Songbird

by Victoria Escobar

  “This second contract is a Sexual Conduct Agreement.” I watched her eyes widen. “Let me explain. This means that if, and I do only mean if, Mr. Walker asks you to have sex and you do that it’s completely consensual. You can’t come back later and say he raped you or anything like that. This also guarantees that if the act happens, protective methods will be used. There are no exceptions. It also says that should you chose to have sex with Mr. Walker, the morning after, you will be required to take a plan B pill, for any just in case scenarios.” I cleared my throat. “This also protects you. You have the right to tell him no. You’re under no requirement to have sex with him. What you do privately is your decision. You won’t lose your thank you gift if you tell him no.” I secretly hoped she would but by the look on her face I doubted it.

  “So the other contact. If we have sex, I can’t talk about it can I?”

  Smart girl. I smiled. “That’s right. What happens in Seattle stays in Seattle.”

  She worried her thumb again. “All right.” She signed the conduct contract and internally I sighed in relief.

  “Henry, the hotel please.”

  “Yes, Ms. Sheridan.”

  After a few seconds of silence, the girl turned to me. “Have you worked for him long? Nick, I mean.”

  “Long enough that it feels like forever.” I tilted my head at her. “Do you work?”

  “College. I’m Darys, by the way. I know I printed it on the contracts but…”

  “Yes. It’s nice to meet you, Darys. Before I forget.” I pulled the VIP bag I had over my shoulder and handed it to her. “Your VIP bag. You’ll need to wear the bracelet to jump the line tomorrow.”

  “Thank you.” She swung off her pack and carefully finagled the VIP bag inside of it.

  Arc and Max were in the chairs in the hall playing checkers when I entered with Darys. They both frowned and I held up a finger.

  “Give me a minute.” I told them as I passed.

  “Wow. I didn’t think I’d see his band too,” Darys whispered. “This is awesome.”

  I knocked twice on Nicholas’s door before using my key card to open it. “Follow me.” I stepped inside with Darys only a few steps behind me.

  The bed was still neatly made and Nicholas’s hotel bag was still packed and gracing the desk. The man in question sat in the wingback chair with a drink in hand. His brows shot up when his eyes fell over my shoulder at Darys.

  “Mr. Walker, this is Darys. She has agreed to spend the evening with you.” I stepped back.

  “Wow. It’s so great to meet you.” Darys stumbled forward and nearly pitched into Nicholas’s lap. I was forced to press my lips together to keep from laughing.

  “Mr. Walker if you need anything else, I’m next door.” I pointed to the wall the bed sat on. “Have a good evening.”

  “Good evening,” Nicholas murmured but his eyes were raking over Darys and he looked ready to pounce.

  I let myself out without another word. The anger rising was unfounded. I knew what was going to happen when I delivered the girl. I knew there was no way Nicholas would ever look at me with the hunger he’d scanned over Darys with. No man ever did. So why was I angry?

  I had articulated clearly what I would and wouldn’t do, I chided myself. I wasn’t a whore. I wouldn’t be the one to scratch his itch.

  I walked down to where Max and Arc sat. “Why are you in the hall?”

  Arc shrugged. “Who’s the blonde?”

  “Tonight’s entertainment.” I grumbled and looked back up the hall.

  Max grinned. “You delivered a whore?”

  I shrugged. “Keeps him in his room and out of trouble.”

  “And when she goes to the media?” Arc reset the board but didn’t move a piece.

  “Non-disclosure. I’ve got the bases covered. Don’t worry about it. So, what are you doing in the hall?”

  “Relax.” Max leaned back in his chair. “The hotel manager came by and said for added security this wing of this floor has been closed for just us.”

  “All right.” I rolled my shoulders. “I’m going to go get some work done, and then I think soak in the tub. You know where I am if you need me.”

  “How do you soak in the tub?” Arc tilted his head and his eyes ran form my heels to the top of my head.

  I stiffened. “What?”

  He must have seen his mistake on my face because he flushed. “No. No. Not like that. You’re not William Howard Taft.”

  “Or that chick at the counter. Did you see her? Mac truck tires have less roundness to them.” Max plumped out his cheeks and held his hands out as if circling a giant gut.

  “What I meant.” Arc shot him a dirty look. “Is that you’re so tall. Isn’t that awkward?”

  Duh. I had to take a moment to calm down. Arc had flirted with every woman regardless of size every time we stopped the bus. There was no reason to believe he even saw size as part of the equation.

  “I manage.” Since it didn’t look like I was getting back to my room within the next few minutes I lifted a foot, removed a heel and did the same to the other. My feet wept in pleasure.

  “Well, if you need someone to wash your back…” he trailed off when I scanned him from head to foot and lifted a brow.

  “We’ll pantsy you eventually.” Arc crossed his arms and his lower lip puckered. The pout wasn’t bad but I was immune.

  “It’s an eventuality I’d like to forgo as long as possible.”

  “You’ve seen all our asses.” Max turned his attention back to the checkers board.

  “Unfortunately true. You should have Arc help you with hair management.” As last words went, it wasn’t bad.

  I sat under the window on the sofa with the laptop, fully intending to get some emails sent and confirm part of the schedule. A few minutes into my work I glanced at the door. I had been focused but I thought I heard someone knock.

  Wondering who needed what, I crossed over to the door and opened it. “Yes?” Empty air greeted me. Frowning I stuck my head out but the hall was void of life.

  Weird.

  I stepped back into my room and stopped when the knocking came again. However, now that I was standing it was obvious where the noise was coming from. Weren’t hotel bed boards attached to the wall?

  When Darys’s voice drifted through the wall, I sighed. Time to plug in my noise canceling headphones. As I dug through the bag that I brought in from the bus I couldn’t stop the little tinge of jealousy as her voice grew even louder.

  By the sound of it, Nicholas was doing a fine job and I wondered briefly what that would feel like. Not necessarily by him—though hey, it was my fantasy—but to have the momentary connection of bliss. Not for the first time, I wondered again, what an orgasm might feel like. Reading about it only provided so much insight.

  The men in my life hadn’t been interested in my pleasure, only theirs. Shame welled in me a little as I remembered how I had been instructed to act, to sound, hell, I’d even been instructed on what position was tolerated and where my hands belonged. In the end, I had only been a stick to scratch an itch, but not in the way Darys was for Nicholas. At least he was considerate of her desire as well.

  I did have a chance once, I reminded myself. The memory hurt as much as it comforted. He had been willing to wait. He had died waiting for me. I pushed the depressing thought away and went back to business.

  After a heartbeat focused on work with the headphones humming in my ears another thought crossed my mind. What if someone actually knocked on my door? How would I be able to hear if anyone needed something from me with the headphones on?

  However, listening to them wasn’t an option. I certainly didn’t want to be cross because I would never experience euphoria. Well, hell. I was stuck between a rock and the hard place.

  I went back to my bag hoping it held the solution. My lime green cross country shoes were at the bottom and could be the distraction I needed. I would have my phone on my belt so I could still be contacted but I’d
be out of this room. I would definitely not have to wallow in the misery of my sad and pathetic sexual ventures.

  Cross country running had been my escape in high school and had paid for most of my college education in the form of scholarships. As tall as I was it made sense that I could use my long legs for something but no one understood my double digit waist when I tried to explain I ran for fun. Running had little impact on core strength. The act did help keep weight down, but it did nothing for hereditary size.

  After the four miles on the cross country machine I felt it would be safe to go back to my hotel room. Surely enough time had passed for seconds and thirds. In a better frame of mind I declined the elevator and jogged up the stairs to the band wing.

  I stopped short when I saw Nicholas leaning against my closed door with his bag over his shoulder.

  “Is there something wrong with your room?” I stopped in front of him.

  Nicholas glanced over his shoulder at his door. “No.”

  I waited and when it appeared he wasn’t going to elaborate I prodded. “Well?”

  “I only fuck them, Songbird. Responsibly. I’ve never sexed without a condom and I never will. I don’t cuddle; I don’t sleep—at least not by the definition of the word—with them. It’s too intimate.”

  I pinched the bridge of my nose. “And if you wanted some early morning loving?”

  He shook his head. “Not likely at the ass crack of dawn we have to get at. Why are you covered in… Is that sweat?”

  I sighed and opened my door. “I went for a run.”

  “Nice room.” Nicholas tossed his bag on the floor next to the desk.

  “Yes.” I grabbed some clothes out of my bag. “Let me shower and then we’ll discuss what to do about your guest.”

  “Just let her sleep. I can sleep in here.”

  Like fucking hell he would. There was only one king size bed in this room. While theoretically it was big enough for two there was no way I was sharing sheets with Nicholas Walker.

  I went over possibilities in my head as I started the shower and began to wash without waiting for it to completely warm. Cold showers and I were acquainted and I didn’t let it bother me.

  Dammit, I had so looked forward to sleeping in a real bed. I could sleep on the couch or go out to the bus and sleep in my bunk. Neither choice was appealing.

  “Hey, Songbird?” Nicholas knocked briefly and pushed the door open.

  “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. Walker, I’m in the shower.” Why hadn’t I locked the door? In case of accidents, my mind informed. You can’t be rescued from drowning in the tub if the door is locked. Sometimes I hated my own precautions.

  “Yeah. I know.” He moved my folded, dirty clothes from the toilet and sat down.

  I closed my eyes and resisted the urge to scream. The shower curtain was clear but frosted. He could see the outline of me but nothing else. Still, it did not make for comfortable showering.

  My gun was under the pile of clean clothes on the vanity. As long as he didn’t touch anything, he shouldn’t notice the concealed weapon.

  “What side of the bed did you want?”

  I turned in time to see him pick something up off my stack of clothes. My heart froze but he only picked up the single garment. “These are nice. Do you have a bra to match too? Girls usually do with underwear as pretty as these.”

  Underwear was a weakness of mine. I wasn’t beautiful but it helped me feel pretty and strong. However, I wasn’t about to admit that or the fact that all my underwear were matching sets complete with garters for under my skirts. That was entirely too much information for him.

  “I’ll check your bag while you’re dressing. You probably don’t sleep in it. That would be uncomfortable, especially the underwire kind.”

  “You can have the bed.” Hopefully dismissing the conversation would get him out of the bathroom so I could finish washing.

  “Where are you going to sleep?”

  “On the couch.” Determined to dismiss him I tilted my head back and began the process of washing the long tresses.

  “Wow, I didn’t realize your hair was that long. How come you never leave it out like that? I bet it falls gorgeously against your ass when it’s not pulled up or curled.”

  “Can I please shower in peace?” I snapped. “You should be in bed anyway. Early morning tomorrow.”

  “Yeah, I remember. But you’re not in bed yet so the point is moot. You’ll be with me tomorrow at the radio station.” He paused and it was obvious he was watching me lather my hair in sections. “Why don’t you cut it if it takes so much time to wash? Probably takes forever to dry too.”

  “Because I like curls, and braids, and ponytails,” I grumbled. “Walker, please. Can you wait in the bedroom?”

  “You’ve seen me naked.”

  He would have to point that out.

  “If you had arrived on time for departure I wouldn’t have had to come haul your ass out of bed.” As an afterthought, I stressed each sound, “Literally.”

  “True. What do you use on your skin? I remember it being really soft. And you smell good all the time too. How do you manage that?”

  “Why the sudden interest in my personal hygiene?” I asked.

  “I know all the guys. Max and I go back to preschool. Arc we met in high school and Guy is a pal from college football days. He plays better bass than football.”

  “So, this is you getting to know me?” For some reason I found it oddly endearing he’d known his band so long and had brought them along into the limelight. I also felt a small amount of giddiness at the fact he didn’t want me to stay a stranger on this tour.

  “In a manner. Usually I ask about food first.”

  I laughed. “I can see how that would be important for you. I can cook; I enjoy Italian food the most though I do make some killer fried chicken and biscuits. I’m not big on sweets.”

  Sweets are for good girls. Girls that listen and obey. You’re not one of those.

  The memory sucked the air out of my lungs and I braced against the wall when I swayed. The sucker punch was unwelcome and certainly unbidden. I fought the bile down, fought to remain in control of myself. This would not happen here or now.

  “Hey,” Nicholas sounded closer and alarmed. “What’s wrong? Are you okay? Probably not enough to eat and you did that running. I’ll call room service. What do you want?”

  “Chicken would be nice. Some kind of starch. You can surprise me with the vegetable.” My voice was a little ragged but strong enough that I didn’t think he’d be too overly alarmed.

  “Got it.” He hung my towel over the top of the shower bar. “Don’t stay in much longer. I will haul you out if I have to.”

  I waited for him to close the door before reaching for the water and turning it full heat. My body had gone icy cold and I needed the warmth. Memories were only memories, I told myself. The memory only hurts because I let it hurt me.

  The lecture did little to stop the shaking and resigned, I shut the water off and reached for the towel Nicholas had hung over the bar. When I stepped out I choked on laughter.

  In the steam on the mirror, Nicholas had drawn a rather terrible running slice of pizza chasing what I assumed to be a tomato with a knife. He was so damn childish sometimes. And other times, that was exactly what I needed.

  When I stepped back into the suite I wasn’t surprised to find a full meal laid out, including pie that Nicholas had already half eaten. He grinned when he saw me and shrugged. I only shook my head and sat.

  “Alfredo chicken, some breadsticks, and half a slice of chocolate silk pie.” He sounded so damned pleased with himself.

  “I don’t care for sweets, you can eat the rest of it.”

  “What kind of monster are you?” Nicholas’s eyes widened. “Who doesn’t like sweets?”

  “My hips and ass don’t. They outvote my stomach.” I paused with a fork halfway to my mouth when I noticed his frown. “What?”

  He looked like he was about to
say something then shook his head. “No. Nothing. So which side of the bed did you want?”

  “I’m not sleeping in bed with you, Walker. Even in the most innocent sense of the words.” I pointed my fork at the couch. “I can sleep there or go back to the bus.”

  His forehead wrinkled. “But you have a bed.”

  “And so do you.” I pointed at the wall the banging had come from. “Over there.”

  Nicholas sighed and twisted the ring on his middle finger with his thumb. “We could have Henry show her out.”

  “After you sexed her up and left her high and dry in a hotel suite alone? I knew you were rude to a point, but that’s just downright nasty.”

  “Sorry,” he muttered the apology to his shoes.

  I waved it off and ate some more chicken. “It won’t happen again. I’ll make sure my room has two beds from now on.”

  “Yeah?” He perked up a little. “That would be nice.”

  “I bet.”

  “Oh, I do have a question.”

  “Shoot.”

  He leaned forward and lowered his voice to a surreptitious whisper, “Do all your bras and underwear match?”

  I wondered briefly—if I killed him, would I be able to get away with it?

  By the end of the first week, Ezra was probably doing a jig in Nashville. Not only had I managed to keep Nicholas out of trouble for a seven whole days, but we were still on schedule too. With eleven weeks left on tour, I thought Ezra’s jubilation was a little premature.

  Sure, the shows and schedule held, but the only time I had even seen Dolls of Serenity was when they were ushered from their bus to sound check and then back to the bus when it was done. And the process repeated for the concert. I realized Nicholas had a reputation but this was a little ridiculous. The only reason I hadn’t brought it up to Ezra was because the three girls themselves didn’t seem to mind the sheep herding.

  For the last four cities, I had held my tongue and requested a room with two beds. When Nicholas was done with his floozy, he always came over. He also always insisted on light conversation before lights out. I humored him simply because it was easier to adapt than fight with him.