Songbird

by Victoria Escobar

  “I’m tired of this hot and cold shit.” I fisted my hands in his hair and pulled. “Show me, Nicholas. Show me you actually want me.”

  I pressed my mouth to his in a hot, angry demand. The action was a dare. For both of us. Could I get passed my insecurities and did he really mean all the pretty words he gave me. Part of me wanted him to pull away, make some lame excuse, and the other part of me…was scared that he would and all the words he gave me were pretty lies.

  There was only a moment of hesitation before he groaned and reciprocated. One of his hands moved to cup my ass and grind me against his very present erection. The other tangled in my hair in an almost painful grip holding me in place while he feasted.

  There wasn’t anything gentle, soft or kind about the mating of our mouths. Our tongues tangled in a wild dance I was only too eager to do with other parts. Teeth nipped sensitive flesh, the pressure only excited me more.

  I let go of his hair to run hands over his shoulders, down his chest, around his waist to his back. The man had a body that women sang praise over and other men envied.

  Nicholas trailed kisses down my jaw. When I tilted my head back granting further access he brought teeth and tongue to the line of my neck. The hand in my hair moved to cup and flex around a breast. A moan shuddered through me when he clamped down a little harder than normal with both mouth and fingers.

  This was passion. Not that watered down shit he’d been passing off. Thank God.

  “Need to slow down.” He didn’t raise his face, just mumbled the words into my neck even as he flexed against my hips.

  I shook my head. “No. No. Don’t stop.”

  This was beyond a dare, beyond a challenge to prove truth from lie. I needed him in a way I had never needed or even wanted a man before. He set a hidden woman—a woman I didn’t even believe existed—loose inside and just this once I wanted to give into her carnal needs and wanton demands. Give in to his too.

  “Bathroom. We’re in a bathroom.” Nicholas shuddered when my nails dug into his ass and pulled him closer.

  “We were in the shower before.” I moved my hands around to his belt buckle.

  “Different.” He didn’t quite hide the groan when my hands brushed the tented fabric.

  “Same room.” I breathed and got his belt open enough to slide my hand in. He was hot and just a little bigger than anything I had experience with. Surprisingly there was no fear of tangling with his larger than average cock.

  “Fuck.” He shuddered and his hand on my ass tightened. “No privacy.” He managed.

  I pulled his head back up with a hand in his hair to kiss him again. His mouth was frantic and hungry. He thrust into my squeezing hand contradicting his words silently. He wanted me; he wanted this.

  The knowledge of that exhilarated and ripped away my remaining inhibitions and doubts. I shifted and he stumbled back into the door.

  “There,” I murmured against his mouth and managed to fully unbuckle and open his pants with one hand. “Privacy.”

  “Songbird.” He broke off and swore when I dropped to my knees. “What are you doing?”

  “I think that’s obvious.”

  I didn’t give him a chance to think about it or protest. The air turned blue with his curses when I pressed kisses against his throbbing erection before swirling my tongue around his head. The slight tang and hardness of metal made me draw back and take a close look.

  “Oh, what’s this?” I didn’t let him answer instead I ran my tongue over and around the little metal ball on the underside of his dick. A second ball about an inch down was lavished with the same attention.

  Both of Nicholas’s hands fisted into my hair and he rocked his hips without checking the motion. “Songbird.” His voice was guttural, choked and full of silent plea.

  Granting mercy, I lightly nibbled my way back to the top and licked his leaking slit before drawing it in slowly sucking gently. His hands knotted further in my hair and his hips rocked once more. I let him slide himself further into my mouth, dragging my tongue along the underside of the shaft.

  My past might have been horrifying, but certain skills were useful. The ability to swallow without choking or suffocating for example. I shamelessly used it on Nicholas to the fullest extent.

  I drew him deeper, keeping the pressure constant. The sounds coming from him were better than any song. I glanced up through my lashes and couldn’t suppress my hum of pleasure. His hips jerked at the vibration and he cursed under his breath. The muscles of his thighs shook, the only sign of his fight with control.

  Control wasn’t in the plan. I wanted all of him, unrestrained and beautiful. Drawing him in fully into my mouth, I applied more than pressure. Reflexively, because I knew he wouldn’t have done it otherwise, he pulled my hair and thrust his hips fucking my mouth for a single heartbeat before shaking his head and trying to find his control again.

  All it took was gentle pressure on his balls to snap the remaining collar on his control. He bucked uncontrollably and held my head in place by my hair as he thrust himself in and out wildly. He cursed and groaned then stiffened as he exploded in my throat.

  I swallowed everything he gave me and licked him clean for good measure. His legs shook and he sank to the floor in front of me when I pulled away enough to give him space.

  His eyes were hooded and he looked a little drunk. I had to lean in and nibble at his dimple when he smiled. He let go of my hair finally and pulled me onto his lap. His hands cupped my ass again and his head dropped to nuzzle the hollow of my neck.

  “That,” he breathed deep and placed kisses wherever he could reach, “was fucking amazing.”

  Well, well. Someone liked to cuddle. Regardless of his claims otherwise.

  After a moment his hands rose up my back and around my sides. He froze and fondled at the gun holstered along the side of my breast.

  “What’s this?” His words were slow and lazy, a clear sign of good sex—or in this case great head.

  I stroked his hair. “Henry’s not the only one protecting you.”

  “Huh.” He skimmed his hands up over my shoulders and wrapped around them to pull me down chest to chest with him. “Does this mean we’re a couple now?”

  “Are you going to let me touch you? Really touch you?”

  “Did it look like I stopped you?”

  “You fought valiantly.” I stated soberly and dropped my head onto his shoulder.

  He chuckled then after a moment glanced around the bathroom. “The paper got trampled.”

  “No great loss.”

  “I meant what I said. I’d like you to finish it.” His arms turned to bands of steel when I attempted to push off him. “We still have five weeks on tour, Songbird. You can’t run from me.”

  Mood souring just a little I turned my head into his neck and bit down. He yelped and jerked one hand into my hair, yanking my head back. His eyes narrowed on mine.

  “That was dirty.”

  I licked my lips and sent him a wicked smile. “But you taste so good.”

  His eyes went hot for an entirely different reason and he yanked me forward. Our mouths collided and teeth clicked until he shifted enough to seal his mouth over mine. I shuffled forward enough to throw a leg over him to properly straddle his lap.

  Strong banging echoed on the door above us. Nicholas sighed and pulled back enough to look up where someone was vibrating the wood.

  “What?”

  “Sound check, man.” The door did nothing to muffle the amusement in Max’s voice. “Guy and Taylor figured out the stage deal so we’re full steam ahead. This means you need to get your ass out here and stop molesting Stilts.”

  “She molested me first.” Nicholas grinned at me.

  “You’ve been molesting her since Bluejay, man. I know you, remember? Put your dick away and let’s get to work.”

  “It’ll only take me ten minutes to kill him. I promise.” Nicholas pushed both of us to our feet.

  “It’s time for work.�
�� I brushed at my clothes but the wrinkles from his manhandling weren’t something my hands could smooth down.

  Nicholas grumbled but straightened himself out as well.

  “I do have a question.” I met his eyes in the mirror as I washed my hands again.

  “Shoot.”

  “Why aren’t you wearing any underwear?”

  “They’re only to keep me from being arrested for indecent exposure.”

  I blinked. “Wait, what?”

  “He only wears underwear so we don’t go blind.” Max rapped on the door again. “Can we finish this conversation later?”

  “Peeping Tom,” Nicholas’s mutter was at odds with the amused glint in his eyes.

  “I can’t see a thing through this wood. That’s not peeping.”

  “And if you had seen anything you’d be a blind man.” Nicholas ran his hands down my back I think in an attempt to smooth out my blouse.

  “We humor his inability to share.” Max said in an off handed tone.

  “I’m going to kill you.” Nicholas yanked the door open and came face to face with not just Max, but Guy and Arc too. Taylor at least had the decency to be leaning against the couch a few paces away from the door.

  Nicholas scowled. “Really, guys?”

  “Go,” I waved a wet hand. “Stage director is probably waiting on you. I’ll be out in a minute.”

  Nicholas shifted enough to tug on my hair and kiss me stupid in front of the guys. Before I could gather my wits to protest he let go and stepped into the dressing room, shoving the guys away from the door.

  “Finish the song.” He stepped out of the room with the band at his heels.

  Leaning against the sink I dropped my head against the cold glass of the mirror and closed my eyes. I had originally kissed Nicholas to call his bluff. But he wasn’t bluffing. That more than anything else shook the foundation under my feet and I could use the time alone to think. I straighten and examined the rumpled woman in the mirror. How did I handle Nicholas when even while staring at my reflection I didn’t see what he saw?

  Taylor pushed up from the couch and walked over to lean against the door jamb. “As much as I hate the cliché, we need to talk.”

  “Now or can it wait?” I dried my hands and faced him. My good mood evaporated with his serious expression. There was nothing he could say that I hadn’t already told myself.

  I wouldn’t regret what I had done with Nicholas. The “come to Jesus” talk that was no doubt about to occur from my big brother wasn’t going to be anything new. He wouldn’t be wrong to warn me of…well all the warnings I had already given myself. Taylor was family though, so I would listen, and nod then figure out what exactly I was going to do next.

  “Now, since the band is preoccupied.” Taylor stepped back and gestured to the couch.

  “All right.” I walked over and sat. “What’s this about?”

  Taylor didn’t speak at first. He sat across from me and just looked. His foot tapped in a short staccato and he twisted the watch he wore round and round. “You know, bella, I know you.” He held up a hand when I opened my mouth to protest. “I know it’s been a while but I do know you.”

  “It’s been almost six years. People change.” I crossed my arms. “What’s this about Taylor?”

  “For two years we stayed in each other’s pockets. I could tell your mood before you even knew. You could tell mine. Mom used to joke we were telepathic.” Taylor drummed his fingers on the arm of the chair. “So, I know you’re already trying to find a way to shut him out. To shut us all out. Again.”

  I shrank a little in my seat. “I’m not.”

  Taylor lifted a brow. “Oh really?” He waited me out. The canny bastard.

  “He deserves better.” I rubbed hands over my face unable to look at him. I knew what Taylor would think. He was after all family. Still, he said the words aloud.

  “Possibly. You know what always intrigued me?” Taylor picked up a messenger bag I hadn’t seen and crossed to sit next to me setting the bag back on the floor. “You never once ever reach for something you deserve to have. It’s okay to you if bella gets left behind, overlooked. It’s okay for you to shove people in the direction you believe best for them. But what about what’s best for bella? Why aren’t you allowed to reach for happiness too? Talk to me, Bianca. What’s really wrong?”

  I pinched the bridge of my nose and closed my eyes. “I can’t fall in love with Nicholas.” My words were barely a whisper. “There’s no way it can work. I deserve to protect my heart.”

  “You’re allowed to love.” Taylor wrapped an arm around me. ‘”You loved before.”

  “See how well that worked out? And Tyler was different. So much different than Nicholas. I had time and space and just… I don’t know. This is…weird. God, Nicholas annoys me most of the time.” I laughed but it was a hollow sound. “If he knew, he’d probably run screaming into the night.”

  “Hm.” Taylor squeezed a little tighter. “The reputation of Nicholas Walker precedes him. Is that what you’re worried about? The other women?”

  “This isn’t love,” I shoved at him with my shoulder. “Are you listening to me? There’s something wrong with how I feel. This is just lust or something. We’re on tour. I’m a convenience.”

  “And there you are shutting him out again. Pushing away. Preparing for a disappointment that has no inkling of occurring. Why?” Taylor sighed. “Let’s consider this. How does he feel?”

  I lifted my shoulders in a half shrug. “I don’t know. He said something about monogamy and being committed to one person. I don’t take half of what he says seriously.”

  You give me music. His quiet words floated through my mind. If I believed nothing else I knew Nicholas’s music was one of if not the most important thing to him. Where did that put me on the scale if I was the muse?

  “Why not?”

  “He wants to be the purple yam.” Giving up, I leaned into Taylor.

  “They are delicious, unique, and quite possibly rare for the staple American diet.” Taylor rubbed my shoulder. “Not really a bad thing to be compared to. I think it’s time to try something new.”

  Taylor lifted the bag off the floor again and dumped it into my lap. “These are yours.”

  “Mine?” I opened the bag and my heart squeezed so tight I thought it could be a heart attack.

  Randomly I pulled out a notebook and flipped through it. These were finished pieces not yet assigned to a larger production. Another notebook revealed half finished work. There were ten other notebooks but I couldn’t bear to pull them out.

  “Yours.” Taylor agreed. “I think it’s time for bella to stop running. We are here now. And we will protect you.”

  “We couldn’t protect Tyler.” I stuffed the notebooks away.

  “And there’s the rub. That’s what’s bothering. Not that Nicholas deserves better. Not that you may be falling in love with him. What bothers you is you don’t have the power to stop a madman. But Bella, no one does. We can only work with what we have at the time that we have it.”

  “Benjamin is still out there.” My voice cracked. “I won’t risk any of you.”

  “You’re taking away our choices, bella. If I believed you were actually protecting us I might accept that. But I don’t believe you are. You can’t.” Taylor patted my shoulder and stood. “Look through the notebooks. I will quote our favorite movie. Remember who you are. Embrace it. Don’t let the madman win.”

  “Yes, because being sexually abused by my foster family who turned out to be conmen and thieves is something to embrace.”

  “Good to know your sarcasm isn’t broken.” Taylor ruffled my hair. “You were once critically acclaimed as the next Webber. You brought Broadway to its knees with your translation of Dorian Gray. Your net worth without being partner nearly breaks a hundred million.”

  “Once upon a lifetime ago.” I waved it away.

  “Not as long ago as the scared teenager Tyler fell in love with. Not as long a
go as a romantic proposal. Not as long ago as a happily married couple and a woman secure in the fact she was loved.”

  I sighed.

  “You know what’s interesting that you haven’t even realized?”

  “You’re going to tell me anyway so go for it.” I waved a hand at him.

  “Tyler spent a year earning your trust just to touch your shoulder or your hand without you freaking out. Nicholas grabbed you by the hair and kissed you stupid and all you did was act annoyed and you’ve known him what? Two weeks?”

  I scrubbed my hands over my face. “I told you this was different. This is completely weird and… Christ, I don’t know. It’s messed up. I don’t know what I’m doing. I know it’s crazy. Do you think I don’t? I’ve tried stopping it…him. Whatever. I have.”

  “Then maybe you aren’t meant to stop it. Maybe this right now, whatever it is, is meant to happen.” He spoke gently offering comfort in his voice. “Maybe you’re not supposed to know what you’re doing. Try going with the flow. Just this once. See what happens. You might be surprised.”

  “I love Tyler,” I insisted.

  “There are all forms of love, bella. I love you.”

  My head snapped up and he smiled. “What?”

  Taylor nodded. “I’ve loved you longer than Tyler has I think but it’s not the same as what Tyler gave you. It’s not meant to be. Every love is different. Every love changes our lives differently. Maybe Tyler’s love was meant to show you that you could be loved. And maybe if you fall in love with Nicholas that will show him that he can be loved. That his promiscuous ways are unfounded.”

  “It’s not love.” I pushed to my feet and paced across the room. “It’s some twisted form of lust. Have you seen his body?”

  He held up his hands. “As you say. I’m not trying to fight with you. I’m simply stating you may wish to consider that you might have come full circle. I’m going to check on the crew. But Bella, I think you deserve to take control of your life back. You deserve happiness too.”

  He stepped out quietly, leaving me with the bag full of memories and a sinking feeling that he was right.