Hot and Bothered

by Jennifer Bernard

  “So. Before we get to the…ahem…good stuff,” she gave him an elaborate wink, “I have a song to play you.” She reached into the shadows in the corner and came out with a guitar. “I’ve been working on it for a while and I think it’s finally ready for other human beings’ ears. Well, yours. No one else’s.”

  “You left your guitar here?” He lowered himself next to her and stretched out on the blankets. As soon as he lay flat, his head started to spin, and he realized those Snowcones had been stronger than they seemed.

  “All part of the plan.”

  “If you’re trying to seduce me, you should know I’m already a sure thing. Besides, I’m a little buzzed.”

  “Nah, this isn’t seduction. This is…well, I guess you’d call it an apology.”

  She strummed, humming a pretty, wistful melody, then softly added words. “If you only knew, how I knew it was you, the one for me then, the one for me true. If only I knew, how close we flew, how long we’d be gone, when I knew it was you.”

  The song was both plaintive and quirky, an upbeat rhythm married to a minor-key tune. And as he listened to her sing, watched her head bent over the guitar, her fingers press the frets, he thought of his mother, the last glimpse of her face before she’d driven off in their SUV. The desperate look in her eyes, the determination, the conviction that she was doing the right thing.

  She left because she had to. Because Ben couldn’t help her. None of them could.

  He couldn’t help any of it—couldn’t keep Julie from being scared away from Jupiter Point, couldn’t stop his father from being murdered, couldn’t make time go backwards, couldn’t fix that night or anything about it.

  Julie finished playing and glanced up to see his reaction. Her eyes went wide. “Are you okay?”

  Startled, he realized his face was soaked with tears. More were coming, streaming from his eyes, and he hadn’t even realized it. “Yeah, yeah. Fine. I just…”

  He tried to swipe them away, but they just kept coming.

  “Your mother. It made you think of your mother.” She scrambled over the blankets toward him. “Oh Ben! I’m so sorry. So sorry about everything. I should have been there to help you through it.”

  Her arms came around him. Warmth and softness surrounded him—the fleece of the blankets, the heat of her body, the sweet silk of her skin. He felt so lightheaded, as if he was floating in the upper atmosphere instead of rolling around on the floor of a lifeguard shack. He closed his eyes, and when he opened them again, her clothes were gone, his hands cupped her bare breasts, her naked thighs wrapped around his hips.

  Despite her nakedness, she wore a solemn look. “I need you to know something, Ben. Even though we lost those twelve years, I never stopped loving you. I still do.”

  He wanted to speak, to tell her that of course he still loved her too, but his mouth just wasn’t working right. His head was still spinning and he couldn’t get that last image of his mother out of his head—the way she’d turned to look back one more time. He felt the burn of her hand against his face, and the terror of watching her nightgown billow on her way to the window. That visceral fear slithered through him like a black fog. He couldn’t see, couldn’t hear anything but the desperate beating of his own heart.

  But this time, Julie was with him. Her warmth surrounded him, her soft breaths whispered in his ear. He held on to her for dear life, his fingers clutching at her bare skin, needing her closer, closer.

  They were both naked now—how? He wasn’t quite sure. God, he’d had too much Snowcone, or too much emotional crap, or both. He shook his head, desperate to get back some clarity. He was naked with Julie in the lifeguard shack, and fuck, he didn’t want to miss a second.

  Now she was spread out under him like some kind of centerfold, the curls between her thighs glistening with moisture. He dragged a hand across her sex, wanting to feel her intimate heat with every inch of his palm. She moaned and arched her back, which drew his attention to her erect nipples, made perfectly for his mouth. He rasped the flat of his tongue across one tip, savoring the softness of her areola and the pebbling hardness at the center.

  She clutched at his shoulders and ran her heels up and down his calves. His hand explored the glory of her pussy, found the pulsating core of her pleasure, then searched inside her muscular channel. It gripped at him in tight little spasms. She wasn’t coming yet, he knew the signs. But she was close. Her body was grabbing at him, working against his knuckle, seeking that satisfaction she craved.

  “I want you inside, please,” she begged. The light from the hurricane lamp swayed in a sudden gust from outside. Shadows chased across Julie’s face, lit golden sparks in her half-closed eyes.

  Inside was where he belonged. Inside her, inside this lifeguard shack, this blast from their past. Inside the circle of Julie’s love.

  And so inside he went, sinking into infinity with her. It wasn’t until he was deep within her, sliding into heat and bliss and oblivion, exploding at the same time that she did, her legs tight around him, his body rigid with the most complete and total release he’d ever experienced…that he realized they hadn’t used a condom.

  Shit.

  He lowered himself next to her, rolling onto his back and shoving his hair out of his face. He wasn’t worried about catching something, or giving something to her. She’d only been with one man other than him, and he was always careful to use a condom. He’d never tested positive for anything. But unprotected sex…pregnancy…

  Huh.

  A gust of wind shook the little shack, like a wake-up call. He was definitely awake now, and his head was finally clearing.

  Julie swatted him on the arm. “We forgot the condom.” He heard the panic in her voice. “I stashed some in my guitar case and totally forgot about them.”

  “I know, I just realized it myself. Don’t worry, you’re in no danger. I got tested right before I left the Air Force. Totally clean. I always wear a condom.”

  “I’m not worried about that.” She put her hand on her belly. “Maybe I should get that morning-after pill.”

  He rolled onto his side to watch her. Hadn’t she said she loved him? Would getting pregnant be so bad? “Where are you in your cycle?”

  He used to be pretty attuned to her cycles, because every month like clockwork, he became the most irritating thing in her life—for about half a day. They used to have an agreement that he wouldn’t get upset if she bitched at him during that one twelve-hour period.

  Julie counted on her fingers, then smiled in relief. “We should be safe. I forgot that you used to know all about my periods. God, we really told each other everything back then, didn’t we?”

  “We did. We even used to talk about what to name our kids, remember? We wanted three, and we were going to name them after stars. Andromeda, Castor, Vega.”

  “And we were going to put aside funds for the poor kids’ therapy, too,” she said dryly. “Which they would have needed with names like that.”

  “My point is, you just told me that you still love me.”

  She lifted herself onto her elbow. Her hair fell across the curves of her shoulder and breast with the grace of an artist’s brush marks. “I do. But that doesn’t mean I’m ready for three kids and a therapy fund.”

  He glanced away from her, watching the sway of the lantern’s shadows against the wall. He wasn’t ready, either. Or was he? What was he waiting for? Wasn’t that really why he’d come back to Jupiter Point?

  His brothers were right. He didn’t want to play the field. He wanted love. A family. He wanted Julie.

  She was still talking. “I don’t even know where I’m going to be in a month. I might be back in LA. I definitely can’t rush into anything. Condoms from now on, buster.”

  Right. Of course. That was the smart thing.

  Or was it?

  “But you could decide to stay here,” he said slowly. “Especially if you were pregnant.”

  She sat all the way up. “Wait a second. Didn’t
we already settle this? I can’t just abandon Felix.”

  “So, you’re saying that you can’t have your own child because Felix needs you?”

  She stared at him, the lantern’s shadows sweeping back and forth across her face. Her hair caught glints of bronze from its light. The wind whistled and moaned through the cracks in the wood. “No. I’m just not ready. That’s all I said.”

  “When would you be ready? When Felix is in middle school? High school?”

  “What’s your point?” she snapped.

  “My point is, you always put everyone else first. I know you always wanted children. So when are you going to go after what you want?”

  “I am!” She nudged him with her knee. “What do you think this is all about? I lured you here and played you my song and told you I loved you. That’s me going after what I want.”

  “And that’s it? That’s where it ends? You got me.” He spread his arms wide, one hand hitting the side of the shack. “Ben Knight, at your service. What do you want to do with me? And don’t say anything with sex in it, because I know you, Julie deGaia. It was never just about sex for us. I want you in my life. I want the same things we always talked about. I want them more than ever, because I’m older and wiser and I know what it’s like being apart from you.”

  Her face glowed. “Really?”

  He picked up her hand and kissed it. “Yes. Really. Though we might want to rethink ‘Andromeda.’ It’s a little heavy for a girl. The rest of it, yes. One thousand percent. I want you, I want our children. All of it. Now I’m asking what you want.”

  Her eyes filled with tears and her throat worked with emotion. “Oh Ben. This. I want this. You. Children of my own. Jupiter Point. It’s everything I’ve always wanted. I just don’t know what that means for Felix.”

  His heart swelled until he thought it might break in a million pieces of light. They were together. They loved each other. Everything else was just details.

  “We’ll figure it out,” he said softly. “Maybe Savannah has some ideas. I don’t want to hurt Felix either. As long as we know where we stand with each other, we’ll be fine.” The wind knocked against the shack again, making them both laugh. “As long as we don’t get blown away, of course. Come here.”

  He tugged her back down against him and wrapped his arms around her. Snuggled together, they listened to the wailing of the wind. He couldn’t imagine anything more perfect than this moment in time.

  A phone buzzed and Julie stirred. “Oh crap, I thought I turned my phone off.” She felt around for it in the mussed pile of their blankets, then squinted at the screen. “It’s Savannah.”

  “Maybe she knew we were talking about her.”

  “I think she generally assumes that everyone is talking about her.” Julie’s affectionate tone took the sting from her words. “Hey lady,” she said into the phone. “Are your ears burning? Ben and I were just—”

  She broke off, her face going dead serious. Ben heard rapid talking on the other end of the phone.

  “What?” Then, “Are you kidding? When? Oh my God. No, I had no idea. No hint. Nothing. Believe me, I would have warned you. Or gotten the hell out of town… And me? They really said that?”

  Another pause, during which Julie rubbed her forehead and listened. All the lovely afterglow ambiance of the lifeguard shack was shattered now. Ben sat up and pulled on his undershirt, then wrapped a blanket around Julie’s bare shoulders. She was chewing at her thumbnail while Savannah ranted on. Rack his brain as he might, Ben couldn’t imagine what the crisis could be—but the fact that she’d mentioned getting out of town put him on edge. Hadn’t they just decided she was going to stay?

  Finally, she ended the call and buried her hands in her face.

  “What happened?” He put his hands on her shoulders, pressing the tension from her muscles. “Some kind of movie-set emergency?”

  “No. It’s the Reinhards.”

  He paused, taken aback. “What about them? We just saw them at the Winter Ball. Did something happen since then?”

  “No, they’re perfectly fine. And completely insane.” She lifted her face from her hands, and he saw color burning in her cheeks. She wasn’t upset. She was furious. “Savannah just got notice of a lawsuit. They’re filing for custody of Felix.”

  25

  The outrage on Ben’s face looked exactly how she felt. “How the fuck can they do that? He has a mother.”

  “Yes, but they say Savannah’s an absent mother. Which, okay, she sometimes is, but only when she’s on location. And she makes sure Felix is taken care of. He’s always either with me or at school or with a tutor.” She cast around for her clothes, which had gotten tangled up with Ben’s and the blankets.

  Cold waves of fury kept coursing through her. She’d never felt anything quite like it before. How could they? How could they do this to Savannah, to her, to Felix? And why?

  Ben helped her locate her underwear. Her hands were shaking so hard she had trouble putting her panties on, so he helped her with that, too. Right now, she was so glad he was with her that she could have cried. Except that she refused to cry. She was too damn pissed.

  “What did Savannah say, exactly? Is she getting a lawyer?”

  “Yes, of course, but her parents totally blindsided her. She’s freaking out.”

  Poor Savannah. Julie had never heard her so shaken up. Despite her bravado, Julie knew how much Savannah doubted herself when it came to mothering. But Julie didn’t doubt her. Savannah was the only person in the world Felix would allow to cuddle with him in the usual way. They shared jokes no one else understood, not even Julie. Felix needed his mother and adored her.

  Who were the Reinhards to say otherwise?

  “They say we’re spoiling him,” Savannah had cried. And by “we,” Julie assumed they meant her, since they hadn’t even seen Savannah with Felix. “Spoiling him by letting him indulge all his obsessions and allowing him to be weird. They say he should have a more stable life and that I can’t provide it since I’m working so much.”

  “And me?” she’d asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.

  “They say you’re too soft with him because you’re not a real family member. And that I’m leaving too much in your hands now that Felix is older. They said if I can’t be his main parent, then a blood relative should be, not you.”

  “They really said that?” After everything she’d done for the Savannah and Felix, to be dismissed like that—“not a real family member”—it was so cruel it took her breath away.

  “A lot of it’s lawyer-talk, hon. Don’t take it too personally.” Savannah’s voice grew bitter. “I know how they roll. They’d probably say they’re just doing it for the good of the Reinhard bloodline or some shit. I knew it was a bad idea for you to go back there. I never should have trusted them! Jesus, is Dad even sick or was it all a ruse?”

  A headache hammered at her temples, like piano keys on the inside of her skull. Everything she and Ben had just talked about flew out of her head, and all that mattered was Felix.

  She squirmed into her dress, which no longer felt like Cinderella’s dream ball gown. It may as well have been made from ashes, for all the appeal it had now. This was the dress she’d worn to the Reinhards’ the night they tried to steal Felix—that was how she would remember it forevermore.

  “I need to clear my head.” The lifeguard shack felt as if it was closing in on her. She crawled toward the door. “A call from her lawyer came in, then she’s going to call me right back.”

  “Hang on. You can’t go out there alone, you’ll get blown away. Wait for me.”

  Ben yanked on his pants and rolled the blankets up in the corner, all except one, which stayed wrapped around her shoulders. He blew out the lantern, causing a whiff of acrid smoke to drift through the air. She barely saw what he was doing, her mind so occupied with this shocking news.

  Her first impulse was to grab Felix and hit the road for LA. But Savannah had made her promise not to do anythi
ng until she’d talked to the lawyer.

  She stood barefoot on the dark beach, the wind pummeling her body. Storm clouds streamed across the sky, the moon peeking in and out of view. She should have been cold, but the blanket kept the chill off. The wind whipped her hair against her face, but she didn’t mind the sting. It clarified her thoughts.

  Ben stepped next to her and put his arm around her shoulder. She leaned against him and spoke over the rush of the wind. “Remember when Savannah talked about joining the Peace Corps after graduation?”

  “Yeah, it always seemed out of character.”

  “Actually, it wasn’t. She’s much more generous than you think. But anyway, she wasn’t really serious. It was a negotiating tactic to freak her parents out. It was right after my mom died and I was afraid I’d have to go into foster care or something. Savannah told her parents she’d drop the Peace Corps thing as long as I could stay in the guesthouse.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “Yes. Savannah used to say her whole life was a series of chess moves, of her trying to claim power from her parents. Whenever she wanted something, she had to give something up. They always want to be in control. Savannah knew how to fight them, but Felix doesn’t. This would be such a disaster for him.”

  Ben squeezed her closer against his side. “I don’t think they stand a chance. Who’s going to take a child away from a mother who wants him? Don’t the judges always go by what’s in the child’s best interests?”

  “I don’t know. I’m totally clueless about this stuff. I’m afraid it could depend on who has the best lawyer. Which will be the Reinhards. I mean, Savannah’s an actress. Her lawyer negotiates contracts and stuff like that. This is completely different. What if she loses custody?”

  She felt everything falling away from her, like sand sloughing with the tide. She had no legal standing in Felix’s life. She could lose him tomorrow. Maybe the Reinhards wouldn’t want her around anymore if they thought she was too easy on him.

  Her phone rang again. She snatched it to her ear. “Savannah?”