To Disappear

by Natasha Rostova

  ‘So Lydia, how are you this morning?’ Preston asked, pushing aside a section of the newspaper he was reading.

  ‘Fine, thank you,’ she answered.

  ‘And your luscious backside?’

  Lydia blushed. ‘Sore,’ she said.

  ‘Hm, the cane has quite a different sensation, doesn’t it?’

  Wallace, who was sitting diagonally from Lydia, glanced up from his plate with an intrigued expression. ‘When was she caned?’ he asked.

  ‘Last night,’ Preston explained. ‘We had a little display in the drawing room. Lydia has misbehaved in the past and required punishment.’

  ‘Why wasn’t I told of this?’ Wallace asked rather petulantly. ‘I’d have liked to see that.’

  ‘Perhaps you still will,’ Preston replied, giving Lydia a salacious wink.

  Unease rose in her throat; surely he wouldn’t make such an exhibition of her again, and then she was relieved when Kruin spoke.

  ‘Not for some time, however,’ the big man said, and Preston looked as if he were about to protest, but a sharp glance from Gabriel made him close his mouth irritably. Lydia sent silent thanks to both Gabriel and Kruin.

  ‘Then how are we to entertain our guests this morning?’ Preston asked.

  ‘You can watch someone else,’ Helen suggested. She smiled at Lydia, her eyes sparking with a hint of excitement. ‘After all, Lydia isn’t the only one here who’s been naughty.’

  Lydia glanced at Gabriel; he didn’t react at all to Helen’s comment, but Wallace gave a deep laugh.

  ‘My guess is that Lydia isn’t naughty on purpose, though,’ he said. ‘Unlike some people.’

  Helen turned her smile on the older man. ‘How are you with a cane, Wallace?’ she asked.

  ‘Maybe if you’re lucky you’ll find out.’

  ‘I’ll look forward to that.’

  ‘And what about Lydia?’ Wallace remarked, turning his attention back to her. ‘Do you want to find out too?’

  ‘No, thank you,’ Lydia said shortly. She bit into a croissant and wished the old lecher would leave her alone the way the other male guests were doing.

  ‘You were right about her, Preston,’ Wallace said, his expression darkening slightly. ‘Not very friendly at all.’

  ‘Well, bear in mind that friendliness is hardly a prerequisite,’ Preston replied mildly. ‘And frankly, Lydia would be far less interesting if she were entirely gregarious and accommodating.’

  ‘Still, a measure of sociability is necessary,’ Wallace continued, his watery eyes never leaving her. ‘As is the knowledge that pain should be inflicted only at certain times.’

  Lydia recognized that he was referring to her kneeing him in the groin, and met his gaze with a level one of her own. ‘Or when it’s deserved,’ she said.

  He frowned, but didn’t respond. Lydia glanced to the end of the table, where a statuesque blonde woman was eyeing one of the men. She plucked a cherry from a bowl and slipped it between her ruby lips before leaning over to kiss him. The moistened cherry passed from her mouth into his, just as he began parting the folds of her robe to reveal her breasts.

  Embarrassment rose in Lydia as it became clear that the lustful atmosphere of the previous night had extended to the morning. She looked down at her plate, wondering if she could excuse herself, but she still had no idea when it was appropriate for her to state her wishes.

  ‘So your punishment was deserved, was it?’ Wallace asked.

  Lydia glanced back at him. ‘Excuse me?’

  ‘Last night. If pain should be dispensed when it’s deserved, then the pain of your caning must have been well deserved. What did you do to deserve it, Lydia?’

  ‘None of your business,’ she replied tartly, earning herself a glare from Kruin and a terse ‘Lydia!’ from Preston.

  She blushed at being reprimanded in front of the guests, feeling several of them glance curiously at her. She didn’t care if they knew about her role in the house, which was all too evident, but she hoped none of them would recognize her from somewhere.

  ‘Go on, my dear,’ Preston urged. ‘Tell Wallace what you did.’

  She thought briefly of telling Preston what Wallace had done to her, but she suspected it wouldn’t make a difference.

  ‘I slapped Preston,’ she finally said.

  ‘And?’ Preston asked.

  She looked at him in confusion. ‘And?’

  ‘How else have you disobeyed us?’

  Her blush of embarrassment deepened as she realized what he wanted her to confess, and her mind worked frantically trying to think of a way to phrase it with a minimum of humiliation. ‘I… I’ve succumbed to an orgasm.’

  ‘Rather uncontrollably, I might add,’ Preston said. ‘She comes like a cat in heat, entirely unable to control her pleasure.’

  Lydia knew her cheeks were burnt crimson, and anger simmered at Preston’s continuing need to shame her, even though he had proven his authority time and time again. And after last night, she thought she deserved a small reprieve.

  ‘That must make it a joy to discipline her,’ Wallace mused.

  ‘It does,’ Gabriel agreed, giving her a smile before he took his plate and returned to the buffet.

  Wallace stood and walked around the table, stopping right beside Lydia’s chair. Something feral lit in his pale eyes. ‘What kind of cane did you use on her?’ he asked Preston.

  ‘Rattan,’ Preston replied. ‘I prefer natural materials. And Lydia’s bottom is wonderful. It fairly springs back with each strike.’

  ‘Show me the welts,’ Wallace ordered.

  Lydia disliked his expression. It was somehow vengeful, as if he wanted to retaliate for the way she had treated him. Her hand trembled as she took another sip of coffee, hoping that one of the other men might come to her rescue.

  ‘Lydia.’ Preston said her name in a brusque voice that left her in no doubt as to what was expected of her.

  Her face burning, she rose slowly from her chair. She willed Gabriel to put a stop to this, but he was busy refilling his plate with food. Lydia gathered her dress in her hands and pulled it up, taking care to make certain that at least her sex remained covered. A cool breeze drifted across her welted flesh, easing the continuous throb.

  Wallace stepped behind her to examine the pattern, and she flinched when he pressed his hands to her bottom cheeks, flaring pain through her once again. She put her fists on the table and struggled against the urge to snap at Wallace to take his hands off her. She particularly hated the fact that he now had her in a position he had wanted last night.

  Still holding her skirt up she looked at Kruin. He was watching her enigmatically, which made her wonder if she was being assessed on her behavior this morning.

  ‘Very nice patterning,’ Wallace remarked as his finger slipped audaciously into the valley of her buttocks.

  Lydia gasped and pulled away from him as far as the table would allow, dropping her skirt back down, and Wallace grasped her waist suddenly, thrusting his groin against her rump.

  ‘Get away from me,’ she hissed, her skin crawling at the feeling of his fat stomach pushing against her, his flaccid penis hardening.

  ‘You need to work on your attitude, my dear,’ he leered, and turned her round so that she was forced to face him, his eyes starting to flare with the burn of lust. ‘I don’t care what Preston says, you’re expected to be friendlier here.’

  Gabriel turned from the buffet, his expression darkening. ‘Watch it, Wallace. There isn’t a—’

  ‘Your little plaything needs to learn some manners,’ Wallace interrupted. He grasped Lydia by the neck and pulled her even closer, mashing his lips against hers with lecherous hunger. A guttural protest came from her throat before she was able to pull angrily away from him. She would not allow people to treat her like this without her consent, for ther
e were some things she certainly had not agreed to. A fierce rage exploded inside her, compounded by the humiliations and pain she had endured thus far and the rising conflict of her emotions. Without thinking, she pulled back and spat furiously in the old man’s face.

  He stared at her in abhorrent shock. Silence descended over the room like a heavy cloud. For an instant time seemed to halt as no one moved. Then Wallace’s expression flared with black anger, and before Lydia realized what he was doing his open hand rose and slammed hard against the side of her face. She cried out as pain erupted, her vision blurring. Dimly she heard Preston and Gabriel both shout, and heard Kruin’s ‘Get her away!’

  With horror she saw Wallace’s arm rise once more, but before he could strike her again, before she could even right herself, the three men were moving into action. Kruin’s chair overturned as he leapt up and tackled Wallace, his massive strength bringing the other man instantly to the floor. Gabriel rushed to Lydia to get her away from the struggling men, pulling her into the protection of his arms.

  ‘Get that bastard out of here!’ Preston shouted, his blue eyes hot with anger as he strode towards Kruin and Wallace. ‘I never want to see him again!’

  With minimal effort Kruin grabbed the hapless Wallace by the back of his robe and hauled him from the room. The front door slammed loudly.

  ‘Lydia, are you all right?’ Preston cupped her face in his hands, turning her towards him so that he could examine the mark on her cheek. ‘How badly did he hurt you?’

  She couldn’t reply, her body sinking against Gabriel’s as the shock began to dissipate. Preston’s fingers pressed gently against her cheek, his frown deepening.

  ‘Open and close your mouth,’ he said. ‘Does anything feel broken?’

  ‘N-no,’ she whispered, still somewhat shocked by the ferocity and suddenness of the totally unexpected assault.

  ‘Here, sit down.’ Gabriel helped her sit on a chair, his hand sliding comfortingly into her hair.

  Preston went to the sideboard and removed several pieces of ice from a silver bucket there. He placed them into a linen napkin and returned to the table. Gabriel took the ice from him and pressed it carefully against Lydia’s cheek.

  ‘He will never return here,’ Kruin said, his body taut with angry tension as he returned to the room.

  ‘Not only will he never return here,’ Preston replied tersely, ‘but he will regret ever having been here in the first place.’

  ‘Come upstairs.’ Gabriel tucked his arm around Lydia and helped her to her feet. ‘You’ve had quite a time these past couple of days.’

  Lydia dimly processed the fact that the other guests had been watching the entire incident in shock, but she no longer cared. She leaned heavily against Gabriel as they went upstairs to her room.

  She stretched out on the bed, her eyelids drifting closed with relief. Gabriel sat beside her, still holding the ice to her cheek. After a few moments he went into the bathroom and returned with a bottle of aspirin and a glass of water.

  ‘Take these,’ he said, tapping two pills into his palm.

  Lydia struggled to sit up, pushing a pillow behind her back. The pain slowly began to ebb, although her nerves felt increasingly frayed and raw. She swallowed the aspirin, eyeing Gabriel almost warily. He gave her a gentle look, smoothing a hand over her thigh.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘We should never have let him take such liberties with you.’

  ‘It’s not entirely your fault,’ she conceded. ‘He started with me last night, so he was angry to begin with.’

  ‘What did he do last night?’

  When Lydia told him, Gabriel’s expression hardened with anger. ‘Why didn’t you come and tell me?’

  ‘You were… you were otherwise occupied.’ Lydia broke her gaze from him and looked down at her hands.

  ‘Then why didn’t you tell Preston or Kruin?’

  ‘Because Preston had other plans in mind for me,’ she said. She paused, then asked, ‘Did she spend the night with you?’

  ‘Who?’

  ‘Helen.’

  He looked surprised for an instant, before comprehension dawned. ‘If she did, do you have a right to question that?’

  ‘No. But I am wondering.’

  ‘Why?’

  Now Lydia was surprised. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Why do you want to know?’

  She felt a blush begin to creep up her neck. ‘I’m curious,’ she admitted. ‘I saw you in the library with her.’

  ‘Did you, now?’ Gabriel mused. ‘And did you like what you saw?’

  Lydia nodded slowly. A vivid picture of him and Helen came to mind, searing through her thoughts like a firebrand. ‘I liked it and I didn’t like it,’ she confessed. ‘It was arousing, but…’

  Her voice trailed off and she shrugged. She felt Gabriel watching her as if he were able to read her thoughts.

  ‘But?’ he prompted.

  She pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed heavily. Fatigue had seeped into her bones, adding another layer to her whirlwind of emotions.

  ‘I don’t know,’ she finally said. ‘I didn’t like seeing you with another woman.’

  Gabriel was quiet for a moment before he leaned over to press his lips against her forehead. ‘Try and get some more sleep, Lydia,’ he encouraged quietly. ‘The guests will be gone by the time you come downstairs again.’

  Chapter 14

  ‘He was forced to resign.’ Preston’s voice was filled with satisfaction as he poured himself another glass of wine.

  ‘Good,’ Kruin said.

  ‘Who resigned?’ Lydia asked.

  ‘Wallace,’ Gabriel explained. ‘He was a rather prominent judge in the state court. But his superiors recently received some incriminating information about him, so he’s finished.’

  ‘He’ll be moving out of the state shortly,’ Preston added. He lifted his wineglass in Lydia’s direction, his mouth curving into a smug smile. ‘You see, darling?’ he said. ‘We’ll always take care of things – and of you.’

  A strange feeling of complacency rose within Lydia. She remembered how swiftly the three men had reacted in her defense, making her wholly secure in the knowledge that they would all go to any lengths to protect her. And the incident with Wallace was only a tiny part of that knowledge; their protection was like a vast, overarching umbrella that extended far beyond the boundaries of La Lierre et le Chêne.

  Lydia’s hand trembled as she picked up her fork, and as they continued with dinner she looked at each of the men in turn. Three men, all of whom had more control over her than anyone ever had in her entire life, all of whom had proven their ability to evoke infinite levels of both sensation and emotion in her physical body and spiritual soul.

  There was Preston, who had agreed to provide her with a sanctuary in exchange for his domination over her. His authority was edged with vindictiveness and a hint of cruelty, yet his apparent need for revenge was tempered by his evident desire and affection for her.

  Although Preston continued to unnerve Lydia with his barbaric streak, she recognized that it was the very unpredictability of his nature that was beginning to intrigue her. She never knew what to expect from him, and although she could be reasonably certain that some form of pain and humiliation would be involved, Preston’s intense desire for her balanced his discipline. He needed her, just as she needed him.

  Lydia’s gaze shifted to Kruin. Solid as a rock, hard as nails, as enigmatic as a puzzle. He would brook no argument or defiance from her, yet he too would never allow anyone to hurt her. She still feared him and the hard edge of his punishment, but he also made her feel entirely safe.

  And she knew he would never punish her unless she truly deserved it, which made his character all the more admirable. Lydia wanted to continue to earn his approval more than she had ever wanted anyone’s approval.


  She looked at Gabriel. He was the one whose company she most enjoyed, the man with whom she wanted to spend long hours talking, laughing and riding their horses. He aroused her with easy authority, making her want to please him with the same intensity that she experienced at his hands. He was a beautiful man – gentle and kind, but with a distinct edge of power she found highly captivating.

  Lydia let out her breath slowly, wondering how long it might take before she began to truly understand each man in turn and her relationship with him on all levels.

  She sliced a forkful of creamy lemon tart and slipped it between her lips. The flavor melted sour and sweet against her tongue as she pushed her plate away and leaned her head against the back of her chair.

  She closed her eyes, wondering at the utter feeling of satisfaction and calmness that had begun to invade her blood. She was beginning to feel as if she belonged here, as if her entire life beyond the plantation had absolutely ceased to exist. She didn’t even know what she would do anymore or what would happen if she were to walk out the doors of La Lierre et le Chêne.

  Nor did she want to find out.

  Lydia opened her eyes and stood, and the three men looked up from their plates questioningly. Her heart began to hammer in her chest as she went around the table to Kruin’s side. His mouth compressed with a hint of annoyance, his fork clattering to his plate. Lydia placed a tentative hand on his broad shoulder, her legs suddenly shaky.

  ‘I wanted to ask…’ she paused and cleared her throat, aware that they were all watching her. ‘I wanted to ask if you would spank me.’

  Silence fell. The men appeared rather shocked at the entirely unexpected request. A crimson blush infused Lydia’s cheeks, but she didn’t move, keeping her gaze on Kruin’s face.

  ‘I want it now,’ she whispered hoarsely. ‘I want you to do it.’