“I’m in San Diego; we could meet for food, eventually. I have a favor to ask.”
“I am yours. Always. What do you need?”
I blinked, taken aback. “It’s been almost six years since we’ve spoke. Just like that?”
“Bella.” His sigh was long suffering. “We’re family. You will always be welcome with open arms and I will always help within my power. Nothing can change that. Just because you left—which I will thoroughly lecture you on later—doesn’t mean we’ve stopped loving and missing you.”
“I’m sorry. For everything.” I squeezed my eyes tight. I would be damned if I would cry yet again tonight. I was done with tears, dammit.
“I refuse to accept an apology that is not yours to give. You can’t apologize for a lunatic, Bella. If you had stayed we’d have made sure you understood that.” His tone gentled. “Come on. You have to know that you couldn’t have done anything. We don’t live a moment longer than we’re meant to. If not by a gun then by the subway madman or a crazy driver running a light. You know that too.”
I sighed. “Yeah. I guess. I left because I didn’t want you to be next. Or Juliette, or Drake. Gods, only Conrad was jailed and convicted. Benjamin is still out there somewhere.”
“You still carry?” he wanted to know.
“Yes. No one knows. I haven’t said anything. I haven’t seen the need to. As long as they don’t show I don’t have to explain them either.”
“It’s best that way.” Taylor sighed. “So…you still haven’t said what you need.”
“I’m on tour tight now. My production manager quit and took almost a dozen of the staff with him.”
“Sucks. Dick move. You want me to have Lizzy make a voodoo doll?”
“Ha.” I laughed. “No. I don’t think it would work. I want you to come be production manager.”
There was a long pause on the line. “That’s an interesting favor to ask for.”
Cold fingers skittered up my spine. “I know it’s a lot. We still have twenty one concerts to pull off.”
“Concerts?”
“Nicholas Walker. I’m his tour manager.”
“Well, well, well. That is one hot piece of man candy right there.”
“Taylor, really. If you come and do that here, he’s going to think you’re gay.”
“I am comfortable enough in my own sexual prowess to make a clear statement of hotness without feeling my balls shrivel up.” Taylor sniffed. “I am insulted.”
“No, you’re not.” I laughed again. I did miss the Gracing twins. Well…not twins anymore. My laughter subsided.
“When?” Taylor jumped into the gap without allowing awkwardness to develop.
“I’ll need you to meet the bus and truck in Las Vegas. Day after tomorrow. My advance man has already left. And due to contract clauses the opening band is right behind him by a couple of hours. It’s five hours from here so they’ll be pulling in around five am. The guys settle into their room and sleep until noonish one we arrive. I have interviews with Walker to get through, and then—”
“Walker? You call him Walker? As in Texas Ranger?”
“Are you paying attention, Taylor? I really need you to focus if you’re serious.”
“Send me the schedule. The email hasn’t changed. I’ll call the rest of the Furious Five.”
“Oh God, no.”
“Are you or are you not out almost a dozen stage hands?”
I sighed.
“And do you or do you not need the shows to run quickly, smoothly and effectively?”
“Shit, Taylor. But them?”
“You called me for the best, Bella.”
“I did.” I rubbed my eyes with my free hand. “Just keep Juliette from squealing. It’ll make a bad impression.”
“You overestimate my power. I can keep her from tackling. That’s about it.”
“All right. Well. I guess that’s good enough. For now.”
“I’m going to make calls, get a bunch of flights for us.”
“Keep the receipts so I can comp you.”
“I know. I know. You and your numbers. I’ll see you in Vegas.”
“Thank you.”
“Be safe, Bella. Until then.”
“You too.”
The call hadn’t been so bad, I decided as I paced my room. Taylor hadn’t allowed it to be awkward, which was his way. I knew he loved me almost as much as Tyler had. But I couldn’t have stayed. I couldn’t have endangered the rest of the family like that.
I was thankful Taylor hadn’t dropped a wet blanket of guilt on my head. I loved him as much as I loved Tyler and I had done everything I could to keep him safe. If things had been different… If I had any other alternative, I wouldn’t be dragging him into back into my life.
Well, circumstances being what they were I had no choice. No point in wallowing in regret. I had no one I could trust the way I could trust Taylor Gracing. Even with the distance of time. No one knew all of me the way the Gracing boys did.
With at least one problem solved I curled up in the bed with the TV remote hoping for something to lull me to sleep. Dealing with the two most important men in my life within the same two hour window had wiped me out. Thank God that was over.
The dipping bed didn’t wake me from sleep. Neither did the air being fluffed under the blanket. What woke me was the suddenly hot and heavy presence alerting me that I wasn’t alone.
Somehow he had managed to wrap an arm under me without waking me. The arm he had thrown over my stomach with the wandering hand had pulled me from sleep. Lucky for him I could identify his scent without much effort.
I didn’t bother with a sigh or even shifting. “What do you need, Walker?”
“I couldn’t sleep.” His head rested somewhere above mine. Just high enough for his words to tickle over my ear. “I’ve been thinking.”
“Dangerous for all parties involved.” I tried to roll away from him to go back to sleep. I didn’t care that he was wrapped like a Christmas bow around me. I was tired and not in the mood for this. I couldn’t take another barrage from him. I wouldn’t survive it.
Nicholas’s arm tightened holding me in place on my back. “Whatever. Guy actually lectured me for leaving you the way I did. I’m sorry.”
“Why did you walk out if you were just going to come back?” Not that I cared, I was just curious. That was all.
“When you said that… Jesus, you were being dictated on how to act during sex? I didn’t know how to react.” He started nibbling the curve of my ear and I tried to pull away but his arms held tighter.
“I was pissed. I know there are douchebag men out there but…” He sighed.
“I get it, Walker. Listen, you’re not the only guy that doesn’t want to deal with damaged goods. I’ve been through this before. It’s not a huge deal.” I wanted him to get over it and out of my bed. The easiest way was to let him off the hook.
“That’s not why I walked out and that’s not why I said I was sorry. Guy warned me you might think that way.”
“You told him.” He was damn lucky I was too tired to fight with him.
“Well, yeah. They’re my friends. For a very long time. I can trust them with shit like this.” Nicholas sounded like he wanted to add a duh to the end of that.
“Then why did you leave, Walker?”
“Because I was scared of hurting you.”
I let silence weigh on that before I spoke. Then decided truth would probably be the best way to go. “Walking out on me like that hurt. Pinning me to a wall of mirror and forcing yourself onto me, hurt. I’m not sure how else you could hurt me.”
“You’re innocent.”
I had to let that sink in and process. And…nothing. Innocent wasn’t a word normally applied to the gun wielding, abuse victim. “I don’t understand. I’m too tired for this conversation. Can we continue this in the morning?”
“Not the way you think. But to the experience. The real experience. I don’t want you to be scared of
me.” He shifted from his hugging position to slide on top of me without actually putting any of his weight down. He was close enough that there were no blurry edges around his form. His worry was written all over his face.
“I’m not scared of you.” My mutter held the slightest touch of indignation. “We’ve gone over this. I’m tired of going over this. Hell, I’m plain tired. Can we please finish this in the morning?”
“You were this evening. Scared of me.” He lowered his head and pressed the tip of his nose to mine.
I couldn’t respond to that. He wasn’t wrong, but to admit to this guy he was right would be to listen to him crow of the rest of the week. I wasn’t about to do that either.
“I don’t want to rush you,” Nicholas’s fingers played lightly down my side and stopped to toy with my belly button where my tee shirt rode up. “Sex isn’t just about me, but about you too.”
“I know that.” I frowned. “I read. I’m not an idiot.”
“Good, good.” He didn’t seem the least bit put out by my grouch.
“Can we go to sleep now?” I yawned making my point. “I’m tired. Go to bed, Walker.”
“Sure. But in just a minute.” Nicholas closed the gap between us. His body drooped enough onto mine to add friction but it still wasn’t his whole weight. He nibbled lightly to the corner of my mouth. “Do you trust me?”
My breath was stuck somewhere between lungs and mouth so I could only nod.
His hand toyed with the bottom of my tee shirt. His voice dropped, “Will you take this off for me?”
Even though his mouth still trailed light touches over my mouth, and jaw he’d left the decision up to me. Nerves pulsed and while some of it was fear, it wasn’t fear of him.
“No.” The word came out hoarse and shaky. I’d never been able to say no before. Uttering it had no meaning to anyone in this position before.
“All right.”
I stiffened with surprise when he turned his head and rubbed his mouth along my jaw and trailed it to my ear.
“I know what no means, Bianca. I have no problems with it.” He kissed the shell of my ear before sliding off to my side. “Is it okay if I sleep here tonight?”
“That’s it?”
He chuckled and yawned. “Yeah. That’s it. Whenever you’re ready. I’m not generally a patient man, but for you…” his voice trailed off as he shifted more comfortably next to me.
I rolled to my side to watch him cozy down in my bed. His eyes were half-closed and he did appear content to sleep beside me with no promise of anything else. The idea that I could tell him no and he’d still be comfortable sleeping next to me made me feel wanted.
Desired.
I played with the hem of my shirt, considering him. Was I ready for this? For him. When his head turned and his dimple winked out at me I made my decision. No one made me feel the way Nicholas could. Sitting up without speaking I lifted the shirt and tossed it over the side of the bed.
The sleepiness was gone from his face and he watched unabashed as I returned to my position in bed. He turned up on his side and his eyes dropped to my chest.
“You’re beautiful, you know that?” His hand feathered over my breast and I gasped. His fingers pinched the very tips ever so slightly. Electricity ran along my spine curving my back into his hands.
His grin was vibrant in the dark room. “Sensitive are we?” Nicholas leaned back into me trailing kisses down my neck and collarbone to the peaks of interest. He lavished attention on one breast then the other. His tongue lapped even as his teeth nipped. The combined touches had fire pumping through my veins.
“Walker.” My voice shook and was anything but confident. My hand tangled in his hair and held tightly. I felt like I was flying and falling at the same time. The sensation was entirely new and not completely pleasant.
He placed another barely there kiss between my breasts. “Do you trust me?” He waited for my answer. Did nothing more than careless caresses while he waited.
“Yes.” I didn’t know what I was agreeing to, but I knew I trusted him. I wasn’t scared of him.
Warning bells were going off. I knew this was a bad idea. The bells weren’t necessary but dammit just for a moment longer. Just let me feel what love might feel like a moment longer. Then I’d stop him.
Nicholas moved lower, the blanket discarded to the side. He shifted off the end of the bed and grabbing behind my knees lightly tugged so my legs hung over the edge. He knelt between my legs and toyed with my belly button with his tongue. The fact that he wasn’t the least bit bothered by the extra weight I wore both exhilarated and terrified.
“Walker?” I gasped and couldn’t stop my hips from lifting when he nibbled not so gently on the rim of my navel.
“Do you trust me?” His voice had dropped an octave and turned husky.
“I’m getting tired of you asking that.” I forced the words out between gulps of air.
His hands played with the edges of my panties. “Will you let me take these off?”
Tension coiled and not just from anticipation. Be completely naked? In front of this beautiful, chiseled man?
“You’ve seen me naked.” He lightly followed his fingers with his teeth and tongue. I bit back a moan when his teeth clamped down where hip and leg met.
I lifted my hips in silent agreement when he tugged on the material once more. Breathing was becoming more and more of a problem but I knew I didn’t want him to stop. Definitely didn’t want him to stop.
He dropped kisses along the inside of my leg as he tugged the panties off. Then he trailed kissed back up. When his breath tickled my very exposed sex modesty—or insecurity I wasn’t going to pick which—had a hand moving to cover up. Nicholas caught the hand and kissed the fingers before moving it run through his hair.
“You might want to hold on for this.” He murmured and leaned in.
He was right. My hand fisted as his tongue ran from top to bottom and back again. He made a sound that was more suited for eating gourmet meals not pussy and caused a flood of desire I couldn’t control. The vibrations from it had shakes running up and down my legs.
His mouth savored the way he might have his favorite desert. His teeth on my clit forced a cry through my lips and I bit down cutting it off. Nicholas immediately drew back.
“Don’t do that,” he commanded. “Make whatever fucking noise you want to make. Don’t hold yourself back.”
I took several ragged breaths. “Sorry.”
He wasted no time diving back in. I went into sensation overload when he added fingers to the mix. The orgasm slammed through me and I was almost sure I screamed and pulled his hair. Fireworks was a poor description for the result of Nicholas’s mouth. Very poor.
“Better then chocolate.” I heard him say over my unsteady panting. As he climbed back up the bed he tugged on the covers bringing them back over us.
He wrapped an arm around me and pulled me to drape over him. His hand ran soothing circles up and down my still shaking body. He had stated he wasn’t a cuddler so this came as a nice surprise. He placed a chaste kiss to my forehead.
“Now, we can go back to sleep.” He murmured and indeed it sounded like he was about to pass out. “No nightmares tonight, okay, Songbird?”
“But you…” I trailed off. “Nightmares?” The thought made me shiver and Nicholas’s earlier actions because a little clearer. I would never confuse him with my past but there was no safe way to dive into that right now.
“Go to sleep, Songbird.” Nicholas muttered again.
“But,” I ran my hand down his side and fondled with the edge of his sweatpants. I wasn’t sure I wanted to attempt sex just yet as sensitive as everything was, but certainly he wasn’t going to drop off without some relief for himself. I had already broken my unspoken rule. How worse could actual sex make this situation?
He grabbed my hand and brought it back up to his chest. He rested both our hands over his heartbeat, which surprisingly was unsteady as mine. “Go to s
leep,” he said again and pinned by both his arms I could do little else but obey.
I couldn’t breathe. Well, I could but I felt like there was an elephant on my chest. I lay on my stomach and apparently Nicholas was the human blanket.
He weighed more than he looked. Using my pitiful arms, I tried for a push up to shake him off and my arms collapsed like toothpicks. I couldn’t even reach any delicate skin to pinch and get him off. Dammit.
Nicholas shifted and pressed more fully against me. His sweatpants did nothing to disguise what he worked with and I suppressed most of the quiver. His nose rubbed where my neck and shoulder joined. “Can’t be time to get up yet.” His words though muffled and rough with sleep were still easy to decipher.
“It is for me. Get off,” I hissed and shifted—or at least tried to—away.
He grumbled and snaked an arm under me.
“No.” I choked on the word as soon as his questing hand pressed against my mound. When he stroked lazily I managed to push out, “We don’t have time.”
“Plenty of time for this.”
I should have argued. I should have certainly put up more of a protest. Not that it would have mattered. When his fingers sunk in I rocked back and time no longer mattered.
We were late to breakfast. Thank God that’s all we were late for. I paced while he ate.
He hadn’t let me touch him again this morning. Not after he had his way in bed or even when he joined me in the shower. The relationship was completely one sided and not even by choice.
I didn’t know if that was supposed to make me feel comfortable or frustrated. I knew irritation was at the forefront though. I didn’t like that he got nothing but made sure I was sated. In fact, thinking about it pissed me off even more.
“Not eating?” Arc asked with brows raised.
I checked my watch again. “Mr. Walker, you have an appointment in thirty minutes. Are you finished?”
“She’s calling him Mr. Walker.” Arc leaned over and whispered to Max, “What do you think he did now to piss her off?”
I rolled my eyes. “You guys are supposed to meet us at the concert hall at two, we’ll have lunch, and sound check starts at four—”
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