All That I Am: A Victorian Historical Romance (The Hesitant Husbands Series Book 1)

by Grace Hartwell

  But it was his eyes that most intrigued her. They glittered with intelligence, and seemed to take in everything at a glance. They were a rich brown, so full of depth that Elizabeth thought she might completely disappear in those whiskey-colored pools.

  His very intent gaze was leveled on her, awaiting an answer. Elizabeth sighed. “Everything hurts.”

  “Are you sure you do not want anything for the pain?”

  Elizabeth held up her hand. “No, no more. I've lost three days as it is.”

  “Five, actually,” he pointed out. At her look of disbelief, he said, “You slept for two days before you woke up and knew you were in pain. Do you remember anything?”

  “Not since our first conversation.”

  Aidan regarded his guest thoughtfully for some time. Elizabeth waited, wondering what he could possibly be thinking. Was he sizing her up? Trying to decide how best to put her to use? Or was he pondering how he would let her “repay” him for all the trouble she had caused him? She shuddered.

  He knit his brows together and frowned at her. “You are still looking at me with apprehension in your eyes. Do I frighten you?”

  Truthfully, all men made her uneasy. She wanted desperately to say no, she wasn’t afraid of him, but her silence gave her away.

  “I see.” He leaned forward in his chair. “Well, at least you're not screaming this time.” He flashed her a smile, and Elizabeth saw that she'd been right. Devastating.

  “Miss Townsend, you have nothing to fear here. My staff will attend to your every need. Is there somewhere I may send someone to fetch you some clothing? I’m afraid what you were wearing is no longer suitable for the light of day.”

  Had it ever been? Elizabeth thought of the tiny room she rented that contained what few belongings she had. She couldn’t risk going back there now that Smythe knew she was in town. What little there was would have to remain there indefinitely. She shook her head, embarrassed.

  “Well then, it appears I will need to supply you with some new clothes.” He stood up. “You are a guest in my home and are free to move about as you so choose…that is, whenever you are able. Shall I have Mrs. Bartlett arrange a tray for you? You must be hungry.”

  Elizabeth simply stared at him, mouth slightly agape. How had she gone from sleeping on a bug-infested straw mattress in a closet-sized room to lying in a comfy feather bed with a nobleman promising her food and clothing? And what was he going to want in return? “Why are you doing this?”

  Aidan blinked. “I owe you my life, Miss Townsend. It's the least I can do.”

  Elizabeth shook her head slightly. “I cannot accept such charity.”

  Aidan raised his eyebrows in surprise. “It's hardly charity, Miss Townsend. How much do you think my life is worth?”

  “That's not what I meant, my lord.”

  “My lord? Well, I guess that secret’s out,” Aidan said dryly. He went to the dresser to retrieve a hand mirror. He came back to the bed and held it so Elizabeth could see herself. “Tell me, Miss Townsend. What do you think your life is worth?”

  Elizabeth gasped. She looked horrifying! She hardly even recognized herself because of the swelling. She was a mess of scrapes and bruises. Heavens, had she hit the ground face first? She reached up to touch her cheek, but even that small movement caused her pain. She flinched, and Aidan didn't miss it.

  “Charity, indeed.” He placed the mirror on the bedside table. “You've broken some ribs, Miss Townsend, and possibly fractured your shoulder. The doctor said you'll need at least six weeks, perhaps more before you're really feeling better. Until then, you'll be experiencing some discomfort.”

  That was putting it mildly. She noticed that he had a fierce- looking abrasion of his own that was still discolored. She gestured vaguely at it. “Did I do that?”

  Aidan chuckled. “That, and then some. You're much stronger than you look, Miss Townsend.”

  “Not strong,” she corrected him. “Just desperate.”

  “I'm very grateful, all the same.” He clasped his hands behind his back. “You didn't answer me before. Are you hungry?”

  Elizabeth paused for a moment before nodding. Being hungry had become a way of life for her—no one ever actually asked her if she was or not, and she had to think a moment before she knew the answer.

  “You must be thirsty as well. Would you like some water?” He didn't wait for her reply before pouring some from a pitcher near her bedside.

  He handed her the glass, which held perfectly clear water, not the turbid kind she was used to drinking in the city. But she was so weak she couldn't hold the glass without trembling violently. He reached out and closed his fingers over hers. “Here, let me help you.”

  Elizabeth had frozen and was staring at the large, warm hand covering hers. He had beautiful hands. Strong hands that seemed to infuse their strength into hers. Her heart thundered in her chest as he slid his arm behind her shoulders and propped her up so she could drink. She was acutely aware of the solid muscle supporting her as she drained as much of the water from the glass as she could.

  When she was finished, Aidan gently withdrew his arm, leaving her with the most peculiar sensation of loss. His simple gesture of kindness had sparked a vague memory of what it was like to feel…comforted. It was a foreign sensation. She blinked up at him, and the fleeting moment passed.

  “If you’ll excuse me, Miss Townsend,” Aidan said, clasping his hands behind his back. “I have an appointment I must attend. I will be leaving on a business trip tomorrow, but fortunately, my sister is also due home tomorrow, and you'll be left in her capable hands. I trust you will get along just fine. I'll be sure to introduce you before I leave.” He stopped in the doorway. “I'll have Mrs. Bartlett bring you a tray. Should you desire anything else, please don't hesitate to ask. Good day, Miss Townsend.” He nodded and was gone.

  Elizabeth stared after him in complete disbelief.

  Well.

  Perhaps she should have thrown herself in front of a carriage long ago.

  Chapter 5

  The next morning, Elizabeth awoke to sun streaming in the windows. The fog was finally gone from her head, and the light supper she had eaten last night had bolstered her some. She was sure now that she hadn't been dreaming. She really was lying in a huge, comfy bed, the likes of which she hadn't seen since she was much younger.

  Whatever stroke of fate had sent her here, she was eternally grateful for it. Lord Ashby seemed friendly enough, although she could trust no man. She couldn't quite figure him out. He seemed to be genuinely concerned for her welfare, but she couldn't imagine why. She'd met many wealthy people like him in her new life, and every single one of them had let her know that she was nothing but the dirt beneath their feet. Why should he be any different? He was a peer, for heaven's sake! He should be looking further down his nose at her than anyone else ever had.

  She tried to sit up, but it hurt too much. She was tired of lying on her back, but it seemed she was destined to remain there a bit longer. She sighed. Recuperating was going to be boring.

  The door opened and Mary waltzed in. "Ah! You're up. Mornin', Miss Townsend. I was just coming to wake you. Can I get you some breakfast?” She came in with a tea tray and set it on the table in front of the fireplace.

  All at once, Elizabeth realized how hungry she was. “I would love some, thank you.”

  “Very good, Miss.” She set about putting a log on the fire to chase the chill away. “His lordship has asked the doctor to come and check on you today. He'll be here after breakfast. And Lady Elaine is coming home today. It'll be good to have her home again. You'll like her, Miss. She'll be good company while his lordship is away.”

  “So I've been told.”

  “Let me help you sit up, Miss Townsend. You can't very well eat like that, can you?” She brought the tea tray over to the bedside and then helped Elizabeth to a sitting position, which was no easy task. Mary poured a cup of tea and handed it to Elizabeth, who could barely hold it.


  “Don't you worry, Miss,” Mary smiled. “We'll be getting your strength back in no time. Just look at you, half starved, y'are. I'd best be fetching your breakfast so we can fix that.” She winked at Elizabeth and disappeared. No matter how wary Elizabeth was of the mysterious man that owned the house, she liked his staff immensely.

  Mary returned a short time later with a breakfast tray, and sat down to help Elizabeth eat. Elizabeth couldn't believe how pathetically weak she was.

  “I'm sorry you get stuck helping me,” she told the girl. “I'm usually much more self sufficient.” She nibbled on some dry toast.

  “Don't trouble yourself, Miss Townsend. I don't mind a bit. Besides, it’s my job.” She grinned cheekily. “I'm training to be a lady’s maid like Meg some day.”

  “Who is Meg?”

  “Her ladyship’s maid, Miss. And my best friend. She came to us last year and we became friends straightaway.”

  “It must be nice to have a good friend to work with you.”

  “Aye, Miss, it is. Makes the work more fun.” She paused, knitting her brow. “Your friends must be worried about you, Miss Townsend.”

  Elizabeth eyed the chatty maid. Perhaps Elizabeth could make use of her, if she could trust her. “I only have one friend, and at the moment, I don’t know where she is. I suspect we are worried about each other.”

  “Oh,” Mary said softly. “I’m sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do to help, Miss Townsend?”

  “Perhaps, Mary. We’ll see. But let’s keep this just between us for now, all right? And please, you don’t need to call me Miss Townsend.”

  “Beggin' your pardon, Miss?”

  “My name is Elizabeth.”

  Mary's mouth dropped open slightly. “It wouldn't be proper for me to—”

  “I may be his Lordship’s guest, but I assure you, I cling to the bottom rung of society’s ladder.” Elizabeth smiled. “I could use a friend at the moment.”

  Mary toyed shyly with the plates on the tray. “I would like that.” She glanced up at Elizabeth. “Perhaps…perhaps Miss Elizabeth, then.”

  Elizabeth smiled warmly at her and carefully sipped her tea. “If that suits you, it suits me as well.”

  Now, if only she could draw a breath without stabbing pain in her side!

  Aidan was in his study when he heard the carriage pull up in the drive. An unconscious smile played across his lips. Although he did his best to keep his heart walled up, his sister was the one person who could find the chink in his armor, and the house had been unbearably silent while she'd attended a friend's lying-in in the country. He wouldn't admit to himself how much he had missed her.

  Tibbs entered the study. “Lord Ashby, Lady Elaine has arrived,” he announced.

  “Yes, I see. Thank you, Tibbs.” He returned a sheaf of papers to the desk and left to greet his little sister.

  She was in the front hall peeling off her gloves. She turned and flashed him a smile. “Hello, brother dear.”

  “It's about time you returned,” he replied, kissing her cheek. “You stayed away too long.”

  “I just want to make sure you appreciate me,” she said coyly. She pulled back from him and noticed his bruised face. “What on earth happened to you? Good heavens, were you in a fight? Can you not behave while I'm gone?”

  Aidan chuckled. “I was not in a fight. I had a bit of an accident.”

  “An accident? What on earth happened? Are you hurt?”

  “I'm fine. I do have some news to share with you, however.”

  “What is it?” she asked, knitting her brow in concern.

  “Nothing to worry about. Come sit with me in the study while I tell you the whole sordid tale. Thanks to my stupidity, you very nearly didn't have a brother to come home to.”

  “What?!”

  “Study, please,” he said, ushering her inside. “Tibbs, some refreshments for our weary traveler.”

  “So she's here? Now?”

  “Yes, and I'm afraid she's not in very good shape.”

  “I should think not.” Lainey tried to absorb the story Aidan had related to her. She wanted to slap him for being so careless. He was all she had left. “But she will live?”

  “Yes, it appears so. She began refusing the laudanum yesterday, so that's a good sign.”

  “My word, Aidan,” Lainey said, shaking her head.

  “I'd like to introduce you if she's awake. Mary's been assigned as her lady's maid, but I was hoping you could aid in her care while I'm away. She'll be restricted to bed rest, but I thought you could—”

  “Entertain her?” Lainey interrupted, a smile coming into her eyes. “You know I'd be happy to do so.”

  “I am hoping that you will be able to get her to relax a little.” Aidan sighed. “She doesn’t seem to feel safe here, and apparently, I frighten her enormously.”

  Lainey stifled a grin. “I do repeatedly tell you that you need to smile more. You always have that scowl on your face. Perhaps if you had a woman who—”

  “Lainey.”

  “Well, you promised Father—”

  “I know what I promised. Father was a tortured soul. I would have said anything to make him happy in his last moments,” Aidan snapped.

  Lainey raised her eyebrows. “Gracious me. It seems I've hit a nerve.” She rested her palm against his cheek. “I just miss my brother. The one who always had an easy smile and laughter in his voice. When did you get so serious, anyway?”

  “When I became an earl and the responsibility of running a business and the estate fell upon my shoulders. Not to mention the care involved in having an unmarried sister,” he said pointedly.

  Lainey sighed and rolled her eyes. “Not now, Aidan. We have more important things to worry about. Be a dear and introduce me to your guest,” she replied, effectively changing the subject.

  Aidan frowned at her as he offered her his arm. Lainey had been engaged two years ago, but the gentleman had unexpectedly broken it, and Lainey's heart as well. She had shown no sign of interest in any man since then. His sister was living proof of another reason not to give your heart to someone else for safekeeping. He sighed. “Very well. Shall we?”

  Lainey put her hand in the crook of his elbow as he led her upstairs and knocked on the door of his guest's room. Mary's voice came from behind the door.

  “Come in.”

  Aidan poked his head around the door. “Is Miss Townsend awake?”

  “Yes, my lord.”

  Aidan stepped into the room, followed by Lainey. Elizabeth warily turned her head toward her visitors and Aidan's heart gave a little squeeze. Was he really that frightening?

  Mary dropped a curtsey. “Welcome back, Lady Elaine. Did you have a pleasant journey?”

  “Yes, Mary. Thank you.” She smiled, knowing what the girl wanted to hear. “I'm sure Meg would love to see you.”

  Mary's face lit as she shifted from one foot to the other, and Aidan had to bite back a chuckle at the girl's anxiousness to be off. He smiled slightly and raised his eyebrow. “You'd best not keep her waiting, Mary.”

  Mary looked as though she might explode. “Yes, Lord Ashby.” She dropped another hurried curtsey and practically flew from the room. Aidan turned his attention to the woman lying in bed.

  “Miss Townsend. Mrs. Bartlett tells me you have refused further medication. How are you feeling this morning?”

  “Less foggy, thank you.”

  “And the pain?”

  Elizabeth gave him a half smile. “Hmm…less fog, more pain. But I can cope with it.”

  “I see.” Aidan hesitated, studying her for a moment. Silence stretched between them before he seemed to abruptly remember that Lainey was standing beside him, and he turned to make introductions. “Lady Elaine Lockwood, may I present to you Miss Elizabeth Townsend? Miss Townsend, this is my sister, Lady Elaine.”

  Lainey moved forward to clasp her hand over Elizabeth's. “Miss Townsend, how can I ever thank you for saving my brother?”

  Eliza
beth smiled weakly. “I think your brother has taken care of it.”

  “Yes, he's very generous like that, isn't he?” She smiled at her brother. “I don't know what I would do without him, Miss Townsend. You must be his guardian angel.”

  “I'm quite positive I am no one's guardian angel, my lady, but I am glad I could be of assistance, as he was of assistance to me.”

  “Yes, so he told me. Despicable man, that Mr. Smythe.” She patted Elizabeth's hand. “Don't you worry, Miss Townsend. You and I are going to be great friends, I'm sure of it. We'll get you all better before you know it.”

  Aidan cleared his throat. “I hate to interrupt, ladies, but I must be on my way.” He kissed Lainey on the temple. “I won't be away more than a fortnight, though I doubt you'll even notice that I'm gone. I leave you in good hands, Miss Townsend,” he said, turning his dark gaze on her. He gave her a brief nod and headed for the door.

  “Try not to step in front of any speeding carriages,” Elizabeth chided.

  Aidan froze at the door, then slowly turned around.

  “Are you…are you teasing me, Miss Townsend?” he said, raising an eyebrow.

  Elizabeth shrank back into the pillow and regarded him warily. Perhaps it was best not to tease a peer. “Maybe just a little,” she admitted weakly.

  The faintest trace of amusement played across his lips, tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Hm. Good day, ladies,” he said, and then he was gone.

  Lainey turned to Elizabeth, who still had that frightened look on her face. “Don’t let him fool you, Miss Townsend. He may look intimidating, but my brother has the most wonderful heart I know.”

  Chapter 6

  Paris, France

  Aidan stared out his hotel room window at the street below. “What do you suppose they are doing right now?”