“We have thirteen days to get there. If we don’t have something at the end of the week we need to scratch it. It’ll still be less of a hit than letting Nicholas trash any more property.”
“Unfortunately true,” Ezra muttered something I didn’t bother trying to make out. “Like I said. I’ll let you know when I know.”
“That’s fine. I’ll run over the changes tonight with the schedule you send over. We’ll worry about changes as needed.”
“You’re awfully calm about this.”
I shrugged. “No point in stress. What needs to happen will. I firmly believe that.”
“As you say.”
Schedule copies made? Check.
Water cups set up? Check.
Chairs neatly lined up and facing front? Check.
Lines of the gun hidden under my skirt? Check.
Going down the pointless checklist helped calm my nerves. There was no reason to be nervous, I’d scheduled tours before. I knew how the numbers worked.
This tour held more importance than others. Detachment wasn’t as easy to come by as I had hoped. I supervised bigger tours in the past. I oversaw more important people on the stage before. And yet… I couldn’t seem to shake the idea that Nicholas was more important than all of those combined.
All twenty men were on time. With my threat looming there was no reason to believe they would be late. Nicholas of course sat in the back and Arc was curiously right in my face in the front. His attention was rapt and I wasn’t sure if it was genuine or not.
I was slapped with the realization that I was the only woman in power on the tour as I stood in front of the small crowd. I hadn’t thought about it before but staring out at the scruffy faces, beards, and general bulk of the men it was hard to deny.
“Thanks for coming guys.”
“What’s this about?” Jimmy seemed crankier than usually.
I sighed, “In light of recent events the tour is being adjusted.” I handed out papers and waited for Nicholas to get a copy before continuing. “After conferring with Ezra for the better part of the day we’ve decided the tour will be cut back to five weeks remaining instead of eleven.”
“Yes,” Nicholas’s fists went up into the air and I tilted my head.
“Something you want to say?” I asked sweetly with a smile.
“What?” He glanced around. “Sorry, no. Please continue.”
“Las Vegas is next. We won’t be stopping in Phoenix after all. This is also going to cause longer driving times.” I looked at our drivers. “But I made adjustments to the driving schedule and it shouldn’t be a problem. If it is I’d like to know about it before pulling out tomorrow night. No bitching behind my back.”
“Looks sound.” Doug flipped back and forth through the schedule once and nodded. The other drivers took their cues from him and their heads bobbed. I got the impression Doug was the veteran of our drivers and what he said went. I was glad to have him on my side.
“Jimmy, your new schedule is included here as well. Is there any issue you can foresee?”
“I don’t see why we have to make any changes at all. The current schedule was fine.”
I saw Nicholas’s face fall and could feel him withdrawing from the room. I made my voice firm and unquestionable. “Ezra and I have decided on this. You don’t have the authority at this point to question why. You simply have to do. Can you do it or do I need to find someone else?”
Nicholas’s eyes were on me but his face was unreadable.
“She’s got a scary boss voice.” Arc’s mock whisper to Max was anything but quiet. “Do you think she has the scary mom voice too?”
“She’s a woman.” Max didn’t bother to pretend whisper. “Of course she has the scary mom voice too. They’re born with it.”
Jimmy glared at me and I could tell he was considering. “It’s fine. Not a problem.”
I nodded. “The venues already have been rearrange as well as the rest of the schedule. All we have to do from this point is make our times.”
“We’re good.” Doug stretched his legs and grinned. “We’ll get you there.”
“Good.” I nodded. “These copies are for you to keep. Any questions from this point on you can certainly direct to me. Ezra is in New York for the next three days and is unavailable. He is aware that changes would be met with some complaints, and is willing to hear those when he gets back. Any questions now? Obi you’re clear to leave for Vegas whenever you’re ready.”
“The girl will be happy to get this.” Denton sent me a tentative smile. He looked a little relieved that we wouldn’t be on tour another eleven weeks. Knowing how much it taxed Nicholas, and add in female hormones and I could only sympathize with his pain. Everyone benefited from the change.
Obi chin tipped me after reading over the papers one last time. No one else spoke. I paused just a moment longer then nodded as well.
“You’re dismissed then.” I gestured to the door. “Jimmy, a moment please.”
I waited until even Nicholas and the guys left the room. “I’d like to know what your problem is with me.”
He looked at his shoes.
“I’m serious. I’m trying to do my job and you’re not being polite or professional at all. So, what’s the issue?”
“Women have no place on a tour.” If he had chewing tobacco it would probably be on my foot. As it was I forced myself not to give him any ground when he entered my personal space and looked down at me.
“I see.” And unfortunately he wouldn’t be the only one to harbor that sentiment. I’d come across it before and was just as unimpressed by it now. “Ezra’s paying me to do a job. Am I or aren’t I doing that job?”
“You keep interfering.” He crossed his arms and jutted his chin out. “You stick your nose into my work, and undermine me in front of the crew.”
And the real problem came to light. “I think you’re forgetting one vital fact, Jimmy. You’re not the boss here. I am. That means I’m allowed to breath down your neck and look over your shoulder. It’s what Ezra is paying me to do. Don’t like it? Just say the word and I’ll get someone out here who actually knows the tree of authority for the tour. I have the power to do so. We both know it.”
“I’ll finish here.” He scowled. “You can deal with the rest of the tour.”
I nodded. “As you wish.”
I watched him go, a little relieved I didn’t have to fire him. At least with him quitting the resentment that might have affected the performances of other shows wouldn’t occur. I made note in my phone to give Jimmy his severance package anyway. Just for making my life easier.
Nicholas stuck his head in. “Can I talk to you?”
I checked the time before looking up at him. I smiled, “Sure. We have this room for another few minutes. Something wrong?”
“Not really.” He stepped in and closed the door behind him. “Why did you really spend hours readjusting the schedule with Ezra?”
I considered the pros and cons of the truth and studied his face. Since curiosity was the only thing reflected back I went with the truth. I stepped forward and took his arm leading him out. “Because I don’t like seeing you unhappy. And it wasn’t anything major.”
Henry waited in the hall and fell into step behind us. He remained a polite distance behind but close enough he could intercede if something happened.
“Major to me. Why didn’t you ask me?” Still no anger.
I shrugged. “I didn’t want to give you false hope if Ezra didn’t go for it.”
He reached across and his fingers played with the ones I still had on his arm. He didn’t say anything the entire walk back to the rooms we had booked.
“Did you want a companion for tonight?” I broke the silence, fully prepared to have Henry bring the car around.
“No. Ah.” Nicholas cleared his throat. “No more girls.”
My brows drew together of their own violation. “Why?”
He shrugged this time but didn’t provide an ans
wer.
I stopped in front of my door. While I would miss his company, since no one would be sleeping in his bed anymore, he could. No more snore companion.
“Would you like to come in?” I slid my key into the lock, swinging it open when the light turned green. “The guys are probably around maybe we can get a few games together.”
Nicholas lifted a shoulder and followed me into the room. “I’m not big on the games they play.”
“Bowling in the hall?” I set my phone on the charger as he laughed.
“Among other things.”
When I turned, I knocked solidly into him and stumbled. His hands caught me by the hips and held me into place. His eyes were intense and serious. My pulse jackknifed.
“Walker. What’s wrong?” That wasn’t my voice was it? That sounded entirely too…winded and weak.
He took a step forward and I took a step back. That was all the space I had before my ass pressed against the dresser. He took another step forward and I couldn’t evade his body pressing against mine.
“Walker.” I snapped a finger under his nose. My voice shook slightly but not from fear. There was no way I as a woman would survive whatever required him to pin me to furniture. “What are you doing?”
“I’m tired of playing pretend.” He still watched me with dark, unwavering eyes. The amber ring was lost again but this wasn’t anger. “All the girls.” He shrugged and dipped his head to rest his forehead against mine. “Just a substitute for what I really want.”
This kiss was nothing like any of the others. He was rough but not in any kind of temper. His body pressed harder into mine and I had to grab the dresser behind me to keep from clutching at him. I did my best not to respond to the onslaught despite my weakening legs and sudden, uncomfortable dampness.
When his teeth nibbled on my lower lip I gasped and Nicholas dove deeper. I was drowning in sensation I’d never had before. It scared the shit out of me.
“What’s wrong?” he murmured against my mouth.
“I…” What could I say? What would be the best way to get out of this without hurting him? Without hurting me?
I couldn’t; someone was going to be in pain. I would have to hurt one of us. I closed my eyes and snapped my steel spine into place.
“Songbird?” Nicholas’s hand came up and traced my jaw. His eyes focused on mine and I knew I had to make this choice. For the both of us.
God, the memories hurt. I didn’t want the words to spill from my mouth. I knew how they would sound, and it could hurt him a little, but me, reliving that…
I opened my eyes and tried for a smile while my stomach pitched into my throat. “I don’t know what you like. I’m not sure—”
He frowned. “What I like?”
Just him repeating it made me feel small and ashamed but I had started this. I nodded slowly. “I need you to give me instruction. I don’t know if you want me to touch you or… Do you want me to moan or... I don’t know—”
He jerked back as if I had burned him. “What are you talking about?”
I couldn’t look at him. My throat had gone dry and it took everything I had to get the words out. “Sex. I think. I mean…you kissed me so… I assumed…” I toyed with the top button of my blouse. “Do you want to undo the buttons…?”
His mouth fell open and his eyes widened almost comically if the situation wasn’t so severe. “What. The. Fuck. Are. You. Talking. About.”
Nerves kept my fingers worrying the button. “What you like and what you don’t. Do you want me to…?” I had to swallow. “Just lie still so you can…”
“That’s not fucking sex. Who wants to have fucking sex like that?”
I flinched and tried to check the motion but he caught it. I closed my eyes and turned my head before the tears could escape as he stared in what couldn’t be mistaken for anything other than transparent horror. A single tear, dammit, slid down my exposed cheek.
“Songbird.” His voice was gentle and he reached out wiping the moisture away. “Did you want to have sex like that?” Damn him for being so perceptive.
I swallowed but still couldn’t find my voice to answer him.
“Answer me, Bianca. This is important.”
“When forced to choose either doing what I was told or being beaten until I could no longer protest…” I trailed off, trying to get the bitterness in my tone under control. “What do you think?” That wasn’t any better, just defeated and tired.
He stepped back completely and more tears fell. His reaction wasn’t uncommon. Guys didn’t want broken, sullied girls. One had, and the memory of him almost dropped me to the floor in agony. How much pain was one girl supposed to be delivered in her lifetime?
“I…” Nicholas swore under his breath and I heard him walk away and the quiet click of the door. Well, I had accomplished my goal.
I let my knees give out and cried the rest of my tears.
Once my tears ran out, I forced myself up instead of crawling into the bath. Running the shower as hot as possible I climbed in hoping it would melt the ice in bones. Not that I had any hope of that.
The soaps were left forgotten on the shelf for the time being as water pummeled my shoulders and back. I bowed my head and for the moment just focused on the soothing slosh of liquid.
“Get a grip.” My voice echoed back in the bathroom. The sound wasn’t comforting but I continued with the lecture. “You’re so stupid for letting your heart get involved even a little. Friend zone. I am just a friend. He needs a friend. You need to get a grip on reality.”
Not inspirational words in the least but the self-scolding helped me find my spine. Now that I wasn’t being pressed against hard furniture with just as hard male flesh I could think with calm and rational ideas. I was right. I did what was best for both of us. Time to move on.
With a sigh, I reached for the shampoo and washed down for the night. Since I was alone for the first time in forever, I celebrated by foregoing pants or shorts. My tee shirt—well okay, Nicholas’s tee shirt—and underwear was enough for just me. I missed the freedom of skimpy clothes. Bussing across the country with a bunch of guys left little room to just be comfortable.
Since the silence of the room scrapped across my raw nerves I turned on the TV for sound as I passed it to sit in a recliner. Meticulously, I began rubbing my hair dry and prepping for the braid that I would sleep in.
Shit. I paused in braiding my hair. Should I go over and offer to find him a companion after all?
I hesitated and then continued braiding. No. He could go without for one damn night. I wanted the room to myself. I deserved that much after an emotional purge. We could go back to the old routine in Vegas. Surely he could hold out that long.
Besides I had bigger things to think about. Like replacing Jimmy. If Jimmy was the kind of guy he acted like, he’d take part of the crew with him too. I’d have to be given notice if that was the case. I went out to the other room for my phone.
I didn’t bother to sigh with the ten missed calls and voicemails. I just listened carefully and made note as to who needed replaced. What a damn mess.
Tyler would have laughed and rolled up his sleeves. The unwelcome memory stabbed pain through my chest so fierce and hard I gasped and stumbled blindly to a chair. Thinking of my husband twice in one night wasn’t safe for my emotional balance.
I never thought of Tyler. The one that was willing to wait for me. The one that died instead of me. Just his name caused pain I thought I had buried years ago. Getting mixed up with Nicholas in—whatever this was—messed up my walls and boundaries.
Tyler had been a wonderful person. I had felt safe with him. Loved. Whole. And, sighing a little I studied the date on my phone.
He’d been gone five years, four months, two weeks, three days, sixteen hours… and doing the math down to the minute was ridiculous so I didn’t. But I knew. Time stopped when Benjamin had shot Tyler with gleeful maliciousness. I knew to the exact second that gun had gone off.
In a roundabout way, Nicholas destroying some of my walls had pushed me into examining what I had closed. There could be no moving forward with Nicholas—not that I even considered it—without letting go or at least accepting parts of my past. I couldn’t expect a relationship with anyone, without facing this one thing.
My sweet, kind Tyler. God, how he could make me laugh. When a few tears fell it appeared that I wasn’t quite done crying. Would I ever stop crying over the one lost?
I scrubbed at my face and scoffed. This wasn’t solving any problems. All it was doing was causing heartache. I didn’t want, certainly didn’t need any more agony at the moment.
Nicholas needed a production manager. Everything else needed to go on the back burner until I had more time. This tour came first. Nicholas came first. Christ, what a mess.
My fingers played with the buttons on my phone without actually dialing anyone. I knew a lot of people from before. A lot of people that could help out and probably have Ezra doing a river dance in his office. But there was only one I trusted even after all this time with all my secrets.
His number never went into any of my phones. I maintained silence – complete any empty silence – since walking away. The reality of the situation was that I was about to call for a favor when I had maintained radio silence all this time.
His number appeared with a quick swipe across the keypad but I didn’t hit the green call button. I only stared for a long moment. Some part of me hoped that he’d given up on me ever coming back. That he’d changed the number. But I knew. Tyler Gracing might have been the love of my life, but Taylor Gracing had been my best friend before I had even know what that meant.
“Hello?” His voice was the same and my heart squeezed. Maybe his voice was just a little deeper. Maybe a little older. But still beautifully Eastern Shore.
“Hi, Taylor. It’s been a while.”
“Holy saints above.” He laughed, a wonderful excited sound. “Bella, you’ve called me.”
I winced. “Yes. I’ve called.”
“It’s been too long. Where are you? Can we meet for food?”
Songbird Page 11