Never Too Soon

by Tamika Christy

  “Yeah, while you were in the delivery room, he and I talked.”

  “What happened?” She leaned forward.

  “I don’t know all of the details, but he said something about finding a pile of bills for a house out in Richmond. Apparently he got suspicious and went to the house. I’m not sure what he found out because he left to see the baby before he got to that part.”

  “A house in Richmond?” Anaya frowned. Maybe Catie was helping one of her staff?

  “Yeah, that’s what he said.”

  Maybe that’s what they were fighting about when Catie went into labor. Anaya shook her head and sighed. “Wow, I know Catie gets mad, but for her to want Antoine to stay in the waiting room, something terrible must have happened.”

  “Yeah, I’m sure they will figure it out.” He rubbed her leg.

  “Yeah,” she said.

  “So, yesterday.” Carl sighed. She moved her feet from his lap and sat up.

  “Yeah, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I keep making stupid mistakes.”

  “Not that part,” he said gently. “The part where I proposed.”

  She took his hands, so large and warm, and squeezed them. “I love you, Carl. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I just don’t think I’m ready for marriage right now. We have something good, but I don’t want to ruin it with marriage. Can we just be together for now? Can we just love each other?”

  “I love you. You know that, right?”

  “I do.”

  “And I will do anything for you. If you need time, I will give it to you.”

  She kissed him softly. Hopefully she didn’t need too much more time.

  TWENTY NINE

  Anaya sat on the couch holding her niece. Miriam’s birth was much less traumatic than the previous three since Roscoe stood his ground and would have nothing to do with swimming pool or a doula in his living room. Ava had delivered at a natural birthing center in Berkeley a week ago. Miriam was a six-pound, eight-ounce bundle of pure, dark, curly-haired joy. Ava and Joe were proud parents, and Anaya now had a goddaughter and a niece to shop for.

  Anaya had taken a long-needed break from work when Miriam was born. County activity typically slowed down during the holidays, so she felt there would be fewer fires to put out while she was gone. Reveling in her time off, she mostly wore joggers and a ponytail and ran errands or lounged around catching up on her favorite podcasts.

  This particular morning, she was feeding Miriam a bottle of Ava’s breast milk while Ava wrapped Christmas presents on the floor in front of her. She vaguely listened to the local news until she heard the newscaster announce “breaking news about the grand jury findings of the county’s bid processes for the navy base.” Sue had warned Anaya before she took her vacation that the decision was forthcoming, but no one knew exactly when.

  Anaya watched with growing amazement as the newscaster explained how the grand jury noted the county’s “dysfunctional and inefficient” competitive bid process and an appalling lack of oversight by the administration. Her eyes grew bigger when the man outlined a plot by a county employee to extort the county during the process.

  Jayde was right. Wendy is a crook!

  According to the newscaster, the county clerk, Jayde Merrick, and her husband, Nick Merrick, had assumed other names in a business agreement with Nick’s brother. The trio owned a print service, a landscaping business, and a painting business, all of which had won bids for parts of the navy base reconstruction. Jayde hadn’t reported any of the interests as required by the county’s Conflicts of Interest Code, and Jayde knew the requirements better than anyone. The Merrick family also had financial investments in DevCon Construction, a major winner in the bids. The report lambasted Wendy and the board for poor oversight and a severe lack of due diligence. They also noted specific deficiencies by Anaya’s department including the re-issuance of the RFP, which they characterized as “clumsy” and an “afterthought.” The report included numerous unrelated incidents when County directors were given full authority without sufficient feedback from Wendy.

  Miriam coughed, and Anaya looked down to see milk flowing down the newborn’s neck.

  “Ny! What are you doing?” Ava stopped wrapping. “You are going to make Miriam choke, and you are wasting my breast milk!”

  Anaya wiped the spilled milk from Miriam’s neck with a burp cloth and moved Miriam to her shoulder, patting her on the back lightly with her eyes still glued to the television. The news reported no comment from the county, but Jayde’s attorney gave a statement claiming it was all a mistake and his clients would be exonerated. A clip of Jayde and her husband entering their home flashed briefly, and Jayde covered her face while her husband demanded privacy and respect for their children “during this difficult time.”

  “Wait, isn’t that woman a friend of yours from work?” Ava stood and walked in front of the television, blocking Anaya’s view.

  “Ava, move! I’m trying to watch that.”

  Ava went back to her wrapping while shaking her head. “You need to get a new job, Ny. Those people down at the county are corrupt. Illegal contracts? That’s not good.”

  Anaya frowned to see the report had already concluded. She turned to her sister, who was piling her shoddily wrapped gifts beneath the tree.

  “I will get a new job eventually, but I can’t just pack up my stuff and leave.” Anaya absently stroked Miriam’s soft, round cheeks. The baby cooed at her.

  “Why not? They don’t deserve you.”

  Ava was probably right, but Anaya didn’t tell her so. Instead she put Miriam in her bassinet and went upstairs to grab her Blackberry. She had sworn not to use her phone until she went back to work after Thanksgiving, but this was an emergency.

  Sure enough, she had missed calls from Natalie, Wendy’s assistant, and Sue. She sat in her home office and scrolled through emails. Wendy had announced the interim county clerk would be Marilyn Abrado, a twenty-year county employee, and there was a mandatory executive team meeting the following day. Anaya wanted to go into the office right then and see what was going on, but she decided to give it one more day before going back. She wasn’t ready for the drama right now. She was enjoying her new niece and trying to make sense of her life again.

  After finally making a decision about Jeff and Carl, she thought she would feel relieved and things would go back to normal. But Carl’s proposal had thrown everything into perspective. He wanted a life that she couldn’t offer: marriage, kids, and uncomplicated love. He deserved that. Why couldn’t she give it to him? Instead of being excited about starting the rest of her life married to the man she had always thought she’d end up with, she was questioning her love for him. Again.

  She got a text from Jeff.

  Do you have time to talk? Just saw the news report.

  She closed the door and called him.

  “Hey,” she said, unsure why she was whispering. It was a work call.

  “Wow,” he said. “Did you see the news?”

  “Just now. I can’t believe it. There must be an explanation. Jayde wouldn’t do that.” Anaya remembered all the accusations Jayde had made against Wendy. All this time, Anaya was starting to think Wendy was corrupt, but in fact, Wendy was just pompous and selfish. Jayde was the one with questionable intent. That might explain why she hadn’t returned Anaya’s calls.

  “Yeah, I don’t know the facts, but things don’t look good. Have you talked to her?”

  “No. I was thinking about calling her but figured she probably wasn’t talking to anyone but her lawyer right now. I feel so bad—she must be going through hell.”

  “Well, hang in there and be careful, okay? I know that’s your friend, but keep a safe distance right now.”

  She understood. “I will. Thanks. Are you working?”

  “I am, but on some other stuff. You doing okay?” He sounded concerned.

  “I am. It’s been a crazy few weeks.”

  “It sounds like it. How’s your new niece?”


  “She’s beautiful.”

  “Like her auntie, I’m sure.” He paused. “I’d really like to spend some time with you in the near future. Just to unpack some of this stuff that happened. Is that going to be possible?”

  She both loved and hated the butterflies in her stomach. “I will see. I kind of need this time with my family after how crazy work was the last few months.” She laughed uneasily but she really wanted to cry.

  “I understand. I’d really like to see you though.”

  Of course he would. She hung up without making any promises. She felt both giddy and guilty with Jeff. Why was there so much baggage associated with him? Was he right that she hadn’t forgiven herself for their previous relationship? And if she hadn’t, why not? She always put a lot of pressure on herself. Ava wasn’t right about much, but she was right about that.

  She rubbed her neck, and her fingers landed on the chain that held the diamond pendant around her neck. Carl. Sweet, loving, devoted Carl. He didn’t deserve Anaya’s indecisiveness. He deserved love and loyalty.

  She opened her laptop and started to draft an email. “Carl, you don’t deserve this,” she began to write and then deleted it. She began and erased six more similarly worded emails. If she just got Jeff out of her system, then she could move on and make Carl happy. She’d go to all the bowling parties he wanted and even eat a slice of pizza. She just didn’t want to hurt him anymore. Jeff was etched in her brain like a sleep line from a pillow. It would fade away eventually, but for now it was bothersome and obvious.

  She and Carl had talked about her past relationship with Jeff. He felt intimidated by it, but more than anything, he felt betrayed, especially when Jeff being around meant she had difficulty committing to Carl. It brought up a slew of issues from when they first started dating that both Carl and Anaya thought they had moved past. Here they were again, with Anaya keeping the fact she was spending time with Jeff from Carl. Carl always said he didn’t get Anaya’s attraction to the father of two. Especially since she claimed that she didn’t want children.

  And she herself couldn’t explain it. She couldn’t tell Carl that everything she liked about Jeff was the opposite of what Carl was. Jeff was spontaneous and Carl was safe. Jeff was opinionated and Carl was passive. Jeff brought out a side in her that she didn’t know existed. Their love was daring and forbidden, and she loved and hated it all. She knew early on in their relationship from six years ago that he couldn’t love her in a long-term way. All the stolen moments and pretending they weren’t in love in front of others and hiding her relationship from her family was all bad, and it was a feeling she’d never forget.

  She stared at the blank email on the blank computer screen. She should have never let things go so far with Jeff. Not then and not now. It wasn’t worth it. She had to make a decision. Jeff was her colleague, and she had to leave it there. And whatever issues or doubts she had about Carl, she could work through them. Couldn’t she?

  She walked over to the full-length mirror on her closet and looked at herself. Her bare face looked tired. Months of work stress, love stress, and family stress will do that to you. Her body looked good though. She turned around to look at her butt and rock-hard abs. Even though work had kept her from running as much as she liked, she had kept up with her workouts. Just last week she had gone to the boot camp near the lake and endured verbal bashing while doing plié squats and bicycle crunches. “Just because you are thin doesn’t mean you are fit!” the trainer had yelled. She didn’t know if he was talking to her, but she pushed harder anyway.

  She pulled out her phone and texted Carl, “We need to talk.” This time she hit send. She couldn’t run from this decision forever, and she couldn’t keep Carl in this limbo. They needed to figure something out. She slipped her phone back in her pocket when she heard a step on the landing outside the office door. She opened the door and Ava jumped back, Miriam in her arms. Guilt was clear on her face.

  “Ava, what are you doing?”

  “Walking Miriam.”

  “What?”

  “And checking to see if you can watch her while I pick up the boys.”

  “Ava, you were spying on me. That’s creepy.”

  “I was not! I was walking Miriam. She seemed gassy and I needed to ask you to sit with her, so we walked up here. Why would I spy on you?”

  “Um, because I have stuff going on and you don’t have a life of your own beyond play dough and baby poop? Because I have a work scandal and you have to pump your breast milk? Because you are nosier than anyone should ever be? Because . . .”

  “Okay, fine.” Ava held up a hand. “You have a point, but I was not spying on you. So will you watch Miriam?”

  Ava still hadn’t learned how to mind her own business or properly ask for assistance. Anaya felt like her vacation had turned into being a live-in nanny, though it was still a relief to not be at work.

  Anaya was about to nod and reach for the baby when Ava’s voice reached a new whiny pitch. “You said you were going to help me with Miriam and the boys because Joe has to work a double shift tonight.”

  Anaya clenched her fists. Wasn’t it enough that she helped support Ava, her now four kids, and husband? Now Ava wanted her to be the regular babysitter too? She smiled sweetly and shut the office door in Ava’s face.

  County Hall was even more chaotic than usual. The camera crews and the feeling of uncertainty eclipsed the shiny holiday ornaments and the beautiful tree in the plaza. Anaya saw the county’s communication director giving a press conference on the front steps. Good luck to her. Anaya entered through the back and kept a low profile in skinny jeans, a blazer, and a milk-stained t-shirt. She didn’t wave to the security guard like she normally did, and took the stairs, two at a time, up to the second-floor conference room.

  She snagged a chair at the back of the conference room and watched as the team slowly piled in, choosing seats around the large oval table. Normally Wendy reserved this room for meetings with special guests, like when the lieutenant governor came to Wendy’s presentation on rising housing costs or when the state assemblyperson wanted an update on the cannabis businesses in the county. Anaya felt out of place in the room, and she could tell the others did too by how they all sat toward the back of the room. Only the latecomers landed seats closer to the front.

  Marilyn stood at the front of the room and acknowledged congratulatory remarks from her colleagues.

  “Thank you for your support,” she said. Her dark frames were perched at the tip of her nose, and her oversized suit jacket swam past knuckles. From the murmurs around her, Anaya gathered that most people were shocked about the accusations against Jayde. So many people trusted her. Some people were shaking their heads like they refused to believe it.

  Anaya was so busy watching and listening to the others that she hadn’t realized who had sat next to her until the woman started talking.

  “Wow, so I see Tony Jones finally came to work. What does he average? One day a month? Oh, and looky-looky, the IT director bleached her hair even more. Now she looks like Storm from X-Men.”

  Anaya turned slowly and gave Emily Breslau, the library director, a weak smile. Rumor had it that Emily suffered from Asperger’s or something similar. Her continued unsolicited opinion of every director who walked in the room confirmed that diagnosis for Anaya. And if Emily thought she were whispering, she was terribly mistaken.

  “I normally don’t come to these things as they are a waste of my time. Oh, my . . . someone’s been eating too many of the free donuts from the lounge. Ah, and here is our fearless leader, looking like a female member of Public Enemy. This place is a zoo . . .” Emily folded her arms across her chest and leaned back in her seat.

  Anaya looked up at the mention of Wendy. Emily was right about Wendy’s outfit. Wendy wore a black jumper, a wide, patent leather belt, and black patent pumps. All she needed was an Uzi strapped across her chest to complete the look. Her pixie was at full height. The Botox was deceiving per usual
, so it was anybody’s guess what she was actually thinking. She stood at the head of the full table and looked each director in the eye. It was dramatic, but so was everything else Wendy did. If she weren’t so good with finance, she could probably fare well in Hollywood.

  “First of all, good morning,” she said. The room quieted. “Thank you for being here. I know the meeting was last minute and may have interrupted your Thanksgiving plans. I won’t prolong the issues and will get right down to business. I need each of you to send me a summary of your department’s role in the navy base project. This will help me prepare for my press conference tomorrow. Next, I’d like to assure you that we will get to the bottom of these allegations. We hold high standards in this organization and will not tolerate such vile corruption.”

  “Now,” Wendy said, running a hand through her hair, “there will be no talking to the media. Do not discuss even this meeting with your staff. I will be the spokesperson for the county, and that is more than enough. Direct all questions to me. I will not tolerate insubordination on this, and if I see a single quote from any of you to any media outlet, there will be a price to pay. Enough leaks and misinformation are floating around. We don’t need additional cooks in an already full kitchen.”

  “Wendy, we cannot tell our staff what to discuss,” the public works director said in his thick Nigerian accent. “That is not proper.”

  “Neither is his tie, but he makes a good point.” Emily chuckled.

  “Of course you can, Adedayo. You can do anything you set your mind to do; everyone is forbidden from talking about this issue. That’s the direction to take from this meeting.”

  The IT director stood and cautioned everyone about sending emails. He was a kiss up and did whatever Wendy wanted him to do.

  “I would also be careful about voicemail since it transcribes to email,” he said huskily, looking for approval from Wendy. She didn’t even look at him. “If it’s important, take a trip to the person’s office and speak to them directly.”