Long Blue Line: Based on a True Story

by E. McNew

  We were bored with the same stuff happening on a daily basis and our husbands became boring. We got out of the house and left them together as much as possible. Eventually we thought it would be entertaining to find some guys to flirt with. We didn’t intend on moving an inch past flirting. One sunny (but icy) afternoon, Megan needed to stop at the tire shop to get a flat tire repaired. Sure enough, Josh was working his usual shift. Of course, Donnie and Derrick were also working. Donnie instantly started to flirt with Megan. It was obvious that she was entertained by the attention of a thirty-two year-old. I assumed she was just playing along. And go figure, Derrick, whom I had written off as a total pervert, was attempting to get any reaction out of me that he possibly could. “So Elizabeth, how should I break up with Macy? She is just too dumb for me. I need someone smart like you.” he said. “I don’t know, just tell her she is a total idiot and you never want to see her face again.” I said, annoyed. “Daaaamn girl, ouch!”

  I wanted Derrick to think that I was not a nice person, even though I was. I wanted him to not like me and to not hit on me. It backfired and made him want me even more - now I was a challenge to him, and he would be on an intense mission to make me his. “I’m married with two kids.” I pointed to the back seat as he was loitering. He smiled, then laughed and walked away. “Come see me when you’re eighteen!” he yelled. This man had no shame! With my husband directly behind us, and knowing that he wouldn’t say anything, Derrick blabbered on. I felt bad for Josh, and I knew that it really took a hit to his self-esteem. On the drive home, I said to Megan, “I don’t know… Derrick is cute and everything, but I just have a bad feeling about him that I can’t quite pinpoint.” “Really? That’s weird. I don’t think he’s that bad,” Megan said.

  As the winter months dragged on, Megan and I had a bad case of cabin fever. Eventually she and Donnie exchanged numbers as friends. This led to us making secret stops at their house on a daily basis. We never got out of her truck; the guys were beyond happy to come outside and hang on the car doors and chat. Their house was a dump. It was on a dirt road that shared the same property as an abandoned trailer. I later learned that they were growing massive amounts of marijuana in the trailer. Megan and I ditched our husbands when we could get away with it and snuck to their house as much as we could. I hated Derrick hitting on me like a sick pervert, but subconsciously I liked the attention. Josh didn’t know how to make me feel that way. Josh wanted sex and dinner and that was it. He would never have a serious conversation with me.

  Finally, one night, after Josh had been drinking for eight hours, I just couldn’t take it anymore. If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. I gave in, opened a wine cooler, and sat down at the kitchen table to play cards with his friends. I was willing to go to whatever extent it took to either give Josh the wake-up call that he needed or just get it over with. I caught a buzz and became flirty. I figured this would result in one of two things - Josh would man up and ask his friends to leave so we could have a serious talk, or he would feel sorry for himself because of the drunken mess that he had become and do nothing to help the dilemma. Josh noticed my harmless flirting and embarrassed us both. He sat in the corner and dropped his head, slurring profanities at me, and then caved in to a drunken sob. He couldn’t possibly have been aware of what he was doing or saying with how intoxicated he was. Chloe and Zoe were in bed asleep, and I knew that if I bolted out of the house before he could catch me, Josh would have no choice but to stay home until I returned. Slightly drunk, I did just that. Because it was 1:00 in the morning, I was really unsure of exactly where I was going. I suddenly wanted to go to Derrick’s house to see what would happen if I showed maybe a tiny bit of interest, but I didn’t think he would be awake.

  I slowly drove past his house, and I saw the reflection of the glaring TV - someone was awake! Thrilled, I pulled in and drove down the bumpy dirt driveway. I assumed that it would be Donnie that was awake as well as wasted, which was his usual routine. After knocking on the sliding glass door, Derrick opened the curtains, and with his eyes wide in shock, he smiled and told me to come in. Looking me over, he said, “Look at you, hottie, what are you doing awake right now? Isn’t it past your bed time?” I shrugged. “Josh is a total idiot, and I just can’t stand it anymore. It’s just not going to work. He is a full-blown alcoholic, he never helps with the girls when I need to do homework, and it is like having a third child. He just won’t grow up!” I ranted. “I knew this all along,” he gloated. “I knew that one day you wouldn’t be able to handle it and you would show up at my house and knock on the door in the middle of the night!” I socked him playfully on the arm. As much of a pervert as he was, I was impressed with his ability to hold a serious conversation. He actually had some knowledge and insight. He was starting to grow on me with each passing minute.

  We sat on the couch as he finished watching his movie. It was some sort of a boring action movie. Testing the waters, he decided to get complacent as he laid his head on my lap. I put my hand on his head as a green light. Before we knew it, we were making out with him on top of me on the old, beat up couch. I just wanted to feel like an adult, being loved by an adult. Now THIS was a man, I thought - physically and mentally.

  One thing led to another, and it happened. I officially cheated on my husband whom I vowed in front of God, family, and Chloe, to always be true to. The sign that it was really over for me was that I didn’t feel bad. I was more excited that I had the chance to see what else was out there, and in my mind, at that moment, Derrick was much more than I thought him to be. I instantly fell in love with him.

  By now it was around four in the morning. We were hungry and decided to take a drive and get breakfast at the casino. Now eighteen and in my pajamas with pigtails, I fearlessly sat down at the Wheel of Fortune game and tried my luck with a twenty dollar bill that Derrick gave me. I thought that it was so cool that he could just spare an extra twenty dollars. To me, in my world, that was a lot of money that could go pretty far. Lucky me; I won $220. I thought this was an awesome sign and offered to buy breakfast. After dropping Derrick off at home so he could get ready for work, I headed over to my mother’s house where Josh had dropped the girls off. I was very tired and feeling hung over. As I was lifelessly lying on my mother’s living room floor, Josh knocked on the door. I had nothing to say to him. I began to feel guilty, and it was too much to handle. I just ignored him. “Elizabeth, I know what you did last night,” he accused. “This is your last chance to talk to me because I have someone else who wants me and will treat me better.” I still did not respond though adrenaline was pumping through my veins. I had a feeling that I knew who he was referring to. It was a fifteen-year-old girl named Alena whom Megan had been hanging around with.

  As soon as Josh left, I called Megan and demanded to know what was going on. To my surprise, Alena answered the phone. “What do you want, you stupid whore? Oh, and by the way, your kids are ugly. My baby is way prettier!” she childishly sang. “Oh please, little girl. Where is Megan?” I heard Megan scolding Alena for answering the phone. “Megan, what is going on?” “They were flirting earlier today, but nothing serious,” she said, Why would you care anyway - aren’t you with Derrick now?” she accused. “I don’t know what is going on, but regardless, you are supposed to be my friend! I guess I really have no idea who you are!” I screamed, hanging up the phone with tears streaming down my face. I had a million emotions going on all at once, and I didn’t know how to process them. I went outside and lit up a cigarette. I had not smoked up until then. The nicotine made me happy, and I went down the street and bought a carton.

  Later that evening, while battling with Josh over the phone, I was tormented by sex noises coming from the background. I assumed it was to give me unmanageable grief. I was at a loss, and there was no bargaining. There was no way to make it better with Josh. We had both done each other wrong, and the damage was too severe. I had reached the point of just wanting to go home and work it out for the girls’ sake. Josh
was not being reasonable and could not even bite his tongue for one second to let me talk. I could hear Alena and Megan egging him on. I was sad that my best friend had suddenly turned on me and I really didn’t know why. She was the one constantly wanting to go flirt with the brothers, and now she was stabbing me in the back.

  I was close to a meltdown when Derrick called me at the end of the day. “What’s up? Are you okay?” He genuinely asked. “Not really… just a bunch of drama.” I said. “Well, hey, let me buy you dinner tonight. Do you want to go down to Route 395 Grill in Carson?” “Hell, yeah!” I replied. Getting off the hill and away from all of the mixed emotions sounded like heaven. I packed up Chloe and Zoe and picked up Derrick. He was clearly already comfortable around me and talked about work and life at home with his brother. We arrived at the restaurant, and without hesitation, Derrick got out of his seat and opened the back door where Chloe was sitting. He helped her out and held her hand to cross the street. As I was carrying Zoe, who was about thirteen months old, my heart melted and this made me want Derrick even more. It seemed like he naturally knew what to do, and that would be necessary if I were to have another relationship.

  Chapter 23

  Our barbeque dinner was delicious and sitting with Derrick and my girls felt natural. He took initiative and helped chase down the girls when they began to get bored at the table and stray. He even shared pieces of his dinner with Zoe. Either he had experience with children or it was a big show to melt my heart -and of course it did. “How are you so great with kids? I had no idea you had this side!” I said, teasingly. I squeezed Chloe’s adorable two-year-old cheeks “Derrick is so good with waddle ones isn’t he?” I said in a baby voice. “Yeah!” Chloe responded. She was my girl and always vouched for mommy. We had dined outside on the patio, and although it was a little chilly, the heat-lamps above us were soothing and romantic. After eating until our stomachs hurt, we had to head back up the hill to get the girls put to sleep. It was getting late and at that rate, they wouldn’t be in bed until eleven at night.

  I had Derrick drive us back. I hated driving in the dark, and I didn’t have my glasses with me. He drove cautiously, and I respected that. Josh always drove wild and free just like his ADHD. Driving in the dark, the girls passed out, and I started wondering out loud how I would get into my apartment. “Josh somehow stole my only key, and I know for a fact that he isn’t going to give it to me.” I said. “Just stay away from Megan’s apartment!” he warned. “You know Josh is there and screwing that little fifteen-year-old. You’re going to wind up in jail if you don’t listen to me.” I figured he was probably right, but it was not fair for Josh to take this out on his innocent daughters. They needed their jammies, diapers, and wipes; I had nothing for them to wear at my mothers’ house. It was the whole principle of the matter that bothered me.

  After driving for thirty minutes, we pulled into Derrick’s driveway so I could switch places and get the girls to bed. When I got out of the car, he met me at the hood and grabbed me by the waist. Quietly, he whispered, “Girl, don’t make me fall in love with you just to hurt me. If you’re going to hurt me, just get it over with.” He lifted my chin and slowly kissed me. It was a long, passionate kiss, one that I had never experienced. It was a true kiss; a kiss that he put his feelings into. “I’m not going to hurt you.” I promised. “Trust me, I’ve made my mind up about how I feel. I wouldn’t be throwing my marriage away if I was questioning how I feel about you.” He kissed me again. This time, longer, harder, and more passionately than before. He kissed me like he really meant it. I kissed him back even harder. Before it got too out of hand, he gently pushed me away. “Now go get those girls in bed, and don’t go to jail or I’ll be pissed.” he demanded. “All right, I won’t. Call me tomorrow. Okay? And thanks for dinner.” I smiled sensually and walked back to my car.

  Pulling out of the driveway, I knew it was game time. No guy was going to screw me, or my daughters, by denying us our basic needs. Without thinking twice, I headed straight for my apartment complex, knowing that I was getting that damn key, no matter what it took.

  As I pulled into the parking lot, I dialed Josh’s cell number. The lights were on in Megan’s apartment, and it was obvious that a good time was going on. “What do you want, bitch?” Josh answered. “Josh, I don’t want to fight with you. I want to stay civil, and I just need you to let me into the apartment so I can get diapers and clothes for the girls,” I pleaded. “I’m busy with better things and a better girl. You ain’t getting anything!” He slurred. As I had anticipated, he was drunk. No surprise there. I pulled up in front of Megan’s apartment and turned my bright lights on. When no one came out, I began flashing the lights. My adrenaline was pumping full-force. My heart was racing with rage. Alena walked out in her fifteen-year-old pigtails wearing fluffy slippers. She stopped on the grassy hill and put her arms in the air as if she were a gangster from the hood. “Your man would rather be with a real woman! You don’t deserve him. He’s mine now, bitch!”

  I laughed to myself and came to my senses. If I were to accept her invitation for a fight, I would surely go to jail. I was legally an adult, and she was still an idiotic kid. If I were going to end up in jail, I was going to at least do it with a bang. I had the common courtesy to keep my affair quiet. I knew that making a statement and rubbing it into Josh’s face would surely be far too hurtful. As angry as I was, I wouldn’t have wished that kind of pain on anyone. Even though we were fighting and it was over, I still loved Josh. I knew that a part of me always would. He gave me the most beautiful gifts that any person could ever ask for. For that, there will always be a sense of appreciation.

  Josh finally walked out of the apartment and down the grassy hill. I knew right away that he would not have the ability to reason with me especially because he had been drinking. Defeated and praying for an ounce of empathy, I calmly asked him, “Josh, the girls are sleeping, I just need their things. You don’t even have to let me in - will you just get me their things, please?” Almost in tears, I looked him in the eyes. “Nope! You screwed up, and I’m not doing shit for you!” he yelled. I made a third attempt, then fourth attempt, and just like the time I hit the girl with the plastic softball bat my patience ran dry. Alena came closer to the parking lot and started to yell. “Josh! Get away from that nasty hoe! Let’s finish where we left off, do you know what I mean?” This little girl was a terrible instigator.

  Whether what she was saying was true or not, it cut me like a knife. It cut me deep. Josh looked over at her, “Hang on sweetie, I’ll be there in a minute.” Sweetie? SWEETIE? This is the value he places on that word? The first pet name any man had ever given to me? HELL NO! I raged to myself. Completely losing any sense of time or place, I slammed my car into reverse and backed up about five feet. Josh was standing against his car, and I aimed my front bumper right toward him. “Give me the key for our girls and give it to me now!” I screamed. Josh stood there un-phased. I inched my way toward him and his precious car slowly but aggressively.

  I was so close he almost didn’t have room to make his way out of the metal gap. “I’m giving you a fair warning, Josh! If you don’t give me that key RIGHT NOW, I am going to hit your car!” I devilishly yelled. “You’re not getting the damn key!” he screamed. He must not have truly known what I was capable of at that moment. Out of his own anger, he kicked my side mirror so hard that it flew off and was hanging by the wires. “Go to your mother’s house, you stupid bitch!” he violently yelled. “That’s it, you stupid, lowlife piece of crap! I gave you a chance, and I warned you!”

  Slamming the car into reverse even harder this time, I backed up about ten feet. I sat for a moment, giving him one last chance to hand over the key. When he clearly didn’t expect me to do what I had threatened, I released the brake. I gassed the car just enough to make it lurch forward, but not enough to cause a rough impact. I was able to put a nice dent in the side of his car, but it just wasn’t enough. I wanted his whole car to be completely shatt
ered, just as my feelings were. I backed up again and gave it another whack, a little harder. I still wasn’t satisfied, but I knew that I had to get out of there because someone was probably calling the cops. I reversed my car one last time, knowing the last time would be the best. I slammed my front end into his passenger side door, and gave it the damage I was hoping for. When I was finished, my heart was pounding and my entire body was numb with adrenaline. I pulled out onto the quiet highway, expecting to be pulled over any moment. I laughed as I saw the police drive right past me and turn into the apartment complex. I was hoping that I would at least make it to my mother’s house before being arrested. I was so outraged that I had completely forgotten that my sleeping babies were in the back seat of the car. They stayed sleeping and quiet the whole time. Fear rushed through me as I pulled into my mothers’ driveway. I had officially been a bad mother than night. I lost my mommy innocence. I royally screwed up, and I fully knew it.

  I turned off the car and unbuckled the girls from their seats. When I walked inside, my mom was just getting ready for bed. “What’s up, sweet pea?” she asked. “Is everything okay? It’s pretty late.” The girls heard their Grandma’s voice and became alert. They both loved her, and wanted to wake up to play. I was exhausted, mentally and emotionally. I set them down, and took my sweater off from the heat of my boiling blood. “Oh, nothing. I went to dinner then tried to get the key from Josh. He wouldn’t give it to me and we got into a really bad fight. He messed up my car, and the cops might be coming.” I calmly lied. I didn’t want to give her all of the details in case the cops didn’t show up. I could possibly get away with it, but I doubted it. “Well, if he messed up your car, why would the cops come for you?” she questioned. “That’s true. You know what? I think I am going to call the cops on him right now.” I decidedly announced. “Liz, are you sure it is that bad?” she asked. “Yes, it’s that bad,” I replied.