The Russian Concubine
Page 53
Yes. Alexei Serov is your half-brother.
Satisfied?
Even now it makes me weep, my tears blur his name. And the countess had the sense to get out of Russia before the Red storm broke over us, so she was able to take with her the child and her money and her jewels. And left her poor cuckolded husband Count Serov to die by the blade of a Bolshevik sabre.
Now you know. That is why I would not have that green-eyed bastard in my house. His eyes are his father’s eyes.
There, dochenka. I am confessed. Do what you will with my secrets. I beg you to forget them. Forget Russia and Russians. Become my dear Alfred’s proper little English miss. It is the only way forward for you. So adieu, my precious daughter. Remember my wishes - an English education, a career of your own, never to be owned by any man.
Don’t forget me.
Poof, to hell with this craziness. I refuse to die yet, so this letter will grow old and yellow wrapped up in my best pair of silk French underwear. You will never know.
I want to kiss you, darling.
So much love,
from your Mama
Mama, Mama, Mama.
A torrent of emotions hit her. She hid herself in her room and shook so hard the paper quivered in her hand, but she couldn’t stop herself crowing with delight.
Papa alive! Papa. Alive. And a brother. Right here in Junchow. Alexei. Oh Mama. You make me angry. Why didn’t you tell me? Why couldn’t we have shared it?
But she knew why. It was her mother’s warped idea of protecting her daughter. It was the survival instinct.
Mama, I know you think I’m wilful and headstrong, but I’d have listened to you. Really I would. You should have trusted me. Together we . . .
An image of her father leaped out of nowhere. It rose up and filled the inside of her skull. He was no longer tall, but hunched, gaunt, and white-haired. His feet in shackles and raw with festering sores. The Viking sheen she had always thought he carried so easily on his broad shoulders was gone. He was dirty all over. And cold. Shivering. She blinked, shocked. The image vanished. But in that moment before her eyelids closed, Jens Friis looked directly at her and smiled. It was the old smile, the one she remembered, the one part of him she still carried inside her.
‘Papa,’ she cried out.
By seven o’clock in the morning she’d built a shrine. A big one. In the drawing room. Alfred sat and watched her in mute stillness as she swept everything off the long walnut sideboard and draped it with her mother’s maroon and amber scarves. At each end she placed the tall candles from the dining room. In the centre, taking pride of place, she stood a photograph of Valentina. Laughing, with her head tilted to one side and an oiled-paper parasol in her hand to keep off the sun. A happy honeymoon snapshot. She looked so beautiful, fit to enchant the gods.
Possessions next. Lydia worked out what Valentina would need and positioned the items around her. Hairbrush and mirror, lipstick, compact and nail polish, her snakeskin handbag stuffed with money from Alfred’s wallet. Jewellery box, an absolute must. And right in front where Valentina could reach it easily, a crystal tumbler filled to the brim with Russian vodka.
More. She needed more.
On the right, a whole stack of sheet music and on the left, a book for her to read on Chopin’s affair with George Sand, as well as a pack of cards in case she grew bored. A bowl of fruit. A plate of marzipan sweets.
What else?
She brought in a deep brass dish and placed it on the sideboard. Then she filled it with sketchy drawings on a sheet of paper of a house, a grand piano, a passport, a car, clothes, and flowers, lit a match, and dropped it in. A whoosh of flames carried them up to her mother, and she fed the flames with cigarettes, one by one. The smell was awful. When it was all over and the smoke had cleared, Lydia sprayed the whole shrine with her mother’s perfume, squeezing the little rubber puffer over and over until the bottle was empty.
It was then that Alfred rose from the chair where he had been watching in silence and very gently, as though not wishing to disturb his wife, laid his wedding ring beside the picture of Valentina’s laughing face.
‘Well, well, if it isn’t Lydia, the little Russian dyevochka who doesn’t know her own language.’
‘Countess Serova, vashye visochyestvo, mozhno mnye pogovoryit Alexeiyem? I would like to speak to Alexei.’
‘Ah, so you are at last learning. Good. But no, you may not come in, as it is much too early for visitors.’
‘This is important.’
‘Come back later.’
‘I must see him now.’
‘Don’t be impudent, girl. We haven’t yet breakfasted.’
‘Listen to me. My father is alive.’
‘Go. Yidi! Go away immediately, child.’
‘Nyet.’
‘No. The answer is still no. How many times must I say it?’
‘Alexei, I’m asking you again. As your sister.’
‘That is unfair, Lydia.’
‘Since when has life been fair?’
They were striding through Victoria Park, heads lowered against the wind that had come howling down overnight from the wastes of Siberia and was tearing through the trees with a harsh whine. No snow yet, but Lydia could feel its teeth already. They had the place to themselves.
‘This is too much.’
‘No, Alexei, it’s not. It’s a shock. But you should respect your mother the countess for admitting the truth, even though it pained her to do so.’
‘Pained?’
‘All right, forget pained. It was like eating barbed wire for her. But she did it. She has courage.’
‘A Danish bastard is what I am. Nyezakonniy sin.’ He lengthened his stride and veered off the path, ignoring the Keep Off the Grass signs and heading for the fountain.
Lydia gave him time. His pride was in shreds, and she’d learned from Chang the importance of a man’s pride. She continued slowly along the gravel path, following its more serpentine route to the ornamental pond with the koi carp and the dragon fountain. Today the water lay still, ice already beginning to form with frayed fingers around the edges. Alexei was standing against the low railing, watching the silver and gold forms flitting like ghosts beneath the water. In his stillness and his long black coat he looked like a statue himself.
‘The son of Jens Friis,’ she said quietly. ‘Not a Danish bastard. ’
‘And who exactly was this father of ours?’ Still he watched the fish.
‘He was an engineer. A brilliant one. An inspired creator of new schemes. Tsar Nicholas and the tsarina adored him and used his plans for modernising St Petersburg’s water system.’ She paused. ‘He played the violin too. But not well.’
He turned and stared at her. ‘You remember him?’
‘Only just. I remember the sound of his laugh when he threw me up into the air and the feel of his big hands when he caught me. Hands that I knew would never drop me.’ She closed her eyes to hug the memories closer. ‘And his smile. It was my world.’
‘I am sorry to hear about your mother.’
It caught her off guard, and for a second she thought she was going to vomit down his front yet again. She flashed open her eyes and frowned at him. ‘Let’s stick to our father.’
He nodded, and there was something in those eyes of his that triggered a long-dormant memory of another pair of very serious green eyes looking into hers and a deep voice soft in her ear, telling her she must make no sound but hold on tight to his hand. She moved off around the railing, circling the whole pond, a hand trailing on the looped guardrail until she came again to where Alexei was standing, still rigid, hands in his pockets. She’d given him enough time. More than enough. The minutes were skidding by.
‘Alexei.’
He faced her. She looked into his steady eyes and tried to learn what kind of man he was, this arrogant brother of hers.
‘Help me.’
‘Lydia, you don’t know what you’re asking.’
‘I do.’
‘Why do you do it? Why work for them?’
‘Because I hate the Communists and everything they stand for. They reduce everyone to the lowest level, they tear down all that is beautiful and creative in mankind and cripple the mind of the individual. Look at the devastation in Russia now. So, no, I have no wish to save the life of a Communist, even if he is a friend of yours. I do all in my power to help Chiang Kai-shek rid this breathtaking country of their curse and build a good strong government. And I shall continue to do so.’
‘You are so wrong, Alexei.’
He shrugged. ‘I think we must agree to differ on that point.’
His voice was once again crisp, no nonsense. He had good powers of recovery. She knew she had lost him. A cold numbness swirled inside her chest. Breathing grew hard. Her mind reached out to Chang An Lo, but all she could feel was a fragile heartbeat. The rest was as black as Liev Popkov’s beard. With a sudden urgency she reached up and gripped Alexei’s shoulder, swung him around to face her. Her hands seized his. Her fingers dug into his bones.
‘Alexei Serov Friis,’ she said fiercely, ‘I am your sister, Lydia Ivanova Friis. You cannot deny me this.’
64
All day long Lydia waited in the shed. She wrapped herself in her quilt. Alfred had gone off to his newspaper office and in her mind she admired the way he kept himself functioning as if life had not cracked open to a burning hell-pit under his feet. But at the same time a part of her heart wanted him to scream. To rage. To rant through the streets in sackcloth and ashes, to show the world that life without Valentina was unbearable. But no. He was English. Englishmen didn’t believe in sackcloth and ashes. A dark suit. A black armband. That sufficed.
Lydia had chosen to wear one of her mother’s white dresses. It was plain with a long row of jet buttons down the front and a large white lace collar. It looked all wrong on her, she knew, but she didn’t care. It soothed a small part of the ache.
As she sat in the shed she made herself study the dried bloodstains on the wooden walls and floor, and thought about scrubbing them but decided against it. It would be like washing away Sun Yat-sen, and she wasn’t willing to do that. But she did lay out the same blankets as before on the floor and sat down in the middle of them, gazing up at the skylight above her head. Though the hours crawled by and nothing happened, except the day grew darker, she kept calling his name softly.
‘Chang An Lo, Chang An Lo, Chang An Lo.’
If she stopped, something inside her knew he’d die. It was that simple.
The hairs on her arms began to prickle and she knew he was near. Above her the skylight was black as a grave while beside her a single candle burned with a flame that flickered and leaped, sending shadows careening around the walls.
She told herself it was the wind outside stealing through the shed’s cracks and under the door. She wanted to believe it. But she could hear their breathing. The spirits.
Gathering.
He was there. In the doorway. His black hair tousled by the wind, an air of wildness about him, a grubby green blanket thrown over his shoulders in place of a coat. His eyes wanting her.
‘Chang An Lo,’ she breathed and leaped into his arms.
He laughed, kicked the door shut, and carried her to the blankets. They didn’t need words. No hows or whens or what ifs. They just needed each other. Their bodies so hungry they ached with the pain of it. Lips tasted each other again, sought out the hollows and sweet places that made moans of pleasure slip from their throats as their limbs entwined.
Her hands came alive as they explored Chang An Lo’s lean frame once more, delighting in the long lines of his thighs and the broad planes of his chest. Her fingertips traced the familiar burn scars, as well as the vicious new bruises that sickened her stomach, so that she called down curses on Po Chu’s name and that of the Kuomintang. So vehemently, he laughed. Until he saw her breast. Then the words that poured from him were unintelligible to her, in harsh Mandarin, and behind the fury in his black eyes was something hard and vengeful, something that had not been there before.
‘I regret you shot Po Chu’s face off, Lydia.’ He kept one hand cupped protectively over her damaged breast.
‘But why? The bastard deserved it, Devil rot him.’
‘Because I longed to do it myself,’ he said angrily. ‘But only after I sliced off his seedless balls and stuffed them into his maggot mouth.’
She kissed his chest and felt his heart beating strongly under her lips. Ran a hand over the sharp bones of his hips and down into the dense black bush of pubic hair. He bent his head and trailed his tongue over her pale stomach to the soft crease where it met the tender white skin of her thigh. Her body arched against his as he caressed and cradled, touched and teased, so that when he finally entered her the fire inside them forged them into one person. A perfect whole. Two halves moulded into one. They lay locked together for a long time afterward, the warmth of their breath brushing their naked skin, their hearts finding a rhythm in time with each other.
‘Lydia.’
She smiled. Just to hear his voice say her name. But at the same time a sharp pain was starting in her chest. She curled herself up in the curve of his arm, her head resting on his collarbone, her leg entangled with his, breathing his breath, smelling his skin, and shut her eyes for a long minute. Imprinting the moment forever in her head.
She opened her eyes. ‘I know, my love. I know what you must say.’
‘I have to leave Junchow.’
‘Yes.’
He held her tight to him, a shiver running through his veins. ‘I must leave you here, the light of my soul. Leave you safe.’
‘I know.’
He kissed her forehead, his lips lingering on her skin. ‘I cannot take you with me, my love.’
‘I know.’ Her throat tightened and the pain in her chest was worse than a knife. ‘When I was captured by that snake Po Chu, I understood. The men there would be no different from a camp of Communist fighters. To them I would always be alien, a poisonous reminder of everything they were struggling to defeat. And as long as I was by your side, you would be in danger. I couldn’t bear that. The enemy could use me to cripple you.’
His hand touched her face, his fingers gently sealing her lips.
She forced the words out of her mouth. ‘I would be worse than shackles to you. So I know you must go alone.’
‘The only thing you shackle is my heart. And I swear I will return for it.’
His eyes were brilliant in the candlelight. Free of fever. She saw in them the truth of the promise he’d just made but saw also the eagerness for what lay ahead of him, and the blade in her chest twisted a little.
‘You’d better return,’ she laughed and tipped her head back, showing her teeth, ‘or I’ll come charging up into the mountains to get you.’
He kissed her throat. ‘The Communists and the Kuomintang would both flee screaming in terror at the fury of such a fox spirit.’
‘I’ve made up a pack for you.’ She pointed to a bulging leather bag with a buckle and long shoulder strap propped against the heap of sacks by the wall. ‘Food and clothing. There’s money in there too.’
‘A knife?’
‘Of course. A good one.’
He nodded his satisfaction. ‘I thank you, my love. Your father has grown more generous?’
‘My father . . .’ She heard the raw edge to her voice, swallowed, and started again. ‘My stepfather has other things on his mind.’ That was when she told him. About her mother. About the letter. And Alexei Serov. He held her close and she let hot tears flow for the first time since her mother’s death. Something hard and knotted loosened inside her.
‘Will they come after you again, the Kuomintang troops?’ she asked at last.
‘Like wolves scenting fresh blood.’
‘And Alexei?’
‘When they find
out he gave the order for my release, the Russian will have to answer to them.’
She nodded.
For a moment his gaze fixed on her in silence, and then his eyes widened. He rolled up onto his elbow in one fluid movement and took her chin in his hand. He shook it in jerky little sweeps. She noticed that the wound where his finger had been was almost healed.
‘You planned it well,’ he said. ‘And in a way that helps the Communist cause.’
She nodded.
‘The Kuomintang will lose their military adviser here in Junchow.’ His voice was calm but his face was very pale. ‘And you . . . No, Lydia. No. You will step into the dragon’s jaws.’
She smiled up into his intense black eyes and ran a finger along the sharp line of his cheekbone. ‘My love, it was from you I learned how to tweak the dragon’s tail.’
He stroked her hair urgently, as though he would stroke the thoughts from her mind. ‘You’re returning to Russia.’
‘Yes.’
‘To seek out your father.’
‘Yes.’
‘It will be dangerous.’
‘I’ll be well prepared, I promise.’
‘By the gods, yours will be a harder journey than mine. But I swear you’ll travel with my soul in your pocket.’
She felt a surge of exhilaration and kissed his eyelids. ‘Thank you, my love, for understanding. Just as you have to fight for what you believe in, so I have to do this.’
‘I hear your words, but fear chews at my bones.’
‘Don’t. We’ll get through this, you and I. I used to think survival was everything. All my life I’ve fought to eat and breathe in this stinking world, like the alley cat my mother always called me. But I’ve learned. From you. From dull old Alfred. Even from all that savagery in the Box. You have to survive for a reason.’
Chang An Lo sat up and wrapped her in his arms, brushed his lips over the skin of her shoulder as if he would devour her. ‘Oh my Lydia, the wind of life blows strong inside you.’