by S. Moose
Nicholas: She’s been on and off. Everything’s okay, though. How are you?
Me: I’m okay. Feeling kinda sick too, but I’ll be fine.
Nicholas: Do you need me to come over after work? Larry wants to check out this new jazz club. I was wondering if you wanted to come along too? Lexi wasn’t sure either, but I’d like you there.
“He asked you to go out tonight, huh?” I nod. “Let’s go and have fun.”
Letting out a sigh, I agree and wonder if I should invite Jensen. He’s been pulling overnights for the past few days. Maybe he’ll be working. I should ask him; I can’t be a bitch.
Me: I’ll see you tonight.
Nicholas: I can’t wait to see you, Angel.
Me: Me too.
Lexi and I talk about tonight for a few more minutes until Jensen comes in with a tray of food. My heart sinks, knowing what I’m doing to him. This is wrong on so many levels, yet, I’m too selfish to let Jensen go. What if it doesn’t work out with Nicholas and he stays with Jamie? I don’t want to be alone and Jensen’s a good man. Even though right now I don’t deserve him. Having him in my life feels safe.
“Thanks again for making this for me,” I tell him, putting away my phone.
“Anytime, babe. I wanna make sure you’re feeling good. Listen; I gotta work a double tonight. The hospital is short, so I’ll be in the ER again.”
“Sleep, then. I’m gonna eat and then probably sleep too.”
A smirk comes across his face. “What if I don’t wanna sleep?”
“Well, you have to and I don’t feel good.” I stick out my tongue and he tries nipping it. Shaking my finger at him, I toss a pillow to his face, “Down, boy! Go to sleep!”
“Fine.” An exasperated sigh comes from him “You’re not playing fair.”
“Nope, never!”
We haven’t done much. He’s definitely trying, though. I like the way things are with Jensen. It isn’t complicated and there are no skeletons in his closet ready to come out and wreck us. I’m pretty lucky to have a boyfriend as caring and patient as he is. Maybe one day I can give him my all; not right now, though. Not for a while.
It’s nine o’clock when we get to the jazz club. I look down at the outfit I’m wearing. Brown wedges with a white strapless dress and a light brown cardigan. My hair is in soft curls and my makeup on the heavier side to cover the under-eye circles plaguing my face.
I loop my arm through Lexi’s as we walk in and find Nicholas sitting at a table, watching someone on stage playing the piano. He looks at peace sitting there, wearing a baby blue shirt and denim jeans. My mouth waters looking at him and it’s just the back of him! I seriously have issues.
The atmosphere is light and soft in the club. Escape is supposed to be the hottest live jazz club in Wilmington. So far, it’s nice and classy.
We walk towards the table as he turns around and our eyes lock. To say that everything changes between us is an understatement. I kick myself for walking away from him. When he’s near me, I find myself falling into his arms and telling him never to let me go. He’ll never know what’s inside my heart and the hurt I feel every day. He’ll never see my eyes and the pain they convey. Deep down, I know he loves me, and he’s in a difficult situation. But I don’t know what that means for us in the future.
Yet, all I can think about is the now. And right now, I want to feel his body near mine.
“Hi,” he whispers, standing in front of me. I didn’t see him coming. I breathe him in. He smells like my Nicholas, minty and clean.
“Hi,” I whisper back. Neither of us move. It’s just us in the room and it feels so right.
“You look beautiful tonight,” he says, inching closer to me, placing his arm around my waist. Feeling his arm on me makes my body relax and the desire soars through my body.
“You do too.” Shit, I can’t breathe. How does he have all this control over me?
“No Jensen?” I shake my head. “So it’s just us?” I nod my head. “Can I get you a drink?”
“Please.”
He nods for me to sit down and I do. Lexi and Larry stare at me, not saying a word. Shit, we did ignore everyone. I can do this. I can sit here next to him and be okay.
SEEING HER IN THAT DRESS AND SHOES, WITH HER HAIR THE WAY I LOVE IT, BRINGS ME BACK TO THE DAYS WHEN IT WAS JUST HER AND ME. I’m not good being around her. I can’t think clearly. She brings out another part of me that I’ve kept hidden, even from Jamie. She’s my lifeline and this moment with her, here with me, means everything. Holding my drink in my hand, I take a few deep breaths to clear my head, but then I feel her near me and everything is instantly clear. Before she says anything, a slender woman with short brown hair gets on stage and a soulful song slips from her lips.
And will I always be broken?
Will you always walk away?
Will I always try to find the words
Or something more to make you stay?
Will you see right through me
Like I'm not even here?
Will there ever be enough to make you want me
To take away the fear?
That I'm all alone, no one's gonna save me
Afraid of the unknown?
I'll burn like fire, melt like ice
I'm more than every single vice
I have to keep the pain away
I'm only human, skin and bones
No one here to call my own
I know there's nothing I can do
I'm not the prettiest, but I can be beautiful for you
Will you hold me closer?
And will you say my name?
Do you know how much I love you, how much I need you?
Do you feel the same?
Will you promise forever?
Or will you break me down?
You've become a part of me
And I wish I didn't need you now
And I'm all alone, no one's gonna save me
Afraid of the unknown
I'll burn like fire, melt like ice
I'm more than every single vice
I have to keep the pain away
I'm only human, skin and bones
No one here to call my own
I know there's nothing I can do
I'm not the prettiest, but I can be beautiful for you
But I've made up my mind
I won't talk myself out of it this time
You've made me feel alive again
I'll do anything to make you mine
I'll burn like fire, melt like ice
I'm more than every single vice
I have to keep the pain away
I'm only human, skin and bones
No one here to call my own
I know there's nothing I can do
I'm not the prettiest, but I can be beautiful for you.
When the song’s over, applause bursts through. The lyrics of the song hit me. We both make each other feel alive. There’s no doubt she still loves me. I can tell whenever I touch her, kiss her, whenever I’m inside her. Her body knows me and doesn’t want me to go.
Since she’s been back in Wilmington, things seem better. Sure, we have our moments and we’re trying to make this work, but I know it’s not easy on her. It’s not easy for either of us.
Feeling her near me, I turn around and find my Angel looking straight at me. I look at Karly and see the tears in her eyes. I want to be the only one who wipes her tears and makes her feel better.
“I’ll never give up on us.” I kiss her cheek, but before I can say anything else, she turns and walks away. This time, I’m not letting her go. “Karly! Wait!”
She stills, but doesn’t turn around. “What do you want, Nicholas? Please just tell me.” She sobs, her shoulders shaking. Quickly, I bring her in my arms and hold her close. Her arms wrap around my waist. “This isn’t fair. We were supposed to be forever. This was supposed to be us. I’m with Jensen and you’re with Jamie. We can’t do this.”
“Yes, we can. Brea
k up with Jensen and wait for me.” I know I’m begging her, but I don’t know what else to do. I’ve been messing up so much lately. She doesn’t deserve this and we deserve to be together. “I want you. Stay with me, please. You’re everything to me and what I need.”
“But you’re with Jamie. I can’t be the other woman.” She pushes me away. I’m losing her. No, I can’t lose her, not again.
This is it. I have to tell her the truth. She deserves to know and I need to stop keeping things from her. “Jamie’s dying. She has cancer.”
SHE’S DYING. YOU’RE KIDDING ME! NICHOLAS GAVE US UP TO GIVE JAMIE A CHANCE TO REDEEM HERSELF? He risked it all, his own happiness and mine, so Emma can have a chance with her mom before she dies. My poor Nicholas.
“What did you say?”
“Jamie has cancer. She came to me and asked me for help. I did this for Emma and to give Jamie some more time. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I would be able to tell you, but she asked me to keep it between us. I know I took a risk and I’m sorry.” His hands find their way to my face, making me look into his eyes. “It’s you, Karly. You bring out the life in me. You keep me alive and show me what it’s like to truly feel love.”
“What are we gonna do?” This is all too much information to process. He lied. He lied to me and he helped her. “I don’t know what to do, Nicholas. I get it. You did this to help her, but you still left.”
“I know and I’ll never forgive myself. I want you, Karly. I just want you. You’re the reason and my why. I miss you,” he says, holding my hands. Without thinking, I throw my arms around his neck and kiss him with everything I have. A deep moan comes from his lips as we pull each other closer together. This kiss ignites a fire between the two of us and I never want to let go. Forgetting about our past and putting what I want before what I know is right. But this is right.
Nicholas pulls away from me, placing his forehead on mine. “I love you so much,” he struggles to say. “Please tell me this is real.”
“Of course.” I take his hand and place it on my heart. “Feel that? After all this time, you still leave me feeling breathless and my heart races for you.”
And I mean that. Only for Nicholas.
“I need you again, Angel. Come.”
Without a second thought, I place my hands in his and follow him a few blocks away to the Hilton. He quickly reserves a suite for the two of us and, while he does that, I send a text to Lexi letting her know I’m okay and not to worry.
“Angel?”
“Here, baby.”
We take the elevator to the fiftieth floor. I’m in his arms as we watch the numbers blink, letting us know what floor we’re on. As soon as it beeps, we’re out the door and heading to our room. This is it. Another night with Nicholas, my heart, my love.
“I need you tonight, Angel. I need to feel you letting go.”
“I’ll give you everything you need, Nicholas. Because this is it for us. We’re back together. I know things are bad right now, but I also know your heart is mine as mine is yours.”
“Forever, Angel. It’ll be hard for the next few months, but please be patient with me.”
“I will always be patient. That’s what love does to you. We have to accept the flaws and go down the path of love. You make me believe that and I’m holding that close to my heart.”
Nicholas unlocks the door and we rush in, tearing off our clothes and kissing as if it’s the last time. There’s fever and passion in our touch and kiss. We need this again, until forever.
His eyes stare into mine and glow with love and a hint of darkness. He wants this too and he wants me again. Just looking at him takes my breath away. Pushing me on the bed, he slowly takes off each wedge and trails his tongue from my ankle to my inner thigh.
“God, you smell so fucking good.” His voice is husky and sexy, full of want, and he wants me.
“Nicholas! Please, please. I need you.”
“Tell me what you want, Angel. What do you need?”
“I need to feel you inside me again. Make love to me and never let me go.”
“Never. I’m never letting you go. You. Are. Mine. Forever. Please. Don’t. Leave. Me. Again.”
“No, baby.” I get up, placing my hands on his face. “Please don’t leave me. I couldn’t live if I lost you again.” Tears flow from my eyes. I can’t hold my sobs anymore.
“No, no. Don’t cry. I’m here now. It’ll be hard for a little bit, but we’ll figure it out, okay?” I nod. “Now lie back down and let me love you.”
With his words, I listen to what he wants me to do and feel my heart beating fast in my chest. His hands are all over my body, hands moving up and into my hair. His chest is on mine, touching all my favorite spots. Kissing my ears, his lips travel my body, handling gently handling me. My body sets on fire with his touch and kisses. His mouth finds my breast, kissing and sucking, making me want more.
“Yes, oh my God, yes.”
“You’re so beautiful. I can’t get enough of you.” His mouth slides down to my belly as he moves my panties to the side, inserting both fingers and circling inside me. “Damn, Angel. You’re so wet. Ready for me, huh?”
“Always,” I breathlessly answer. “Always ready. Just for you.”
“Tell me I’m the only one who has touched you.”
“Yes, you are the only one! You’ll always be the only one!”
“Fuck!” His tongue makes love to my aching heat. He holds me still as my body climbs to orgasm.
“Yes! Yes! Ohhhh, Nicholas.”
Before I come down from the glorious orgasm, he slams into me, placing my legs around his waist. His fingers dig into my hips and I meet him with every thrust. I groan, screaming for more.
“I can’t get enough of you. I’ll never get enough.”
His words melt me. Each word is full of honesty and love. My Nicholas is back. This is what we’ve been waiting for. Taking this chance with him might leave me broken like before, but I have to try. We deserve our chance to be happy again. I fall more into his words and his heart. He owns me.
Flipping me on my stomach, he moves my ass up and spreads my legs, licking my back down to my ass. Oh shit. My ass! I tense, but when he tells me to relax, I start to and it actually feels good. I feel myself ready to come again.
“Mmmmm, tasty Angel. So tasty.” I giggle, wiggling my ass at him. “Oh, I’ll hit that, Angel, each and every time.”
He enters me again, and I feel him ready to let go. A few more thrusts and his body stills and his breath steadies. This is where I want to be. With Nicholas, in his arms, forever.
Reaching over and feeling an empty, cold spot, I wake up and find intense brown eyes gazing at me. Everything in me wakes up, and my heart wildly beats.
“Hi.”
“Hi,” I respond back, slowly getting up, wrapping the duvet around my body. “Is this real?” My hands are on his face, our breathing at the same pace.
“I hope so, or this is the cruelest dream.” Our lips softly meet, a passionate hunger of want and yearning. He lifts me onto his lap as I rest my head on his chest. I love listening to the beating of his heart. I love being this close to him. Nicholas’ expression is soft, but his eyes hold his true feelings – fear.
“What’s wrong?”
He looks away, softly speaking. “I’ve missed you.” He lets out a breath and sighs. “I hurt you. I hurt us. Are you back forever?”
“Always, Nicholas.”
“Marry me.”
WHAT!? I look at him with wide eyes. I’m not sure if I heard him correctly, but I’m pretty sure he asked me to marry him. I hold him at arm’s length and study his face and body language. There’s a necklace around his neck with a ring around it. My eyes close and I gulp. Why didn’t I notice the necklace before? Slowly picking up the ring between my fingers, I cover my mouth and shake my head.
“Nicholas?”
He puts me down and gets down on one knee. “You’re my life, Karly. Everything I wan
t and everything I need. You challenge me for the better and push me to be the man I need to be. We have our moments, but I wouldn’t want to wake up or fall asleep with anyone else except you. Marry me so I can show you every day how much I love you. I promise you, Angel, we’ll fall, but I’ll pick us back up and we’ll be whole again. We’re both going to make mistakes, but that’s part of life. We live and learn. Marry me, Angel. Be mine forever.”
Standing before him, looking in his eyes, I know what I want. His words hit my heart and as shitty as it is, he’s right. We’re going to fall and make mistakes. We’re going to hurt each other. But there’s no one else I want. “Yes.” I nod my head, covering my mouth. “Yes, I’ll marry you!”
The necklace snaps, laughter filling the ring as he slips the diamond ring on my finger. The solitary diamond is beautiful and glistens in the light. It’s huge and I can’t believe my ring finger is occupied.
“Wait, what about Jamie?”
He cups my face and kisses my forehead. “You let me handle her. Don’t worry, okay?” I nod. I trust him. He’ll figure it out. But for now, this is the only place I want to be. Curling up in his arms and resting my head over his heart, I breathe him in again, savoring this moment…our moment.
“Sleep, Angel. I’m here and I won’t leave you again.” He kisses my forehead and, finally, I fall asleep without any nightmares because I’m home again.
It’s early in the afternoon when I finally get home. Lexi and Larry are still sleeping, thank God. I don’t think I could handle their questions right now. Settling in my own bed, I take out my phone and text Bradley.
Me: Hi!
Bradley: Hey! What’s going on?
Me: I have to tell you something and you’re gonna freak out!
Bradley: Honey, what’s going on?
Me: Nicholas asked me to marry him and I said yes.
Bradley: What???????
Me: Jamie has cancer and he married her so he could take care of her and handle her bills, so yeah…I hope I’m doing the right thing.
Bradley: Just be careful, darling. It’s hard. I’m glad that he doesn’t really love her, but that’s pretty shitty about Jamie. What happened to Jensen? I thought you two hit it off?