All That I Am: A Victorian Historical Romance (The Hesitant Husbands Series Book 1)

by Grace Hartwell

  “Try not to get overwrought, sweetheart. That's not going to help him.”

  The Colonel handed Elizabeth the brandy, wrapping her hands around the snifter. “Drink this. It will calm you. Davis!” he called, turning his attention back to the chaos.

  A tall, wiry man appeared in the doorway. “Yes, sir?”

  “What have you learned from the boy?” A young boy of about twelve had been captured after the first explosion. No one else had been caught.

  “Not much, sir. He only knows what he was told to do.”

  “I figured as much. We’ll deal with him later.” He turned to his wife. “I am needed in the orangery. You’ll be all right?”

  “Go, George.”

  He nodded, and he and Davis dashed out the door without another word. The water and cloth arrived, and Kate took the compress to Elizabeth's face and wiped away her tears, and then began calmly washing the blood from her hands. “Tell me what happened.”

  “I'm not sure. One minute he was asking me to marry him and the next he was on the ground bleeding. All because I had some ridiculous notion—oh, this is all my fault!” Fresh tears sprang to her eyes, and her mother smoothed her hair as she pulled her into her arms.

  “It is not your fault. Garrett would have found a way to get to you no matter what. We did everything we could to keep you safe, and he still managed to get through George's guards. The important thing is that he has been stopped.”

  She forced Elizabeth to sip some more brandy. There was a knock at the front door, and then the doctor barged through it before anyone could answer it. Gavin appeared out of nowhere and ushered the physician upstairs. Elizabeth flew to her feet as the ruckus passed by the drawing room. The only reason she didn't charge up the stairs after them is because her mother physically restrained her by grabbing both her arms and tugging her backwards into the room.

  “Leighton Elizabeth, there is no way you are going up there. You can best help by staying out of the way and let the doctor do what he needs to do. Aidan is in good hands,” she assured her, dragging her back to the sofa. She forced the brandy upon her once again. Grudgingly, Elizabeth took a sip.

  “Mother,” she choked out. “What if he dies?” She mentally berated herself for being so naive as to think they would triumph over Garrett without casualties. If she had just followed her plan and fled London, then Garett would have come after her and Aidan would have been safe.

  But then her mother laid her hand on her cheek, and Elizabeth knew that if they hadn’t come here, she would never have been reunited with her. Was that what the fate Aidan so strongly believed in had in store for her? She’d gain her mother, but lose Aidan?

  “Let's not get ahead of ourselves,” Kate said quietly.

  Her answer satisfied Elizabeth enough. She couldn’t—wouldn’t—think of a life now without him. She stared down at her brandy for what seemed like an eternity before Gavin finally entered the room. She sprang to her feet as soon as she heard him.

  “Elizabeth.” He strode over to where she stood. She looked deep into his eyes, searching for answers to questions she couldn't bring herself to ask. “They've given him a healthy dose of laudanum so the doctor can get the bullet out,” he said, a grim look on his face.

  “But he'll survive?”

  Gavin hesitated. “He's lost a lot of blood, Elizabeth. I'll let you know more when I can.”

  Elizabeth's heart stopped. That was not what he was supposed to say. She stared up at him, tears filling her eyes. Gavin's mouth was set in a thin line, all the usual humor gone from his eyes. He reached out and squeezed her shoulder. “I'm sorry I don't have better news. If you'll excuse me, I have to get back to Aidan.” He cupped her cheek. “Be strong.”

  He turned and left Elizabeth standing there trying not to fall to pieces. Kate came up behind her and wrapped her arms around her daughter. “If you are anything, it is strong. Have faith, my child. Everything will be fine, you'll see.”

  Elizabeth pushed her away. “I'm so stupid!”

  “What on earth do you mean by that?”

  “I love him, Mama. More than anything in the world. I think I've loved him since the moment he smiled at me when I was recuperating. And now he's asked me to marry him—twice—and because I couldn't let go of my past, I never answered him. I couldn't even admit that I loved him. And now I might lose him. Now he might die thinking I don't want to marry him! It was one little word. One. And I couldn't say it. Now he might never hear it—” Elizabeth dissolved into sobs and collapsed into her mother's arms. Kate was helpless to do anything but hold her daughter.

  “I know Aidan loves you a great deal, Elizabeth. He's a good man, and a strong one. He'll not leave you without a fight, I can guarantee you that.”

  Elizabeth sniffed loudly. Kate pulled her down onto the sofa and cradled her in her arms. They remained like that for some time, until the Colonel came in to report that the fire had been contained and his men had been found.

  “Couple of knocks on the head, the rest were chloroformed. Guess that was the easiest way to remove them without drawing attention.” He spared Elizabeth a worried glance before he left again. Minute after agonizing minute ticked by until finally—finally—Gavin entered the room, pale as Elizabeth had ever seen him.

  “Gavin?” she squeaked, trying to keep the alarm from her voice. His snowy white shirt was spattered with a lot more blood than it had been the last time she'd seen him. She launched to her feet and grabbed him by his shirt front, crushing the fabric in a white knuckled grip. “What's wrong?”

  He rested his hands reassuringly on her shoulders. “Nothing. Everything went well. The doctor was able to get the bullet out and stop the bleeding. He's dressing the wound now. I'm afraid it wasn't very easy on Aidan.”

  “Oh.” Elizabeth’s hand went to her throat.

  “Poor dear,” Kate said, her voice full of concern.

  “He's resting comfortably now. Hopefully he'll sleep through the night.” He turned his gaze back to Elizabeth. “He's going to be in a good deal of pain for some time, Elizabeth, and he'll be very weak for a few days. He's lost an alarming amount of blood, but the doctor thinks he should pull through.”

  “He's a tough bird, that Lord Ashby,” the doctor said, coming into the room. He smiled at Elizabeth. “He should be just fine. Our biggest concern right now is infection, but other than that, with a little exercise and some help from you, he should be good as new in a couple of months.”

  “He's all right?”

  “Yes, Miss. I think he'll be just fine.”

  Elizabeth stared at the doctor, still clinging to Gavin's shirt. “Thank you,” she breathed, and then she collapsed against Gavin in a dead faint.

  Chapter 38

  Elizabeth sat by Aidan's bedside, holding his hand and studying his face in the lamplight. She couldn't believe it had only been a few short months ago when she hadn't known he existed. Now, her life would never be the same.

  He looked so helpless lying there, pale and bandaged…not at all like the vibrant man she was used to seeing. She touched his bare shoulder, relieved to find it still warm. She blamed herself entirely for what had happened. If she hadn't been so reckless, if she'd listened to her mother…if only. There was nothing she could do now but wait.

  She put her head down on the bed, resting her hand on his uninjured shoulder. She absently traced small circles on his skin with her index finger and closed her eyes, thinking of all the moments when he had made her laugh. She wanted a lifetime of laughter.

  Something was tickling the back of her hand. She slowly became aware of her surroundings, and she realized she'd fallen asleep. She lifted up her head to find Aidan gazing at her, his eyelids at half-mast. He was running his fingers lightly over the back of her hand.

  “Hello, love.”

  “Aidan!” Elizabeth snapped to attention. “Oh, thank God.” She kissed his hand. “How do you feel?”

  “Like I've been hit by a runaway carriage.” He smiled lang
uidly.

  Elizabeth's eyes narrowed. “Very funny, my lord.”

  “Oh, no. I'm in trouble if we're back to that.” He squeezed her hand. “I'm exhausted and my chest is killing me. Is that better?”

  “No.” Elizabeth's eyes filled with tears. “Aidan, I'm so sorry. This is my fault, I—”

  “Sweetheart, stop. It is no one's fault. The important thing is you are safe, and Garrett…” Aidan closed his eyes, fighting against the laudanum. “Was anyone else hurt?”

  “The guards have some bumps on their heads, but they are otherwise unharmed. Gavin and the Colonel…are understandably upset.”

  Aidan looked away, remorse in his eyes. “Garrett was family.”

  “They're not upset with you, Aidan. It’s…it’s just a loss.” She kissed his hand again, trying to comfort him. She could see sleep tugging at him.

  “Elizabeth, before I doze off, or another interruption occurs—”

  “I love you,” Elizabeth suddenly blurted.

  Aidan gave her a drowsy grin. “That kind of interruption is acceptable.”

  “I'm sorry. It's just that I've waited far too long to say it and I wanted to make sure you knew.”

  “How much?”

  “What?”

  “How much do you love me?”

  Elizabeth smiled at his question and gazed tenderly down at him. She captured his hand and kissed his palm, then rested it against her cheek. “With all that I am,” she said, softly but emphatically.

  “Then for the love of God, put me out of my misery and say you'll be my wife.”

  Elizabeth giggled. “If you insist.”

  Aidan smiled, closing his eyes. “I do.”

  “Then yes, Aidan. I'll marry you. Nothing would make me happier.”

  “Oh, thank God.” He sighed, drifting off to sleep. “I love you, Eliza,” he mumbled. Elizabeth leaned forward and kissed him on the forehead.

  “I love you more,” she whispered.

  Aidan slept through the rest of the night and most of the next day as well. Elizabeth kept a close eye on him, dosing him with laudanum when he needed it. Thankfully, he did not develop a fever, and two days later, he was sitting up in bed, admiring his new fiancée.

  “I'm afraid we can't be married for a couple of months, my love,” he sighed. “I want to be fully healed before I take on the challenge of having you for a wife.” His eyes danced as she shot him withering look.

  “You'll need to be to handle me, my lord.”

  He chuckled and pulled her hand to his lips. He turned to kiss her palm and noticed the healing scrapes. “Did I do that to you?”

  Elizabeth nodded. “I scraped them when I fell. But don't worry, I don't think it will scar, so we're hardly even,” she said, kissing the faint line on his cheekbone. “Gavin is on his way up to see you.”

  “Good. Help me get up.”

  “Certainly not! You're not ready to be up and about yet.”

  “Elizabeth, I've been flat on my back for two days. I killed the man’s brother. The least I can do is put on clothes when I face him. Be a good girl and fetch my trousers, will you?”

  Elizabeth folded her arms across her chest and watched him struggle to sit up. “You are going to rip open your stitches, you stubborn mule.” Her annoyance quickly turned to embarrassment, however, when he swung his legs over the side of the bed and flung off the sheets. She'd forgotten that he was naked under those sheets. He stood up shakily and grinned at her as she gaped at him.

  “Enjoying the view?”

  Elizabeth snapped her gaze up and narrowed her eyes at him. “Insufferable man,” she grumbled, grabbing his drawers and trousers. He slid his arm about her shoulders as she helped him get them on. He trembled with the effort of dressing.

  “Sit down before you fall over,” she admonished.

  “I just need something to hold onto,” he replied, slipping his arm about her waist and pulling her close. She rested her palms against his chest, and he managed to get his left arm around her as well. “I can't put into words what peace overtakes me when I hold you in my arms,” he said softly.

  Elizabeth dropped a light kiss on his chest at the edge of his bandage. “You don't have to tell me. I feel it, too.” She gazed up at him, wondering how it was possible to love a person so much that it felt like you would stop breathing without them. Aidan smiled at her tenderly, reveling in the fact that she was standing within the circle of his arms without the slightest hesitation. He leaned down to kiss her briefly, then she sighed and laid her head upon his shoulder. They remained as they were for a spell, simply enjoying the moment.

  There was a knock at the door, and Gavin entered. He looked surprised to see Aidan on his feet. “What are you doing out of bed?” he demanded.

  “Good to see you, too,” Aidan replied with a chuckle. “Elizabeth, I'm starving. Perhaps you could see about getting me some breakfast?”

  She took the hint and left the men alone. Gavin surveyed the bandage that covered Aidan's chest and shoulder. “How are you feeling?”

  “Like hell,” Aidan admitted. “Gavin, can you ever forgive me?”

  Gavin's brows rose in surprise. “Forgive you?”

  “Gav, I killed your brother. I can't imagine what you think of me.”

  “Aidan…” Gavin ran his hand through his hair and huffed out a breath. “Aidan, I've spent most of my life being ashamed of my brother, trying desperately to understand how he could have been such an evil man, and fervently hoping something would happen to turn his life around. I gave up hope when he shot me. I realized then that if he could kill his own brother, then nothing would save him. He's hurt—killed—so many people…I can't quite wrap my mind around what would drive a man to such…horrific acts. I couldn't stop him, but you did.” He moved toward Aidan and put his hand on his shoulder. “You risked your life to save Elizabeth's and Kate's. Garrett would have murdered them both; I have no doubt of that. You didn't kill my brother, Aidan. He ceased being my brother years ago. Blood alone cannot make us brothers. But our hearts can.” Gavin paused and swallowed hard. “The only brother I've ever truly known is you, Aidan. You're the one who's always been there for me, and the one I've loved my whole life. You were the one I was terrified to lose the other night. You're my family, Aidan…not Garrett. You. And I thank God for sparing you.” He smiled at Aidan with watery eyes. “There is nothing to forgive, my friend…my brother. So please don't ask me.”

  Aidan nodded, eyes bright with unshed tears. He clapped Gavin on the shoulder and squeezed. “Thank you,” he choked out.

  “I think I should be thanking you,” Gavin replied, grinning at him. “After all, you've brought me a little sister to torment.”

  Aidan chuckled. “Go easy on her, Gav. She was an only child not too long ago.”

  Gavin smiled wickedly. “I'll be gentle, I promise.” He paused. “By the way, did she ever say yes?”

  “I was in a laudanum haze, but I believe that was the answer.”

  “Excellent. I wish you all the happiness in the world.”

  “Thank you. I believe I shall have it. But there is one thing that would make my happiness complete.”

  “What's that?”

  “Marry Lainey.”

  Gavin let out a loud guffaw. “Good God, man, are you going to beg all of your friends to marry your sister?”

  “Only the ones who I think are worthy of her.” Aidan grinned.

  Gavin snorted. “And you started with MacKavoy? I’ll not insult her by repeating that. Time for you to sit, now,” he said as Aidan swayed unsteadily. He helped Aidan into a chair by the fire. “Lainey’s a good woman and perfectly capable of finding herself a husband. Give her time, Aidan. Lainey is looking for something special.”

  “Mm. Wish she would hurry up and find it,” Aidan said, leaning his head back and closing his eyes.

  Gavin sat across from him. “Have you told Elizabeth the news of Betsy?”

  “Not yet. I want to surprise her. Betsy will be
at the house when we return?”

  “Yes, and more or less fully recovered. Smythe gave her a pretty awful beating.”

  Aidan grimaced. “I think it’s time to do something about that man.”

  “I couldn’t agree more.”

  “I’m just glad Blake was able to find her.” A smile worked its way across his lips, and then he chuckled.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “I was just thinking…we’ve found all the people Elizabeth has been searching for. She’s not going to know what to do with herself now!”

  Chapter 39

  They stayed another week at the Mayfields’ until Aidan was strong enough for travel. Garett’s body had been buried in the family plot, a last effort from a father to his son. Kate was traveling to London with them to help with the wedding plans, and Mary was just about to burst with excitement over all the gossip she was going to get to tell the staff.

  Elizabeth turned to Aidan as the coach pulled up to the town house. “I can’t believe none of you ever told Lainey about me.”

  “We thought it best, dear,” her mother replied. “Since I feared you might be in danger, we thought the less people knew of you, the better. It was generally believed that you were dead, and we wanted to keep it that way.”

  “Well, won’t she be surprised,” Elizabeth said wryly. She helped a tired Aidan up the steps, and Tibbs opened the door.

  “Welcome home, my lord. My lady,” he said, bowing to Elizabeth.

  “Not yet, Tibbs, but thank you for the honor.” She smiled, and the stoic butler winked—winked!—at her. Elizabeth stifled a laugh as he took her cloak. Lainey came swooping down from out of nowhere and launched herself at her brother.

  “Oof. Easy, Lainey, I’m still sore.”

  “Thank heaven you’re not dead. You stubborn, stubborn arse!” She turned and yanked Elizabeth into a fierce embrace. “I’m so glad you are safe and well. And so desperately happy that you are to be my sister!”

  “I’m delighted, too, Lainey. And personally, I am glad that your brother is a stubborn arse, or he may have given up on me a long time ago!”