by K.N. Lee
“Um…” I took a moment to question whether or not to tell her about the thoughts of the strange new guy I met at her party that I could not get out of my head. Staring at this small girl, eager to rekindle our friendship, I gave in. “Yeah, actually, I was wondering about that Lacal guy. I can’t get him off my mind.” As the words left my mouth I instantly regretted saying anything.
“Oh, so that’s what this is about?” She looked at me condemningly, yet I could tell she was enjoying the chance for gossip.
“What, what is about?” I took a bite of pizza giving me an excuse to look away.
“You know the zombie-like state you have been in for the last few hours. I was beginning to think I had lost my best shopping buddy,” she wiped her forehead and flung the imaginary sweat away.
“Oh,” I couldn’t bring myself to tell her that I just wasn't as into the circus of shopping anymore, “Yeah, I guess I was thinking about him more than I thought.”
“Well, like I said before, don’t waste your time girl. He is basically a ghost,” she took a big bite of pizza and rolled her eyes.
“So, no one knows anything about him?” I hoped the disappointment didn’t show too much on my face.
“Nope,” she sipped her drink, “I mean, I asked around about him when he first started showing up around town. You know I get that nosiness from my mother, but I got nowhere. No one seems to know him. I’m not even sure how he got into my party last night. He wasn’t on the guest list, but then again, he never is.” She frowned; clearly disappointed that she hadn’t been able to find any dirt on this new mystery man.
“That’s too bad.” I wanted to find out more, but with Jazz it was best to leave it alone. She would turn it into a big deal if I continued to dig for info. Maybe even launch a massive search party to find him. I wouldn’t put it past her. Count me out of the inquisition.
“You two would make a cute couple though,” she attempted to keep the topic alive, maybe to keep me from slipping back into my ‘zombie’ frame of mind.
“Ha, you think?” I grimaced at the thought of what we would look like together, in my mind I looked dull and lifeless against his glow. He was regal, polished and I was more than a little rough around the edges even with my new body. He was a rare breed, the type of guy that only exists in movies and fairytales.
“Yeah, and I saw the way he was looking at you,” she paused pretending to fan herself with her hand, “clearly, he was interested in more than where you got your shoes from.”
She peered over the edge of the table, looked at my feet, and frowned. She didn’t attempt to hide the fact that she was disappointed by the beat-up sneakers I had on. I pulled my feet out of view and tucked them underneath my chair.
“It was pretty intense, but he couldn’t have been that interested, he didn’t even bother to say hi,” I refused to get too excited about the situation. I decided to downplay it. I figured that if I didn’t get my hopes up, there wouldn’t be as big of a letdown if I never saw him again.
“Yeah, I guess, but I’m telling you, he never gave anyone the time of day before you. I mean girls would be lined up for days to get his attention, just to get a glance from him, and something tells me he wanted to give you much more than that.” She laughed aloud and then coughed as if she was choking. Her eyes widened, and I would have sworn she was seeing the walking dead.
“What is it?” I turned to see what she was so shocked about and almost choked on the bite of pizza I had just taken.
“Oh. My. God.” Jazz was now shaking my arm, completely unaware that I was already conscious of what she had been gawking at.
“What is he doing here? I thought you said he was like a ghost or something,” the pull engaged again, making me feel both self-conscious and excited. Standing across the food court, scanning the crowd with his eyes, was the same guy from the party; Lacal, looking classic in a simple pair of black jeans and a white polo shirt.
“I’ve never seen him here,” she looked at him and then back at me. “This is so freaky, I mean we were just talking about him; maybe it’s a sign that we should go talk to him.” Her eyes widened again this time with more thrill rather than shock.
“Are you crazy?” I could not believe what she had suggested. Without giving me time to protest, she grabbed my arm and dragged me through the crowd. “Don’t do this Jazz; this is going to be really awkward.” I whined pulling back with very little effort, of course part of me was excited about being near him again.
“Oh, come on!” She stopped for a moment, stared me in the eye, and then continued her pursuit. “Besides, you know you want the chance to be properly introduced to him. What better person to do that than me?” She snickered as she closed in on her target.
I couldn’t disagree; I couldn’t even stop my legs from moving. Each step that brought me closer to him only intensified that pull I felt coming from him. Even if I wanted to fight it, there was no way my body would allow it. I looked at him; his eyes were still examining the room. He was gorgeous. My heart started to beat so loud that at one point, it was all I could hear.
“Hey, Lacal!” Jazz was waving her hands and shouting across the room as if they were old friends; I dropped my head, mortified. Sometimes Jazz could be so embarrassing, sure we would laugh about it later, but at that moment I just wanted to hide.
He turned to see us barreling towards him. The muscles in his face twitched as he tried to prevent a smile. The brief glint of excitement in his eyes, was quickly replaced by indifference. He nodded his head at us once and then looked away. My heart dropped like a cannonball launched into the sea, it smashed into the depths of my stomach. Had I imagined that entire scene at the party? Could I have been so desperate for a way out of that awkward situation that I had created an imaginary connection between us?
“Hi Lacal, I want to introduce you to someone,” Jazz said as she tugged me closer to her side when we reached him standing by the glass doors that led out to the parking lot. For a split second, I thought of dashing through them and racing toward the car, but that would be absolutely pointless since Jazz had driven. “This is my friend, Alexa. Alexa, this is Lacal.” She pushed me closer to him.
“Uh, hi,” I gave a weak smile and looked away, before I became lost in his eyes. I remembered how it felt, the cloud of gray that filled my mind. If I let that happen again, I really would become a zombie.
“Hello,” he stuck his hand out to shake mine. The heaviness of my hand prevented me from reciprocating. In fact the entire arm felt numb, like an implant that didn't belong to me. Jazz grabbed my hand and shoved it into his. He shook my hand slightly and then dropped it. I must have had a comical expression on my face, because he looked as if he was fighting back laughter. I bit my lip and tried as best as I could not to blush, but lost the battle when Jazz started to giggle.
“Well, I have to go,” Jazz blurted out and I turned to see her face and tried to ignore the weird twinges that were happening in the pit of my stomach. She was up to something and whatever it was, something that wouldn’t make me happy.
“What?” If looks could cut, Jazz’s face would have bled beneath my glare.
“Yeah, I have an, um, appointment that I completely forgot about. Lacal, you wouldn’t mind giving Lex here a ride home, would you?” Before either of us could respond, she was running away and waving at us behind her. I was stuck there, looking at her bouncy, red hair as she disappeared into the crowd. Even after she was gone, I couldn’t turn around. I could tell he was still there, his eyes burned holes into my back.
How could she do this to me?! Jazz had always been sneaky, but this was just low down! I’d barely been out of my house for two years, and now I was stuck here, the mall of all places, with this magnetic guy with the gray eyes the threatened to capture me. On top of that, I was stuck accepting a ride home with him, because she just ran away. I just knew I would find a way to embarrass myself. By the time I could make it to the parking lot and remember where the car had been park
ed, she would be long gone. I had to come up with an escape plan. There just had to be a way out of this, maybe I could take the bus, it would only take me about three hours to get home, if I didn’t miss the next one, then I would have to wait an additional hour. Just great! Jazz was really going to hear it for pulling this one.
“Are you okay?” His voice broke through my scheming like liquid heat. It flowed through me sending every nerve on a rampage. I turned slowly to face him and tried to keep my heart rate even. How could he have gotten me so worked up with three little words? Just hearing his voice, I wanted to jump him right there in the middle of the crowded mall. Just imagine the pictures. They were sure to go viral!
“Um…yes I am okay.” I met his eyes reluctantly with a shy grin. “I’m sorry; I can’t believe she just did that.” I shook my head, an attempt to regain some of the composure I had lost.
“Yeah,” he stopped to clear his voice as if assessing how to go forward, “Good thing I actually have a car, or this would be very inconvenient for you.” He smiled a wide grin that stretched from ear to ear. A Kool-Aid smile as my dad would call it. It made me want to laugh but I didn’t. His teeth were perfect and luminous, surrounded by those thin lips that I so wanted to kiss.
“You don’t have to give me a ride, I’m sure I can find someone else to pick me up,” a lie, there was no one else, but I didn’t want him to feel obligated. “Or I can just grab a cab.”
“No, it's fine, I really don’t mind.” He looked away for a moment before returning his gaze to me, waiting for a response. “If it's okay with you.”
“I just don’t want to make you go out of your way,” I said looking down at my hands. I wondered how we must have looked to everyone else. Shy, uncomfortable, maybe they would think we were on a first date. There’s that wishful thinking again!
“I insist on taking you home. I don’t think Jasmine would be very happy if I didn’t. After all, she is very strong willed, and I wouldn’t want to get on her bad side,” he spoke smoothly. I wondered if it was his upbringing or if he was nervous as well, you know, like when you are on a job interview. I could not remember the last time I anyone called Jazz by her full name. If she would have heard him, she would have attempted to claw his eyes out. “Did you want to go home right away?”
His question caught me off guard. I assumed he would want to get this over as quickly as possible, but his eyes told of more, of anticipation. He hoped I would say no, that I would accept his offer of extending my time away from home. Honestly, I didn’t want to go home, not yet anyway, not if I had a chance to spend any time with him. I took in his expression, and tried to decipher what my response should be. Outside of his eyes, he was a blank canvas. What if I had misread the meaning behind the look? Maybe he was just hungry or smelled something bad.
The problem was that I couldn’t be sure if, or when, I might see him again; Jazz had referred to him as a spy. What if this was my only chance to get to know him? I needed to figure out what this attraction was that I had toward him. If what Jazz said was true, he would disappear again, and I would never see him again. Not unless I attended every one of Jazz’s parties with her uppity friends, no thank you. Those parties were to be avoided like the plague! I thought about how to respond without sounding desperate.
“Well, I don’t want to interfere with any of your plans. I’m just along for the ride now,” I figured the best way to find out what he really wanted was to put the ball back in his court. Girl handbook 101 strikes again! I looked off past him to appear as if it didn’t matter either way to me.
“Are you sure? I don’t mind, I can understand how awkward this might be for you,” using my own move against me. The ball was back in my court. Great!
“Um…yea, I’ve been cooped up at home for too long. It’s nice to be back out into the world. Even if it isn’t exactly what I had planned for the day.” I gave a small smile, the smallest I could manage. The key was not to seem too eager.
“So, to get away from being cooped up in the house, you go to the mall? If you don’t mind, maybe I can take you somewhere more appropriate for what you’re trying to accomplish,” he smiled at me, directly at me with eye contact, and I nearly fainted! He could take me anywhere he wanted, no problem.
“More appropriate, what do you mean?” Surprisingly my brain was still able to form coherent thoughts because my body felt like mush.
“Yes. When you’re trying to get out of the house, you need to get out into nature, not just transfer to another building.” He reached out, grabbed my hand, and pulled me behind him leading the way out the doors and into the parking lot. I would have resisted, just for show, but the feel of his skin was electric. My body followed him willingly, wanting to experience more of him.
“Aah…nature, I think I remember what that is,” I laughed, trying to cover the embarrassing flush of red that filled my cheeks. The warmth of his hand against my skin felt unreal. Of course this was not the first time I had held hands with a guy, but this was different, the way our hands fit perfectly together, it was like we were touching, not holding hands at all, like through a simple touch we had become one. The sensation was simply incredible. I had never met a guy who was this intoxicating to me before. Even my biggest crush, Miguel, the guy with the legs of a dancer, hadn’t remotely come close to this level of intensity.
We walked to the black car that waited in the parking lot. Just like him, it was uncomplicated and yet it seemed out of place. It was a Cadillac CTS; I remembered seeing it in a commercial. I stopped for a moment to admire it. I would have been embarrassed to have my car parked anywhere near it. I thought of the little sedan that sat in my garage covered in dirt and begging for the loving touch or maintenance. First, Jazz’s brand new Porsche and now this. Was someone trying to tell me something?
“Are you coming?” Lacal stood looking at me, his eyes wide with pride, happy that I had recognized how kickass his car was. The way his chest puffed up reminded me of a kid showing off a new toy.
“Yeah, um…nice car,” I tried to keep it simple and hoped he didn’t go into that car talk most guys did. Rambling on about engines, motors, and other whatnots I could never really understand. I could name a few makes and models, but that was pretty much as far as my car knowledge went, (if didn’t see it on T.V. in a commercial, I didn’t know it) which was a contributing factor to the sad condition of my own ride.
“Thanks.” He held the passenger door open for me. I got in stiffly but felt relief, so maybe he wasn’t a car buff; maybe he just owned a nice car.
Butterflies fluttered wildly in my stomach, just like they had when I was 14 and on my first date. The one my mother protested, and my father was only too happy to see happen. Go figure! My mom claimed my dad’s enthusiasm was because he liked the boy. He was 15 years old, a star basketball player, and already being scouted by the NBA. My dad had high hopes for this young athletic power couple. So what if later I would turn on the television and watch as he accepted an MVP award. I could only imagine the look of disappointment on my father’s face now. Hell, Alexa Rose does have a ring to it.
My palms started to sweat, a sign of an oncoming panic attack. The calming techniques I’d learned were engaged to quickly deter it as he walked around to the driver side. Inside, the car was spotless which did not help my anxiety. I pulled my arms in tight against my body. I didn’t want to touch anything, knowing how clumsy I was, I would probably break something. He got in the car and stopped to stare at me before putting the key in the ignition.
“What’s wrong? Do you need to go home?” It took me a moment to realize how I must have looked to him. Bottled up into myself, he probably thought I was in pain. I loosened my arms and tried to appear more relaxed.
“No, I’m fine, so where are we going?” Though I altered my demeanor, he still looked at me with a puzzled expression.
“I thought we would go to a park. Maybe get some fresh air into your lungs,” he smiled at me and started the car.
; The beginning of our ride was taken in silence. It would’ve been nice to strike up a conversation, but my nerves had my voice in a chokehold. It he hadn’t seemed preoccupied with his own thoughts, perhaps he could have started the chatter. There was an odd familiarity in his posture as he drove with one arm perched up on his knee with his fist under his chin. The Thinker. Almost recognizable, but from a different time. I’d only seen him once before and we hadn’t even spoken to each other that time. I began to wonder where this park was, when he pulled over for a pit stop at Wal-Mart. I don’t know why this was a comforting sign. Maybe it was because it made me feel like he was not like the people at Jazz’s party who wouldn’t be caught dead within 50 feet of this place.
I was asked to wait in the car, so I did. He refused to let me know what he had purchased declaring it a surprise. He could always be informed at a later time about my extreme distaste for surprises! Patience was a virtue that this girl was in short supply of. If you tell me you have a surprise for me I go completely nuts, but then he smiled at me, my heart melted, my blood boiled and I completely forgot about how much I disliked his announcement.
“I hope you don’t mind the drive,” he looked over to me and smiled again. How could I say no?
“Not at all,” I smiled, maybe a little too wide and tried to recover, “like I said, it’s been awhile since I was out of the house for more than just grocery shopping.”
“Why is that?” He asked focusing on the road ahead.
“I was pretty sick for a while,” I balled my fist, thinking of the pain that used to take over my body and the pain that should have been there after having pulled shards of glass from my hand just that morning. What was going on beneath the bandage? Had the wound completely healed? That was impossible.
It was unbelievable how great it felt to be with Lacal, for a while, my fear of waking up from this dream where miracle cures and hot guys existed was forgotten. His presence made it easier to accept this as my new reality; the changes were a lot less unsettling. I listened again for my alarm clock or my cell phone to sound off and yank me out of this fairy tale story come to life. The pain would inevitably return, and my life would go on numbingly, just as it had before I drank the liquid metal.