get this message. It’s urgent that I speak to you as soon as possible. It’s a matter of life and death.”
My stomach dropped. I wasted no time in dialing back the number. No matter what had happened between me and Cassie’s parents, I still felt a loyalty and obligation to them.
Mr. Brooks answered on the second ring. He had always been the grounded and calm one, but his voice sounded anguished when he spoke.
“Madison, thank God you called back. I was afraid you were going to ignore me.”
“I’m sorry, Mr. Brooks. I had my phone on silent and didn’t hear your message until this morning. What’s going on?”
“It’s Cassie’s mother. She’s been getting progressively worse, and then a couple of days ago she refused to get out of bed. Now she’s almost in a catatonic state except for brief spurts of lucidity.” His voice broke. “If you can even call it lucidity. She keeps asking for Cassie, and now she keeps asking for you. She says that both her children have abandoned her so she might as well just die.” He sobbed, his voice panicked. “Last night she said Cassie was calling her to join her. I don’t know what to do.”
I was shaking. Mrs. Brooks had done so much for me. This was the woman who had taken me to my first mother and daughter dance in middle school, asking Cassie if it was okay to miss just this one. Of course, Cassie had pushed us out the door, saying she had gone to so many that she was glad not to have to go to this one. Mrs. Brooks had been the one to take me aside when she saw me tripling up on shirts, gently asking me if I would go bra shopping with her and Cassie because it would make Cassie less embarrassed to have a friend buying one with her. Cassie, who had never been embarrassed about anything in her life. It was just Mrs. Brooks’ diplomatic way of trying to make me feel at ease. These were just a couple of examples of the countless ways she had been there for me growing up. And I had abandoned her because I couldn’t take her sickness anymore. More accurately, I couldn’t take the fact that her sickness wasn’t being treated. Instead, Mr. Brooks was helping her sink herself deeper into madness.
“She needs medical help,” I insisted. “Of course I’ll come as soon as possible, but she needs a doctor, not me.”
“Please, just hurry,” he said, ignoring my comment about a doctor. I didn’t waste any more time arguing with him. Although I hadn’t agreed with his decision, I used to believe that Mr. Brooks should be the one deciding what the appropriate treatment for his wife was. Now, I wasn’t so sure. All I knew was that I was going to make sure she saw a doctor when I got there, one way or another.
I showered quickly and rushed around my apartment, packing an overnight bag because I had a feeling I would be there for a while. I rushed down the stairs of my building and out the door, intending to go to the rental car center. My hair was still wet and it instantly froze in the cold air, but I barely noticed as I stared at Logan sitting on my front stoop, his head buried in his hands.
He looked up when he heard the door open. I stifled a gasp when I saw his face. It was badly bruised and had multiple cuts. My gaze dropped down to his hands and I saw that his knuckles were scraped raw. My eyes traveled back up to his face. As bad as his face looked, what struck me the most was the bleak expression in his eyes.
He stood up slowly and I walked down the last couple of steps so I was standing in front of him.
“What are you doing here?” I asked quietly, my breath visible in the cold air. I was too worried about Mrs. Brooks to be angry.
“Waiting for you.” Logan reached up to touch my face, but his hand fell away when I flinched. “Does your eye hurt?”
I had a nice-sized shiner today and I hadn’t bothered to try to hide it with makeup since I had been in a rush to get ready.
“I’m fine.”
Logan glanced at my overnight bag. “Where are you going?” His voice was calm, but I saw his hands clenching into fists. In his misguided jealousy, he probably thought I was going over to Mack’s. Although, on second thought, maybe his jealousy wasn’t so misguided, since Mack had admitted to having feelings for me.
“I can’t have this conversation now,” I said firmly. “I don’t have time.”
Logan lips thinned, but his voice was still calm. “Wherever you’re going, I’ll drive you.”
“I’m not going down the block. I’m going to Michigan.”
“I’ll still drive you.”
I shook my head. There was no way I was going to spend two hours with Logan in the confines of a car. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’m going to rent a car.”
I could see
by his expression that he wanted to argue, but he thought better of it. “At least let me drive you to the rental car place.”
I wanted to turn down his offer, but the rental car center wasn’t in walking distance, and it would save me time to be driven there instead of taking the L or trying to hail a cab. I decided time was more important than keeping my boundaries with Logan, so I acquiesced.
“Okay, thanks.”
Logan was double parked in front of my building and we both got in, neither of us saying anything. I didn’t comment on the new car he must have bought when I had spent the day with Emily. The day I had found him in bed with Kristina. I pushed the thought from my head. I didn’t have time for that now. I couldn’t help wondering how long he had been waiting in front of my building in the freezing cold, but there was no way I was going to ask him.
We drove in silence and when we got to the rental car center, Logan started to parallel park.
“You don’t need to come in with me,” I said quickly. “You can just drop me off.”
“What if there aren’t any rental cars left?” he asked.
“Of course there’ll be rental cars left,” I scoffed, but I wasn’t so sure. I decided it wasn’t worth the fight about Logan coming in. He could do whatever he wanted. I would just ignore him.
I wanted to kick myself when I went in and found out the only available rentals were premium SUVs at an exorbitant price. I waffled a bit, wondering if I should just bite the bullet and rent it, and worry about the cost later. The fact that I didn’t know when I would be returning just compounded the problem.
“Maddie, just let me drive you. Please.”
I sighed. “Logan, I can’t do this. I can’t pretend that things are okay with us. I can’t even begin to express to you how much I don’t want to be in a car with you for two hours.”