Identity Crisis

by Sarah Ettritch

  Higgs nodded to Laura as she approached. “Commodore.” And to Lesley, “Commander.” Then she frowned and glanced around. “I was told that the family who’s taking her would be here, Commodore.”

  “That would be me,” Lesley said, her eyes flicking to the tiny face and hand peeking out from underneath the blue blanket.

  “The triad is taking her?” Higgs breathed.

  “Yes. My Chosen’s about to give birth.”

  “I see.” She stepped toward Lesley and smiled down at the baby in her arms. “You’d better take her, then.”

  “Uh, no, the commodore will take her. I have to fly the aviacraft to the infirmary.” In her peripheral vision, she could see Laura giving her a look.

  “Give her to me.” Laura scooped the baby from Higgs’s arms and peered down at her. “Hello, there,” she cooed. “Look at you. Look at you.” She swung the infant toward Lesley. “There’s your mama.”

  Lesley’s jaw clenched. She looked down and idly noted that the baby had a healthy head of brown hair. “We should go. I need to be with Mo.”

  “I’m so glad you’ve agreed to have her,” Higgs said to Lesley. “I hope I’m not speaking out of turn, but to give her back to the Danlions...” She shook her head. “That would have been wrong.”

  “We agree,” Laura said.

  “She’s a good baby. Very quiet,” Higgs said.

  “Thank you for bringing her to us.” Laura elbowed Lesley. “Let’s go.”

  “Bye-bye,” Higgs said, wiggling her fingers at the baby. She bit her lip.

  Lesley nodded to her and turned to leave.

  “Commander!”

  She and Laura turned back.

  “I...don’t suppose I might visit her sometime. I feel like I found her.” Higgs’s shoulders sagged. “No, I—sorry, I’m being presumptuous. Forgive me. It would be dangerous, anyway. I don’t want to give her away. Why would I visit you?”

  Lesley studied Higgs’s long face and glistening eyes. “My Chosen, Lieutenant Commander Thompson...she’s in Defence and often on 72. I don’t see any reason why you two wouldn’t know each other.”

  Higgs brightened. “No, none at all.”

  “I’m sure you’ll see each other next time the Osprey docks. When it’s getting closer, send her a dispatch and arrange to meet her for lunch on 72. She’ll invite you to visit during your leave.”

  “I’ll do that. Thank you. And good luck. Oh, and congratulations!”

  Lesley managed a small smile and resumed walking.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to carry her?” Laura said. “You don’t want a closer look?”

  “Laura, I’ll be able to look at her for the rest of my life.” She still wasn’t sure how she felt about that.

  REFLECTION

  When Lesley strode into the delivery room, Jayne looked away from Mo and frowned.

  “Where is she?” Mo said, voicing the question on Jayne’s mind.

  “She’s outside with Laura.” Lesley gazed at Jayne. “Would you mind getting her? I want to stay with Mo.” She leaned over and kissed Mo’s cheek.

  Puzzled, Jayne let go of Mo’s hand. She’d bring the baby in here, so why hadn’t Lesley? She paused at the doorway and took a deep breath, then stepped into the corridor. Laura gave her a tired smile. “Say hello to your daughter.”

  Jayne ever so carefully took the baby from Laura and blinked at the infant staring up at her. Awe—she looked so innocent; fear—Argamon, this baby’s life was in their hands!; love—this was her daughter; Jayne couldn’t speak. The enormity of it...they’d done the right thing, and now they were responsible for this child. The baby—Katherine—she’d ended up with a triad for parents, and she might be horrified when she learned that her Mama Jayne was their daughter. But right now, none of that mattered. Jayne gently held one of Katherine’s tiny hands. “You’re safe now,” she whispered, her throat tight. “And you’re so cute.”

  “Her hair and eyes won’t arouse suspicion,” Laura murmured. Jayne had forgotten she was there. “A comparison of her DNA to Lesley and Mo’s wouldn’t pass muster, but we’re past the stage where one would be performed.”

  Mesmerized by the child in her arms, Jayne only half-listened. Katherine’s mouth opened, and...a loud wail filled the corridor. Was she frightened? Hungry? Did she need changing? Could anyone hear her? Mo hadn’t given birth yet! She looked into Laura’s amused eyes.

  “She was dry when I gave her to you, so it’s not that. Try rocking her.”

  Jayne did as she was told and made a face at her. Argamon, Katherine had quite the pair of lungs. Jayne hadn’t thought she could cry any louder. No more faces.

  “She’s probably hungry,” Laura said.

  “I’ll beep the physician. She said something about feeding her, and she wants to examine her, too.”

  “I’ll leave you to it.” Laura pointed down the corridor. “Once you’ve taken her in, don’t bring her out again, because we’re going to reopen the area.”

  Jayne had to lean in to hear Laura over Katherine’s crying. “I’d better go.” She winced at another loud wail.

  Laura raised her brows. “You’ll get used to it. It’s a good thing there’s three of you.”

  With a nod, Jayne carried Katherine into the delivery room.

  Mo beckoned for Jayne to show her the baby. “Don’t give her to me, I might drop her. The contractions are coming—” She gritted her teeth, then studied Katherine and winced at her screeching. “Sounds like she’s ready for the screaming competition with me,” Mo said wryly. “I wish I could hold her, but...”

  “I think she’s hungry,” Jayne said. “The physician said—”

  “Yeah, you better beep her. I think I might need her, too.”

  “I’ll beep the physician,” Lesley said when Jayne looked her way.

  Jayne peered at her wailing daughter, then pressed her lips against Katherine’s cheek and held her tighter. She didn’t care about her ringing ears; she already loved Katherine to bits.

  *****

  The slick infant was suddenly sliding into Physician Crawford’s hands. “Got her.” She placed the baby on the towel her assistant had laid on Mo’s abdomen and clamped the umbilical cord. The assistant leaned in to suction the baby’s nose and mouth. Crawford grinned. “Congratulations! You have a daughter.”

  A pitiful cry reached Lesley’s ears, then a stronger, louder one. Still gripping Mo’s hand, Lesley gazed down at her daughter. A lump rose in her throat. All those years they’d loved each other and hadn’t allowed themselves to imagine being Joined, let alone having a daughter. She wanted to laugh and dance and weep, especially when she locked eyes with Mo, who looked exhausted, relieved—and happy. Lesley turned to Jayne and squeezed her hand.

  “I can see both of you in her,” Jayne said, peering at the new arrival. “Hello, Eleanor. Hello.” Fortunately they’d kept their list of names secret. Nobody would wonder why their oldest daughter had the second name on the list, and not the first.

  “Would you like to cut the cord?” Crawford said, her gaze taking in Lesley and Jayne. “I suppose you could try doing it together.”

  “She’ll do it,” Jayne said, letting go of Lesley’s hand.

  “You’ll do the next one,” Lesley said, vowing to thank Jayne more thoroughly later. Under Crawford’s watchful eye, she severed the baby’s remaining tangible connection with her mama.

  Mo lifted her head and shoulders and smiled at her daughter. Her forehead creased. “I want to hold her.”

  “Not just yet,” Crawford said. “I want to examine her, and there’s still the placenta to come.” She scooped Eleanor into her arms and took her away. The assistant trailed after her.

  Lesley cringed. Every image she’d seen of a placenta had turned her stomach. She focused on Mo and stroked her damp hair. “You did great.”

  Mo let out a long groan. “I want a couple of years’ break before I go through that again.” She looked in the direction Crawford had gone.
“I can’t wait to see her—to see them.” She threw her arm across her forehead. “You should tell whoever’s here.”

  “In a minute.” Lesley wasn’t eager to go and lie to everyone.

  “Interesting.” Crawford waved Lesley and Jayne over to her. Lesley’s heart thumped. Was something wrong with Eleanor?

  “They’re about the same weight.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with Katherine, is there?” Jayne asked.

  Crawford shook her head. “She weighed less at birth, that’s all. You have two healthy daughters.”

  Lesley read the name on the hospital crib. “Eleanor Thompson.” Her eyes moved to the other crib. “Katherine Thompson.” She took a closer look at Katherine. Her heart didn’t burst. She was responsible for her, she would protect her, but she didn’t feel the same way. Just glancing at Eleanor brought a smile to Lesley’s lips. Looking at Katherine was like looking at someone else’s child. Well, she was looking at someone else’s child.

  She caught motion in her peripheral vision. “Uh, I think something’s happening,” Mo said, waving her hand.

  Crawford bustled over to her. “Why don’t you go and inform your family?” she said over her shoulder. “Your Chosen and daughters are in good hands.”

  Lesley sighed. “I guess I should.” She felt Jayne’s hand on her arm.

  “I’ll go with you,” Jayne said.

  “Good.”

  When they entered the corridor, Jayne slipped her arm through Lesley’s. “We won’t be lying, you know. The twins part won’t be true, but everything else will be.”

  “I don’t see it that way.”

  “You will.”

  Lesley wished she shared Jayne’s confidence in her.

  They turned a corner, strolled past a desk, and entered the waiting area. Everyone leaped to their feet. She scanned the anxious faces, noting that even Jason was here. Well, he was fond of Mo. Of course, only two families were represented. As usual, nobody was here for Jayne, and Lesley wouldn’t let her down by forcing her to tell everyone their contrived story. She was the Principal. The child was taking her name. She’d do it.

  Michael’s frightened eyes met hers. “What’s happened? Why did Mo have to come to the infirmary? She didn’t say much when she beeped.”

  “What’s the matter?” Mama said, searching Lesley’s face.

  She forced a smile. She was supposed to be happy, and she was—for the most part. “Everything’s all right,” she said, motioning for everyone to remain calm. “Mo’s fine. Our daughters are fine.”

  Several brows furrowed. “Did you say daughters?” Papa said.

  She nodded. “We have twins.”

  “Twins?” everyone said in unison. Then, “Why didn’t you tell us?”

  “Why did they have to be born in the infirmary?”

  “Are you sure everything’s okay?”

  “You look exhausted.”

  “As Lesley said, everyone’s fine,” Jayne said, squeezing Lesley’s arm.

  “You never mentioned twins.” Now that Mama had been reassured, she sounded accusatory. “Not once did you mention twins.”

  Lesley took a deep breath. “We weren’t sure one was going to survive. Earlier in the pregnancy, there was a problem. The physicians corrected it, and they were optimistic, but we didn’t want to worry you. That’s why we didn’t tell you when it happened, and then we decided we’d keep it to ourselves and surprise you.”

  “How long have you known?” Michael asked.

  Lesley was tempted to check the time on her comm unit. “Since the first ultrasound.”

  Karen asked the question that must have been on everyone’s mind. “What was the problem?”

  “Some medical condition with a long name.” Even though Karen was a physician, she couldn’t demand to see Katherine’s file since she wasn’t Mo’s physician. Even if she could, Crawford had already created Katherine’s medical history, including fabricated ultrasound images and test results. After all, she’d been pulled out of bed in the middle of the night. Lesley cleared her throat. “You can ask the physician. She said she’d answer any questions.” Another Rymellan who’d have to lie through her teeth.

  Jayne’s touch on her arm reminded Lesley of the reason for the deception: so Katherine could lead a life free of the suspicion that had dogged Jayne since her parents’ executions. That didn’t make Lesley feel any better, though, and she’d lie to those in this room, the people she loved, for the rest of her life. At least she’d live in honesty with Mo and Jayne.

  “But everyone’s all right,” Peggy said.

  “Yes.”

  A palpable sense of relief rose from those gathered. “Twins,” Andrew said, his voice filled with awe. Then everyone was grinning and hugging and slapping each other on the back. Lesley embraced Mama, then Papa. I’m sorry. Would she be able to bear watching them fawn over Katherine, or sit quietly as Mama regaled the “twins” with family stories and reminded them of their strong, proud ancestry? “When can we see everyone?” Mama asked.

  Those around them echoed her question and waited for Lesley to answer. “It’s late, so the physician said tomorrow would be best.”

  “Mo’s tired,” Jayne added.

  “No wonder! She just gave birth to two daughters,” Michael boomed. “What are their names?”

  “Eleanor and Katherine. They both have dark hair,” Jayne said. “Eleanor’s hair is a little lighter than Katherine’s.”

  “They’re not identical twins?” Papa asked.

  “No, fraternal twins.”

  “Twins. Two proud new Thompsons,” Mama intoned, making Lesley’s heart sink. “I can’t wait to see them.”

  Footsteps thumped behind them. Physician Crawford beamed at everyone. “From your faces, I can tell you’ve heard the news,” she said. “If anyone has questions, I’ll be happy to answer them.”

  “We’ll go back to Mo,” Lesley said. “We’ll see you all tomorrow.” She nodded to Crawford and left the waiting area with Jayne.

  “We’ve left behind some very happy people.” Jayne’s voice softened. “We’ve done the right thing. I know it’s difficult to gloss over the truth, but we would have felt worse if we’d decided differently. Either way, Katherine would have been with us when Eleanor was born. I’m glad she was actually there, rather than on our minds, condemning us.”

  Lesley had to agree, but representing a child to her family as her own—their own—would never feel right. Katherine still condemned her. She always would.

  *****

  Captain Standish entered the Osprey’s command centre and nodded to Hollins and Martin, who was filling in until Higgs returned. Normally he wouldn’t be here at this hour, but the operation had begun during the early morning hours, and it would end while the majority of the crew slept. Most didn’t know about the child, or the bodies. The official story: the Osprey had intercepted a Danlion cargo ship and was awaiting orders from Planetary Command. Everyone had assumed that Higgs had travelled to the planet with confidential information gleaned from the Danlion vessel that the Osprey hadn’t wanted to send over a communications channel.

  He sank into the command chair. “Are we ready to proceed?” he asked Hollins.

  “Yes, Captain. Target acquired. Disintegration protocol set.”

  “All bodies have been returned to the Danlion ship?”

  “Yes.”

  He couldn’t help but feel sorry for the Danlions who’d sacrificed their lives, particularly the parents. At least their child wouldn’t be subject to the same madness that plagued her people. “Visual.” An image of the cargo ship drifting in space appeared on the monitor to the right of his chair. “Ready.”

  Martin pressed a button on his control panel. “Ready, Captain.”

  “Fire.”

  A transparent beam travelled toward the Danlion craft. One second the cargo ship was there, the next it was gone.

  “Direct hit. Target disintegrated,” Martin said.

  “Ver
y good.” Standish turned to Hollins. “We’ll maintain this position until Higgs returns.”

  “Understood.” Hollins paused. “I’m glad we saved the baby.”

  Standish gazed at him. “What baby?”

  *****

  Glad to be out of the infirmary, Mo strolled home with Les and Jayne and wished they wouldn’t be greeted by a houseful of people—especially since those same people had packed her room that morning. What was it about babies that made everyone’s brains fall out of their head? It was worse than when people were in love. At least lovers did all their baby-talking in private. Even Les had turned to jelly—with Eleanor. Mo had noticed her aloofness with Katherine and was sure that Jayne had, too. Even now, Les carried Eleanor while Jayne carried Katherine. Mo wouldn’t have minded carrying one of them, but they’d insisted. After all, she’d done all the hard work yesterday. Well, yeah, she had, so maybe she could hold one of her flaming daughters!

  As for Katherine, was she thrilled that they’d bring up someone else’s child? She’d asked herself how she’d feel if it was a niece or nephew, or a friend’s child, and knew that she’d agree to do it without hesitation. So she’d decided to do the same here. Did she feel the same way about Katherine as she did about Eleanor? Almost. Though Katherine had arrived at the same time as Eleanor, it was hard not to think of them as different.

  But Mo was confident that would change. She’d warmed up to Katherine the first time she’d nursed her. Katherine’s eyes were as innocent as Eleanor’s, and her trust as pure. Give it a few days, and Mo would forget that Katherine wasn’t hers—biologically speaking.

  Asking Adelaide whether they should accept the baby would have been a disaster. Les would have lapped up every word about the Thompson family’s reputation and sterling bloodline. Not that Mo was knocking it; the Thompson name was an honourable one with a long history. But Les would never have forgiven herself if she’d denied Katherine life by returning her to the Danlions. Mo wasn’t sure what exactly was preventing Les from embracing Katherine—the dishonesty with her family, worry about Katherine’s future strength in the Way, or something else—but she was positive that Les would come around. The part of her that had known she couldn’t turn her back on Katherine would eventually prevail, with Mo and Jayne’s gentle help, if necessary. Pushing her wouldn’t do it. They couldn’t force Les to love Katherine, but they could encourage it.