All That I Am: A Victorian Historical Romance (The Hesitant Husbands Series Book 1)

by Grace Hartwell

  Was it her imagination, or was Lord Ashby desperate to prove himself to her? Elizabeth wandered over and joined him, eyeing the shelf. There were quite a few books on poetry. Surely he hadn't read all of them. “I'm sure you have,” she said politely.

  He didn't miss the disguised disbelief in her voice. He reached up and handed her a thin, worn volume. “I've read this one so many times I've memorized it.”

  She raised a skeptical eyebrow but said nothing. He met the challenge in her gaze and smiled, leaning toward her. There was the glint of battle in his eyes. “Go on. I dare you.”

  “My lord, you certainly don't need to—”

  “Page 34. Lord Byron, I believe,” he said with a touch of smugness in his voice. All traces of it disappeared, however, when he began to quote:

  “She walks in beauty, like the night

  Of cloudless climes and starry skies;

  And all that's best of dark and bright

  Meet in her aspect, and her eyes:

  Thus mellow'd to that tender light

  Which heaven to gaudy day denies.”

  He had stepped closer to her, his rich voice reaching right into her heart and making it beat just a little faster. He had a wonderful voice for reading, and for a fraction of a second, an image of him reading to his children filled her mind. Elizabeth cleared her throat and shifted uncomfortably. His eyes bored into her, challenging her to find a poem he couldn't recite. Well, she wasn’t about to fold. “All right, then,” she said crisply. “Let's see how you do when I choose the page.” She pursed her lips and flipped to another poem, desperate to wipe that smirk right off his face. Insufferable man. She stopped when she caught sight of a name even she didn't recognize. “One hundred six.”

  “Ah. My favorite. How ironic.”

  “Surely you can't know—”

  “Give me a kiss, and to that kiss a score

  Then to that twenty, add a hundred more.”

  Elizabeth’s eyes flew to the page in front of her. Good heavens, what on earth had she selected? She looked up as Aidan stalked her, pinning her with those whiskey orbs of his. Unconsciously, she backed up until the wall prevented her from retreating any further. Her stomach fluttered, rather like a butterfly cupped in two hands, as he continued in a low, husky voice.

  “A thousand to that hundred, so kiss on,

  To make that thousand up a million.

  Treble that million, and when that is done,

  Let's kiss afresh, as when we first begun.”

  He was so close to her that the only thing that separated them was the book she held in her hands. Elizabeth's heart slammed against her ribcage. He leaned forward ever so slightly, and for a brief moment, Elizabeth thought he was going to do as the poem suggested.

  “Shall we continue the test?” he said instead.

  She tried to speak, but nothing but a small squeak came out. He shot her a knowing grin, and it immediately sent her temper flaring. “I think you've made your point,” she said flatly.

  “You see, Miss Townsend. It all depends upon what you consider romantic.” He didn’t move. He just stood there, staring into her eyes, the heat of his body flowing into hers, making her skin tingle. Was she still breathing?

  “Yes. Well. You are very well-read,” Elizabeth replied, thrusting the book at him and breaking the spell. “I'm sure Miss Austen won't be offended that you haven't deigned to include her in your repertoire.”

  Aidan winked and slipped the book from her hands, returning it to the shelf as she skittered away from him. “Just because I hide it from the world doesn't mean I don't have a romantic soul, Miss Townsend. Ogre or not.” He inclined his head in farewell and strode to the door.

  He paused on the threshold and turned his smoldering gaze on her. A seductive smile curled about his lips. “And incidentally, Miss Townsend,” he said, his voice thick. “I assure you, I am most secure in my manhood.” He jerked his chin to the forgotten volume on the chair. “Enjoy your book.”

  He quit the room, leaving Elizabeth to wonder how she hadn't simply turned to dust after the way he’d looked at her. She forced air into her rebellious lungs. It was clear she would have to avoid being alone with Aidan at all costs. The Earl of Ashby was a dangerous man.

  Chapter 11

  What the hell had he been thinking? He'd nearly kissed Elizabeth. Elizabeth! The girl who, a few weeks ago, had been pulled from the gutter. That very same girl, he'd wanted to kiss.

  Desperately.

  Still.

  This was insanity. She invaded his every thought, turning his life upside down. He was Aidan Lockwood, Earl of Ashby, owner of a highly successful business, manager of a profitable estate, and a respected Member of Parliament. He was always in control; always able to make the impossible happen. His life was well ordered, scandal-free, and exactly how he liked it.

  Then she exploded into it, and nothing had been the same since. His once quiet house now rang with feminine bursts of laughter, interrupting his thoughts and distracting him completely. It was damn near impossible to get any work done with two women carrying on like that.

  But then again, he was glad to see Lainey so happy. She had only been eleven when their mother had died. Aidan did the best that he could with her, but he knew she missed the female companionship that he simply could not offer her. She always said that she had everything she needed, but he knew better. She kept herself so busy because she was trying to fill a void in her life. And right now, Elizabeth seemed to be filling it nicely.

  Aidan took a sip of his scotch. The club was packed with men playing cards or sharing a drink with friends. Only Aidan sat alone in a chair by the window, staring out into the street where he had first seen Elizabeth. Memories of that night washed over him, of how close he had come to dying. If it hadn't been for Elizabeth, who could say what would have happened? If he'd been killed that night, then Lainey would have been left alone with no one to look after her. He knew that Gavin would protect her, as any of his friends would, but still...the woman needed a husband whether she liked it or not.

  He took another sip of scotch and let it burn its way down his throat. He sighed and closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the chair.

  “Drinking alone, Ashby? That's never a good sign with you.”

  Aidan cracked an eye open to find Donovan MacKavoy looking down at him with an amused expression. “Just trying to enjoy some peace and quiet, MacKavoy. Don't let me interrupt you.”

  Donovan grinned and took the seat across from him. “What's troubling you, my friend? Is it the girl?”

  “Jesus, MacKavoy.” The man had an uncanny knack for seeing right into Aidan's head.

  Donovan shrugged. “Why else would you be sitting here with that weary look on your face?” A snifter of brandy was delivered to him, and he raised it to Aidan before taking a long swallow. “Has she taken a turn for the worse?”

  “No, she's doing quite well. Lainey is taking very good care of her.”

  “I'm sure she is. She's a good woman, that sister of yours.”

  “Would you like to marry her?”

  Donovan laughed out loud. “I would, but I'm not good enough for her, remember?”

  “Did I say that?”

  “No, I believe your actual words were, 'Touch her and I'll kill you'.”

  “Perhaps I was a bit hasty.”

  Donovan laughed again. “I think not. I'm not ready to settle down, and you know it. And even if I were, your sister doesn't want me. I don't care how much you bemoan the fact that she's still unmarried; you're not going to let her marry just anyone. And after what that fool Danby did to her, she deserves to be blissfully happy.”

  Aidan sighed, conceding that Donovan was right. Unlike himself, Lainey wanted true love and happily ever after. Truth be told, he was in no hurry to let her go, because then he would be the one left alone.

  “But she's not why you're sitting here,” Donovan pointed out. “It's the other one.”

  “By that,
I'm guessing you mean Miss Townsend.”

  “How many other women do you have in your house? Of course I mean Miss Townsend. She's healing well, so what's the problem?”

  Aidan didn't say anything. The problem was, for the first time in his life, he felt like he wasn't in control. There were times during the day when thoughts of cerulean eyes assailed him, knocking the breath from his lungs. He took another sip of scotch. The problem was, she was of the poorest class, and he was an earl. The problem was, he wanted to take her in his arms and kiss her until the fear permanently disappeared from her eyes. That was indeed a problem.

  “Hell, Ashby,” Donovan said, unable to keep the smile from his face. “You want her.”

  “Mack, for God's sake!”

  “Hello, boys. What are we talking about?”

  Aidan looked up to see that Gavin Mayfield had arrived. Just what he needed— another prying gaze from which he could hide nothing. “So much for my peace and quiet,” he muttered.

  Gavin raised his eyebrows. “Am I interrupting something?”

  “Yes! My time alone with my scotch!”

  “You seem a bit on edge tonight, my friend. What am I missing?” Gavin looked at Donovan, who shrugged.

  “We were just discussing how Ash here wants to get his houseguest into bed,” he said simply.

  “MacKavoy!” Aidan roared. Several heads turned their way. “Jesus! Jesus,” he hissed, shoving his hand into his thick mass of hair and sighing loudly. “I do not want to get her into bed.”

  “Don’t sell me a dog! It’s written all over your face.”

  Aidan groaned and put his head in his hands. “I just wanted a drink and some time alone,” he whimpered.

  “I can see I came at just the right time,” Gavin said gleefully. “I've been trying to get Ash to admit to his infatuation since we went to France.” He clapped his hands and dropped into a seat next to Donovan. They both looked expectantly at Aidan. He rolled his eyes.

  “I am not attracted to her,” he lied. “There was just a moment earlier this afternoon when I had a bit of a judgment lapse, that's all.”

  “Holy hell, did you kiss her?” Gavin practically shouted.

  “No,” Aidan ground out. “And I'll thank you to keep your voice down.”

  “So you nearly kissed her. But you're not attracted to her.” Donovan grinned. Aidan shot him a dark look.

  “There's nothing wrong with being attracted to her, Ash,” Gavin said. “You are a man, after all,” he chided.

  Aidan glared at him. “She's a pauper, Gav. And she's in my care. And she's entrusting her safety to me, despite the fact that she seems terrified of me. Three very good reasons why the thought shouldn't have even crossed my mind.”

  “It's just a natural feeling, Aidan,” Gavin pressed. “She sounds quite fascinating from what you've told me. She's an enigma, and you are drawn to puzzles. It must make her very compelling.”

  “Maybe when she's all better you can make her your mistress,” Donovan offered. There was a long pause as both Aidan and Gavin turned to stare at Donovan.

  “I take it back,” Aidan said, incredulous. “I wasn't hasty at all.”

  “I told you, you don't want me to marry your sister.”

  “You offered this louse Lainey's hand in marriage?” Gavin sputtered. “Good God, man.”

  “Easy, Gav. It's a long story.” He drained the rest of his scotch and stood to go. “Gentlemen, if you will excuse me, I aim to get some of that peace and quiet I mentioned earlier. I think I will walk home.”

  “Oh, good. Can you have Jack bring me home? I came with Thorpe, but from the look of things, he'll be here for hours,” Donovan surmised.

  Aidan chuckled. “Jack would be happy to see you home. I'll tell him. Goodnight, gentlemen.” He turned to go, but then paused. He looked at Gavin. “Come to tea on Friday afternoon. I'll introduce you to Miss Townsend. You,” he said, pointing a finger at Donovan. “Stay away from my sister.”

  Chapter 12

  A few days later, Elizabeth sat in front of the mirror and fidgeted while Mary did her hair. Gavin Mayfield was coming to tea today and Elizabeth was meeting him for the first time. She didn't know why it mattered to her, but he was the first friend of Aidan's she was meeting, and she wanted to make a good impression. She was wearing a simple cotton morning gown, not particularly suitable for tea, but the only thing she had at the moment.

  “There you are,” Lainey said from the doorway. “I just saw Gavin's carriage pull—” She stopped speaking when she caught sight of Elizabeth’s new dress. “My brother imports the finest fabrics in the world and he ordered you brown calico,” she said flatly.

  Elizabeth’s cheeks flamed. “No, I did. I need a serviceable dress, Lainey. I know it’s not fashionable, but I don’t need fashionable. I need practical.”

  Lainey sighed. “I suppose you are right.” She eyed Elizabeth. “Eliza, what do you plan to do when you leave us?”

  “I…I’m not sure.”

  Lainey took Elizabeth’s hands in hers. “Elizabeth, you can’t think we mean to just set you back out in the street.”

  “I hadn’t really thought about it.”

  “Well, we absolutely will not. You’re our friend now. Let us help you.”

  That was one thing Elizabeth couldn’t let them do. “I can take care of myself, Lainey. You needn’t worry about me.”

  “You didn’t look like you’d been taking very good care of yourself when you arrived,” she replied, crossing her arms over her chest.

  Elizabeth conceded the point. “Money was tight. The previous few months had been a little difficult,” she admitted. Traveling back to London had depleted her savings quite rapidly, and she couldn’t find work once she’d arrived. She’d traded her hair brush for coal, for heaven’s sake. Winters were tricky.

  “Then let us help you. We can at least find you respectable employment.”

  Elizabeth hesitated. “I’m not sure how long I plan to stay in London…” she hedged.

  “Hm.”

  What that meant, Elizabeth could only guess. “Aren’t we keeping your guest waiting?” she offered feebly.

  Lainey shot her a look that said she knew when she was being deflected. She patted Elizabeth’s cheek. “You do look lovely in your new dress. It fits you beautifully. But I am going to order something a little more fun from Mrs. Essex tomorrow.” She put up her hand to stop Elizabeth’s protest. “You may do with them what you wish once you have left, but I insist you have them. Besides, I may have already ordered them.” She coughed delicately into her hand. “And once word gets out that Gavin was invited for tea, there will be a line out the door of callers wanting to meet the woman who saved London’s most eligible bachelor. You’ll need a proper dress to survive the onslaught.” She grinned.

  Elizabeth went pale. “No! Lainey, that’s a bad idea! I don’t need to meet anyone. The fewer people who know me, the better.”

  “That’s an odd thing to say.”

  “Please, Lainey. I can’t take callers.”

  Lainey’s worried gaze travelled over her. “Well, you must meet my closest girlfriends. They are a fiercely protective bunch. And I think you need some friends.”

  The men stood when she and Lainey entered drawing room.

  “Ah. Ladies. Please join us.” Aidan gestured to a nearby sofa. Elizabeth eyed Gavin as he stood to meet her. He was an attractive blond with sparkling blue eyes, a slender build, and height that surpassed Aidan's by an inch or two. He was also, Elizabeth noted, in possession of a winsome smile designed to melt any heart in an instant, which he bestowed upon her as Aidan made the introductions.

  “Miss Townsend, I am delighted to meet you at last,” he said, bowing slightly over her hand. “May I be the among the first to thank you for your bravery.”

  “That's very kind of you, Mr. Mayfield. I just happened to be in the right place at the right time.”

  “She's terribly modest, is she not?” Lainey grinned.

>   Gavin turned to her, flashing her that charming smile. “Hello, Lainey.” He bowed his head and she blushed. “How have you been since your return to London?”

  “I've been quite busy, not that you would know. You've been horribly remiss in coming to call, you know.”

  “Forgive me. Your brother has been keeping me at bay with business.”

  “Mm hm.” But she smiled at him as she took a seat.

  Elizabeth was staring at Gavin. She had been studying him during the banter. There was something vaguely familiar about him, though she couldn't quite put her finger on it. He didn't seem like the type to frequent the taverns in the poor section of town, but one never knew. She had seen many a fine gentleman stumble in, looking to drown their sorrows in a place where no one knew them. But still…that didn’t seem quite it.

  She gradually became aware of three pairs of eyes on her, and she flushed at having been caught staring. But she couldn't help it. “Mr. Mayfield, have we…met somewhere before?” she asked, knitting her brows together in concentration.

  “I don't believe so,” Gavin replied. “I'm sure I would remember you. You have such lovely eyes. I can see now why Aidan has been so captivated by them.” A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, but he refused to let it manifest itself. He didn't dare meet Aidan's pointed stare, as the daggers that were shooting from his eyes would surely find their way straight to his heart and kill him on the spot.

  “I'm sorry,” Elizabeth mumbled. “Of course we haven't met. I don't know what I was thinking.”

  “Gavin has that effect on people,” Lainey assured her. “Once you've met him, you feel as if you've known him all your life.”

  “That's because you have known me all your life.”

  She rolled her eyes as they all sat and Lainey poured for them. The conversation flowed freely, and Elizabeth slowly began to relax, though she still kept an eye on Gavin. She just couldn't place him, and it was driving her to distraction. Gavin was asking a lot of questions, which made Elizabeth uneasy, but she did her best to answer them. Without thinking, she reached for the pot to pour herself a second cup.