by A. R. Perry
“I mean, I’m not sure who all knows, but my mom and her used to be as close as you and Jay. Before, well…”
“I screwed everything up?” He reaches into his pocket and fishes out his phone. When the flashlight comes on, I’m momentarily blinded as my eyes adjust to the brightens.
“Jay is as much to blame as you are. I grew up with him, trust me when I say he can be a total dick.”
“Jay did nothing wrong.” Shane lets go and starts scanning the ground in slow, measured steps.
“Are you saying you did?”
As if I haven’t spoken, he continues his search for the missing inhaler.
“Shane?”
A few feet away, he freezes. “If I said it was all my fault, would that change how you see me?”
“What? Of course not. People fight. They grow apart. But it’s been years. I’m sure you guys can—”
“We can’t.” Shane spins around, blinding me with the bright light of his flashlight. “Especially not now.”
“What does that mean?” I shade my eyes, but I can make out only the rough form of him. “Shane? Talk to me. You can’t keep doing this every other day. You said you wanted to give this a try. That means you can’t just shut me out. You’re also forgetting he’s my brother. I do have a bit of sway.”
“Don’t you get it? You’re the problem.”
My heart hiccups into my throat. “W-what?”
The next second I’m in his arms and his phone is lying faceup on the sand, casting creepy shadows all over his concerned face. “I like you, Ly. I always have and when I told Jay about it, when I asked him if I could ask you to prom he told me if I ever touched you, he’d rip off my favorite body part. And then he never spoke to me again.”
I stand there, mouth hanging open as Shane glances off into the distance.
Well, no wonder he was so torn about starting anything with me. Jay never mentioned this. In fact, when I asked what happened between them, he would throw something at me and tell me it was none of my business.
Turns out it was 100 percent my business.
“So, that’s why you’ve been pushing me away.”
“Jay was right. I’m not a good guy. I’ve never had a steady relationship. Anytime anyone gets too close I shut off because I’m terrified they’ll walk out of my life just like my dad did. Jay and you were the only people I ever let in and look how that turned out.”
“Jay’s an idiot. Of all people, you should know that.” I sigh and cup his warm cheek. “There’s no way I can promise you everything will be okay. I can’t promise Jay won’t actually try to kill you, but I’m not going anywhere. You and me, we’re giving this a try and if it doesn’t work out, I’ll always be here as your friend.” His eyes close as he leans into my palm. “Don’t forget you’re the one who shut me out first.”
“Does that mean I’m as much of an idiot as Jay?”
“Afraid so.”
This gets a chuckle out of him and his eyes pop open, searching my face before he leans forward and plants a soft kiss on my lips.
When he pulls back his frown is gone and there’s a smile pulling at the corners of his lips. “How did I get so lucky that a girl like you would put up with someone like me?”
“I’m mostly here for the good looks.”
His fingers dig into my ribs, forcing a squeaked laugh out of me. He silences it with another kiss, this time not as chaste and brief.
Inhaler forgotten, we remain wrapped in each other’s arms until the crunch of feet approaching pulls us apart.
“Oh, don’t stop on my account ‘cause that was hot.” Scarlett stands off to the side fanning her face. “Don’t let the kids catch you though. Mr. River will throw you out of here before the sun rises.”
“Thanks, Scar.”
Shane bends down to grab his phone as I run a clammy palm over my warm cheeks. I’ve never felt this way about a guy before. Now that Shane has admitted everything that’s gone on between him and my brother, I’m starting to get a nervous churning in the pit of my stomach. Having to choose between them would wreck me.
“We’re packing up for the night.” Scarlett nods toward camp. “I held off old man River as long as I could but if I don’t bring you back pronto, he might catch on and keep you two locked away the next three days.”
“Go on.” Shane lets go of my hand. “I’m gonna search for the inhaler.”
My neck is stiff as I nod. My legs are even stiffer as I walk away. It’s easy to say everything will be fine when I’m not being forced to make any hard decisions.
I talk a big game, but the truth is if Jay pushed it there’s a possibility I’d take his side.
Just like last time.
All I can hope for is that it doesn’t come to that.
“Congratulations, campers!”
With a genuine smile on my face I clap along with everyone as Mr. River hands out the last certificate. Three weeks passed by so fast and I can’t believe another stretch at this camp has come to an end. The older I get, the more I realize times here are limited. Soon I’ll have a grown-up job and there won’t be time to spend weeks in the middle of nowhere.
But those thoughts aren’t the only ones lighting my insides with nervous energy. Today we head home and I face Jay. Even though I put on a confident act for Lyla, I know this fallout will be catastrophic.
“Does this mean we can finally go home?” Scarlett shouts to Lyla over the noise of the campers cheering.
“After all the kids are picked up.”
“Thank God. I’m so excited to leave I’m not going to complain about having no air-conditioning in your rust bucket.”
“Hey, you could have driven.” Lyla points a finger at Scarlett, then winks at me. “We’re lucky she runs at all after that midnight bonfire. Even Sunshine was protesting.”
Sunshine, which is the worst name for that piece of crap, was delivered last week with a hefty bill for fixing the starter and replacing a few cables. The mechanic who happens to be a friend of Mr. River, told Lyla to send the payment whenever she could.
“God. Worst name ever for the piece of crap,” Scarlett says with a shake of her head.
“I tried to tell her not to buy the thing.” I pinch Lyla’s side and receive a dirty look.
“So, now you’re both ganging up on me?” She reaches up to tighten the elastic band at the top of her head. “I have half a mind to leave you here.” She turns her narrowed gaze on me. “And you better watch it or I’ll leave you to fend off Jay all by yourself.”
It’s a playful jab, one she would never follow through with, but stings all the same.
“Yeah, so how is that going to work?” Scarlett asks as we clean up the paper plates and cups. “I don’t have a brother but I wouldn’t be too happy if Lyla started banging him.”
Lyla’s eyes bug out. “Scarlett! There are children around. Besides, Shane and I haven’t…” Her cheeks flame red as she chucks garbage into the nearby bin.
“That’s only because we’ve been surrounded by a bunch of kids and Mr. Keep It In Your Pants.” She thumbs over her shoulder to where Mr. River is standing, chatting with a few campers.
“We are not having this conversation,” Lyla grumbles and shoulders past her friend.
Running a hand through my hair, I survey the cafeteria, avoiding Scarlett’s stare. Lyla is right, we ain’t having this conversation since Lyla and I haven’t even had it.
Sure, we’ve had a couple of hot make-out sessions in the time we’ve found to sneak off, but until we’ve talked to Jay, I’m not allowing anything else to happen. I can’t. Not when this could end before it gets a solid start.
“Someone’s awfully quiet.” Scarlett saddles up next to me, bumping her shoulder into mine.
“Just taking everything in for the last time.” Lyla is off in the corner, picking up plates and chatting with a couple of the kids. The way her face lights up at whatever the girl next to her says sends a jolt through my stomach.
God, she’s beautiful.
“This whole thing is going to end badly.”
I tear my eyes off Lyla to focus on Scarlett. “What?”
“You and her. Jay is going to murder you. One time he threatened to break some dude’s leg who catcalled us. You used to be friends. Even if you were still buddy-buddy, he wouldn’t be okay with this. When I told her to go for it, I figured this would be a quick summer fling. Being together up here is fine. But back home?”
I sigh and lean on the table behind us. “Yeah. I know.”
“I haven’t seen her like this in a long time. For some reason she really likes you. Just…let her down easy when this blows up. I’ll be there to handle the aftermath.” Scarlett pats me on the arm much like a mother would to her child and walks away.
I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose. There’s a reason I moved halfway across the U.S. to avoid Lyla. For whatever reason, I’ve always been pulled to her. There’s this almost primitive need in me whenever she’s near. It took most of my energy when we were younger not to act on it.
And now?
Now I’ve had a taste of what being with her is like and I don’t think there’s any force in the entire universe that will keep me away from her.
So, Scarlett was half-right about one thing, this will end, but it will be so much worse than badly. This is going to verge on cataclysmic, and the one person who will be left in the middle, choosing sides, is the one person I promised I’d never hurt.
I toss Lyla’s bag into the trunk and reach for Scarlett’s. The girls are saying goodbye to Mr. River a few spaces over. We’re the last to leave since I always hang back to make sure everything is in order for him to close up until the next batch of kids come up. Since I hung behind, so did Lyla, much to Scarlett’s annoyance. Right now, she’s rocking on her heels and I can tell she’s itching to leave.
“Have a safe drive home,” Mr. River says as I slam shut the trunk of her beater.
I’m following close behind because I’m not sure this piece of junk will make the drive.
“Expect us next summer,” Lyla says as they back away.
“Yeah. Right,” Scarlett mumbles, hurrying her steps until she’s standing right next to me. “You couldn’t pay me enough to come next summer,” she says behind a hand.
She’s the exact opposite of Lyla and it makes me wonder how the heck they became friends.
“All ready?” Lyla asks with a bright smile on her face.
The sun is shining down on us, making her blond hair glow. Even though I promised myself this afternoon I’d be hands-off until we’ve talked to Jay, I can’t help reaching over and hooking my fingers into the frayed belt loops on her jeans. She squeaks as I yank her to me.
“Almost.” I plant a quick kiss on her lips that has Scarlett gagging and Lyla giggling. “Good luck kiss for the road. You’re gonna need it to make it home in this thing.”
“No luck needed.” She pats my cheek and steps away. “Sunshine is a champ. She’ll make sure we get home safe and sound.”
Scarlett snorts as she slides into the passenger seat.
“I’ll be right behind you just in case.”
“I’d invite you over for dinner but my mom texted this morning and said Jay is back in town. I thought he was planning on staying with a friend, but that fell through. And since we haven’t…you know…I figured it wasn’t the best idea.”
I force a smile even though it’s the last thing I want to do. “No worries. Take a few days to get settled. We’ll grab lunch or something and hammer out a plan to tell him.”
We should have already come up with something, but every time we found time to be alone to talk, we ended up not talking.
“Everything will be fine,” Lyla says with a pinch to my side. She winks as she swings the driver side door open and Scarlet complains about not being on the road.
With one last glance, she hops in, and to my surprise, the rust bucket actually starts.
I stand and watch her drive off, knowing I’ll be able to catch up but wanting a second to collect my thoughts. In a few short hours, I’ll be back in my hometown where my mother is waiting for me to help take care of her, and Jay will be sniffing around. Lyla isn’t the best at hiding her emotions and there’s a good chance he’ll figure things out before we can talk.
Not as if that will make much of a difference, anyway.
Two whole days I’ve been home and there hasn’t been a free second to breathe. With my brother showing up out of the blue, my mom has been on a mission to not only cram a bunch of college talks down my throat but to force us into as much family time as possible.
Scarlett has been blowing up my phone all afternoon asking for a girls’ day but I haven’t been able to give her a straight answer because Shane has been radio-silent since we said goodbye at camp.
True to his word, he followed us all the way home, doing a slow drive-by as I pulled into our driveway. For some reason I expected him to hop out and say hello to my mother or help unload my bags, but I guess that was wishful thinking since Jay’s car was in the driveway and Shane hasn’t stepped foot in our house since senior year.
I at least expected him to text though—to tell me he got unpacked and how his mom was doing. Or perhaps that he missed me.
Any other time I would think I was reading into things. That I blew our whole summer fling out of proportion and that he doesn’t feel the same way about me that I do about him. But we talked. We laid it out there. I’m not over here floating in my own fantasies so that leaves me wondering why I’ve heard nothing.
Something bangs in the kitchen and I pull myself out of my head long enough to hear Jay curse and then cringe when the smoke alarm goes off.
“What are you doing?” I yell over the noise as I run into the kitchen.
Smoke hits my nose and I come up short, mouth dropping open as Jay fans the hazy air with a towel. There isn’t a clean space on the counter with all the ingredients and dirty bowls covering every inch.
If I wasn’t afraid the house might burn down, I’d be impressed that he knows how to use the stove at all.
“Seriously, what the hell?” I shove him out of the way and turn off the burner, moving the smoking pan off to the side.
“Man, I did not expect that to cook so fast.”
Arching an eyebrow, I peek into the pan. “And what exactly is that?”
“Chicken Marengo.” He shrugs. “It was supposed to be easy.”
“First of all, I’m surprised you know the name of a dish besides Hamburger Helper. Second, why did you feel the need to destroy the kitchen trying to make it? Mom will be home in an hour, and she’s gonna murder you. You even used her favorite pan.”
“Well…” He scratches the back of his neck, looking sheepish. “My girlfriend is kinda sorta coming over. I was hoping to impress her and also butter Mom up since there’s something big I need to tell her.”
I shake my head, taken aback by his revelation. This is the first I’m hearing of a girlfriend. The last time he was home for winter break, he mentioned nothing besides classes.
“I’m sorry…girlfriend? As in a girl who is dating you on purpose?”
He shoves my shoulder with a soft laugh. “Yes, and we kinda, sorta moved in together over spring break.” He cringes when my mouth falls open.
“And you haven’t told Mom?” When he shakes his head, I laugh. “Oh, she’s really going to kill you. How many times has she ranted about not getting serious with anyone until we’ve graduated? How long have you been dating?”
“Since freshman orientation.”
I drop my face into my hands. I can’t believe he’s kept this from me for so long. A nagging voice pops into my head telling me I’m not being straight with him either since I haven’t told him about Shane. This is so weird. We don’t keep things from each other.
“So, you’re telling Mom tonight, then?”
“I planned on it, but now I might run back to my apartment and try again ove
r winter break.”
I land a hard punch onto his arm. “You can’t unload on me, then run! I’m a terrible liar. She will figure it out.” I switch on the hot water just to do something with my hands because that guilt is back and I’m two seconds away from spilling my guts.
How hypocritical can I be? Here I am keeping a secret bigger than him having a live-in girlfriend.
“Her name is Alina.” He hands over the ruined pan.
“That’s a pretty name.”
A goofy smile takes over his face. “She’s amazing. You will love her.”
“Is it’s like, super serious?”
“I think I might propose on Christmas.”
I drop the pan into the soapy water, splashing it all over the front of my shirt and onto the floor. The slight burn of the water halts my words for all of two seconds before I’m launching into a full-on interrogation.
“What? Did you buy a ring? How do you plan on doing it? Have you guys talked about it already or are you shooting in the dark? Can I be a bridesmaid?”
“Whoa. Whoa. Slow down, baby sister.” He holds his hands out and I swear they are shaking. “I said I might. We haven’t talked about it and there’s a very real possibility she’ll say no, especially if I don’t tell Mom about her. She said she’s sick of being a secret. I won’t even post pictures of her online.”
“I mean, if I were in her position I’d be pissed too.”
“Well, thank God I never have to worry about that.” He tugs on my sleeve and wraps his arm around my neck, mussing my hair. “No guy around here would be stupid enough to try anything with you. I’d kick their ass.”
My laughter turns hollow when his words click. Would he really go after Shane?
“You’re not mad?” he asks as I shove him off me.
“I should be.” I attempt to fix my hair but there’s no point, half of it is hanging out of my ponytail now. “How could you keep something like that from me?”
As soon as the words leave my mouth, I cringe and hope he doesn’t see. Sure, he has a secret girlfriend, but what I’m keeping from him is a thousand times worse.