“Are you hurt?” His hand was gentle on my cheek.
“No. Scared myself shitless facing off with Nicholas like that, but I’m not injured.” My voice was weak but steady. I had been drained by the encounter and the aftermath. I needed a few minutes more to recharge.
“Your wrists are bruised.” Henry corrected and he sounded less than pleased.
“He just held on too tight. He didn’t strike out.” Not with his hands anyway but Henry didn’t need to know that.
“Open your eyes for me.”
I did as asked and stared at the gentle giant. “Really, I’m just trying to get the fear back in its box.” I tried for a frail smile. “Facing Nicholas’s full blown anger like that was stupid.”
His eyes searched my face and apparently were satisfied. “Can you stand?”
I let him help me to my feet and I brushed the debris from my dress. I didn’t move yet—my legs still felt shaky—so I glanced around the mess in the room beyond the bathroom.
“This is going to cost a fortune to satisfy the vendor.”
Henry took a survey. “Not the worst he’s done. Do you know what set him off? When he came over to the other room he was still angry but I think at himself.”
“His ass might still be sore from the belting.” I shrugged trying for nonchalant. “Honestly, I have no idea what sets off his mood swings. He has PMS worse than I do.”
“You belted him?” Henry’s brows rose.
“How do you think I got him off the hotel clerk?”
He laughed. “My God. I’d have loved to have seen that.”
“Well, I didn’t get to see the result of the belt, but I wasn’t gentle.”
He shook his head still laughing, “I don’t think that would have bothered him. Ezra has done some cruel shit when Nick gets in a pissy mood. Might have been the cold shoulder you were giving him. He doesn’t like to be ignored.”
I shrugged. “He’ll get over it.”
“Maybe.” Henry offered his arm much as he had earlier to a lesser woman.
I slid my hand into his elbow and was pleased when my legs didn’t shake crossing to the door. “Thank you, Henry.”
“Don’t want you falling on something sharp.” Henry smiled. “Would be a shame. You’re a really good person.”
“I try.” I squared my shoulders and faced the cracked door of the other dressing room. “I’ll be fine now.”
“You call me if he gets out of hand again. I’ll hold him down until he calms.”
I patted his arm as I released him and reached for the door knob. “It’ll be a cold day in hell when I come across a man I can’t face down.”
As my luck would have it Dolls of Serenity entered with Denton and I think the assistant’s name was Gertrude. Everyone stopped and took in my appearance and for some reason when Gertrude went stony faced and Denton red faced, I was grateful Henry still stood at my side.
“Stage director is waiting.” I lifted my chin and refused to waver from their stare.
“You should be ashamed.” Gertrude waved her hands at the girls to herd them past me. “What were you thinking? This isn’t how a tour manager acts with their artists.”
I said nothing. As Nicholas Walker’s Tour Manager, I was technically higher on the totem pole than these people. I would not ruin my reputation for gossip.
Denton stopped in front of me. His red face turned pale as he scrutinized me better. His mouth opened and closed but no sound came out.
“Before you begin I will remind you what I do to keep Nicholas in line is my business. You’re girls are safe as long as they remain within the confines of their contract. Choose your words carefully. Dolls of Serenity is receiving a huge boost by riding on Nicholas’s coat tails.”
“You look like you’ve been crying. You’re eyes are red.” Denton’s eyes flicked to the door I still had my hand on. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” I pushed a smile to my aching mouth. “Take care of your girls.”
“Other than Ezra, you’ve lasted the longest to date. Nicholas has a way of driving away even the most stubborn people. I wish you the best of luck.” Denton nodded to Henry and walked away.
I took a deep breath, tipped my chin to Henry and then entered the dressing room.
“Stilts, great, I need…” Arc trailed off and took a good look at me. “You son of a bitch.” He whirled on Nicholas and would have attacked if Max hadn’t jumped up and grabbed him.
Nicholas didn’t move from where he hunched on the settee. He didn’t look at me, just slumped a little deeper into the cushion. If he was going for being swallowed by the small piece of furniture he might succeed. At least, if he cut off four feet of height and fifty pounds of muscle. He was at least fully dressed now.
“What happened?” Guy stood from where he reclined and walked over.
“You look better.” I studied his face. There was no bandage and the cut that had bled profusely was smaller than my pinkie nail.
“And you don’t. Your eye makeup is all over the place. Your lipstick is smeared off your swollen lips.” He snatched up my hands. “And your wrists are bruised.”
“I’m going to kill you, mother fucker.” Arc struggled in Max’s arms, trying to get at Nicholas. “You just couldn’t resist trying. You couldn’t handle that she’s not impressed by neither your name nor your dick.”
“Both those things are impressive, Arc.” I picked at imaginary lint on my dress before meeting his eyes with boredom and he seemed to flail before subduing. “However, I choose to judge a man by how he acts not what he’s chosen for his profession.”
“He hurt you,” Guy said and his voice was tight.
I sighed. “He held me too tight that is all. I was never in any physical danger from Nicholas. We all know that.”
The man in question looked like he was trying to disappear into the settee. Some of the hurt in me eased with his guilt. I didn’t think he had been trying to scare or hurt me. I had been in the wrong place at the wrong time. I had pushed at him in anger when I should have tried for calm instead. The bruises were as much my fault as his.
“Arc.” Guy never took his eyes off mine. “Get your ass over here and fix her makeup. She can’t be seen by the stage hands like this. You do it best.”
Too late to save my dignity, but I wasn’t going to correct him. Besides if Arc didn’t do it I would have to. I didn’t mind letting the guys fuss just a little. I fussed over them often enough.
“Right.” Arc ignored Nicholas and gently tugged me away from Guy and over to the vanity table. “Close your eyes, Stilts. Let me work my magic.”
The show was probably one of the most subdued I’d ever seen from Nicholas. Oh, he smiled, he joked but I’d been around long enough to know when it wasn’t genuine. He seemed tired and beaten. Anger was a draining emotion.
“Good job guys.” I applauded them as they came off the stage for the night. “No interviews tonight. Let’s go get some sleep. We’re driving to San Diego tonight but then it’s an off day.”
“Sleep in time.” Arc yawned.
“Songbird.” Nicholas spoke quietly and reached out. Automatically I flinched back and instantly was ashamed of the reaction. His hand dropped and the knuckles went white when it fisted.
“Please don’t do that.” His voice grew hoarse. “You said you knew I’d never hurt you. I can’t… Please don’t do that.”
“Physically, yes.” I straightened and pretended not to notice the other guys watching. “There are a lot of ways to hurt someone, Walker. Do I need to find you a companion for tonight when we arrive?”
His jaw ticked but he only shook his head. “Not tonight. I’m tired.”
“Very well then. Let’s go.”
Frantic banging on my hotel room door at three in the morning was not greeted with my happy face. When I opened it to Nicholas wearing only his boxer briefs my grumpy face turned into my ogre face.
We’d only been checked in for an hour. I hadn’t showe
red, my pajamas were askew and I wasn’t in any kind of mood to deal with the child that was Nicholas. He better not be requesting I go out and get a companion or they’d find his body floating in the bay when the sun came up.
“You have a fucking key.” My eyes dropped with my shoulders. Fatigue gnawed at my stomach and I just wanted to go back to bed.
“It’s your room.” Nicholas’s face looked nervous and exhausted. “Can I come in?”
His cologne wafted from him as he passed when I stepped back and my stomach clutched. I took a deep breath, congratulated myself on not choking on the air, let the door fall shut and turned to watch him.
He walked to the windows, looked out, walked back across the room to where I still stood at the door then walked back to the windows. Something was clearly eating at him. Too tired to fight with him, I sat on the edge of my bed with eyes closed, crossed my ankles and waited.
He stopped and faced me after about ten laps. “I royally fucked up.”
“Couldn’t this wait until morning?”
“No. No. I have to say it now. I can’t sleep. It’s bothering me. It’s eating at me. I ordered chocolate cheesecake from room service, but it’s getting warm. I can’t touch it.”
Well that was a surprise. Whatever was on his mind must have been seriously guilty shit to deter his love of sweets.
“I fucked up,” he stopped in front of me and ran both hands through his hair.
“You’ve already established that.” I just wanted him to get to the point so I could go back to bed. Maybe I should remind him of the time and shove him out the door. Surely this could wait.
“Why don’t you act like other women? I would know what to do with you if you did.”
The question sounded rhetorical so I held my tongue. When he dropped to his knees in front of me and buried his face in my lap my spine stiffened but I didn’t move. His body shook and I wasn’t sure exactly what was happening.
“Nicholas.” Lightly because he suddenly felt very fragile, I placed my hands on his shoulders and rubbed gentle circles. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
“I want to quit.” He said without moving. “I’ve wanted to quit forever. But Ezra won’t let me. I… I hate the fame, I hate the publicity. I hate not having a choice over my life anymore.”
Well this was a big fucking surprise. And yet…with his resistance to everything, was it a surprise? Some of his behavior suddenly made startling sense.
“I treated you like shit. I treat everyone like shit, hoping Ezra will finally get tired of it and drop me. It’s no excuse for what I did. It… It can’t change what happened. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you and…”
“Shush.” I bent forward to drop my head on top of his. I closed my eyes and just held on to him for a moment. I knew all too well what it was like to be forced into a position I didn’t want to be in. “Let’s make a new rule.”
“I’m the only one allowed to make rules. It’s my tour.”
“I think you owe me a free rule.”
He was silent for a long moment before sighing dramatically. “All right. You’re right. New rule. Okay. What’s the new rule?”
I sat up a little and cupped my hands under his chin lifting his head. With my eyes on his I pressed my mouth very lightly to his. I needed to prove to myself I was not scared of him. I needed him to know, to see, I wasn’t scared of him. His eyes darkened and lips parted in invitation. I drew back before it could become anything more than a friendly touch. I shouldn’t have kissed him at all but we both needed it.
“Is kissing the new rule? Because I’m totally okay with that rule.” His voice was rough and his eyes were darker than I’d ever seen them.
“No. That’s not the new rule. That’s thank you for telling me.”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I scared you. I’m sorry I’m an ass. I’m sorry for whatever reason you need to not hate me.”
I laughed, ignored my twisting stomach, and pressed another light kiss to his forehead. “That about covers all the bases. Now, that new rule.”
“Yeah?”
“Talk to me, Nicholas. Tell me when you’re annoyed and why. Tell me when something’s bothering you. I can help, but I can’t fix it if I don’t know. Don’t let it build up anymore.”
His arms came up and wrapped around my waist pulling me to the edge of the bed and since he was sitting right there, I had to uncross my ankles and part my knees to accommodate his action. He pressed his face against my stomach, right under my breasts and just held on. Damn the man was moody.
I rubbed gentle circles in his back now that I could reach it without awkward bending. “Nicholas?”
“Yeah. Okay. I’ll talk to you.”
“That’s all I want.” While Nicholas held on I continued to rub his back and calculate just what it would take to fix this.
“Can I sleep in here?” he asked still not moving but his shaking had subsided.
“Why?”
His shoulders rose and fell. “Because you snore and it’s cute.”
“Is that why you leave your door partially open when you go to bed at night on the bus?”
“Noticed that huh?”
I sighed and even knowing that him sleeping in here wasn’t a good idea made the decision anyway. “Yes, you can sleep in here.”
He rubbed his nose against my stomach. “Thanks.”
I waited an hour after Nicholas laid down before grabbing my phone and stepping out. I went over to his room to make a phone call. Damn the early hour.
“Hello?” The voice was sleep filled and annoyed.
“Ezra, wake up. We need to talk.” Annoyance flooded me and carried in my voice.
“Christ, Bianca. Has something happened? What the hell time is it?”
“Are you asking if something happened before Nicholas struck Guy, trashed the vendor dressing room and assaulted me or after he calmed down?” I asked adding ice to the words.
“Son of a bitch.” Something rustled. “Is Guy all right? Are you injured?”
“Guy was a little dazed but is fine. I have bruises that will take a few days to fade but I am also fine. Nicholas is not fine. You lied to me, Ezra.”
“What are you talking about, Bianca?”
“Nicholas doesn’t want to be in the public eye. He doesn’t want to tour. And from what I’ve seen, he’s got anxiety issues off the charts that instead of fueling fear it fuels his anger. When were you going to tell me about that?”
Ezra sighed. “He told you.”
“He kind of had to, since you know, he nearly raped me in his fury.” Small lie but not really a lie at the same time. If Nicholas had been any angrier and not been able to pull himself in… Well, I didn’t want to think about it.
“Fuck.”
“This has gone way too far Ezra. He’s doing everything he can think of to rebel and all because he’s not happy. I can’t be a part of this anymore. Not like this.”
“You can’t fucking quit. Do you know what would happen without guidance? Holy fuck. You have to stay.”
I hesitated only a moment. “I think there is a way to prevent further outbreaks.”
“I’m listening.”
“The tour needs to be adjusted. He’s only been out here one week and we’ve had to compensate fifteen thousand dollars in damage.”
Ezra’s sigh was long suffering.
“Let me adjust the schedule. We need to cut out some cities. We need to make this as brief as possible with what we have. If he realizes he’ll be home sooner than three months, he may calm enough to be bearable all the time, not just some of the time.”
“That’s out of the question. He’s got responsibilities.”
“That he doesn’t want, Ezra. He doesn’t give a fuck about the responsibilities you’ve given him. They mean absolutely nothing to him. He wants you to drop him. He wants badly to quit. If you want to keep him, we need to find the middle ground before he decides he’s just not going to get off the bus a
nymore.”
“What are you proposing?”
“Let me adjust the tour. Let me spread out some things. His anxiety is crippling and if we continue to push, he’s going to break and it could be irreparable. He doesn’t like to be in groups of people; he doesn’t leave his back open to a room; he pulls away into solitude instead of participating. We can’t change these things but we can make him more comfortable doing what you need done. Tomorrow’s an off day for us. Let me write up a proposal and we can go over it. I can make it worthwhile.”
“The temperamental bastard has you scared.” Ezra sighed heavily.
“I’m not scared of Nicholas, I’m scared for him. There’s no telling what he may do next in a blind rage. What if it’s not one of us? What if it’s a reporter? Or a groupie? What if it’s a young kid in the wrong place at the wrong time?”
“Fuck.” He drew out the word to four syllables. “Bianca you’re dramatizing. Nicholas isn’t that dangerous.”
“He’s been arrested before and you did an okay job of cleaning that up. But it’s there. He may not get off so easy on assault charges a second time.”
“The tour can’t be adjusted.” Ezra’s words clipped and his voice rose fractionally.
“Then I can’t stay. I’ll be flying home in the morning. The bus will leave without me.” My voice was firm but my hands shook. I couldn’t afford to lose this job but I would not be the one bullying Nicholas into doing what he didn’t want to do.
“Shit. Damn. Fuck. No. You can’t quit. This is ridiculous. Tickets have already gone on sale. Vendors have already been booked. Interviews already arranged. This isn’t something that can be rearranged in a few hours.”
“I can. This is what I do, Ezra. This is what I went to college for. This is why I could handle several Broadway tours from an office desk in New York City. Let me write the proposal. I’ll make it worth it.”
“You have until noon tomorrow.”
“Thank you, Ezra. You’ll have it before then.”
“We’ll see, little girl. We’ll see.”
I reviewed my notes one last time. I hadn’t gone back to bed when I returned to the room. There had been no point when my mind whirled on overdrive. Instead, I had dressed casually—as casually available—and I went to work on the proposal.
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