by Kelly Ethan
Lila sidestepped Colin as he tried to peer up her skirt. “That’s Lulu Moon. She supposed to be an animal empath and telepath. It’s a possibility she was reading Colin’s mind. He’s not exactly the sweetest, most innocent dog out there.”
“Character. He has character,” Elspeth hissed at her granddaughter. “Colin, come. We will find others who appreciate your uniqueness.”
“Could you find me some red meat? I’ve got a powerful hankering for red meat after seeing that fluffy hors d’oeuvre.” Elspeth and Colin wandered off, with Colin deviating every few paces to lift his leg.
Xandie shuddered. She could understand Amelia’s freak-out over mucking with Mother Nature. It just wasn’t right for a dog to talk back. She was still adjusting to Theo, her cat, and his snarky mouth, and he was an ancient Greek teenager turned into an immortal cat guardian.
“Excuser, Mademoiselles. Lula is not very diplomatic. She is all temperer.” A tall, skinny man with a dominant bald spot, bowed to Xandie, Winifred and Lila.
Winifred giggled. “I have no clue what temperer is, but it sounds exotic.”
Lila rolled her eyes at her mother’s gushing. “Seriously? She has a temper, that’s what he said. She gets angry.”
The man nodded. “Oui, sadly I was married to the harridan, but thankfully I escaped. Now she follows me around the show circuit to make my life a misery.”
The man’s fake French accent was getting on Xandie’s nerves. Sprinkling in a few foreign words did not a French man make.
The man bowed again to Winifred and placed a kiss on the back of her hand. “My name is Giorgio Moone. Enchante to meet you.”
“Winifred Harrow.” She gasped out her name and her cheeks pinked.
“For gawd’s sakes. I think I’m going to be sick.” Lila fake-gagged behind Xandie’s back.
“That, sadly, is my daughter, Lila. Ignore her. Our family favorite is Xandie. She’s much nicer than my own off-spring.” Winifred beamed at Giorgio.
Lila shook again behind Xandie. Her silent laughter built up into big giant heaves. Xandie swallowed and then nodded to the fake Frenchman. She couldn’t trust herself to speak without letting loose brays of laughter at Winifred and the fake Frenchman’s antics. She had been around the Harrows for far too long. Who knows what would come out?
“George? Are you still trying to invent mystery into your life with that fake accent?” A diminutive purple-haired woman slunk up next to George and pouted. She turned and mock-whispered to Winifred, “Don’t mind old George. After he dumped poor Lulu and then she refused to take him back, all the life went out of him. Look.” The girl pointed at his bald spot. “See, even his hair is leaving him. So sad.” The woman made a mock-sad face
“Everyone needs culture in their life, even you, LaRue.” George swapped his French accent for a flat clipped tone.
“Of course, they do sweetie.” Patting his shoulder, she air kissed everyone and lifted her mini corn under her arm and skipped away.
“Excuse me, please.” George nodded to the women and followed behind Lorelei before grabbing her arm and dragging her off to a quieter area.
“My goodness. The blog on the Witchwebs does not do this place justice.” Winifred huffed and placed her hands on her hips.
“I’m sorry, Aunt Win. I know you’re a fan of the show.” Xandie shoved Lila upright and at her mother. “Lila apologizes for her rude behavior too.”
Caught mid snort, Lila nodded weakly in agreement.
Winifred dropped her hands from her hips and grinned. “No apologies needed. Reality is much better. Fake Frenchmen? What will they think of next?” Shaking her head, Winifred wandered off, eyes wide.
“Forget it, Xandie. Being nice in this family will only get you eaten by Elspeth’s cursed garden gnomes. You need to toughen up to be a Harrow.” Lila slapped Xandie’s back. “Speaking of our mayhem magnet grandmother, anyone wonder where she disappeared to?”
“Oh…my…God. We lost Elspeth.” Xandie glanced around, but the flagstone entertaining area, out the back of Point Muse Springs Hotel and Resort, was empty of the devilish, manipulative, wig-wearing octogenarian. “Is it safe to leave her by herself?”
“Safe for her or us?”
Xandie paused to think for a moment. “Both?”
“Let’s split up and hunt her down. Who knows what she’s up to with that unnatural dog?” Lila headed towards the makeshift stage.
Xandie decided to check out the food tents for her wayward grandmother and her obnoxious dog. Darting between bodies and dodging the odd animal, Xandie ducked inside the snack tent. Tables were full, but no Elspeth. A soothing jazz band played and an area of grass was roped off as a small animal daycare. Anyone walking in could have mistaken the event for a normal run–of–the–mill human pet show. Except the animals were multicolored, sometimes sparkling, and there were unicorn horns aplenty. A few even sat at tables eating with a knife and fork.
Xandie shook her head and slipped out of the tent. Thank God Point Muse was off the beaten track and settled on a clump of ley lines. Most nonhumans were discouraged by the magical energy around the town and turned back before setting foot in town. The rare ones who made it through were generally already acquainted with the strange supernatural setting that was Point Muse. And Elspeth Harrow was the head priestess of weird. Not to mention, the former mayor of the town until she’d been fired for despotic behavior. Never put a semi-evil witch in charge of running a town. It never ends well.
Heated voices to the right of Xandie distracted her from Point Muse flakiness. She detoured until the voices became clearer.
“You promised me, Lorelei. Gave your word.” George Moon hissed the last bit.
Xandie peered round the tent and spotted the two warring competitors, Lorelei and George. His bald spot was bright red and the man was sweating up a swimming pool.
“Oh, Georgie. So sweet and innocent. My words were, I might have a line on a special tonic for that shiny bald spot.” Lorelei grabbed one of his cheeks again and gave it a sharp tug. “The line didn’t pan out.”
He slapped her hand away. “I left my wife for you. How could I have been so stupid? I was just a standing stone to get you higher in the competition.”
Lorelei dropped her head back and shrilled a spiteful gaggle. “You mean your introduction to the delightful Alex Pennywort, our erstwhile host? I do need to thank you for that. He’s been so helpful.” Lorelei smiled and stroked her lavender hair back into place.
“I want my hair tonic, Lorelei.” George grabbed the girl’s elbow and pulled her close. “You used me. I deserve that much from you.”
Lorelei shook off George’s hand and stepped away before spitting hateful words at him. “You deserve nothing. You are nothing but a low-level mage and you’re going nowhere, Giorgio Moone.” Lorelei was still sneering as she stormed off.
“You’ll give me that tonic, LaRue. If it’s the last thing you ever do. You’ll give me that tonic,” George yelled at the purple sprite’s retreating back. He glanced around self-consciously, and then patted his bald spot with a handkerchief before scuttling off
Xandie raised an eyebrow. Maybe Winifred was right to get so hooked on the show. This was like watching a soap opera unfolding in person. A train wreck you couldn’t stop watching.
“That purple one’s devious. Her mini corn’s a drama queen too. They both need an attitude adjustment and I’m the right kind of pug to give it to them.”
Speaking of train wrecks. Xandie stared down at her feet where the pug was currently raising his leg slowly.
“I have scissors and I know how to use them. Plus, my aunt’s a vet, we can do things to you you’ll never fully recover from.”
Colin dropped the leg. “Whoa there, bookworm. Not looking for trouble. It’s instinct.”
“Cock that leg at me again and we’ll see where that instinct gets you,” Xandie threatened the pug.
“Man, Elspeth said you girls were buzz kills.”
Spe
aking of her meddling grandmother… “And where is Elspeth?”
Colin shifted from paw to paw. “Ah, I know nothing. Saw nothing. None of my business.”
Xandie grabbed the pug before he could run and tucked him tightly under her arm. Elspeth was up to something and she’d bet it was something to do with that stage set up out front. The woman never could resist the spotlight.
“Geez, doll-face. A healthy dose of deodorant wouldn’t go astray.” Colin ducked his nose away from her armpit and sneezed twice. Green boogers sprayed Xandie’s arm.
Now she had a snotty, talking dog. “What else can go wrong?” Xandie appealed to the lovely blue sky overhead, and then winced as Colin burped blue liquid down Xandie’s leg. She should have known better than to tempt the gods and Point Muse.
Who knew what they’d throw at her next?
Three
“Nothing to do with me.” Elspeth smirked at Xandie and cooed to Colin who was sitting patiently at her feet.
Xandie pointed a trembling finger at the tiny brightly-colored parrot burping iridescent blue bubbles. “Since I saw Colin burp up blue lemonade, I know you’re the culprit. Seriously, Elspeth. You haven’t even started competing yet and you’re already playing dirty.”
Elspeth growled. “I didn’t think it would be this boring. It’s all whining about flat hair and getting some poor shmuck to fetch and carry for you.” She pointed to Lorelei and the woman hovering behind her. “That purple sprite is the top competitor and as nasty as a vampire hopped up on bloodwort and she’s the most interesting thing here. I’m disillusioned.”
Winifred hushed her mother. “Quiet, the host is opening the show.”
Elspeth sagged in a chair and gulped a mouthful from her hip flask.
Xandie wasn’t fooled. She’d found out during a stampede of walking dead party crashers at a dragon’s funeral that Elspeth carried iced tea around and pretended it was Witchshine. Her grandmother liked to put on a show of chaos and mayhem, but at least some of the time it was make-believe.
“Welcome to the annual Supernatural and Familiar Show. Thanks to Point Muse Springs Hotel and Resort and to the Point Muse township for a wonderful welcome.” A debonair older gentleman in a snazzy black suit and red tie swept a welcoming bow to the crowd in front of them. “I’m Alex Pennywort, host to all that is supernatural and furry. How about a big welcome to our three judges, Noble Myrddin, Velma Mystic and Wallace Moonshadow.” The crowd responded with a dutiful clap as the judges paraded from one side of the stage to the other.
“Moonshadow?” Xandie whispered to Elspeth. The poor man looked more nervous than the competitors. Every so often the short statured, balding middle-aged man would jerk uncontrollably for a few seconds. Elspeth sometimes drove Xandie to twitching, so she could sympathize with him.
“His parents were magical hippies. All about free love. They changed their last name to Moonshadow. Now their only child is an accountant and a judge of a pet show. He’s a complete null. No magic gifts at all. Too much dipping into the witch herbs I think.” Elspeth raised her voice and a woman in the front row turned and glared.
“Shush mother, Xandie. It’s the sponsors turn to speak now.”
A large solid man stood next to the microphone, long blonde curls rioted around his head like a halo and his round face gleamed. “Welcome, Point Muse residents, guests and competitors of the Supernatural Pet and Familiar Show. I, Malachi Mead and my wife Hannah, would like to thank you for coming to the opening of Point Muse Springs Hotel and Resort.” Mede waited for sporadic applause to subside. “Hannah begged me to open a resort here. As a former resident of Point Muse, she has fond memories of the town.”
Lila leaned in to Xandie. “Judging by her face, she doesn’t agree. She looks like she sucked a lemon.”
Xandie had to agree. Mrs. Hannah Mede did not look happy at her husband’s mention of her and Point Muse.
“Kids used to tease her horribly. She was a year behind Holly and me. Her dad was human and her mom a hedge witch. She inherited the human, but not the witch. Plus, she was geeky bookworm who wore glasses. Most of the cool kids at the Academy made her life hell.” Lila made a face. “She was prickly too, but she worked part-time with mom in the vet clinic, we hung out sometimes.”
“Nothing wrong with being a bookworm.” Xandie ignored her cousin and focused on Hannah Mede. She might have once been a bespectacled bookworm, but those days were long ago. Curly hair cascaded down her back in a waterfall of gold. The tight aqua dress showed not an ounce of sugar addiction. Considering Maine was tipping into Fall, the poor woman had to be chilled. Maybe Mrs. Mede had come back to Point Muse to rub her superstar good looks in her ex-tormentors faces?
Hannah sauntered over to the microphone and cooed into it, “Hello, Point Muse. Thanks for coming out to our little shindig at our new place.” Hannah waved at the hotel. “Isn’t she pretty? So shiny and new.”
Xandie had to agree with the woman. Even if there were no springs at the resort, the building more than made up for that. A mix of stone and wood, the hotel resembled an expensive mountain lodge. Gable windows, slate gray rooms and lovely exposed stone chimneys were dotted everywhere. The welcoming ceremony was being held around the massive pool deck. Hannah Mede had certainly showed her classmates she wasn’t a bookworm any longer.
“As the soon-to-be premier destination of the supernatural world, I welcome you to my humble home.” Hannah gestured overhead with her hands.
Xandie frowned. The banner above Hannah’s head, proclaiming the resort, wavered in the wind. Except there was no wind today. It was a cool, calm, sunny day. The banner moved again, wavering over Mrs. Mede’s head. Both sides were tied down to poles either end of the stage and they were wavering too. One pole suddenly dipped and hit the stage. Xandie jumped up and yelled, “Duck, Mrs. Mede.”
Hannah stared nonplussed at Xandie and opened her mouth to reply, but instead, squealed as the banner collapsed over her and forced her to the ground. It completely covered the blonde wave of hair and half her body. Hannah Mede’s skinny legs and sky-high heels stuck out.
The crowd got to their feet in a massive wave of panic. Malachi Mede and the host, Alex Pennywort, along with a tall, muscled man with a clipboard, rushed to Hannah and extricated her from her banner cocoon.
“That’s a great way to make a splash back in Point Muse. Maybe the old Hannah is in there somewhere after all.” Lila grabbed Xandie’s arm. “Let’s get out of here before they blame Elspeth for the banner collapse.”
Winifred looked around. “I think that’s a good idea.” She hustled Elspeth and the snoring Colin away from the carnage.
Xandie followed Lila as her cousin pushed through the gaping crowd. She passed the purple-haired Lorelei LaRue, who was bent over bellowing unladylike guffaws of laughter.
“Oh, that’s great. Pure magic. She’ll be on the Witchweb for sure. This hick town is definitely looking better.”
“Lorelei! Don’t let the judges hear you talking like that. They’d mark you down for sure once you start competing.” LaRue’s shadow hushed her charge.
“Give me a break, Amity. I have it in the bag, with Alex feeding me hints on what’s up next, and old Myrddin ogling me, I’m a shoo-in to win.” Lorelei twitched a lock of purple hair over her shoulder. “Besides, it’s not like the competition is a threat.”
Wow, what a... Xandie shook her head and caught up with Lila. LaRue wasn’t the nicest competitor of the bunch. She made Elspeth look like a choirgirl. Okay, not quite, but the feeling was there. But it sure sounded like the woman was cheating somehow. Watch out when Elspeth heard, gawd knows what her hex-loving grandmother would do about it.
“Oh no. Seriously?” Lila moaned and jabbed Elspeth in the back. “Can’t you do something about this?”
“About what?” Xandie shifted around Lila to see the cause of her cousin’s emotional despair.
Elspeth growled and handed Colin off to Winifred. She hitched up lavender pants and waded in.
“It’s not my fault. Damn hippie age she grew up in. They all have this fake idea that all they need to do to change something is to get out with a sign. It’s that free love and witch herb that ruined your mother.” Elspeth growled and handed Colin off to Winifred. She hitched up lavender pants and waded in.
“What’s going on?”
Lila shoved the shorter Xandie in front of her. “If you were taller you could block my view.”
Right at the entrance to the car park, where all the competitors and supporters were streaming in was her aunt Amelia. Festooned with a sign covering her front and back proclaiming the evils of SPAFS, Amelia lifted her loudspeaker and screamed out a stream of catchy phrases. “Hell, no we won’t show. Hell, no. No pet show.” Amelia recycled the phrases over and over. Until Elspeth took a running leap and knocked her daughter into the rose garden bordering the car park, the two women wrestling for control of the loudspeaker.
Lila covered her eyes. “I can’t watch this.”
“Well, if it isn’t Amelia ‘pooping mini corn’ Harrow.” Lorelei sauntered up to Lila’s side and squinted at the wrestling women. A few wolf shifters with tight shirts proclaiming security tried to separate the Harrow women.
“Excuse me?” Xandie frowned at the purple-haired woman next to her.
“Amelia Harrow, of the pooping mini corn fame. I thought she’d never show her face at the show again.” Lorelei pouted. “But I guess memories are short. Such a shame what happened to Francis. He could have been a contender.”
“Why you…” Lila’s eyes bulged, and a vein throbbed in her forehead.
Pushing Lila behind her, Xandie smiled sweetly at the mouthy woman. “Yes, that’s Amelia Harrow. She’d be gratified to know she has a groupie.”
LaRue spluttered, stumbling over words in order to deny her groupiness, “That’s not— I mean…” Gathering her composure, she pointed as the shifter security team pulled women apart. “How entertaining. The police have arrived now.”
Police chief Zach Braun grabbed a hissing Elspeth away as she kicked a shifter in a vulnerable spot. The grandmother had moved from dragging her daughter out of the rose bush to protecting her. Braun handed Elspeth off to his deputy sister, Melody, and plucked Amelia out of the rose bush. He forced her to sit on one side of the car park away from the fracas.