Primal Bargains

by Raleigh Davis

  Morgan goes stiff. “You have Tynan’s notebook?” There’s a strange note of hope in her voice.

  “I was the executor of Ira’s estate,” I explain. “There was no one to give Tynan’s things to. So I kept it.”

  Morgan looks from me to the box, then back again. “Tynan might be alive then.”

  Archer gives her a sympathetic look. “I don’t think that’s possible. They never found the car—”

  She jabs her hand at the box. “Well, clearly someone did!”

  For a moment silence falls and we all wrestle with the slim possibility of that. Tynan, alive, out there somewhere. It’s too fantastical to be real.

  “We all wish he were still here with us,” Bishop says. “Along with Ira.”

  “But this has to be blackmail, not Tynan.” Gage’s expression is almost gentle.

  Morgan runs her hand over her face. “I need to talk to Axel.” She grabs Raven’s hand. “Come on. We’ll finish this later.” She glares at the rest of us. “This is…” She blinks hard and sniffs. “I don’t even know what to say.”

  Raven puts her arm around her sister, giving us a hard look. “It’s okay,” she tells Morgan as they walk out. “It’ll be okay.”

  But it won’t. We might have been responsible for the death of their father. We certainly kept it from them for years.

  We knew saying anything would shatter everything. And we were right.

  A heavy silence falls as we stare at the box, risen from a watery grave. Dimly I’m aware of Tess and Rustem watching us.

  “You don’t know if it was your fault,” Tess says quietly. “You said yourself it was supposed to be off if it wasn’t safe.”

  She’s still trying to find the best in me. After I tell this awful, terrible thing, and the even worse sin of covering it up for so long, she still wants me to be good.

  I look them both full in the face. “You’re fired. Yes, both of you. You have twenty minutes to pack your things and leave. And don’t come back.”

  Rustem doesn’t even argue. He simply lifts his chin, all betrayed and dignified, and walks out.

  I already know I’ll never see him again.

  Tess though… Tess is still fighting for me. “I know why you’re doing this.” Her eyes are bright with tears. “You want me to say you’re a monster? Okay, you’re a monster. The worst of the worst. Is that what you want to hear?”

  I know she doesn’t mean it, which kills me. “Remember what this place looked like when you first came? Remember the cars? Well, now you know why. Yes, I am a monster. And no one is safe with me.”

  “Gideon,” Archer says softly.

  “Stay out of it,” I snarl. “She has to go. How many more people we care about have to be hurt because of our mistakes?”

  That shuts them all up. Except for Tess.

  “Okay, what you did was wrong. A terrible mistake. But you’ve done so much good since then. Think about the clinic, a whole new way to do brain surgery—”

  I cut her off with a swipe of my hand. I can’t look at her, and I can’t take this anymore. “I did that solely to piss off my parents. I told you from the very beginning what I was and you wouldn’t believe.” My chest hurts so much I think it might crack open and my heart might spill out. “So here it is again, right in your face: I’m a monster. And I’m kicking you out. This is over. Believe me now?”

  Finally something gets through to her. Maybe it’s my twisted expression, maybe it’s the ice in my tone, or maybe it’s the way the rest of them watch the entire thing without trying to stop me.

  “Fine.” She lifts her chin, looking as proud and fierce and unbent as that first time I saw her. “I’m leaving. I won’t be back.” She walks to the security panel in the wall and arms the system. “Your new security system is complete—no one will ever get in again. You’ll be completely, utterly alone. No one will ever touch your safe or your notebook. And I’ll be sending you a bill.”

  Then she’s gone, leaving me alone with the mistakes of my past.

  Chapter 34

  It’s the night of the gala, and I’m sitting at home, in my pajamas, eating cinnamon twists and lukewarm delivery pizza while watching a series about living in Alaska. Cinderella I am not.

  “They really are beautiful dresses,” Victoria says. She’s sitting next to me on the couch, wearing an old West Point T-shirt and yoga pants.

  The dresses are hanging in the doorway to my bedroom. We figured we should at least look at the pretty since we wouldn’t get to wear it. But maybe that was a mistake. Maybe it’s making us more depressed.

  The real mistake was saying yes to Gideon’s job offer in the first place. I haven’t heard from him since I walked out. I did send him an invoice, which was promptly paid along with a very, very generous bonus. Like generous enough for me to never work again. I recognized it for what it was—payment for me to forget him.

  It’s not working. The paperwork on my parents’ house came through, and they now own it, free and clear. Elena’s legal debt is wiped out, and for the first time ever, she hasn’t heard from Nick in weeks. She commented on how strange and lovely it is and wondered why it was happening. I only said I was so happy for her and that I hoped Nick kept keeping silent.

  I haven’t tried to contact Gideon. I already know he won’t respond. I called Rustem, who did answer, and I ended up having dinner at his house with him and his mom. After meeting her, I can see why he became a wrestler—she’s the most take-no-shit woman I’ve ever met while also being incredibly hospitable. I’m going again for dinner next week. We didn’t talk about Gideon.

  I did text Morgan, telling her how sorry I was about her dad and what she’d learned. No response from her, but I expected that. Raven did respond though, and we had a short chat. She wasn’t ready to talk about most of it, but she did tell me she appreciated hearing from me. And that while her feelings about Gideon were very conflicted at the moment, he never looked so happy as when he was with me.

  I was glad when she ended the call shortly after.

  Victoria was more than eager to talk about everything though. I couldn’t keep holding in all those secrets, not after that last explosive confrontation between all of them, so I poured everything out after swearing her to secrecy.

  I can’t tell if she’s glad or sad that Gideon is out of my life. She’s been so supportive it’s hard to say what her real feelings are. And since she keeps bringing me comfort food and binge-watching TV shows with me, I won’t ask.

  “We should move to Alaska,” I say. “Look, that shipping container they’re living in is way nicer than some of the FOBs we were stationed at.”

  “That’s the worst compliment ever. Better than a FOB in Afghanistan.” She gives me a sideways look. “And moving to Alaska isn’t going to help you get over him.”

  I take a defiant bite of cinnamon twist. It’s really only pizza dough rolled in cinnamon sugar and covered with cheap frosting, and somehow it tastes as despairing as I feel. “I’m doing fine,” I say. “We’ve got that new job, my parents are debt-free for the first time in their lives, and I’m finally free to hang out with you again.”

  “While I’m very glad you’re not holed up in his castle anymore,” Victoria says, “all the good things come from him. And that makes it very hard for you to get over him.”

  She says him like Gideon is this boulder between us she has to talk around to get to me.

  “I feel like I’m doing really well,” I say. “And yeah, the new job is totally because he talked us up to that firm. Would you like me to tell them no, actually, we can’t install a new system for you and make a ton of money for us?”

  “Of course not.” Victoria looks toward the dresses. “I’m just thinking maybe we should put them away.”

  The red velvet seems to look back at me, like it’s so sad I’m not wearing it and wants to know what it’s done wrong.

  “Maybe we should put them on.”

  Victoria chokes on her wine. “I thought the p
lan was getting over him. Not wallowing!”

  “It’s not wallowing.” I stand up and grab the dress off the doorjamb. “It’s defiance. I bought this thing to wear to one single event. I can never wear it again. So I’m going to enjoy it and to hell with Gideon Wolfe.”

  Victoria’s eyes are wide. “Oh my God, let’s do our hair and makeup too.”

  Thirty minutes later, we’ve finished the bottle of wine and we look like a million dollars. No, a billion dollars. I’m not drunk, but my mood definitely feels fizzy. And very, very take-no-prisoners.

  “I can’t believe he’s never going to see me in this.” I take in the effect in the mirror from all sides. Here I am, looking like this with nowhere to go.

  I wonder where Gideon is now. I’m certain he’s not going to the gala. He’s probably at his house, in the security control room, watching the feed from the drones. Or taking apart the car computer box. Or trying to decode his precious notebook. Or doing all three at once.

  He’ll be alone, without even Rustem to talk to. The other guys will probably be coming and going, but they’ll be just as obsessed with the car thing and the notebooks as he is.

  “Look what we’re missing.” Victoria holds her phone out to me. She’s pulled up the gala’s hashtag on Instagram. Morgan and Axel are there and so is Archer.

  “Wait.” I take the phone from her. “They’re at it?”

  She nods. “And I saw a picture of Gage too.”

  They’re all there. At least most of them. Gideon’s parents will be there too. God, he was so upset about having to deal with them even if he didn’t show it. All those people gathered to celebrate his remarkable achievement… and he won’t be there. He thinks he doesn’t deserve to be there.

  “We’re going to this thing.”

  Victoria takes her phone back. “What? I know you didn’t drink that much.”

  “We have two tickets, we’re all dressed up… We’re going.”

  She looks skeptical, but she reaches for her purse anyway. “Is this more defiance?” she asks hopefully. “One last screw-you?”

  I smile sadly. “It’s much, much worse. I think it’s love.”

  Chapter 35

  I’ve done everything I can to make Tess happy, to make sure her life is secure. Except for this one last thing.

  I tap the folded paper with the name on it on my desk, my notebook open to a random page. We’ve been working around the clock to decode the notebooks and gotten nowhere. We’ve even gone through Tynan’s notebook along with everything of his left behind that we could find. Nothing.

  We’re also taking apart the control box from the car, although that’s more difficult because we used discarded electronics to build it five years ago. It was almost obsolete then, and it’s super obsolete now. Finding even the cables to connect to it is proving difficult. Cassian had to get in touch with a lab in Russia to get one of them that we needed.

  Cassian’s taken the lead on the car computer. He says since it was given to him, it’s his responsibility.

  If I had it here, I’d destroy it. Just smash it to bits, then burn both the notebooks. I’d leave the ashes and broken parts for the thief to find. It’d be my greatest fuck-you yet.

  They want to blackmail me, fuck with my mind? Fine. The people who’d be hurt the worst by our secrets—Morgan and Raven—already know. We pulled the pin on that grenade. Anyone else? I don’t care about them.

  I do care about Tess. Deeply. But if she stays, if whoever’s behind this sees what she means to me… Without the box and the notebooks to threaten us with, they might go after Tess next.

  So I’ll stay here, luring them back. Holding on to these fucking notebooks and playing Clue with the box they somehow fished out of the ocean. And I’ll never let them know how badly I want to be with Tess. How much I miss her.

  All this time I thought it might be one of the guys who started this, and they’re the only ones left around me. Morgan won’t answer my texts, Raven says she isn’t ready to talk, and Rustem and Tess are gone. I drove them away to save them, but their absence echoes through the house. Especially Tess’s.

  I open the scrap of paper and study the name there. A few calls and his life is over. And one last call when it’s done and he’ll know exactly why I did it. It’ll be exactly like when I called that piece of shit who married Tess’s sister, only so much more satisfying.

  Because this is the man who hurt Tess. I found her harasser. And I’m going to absolutely destroy him.

  I can’t touch the car control box or the notebooks, and I definitely can’t smash any more security panels—not when Tess put them in with her own two hands—but I can smash the shit out of him. At least figuratively.

  I pick up my phone. Time to make the first call in a long series, a series that will end in his ruin. He’s about to get all his debts called in—every single one. He’s sure as shit going to lose his cushy defense contracting job.

  My eye falls on the knitted stuffed animal on my desk. It’s a horned bear-lion thing—a beast that Tess knitted just for me. She left it as a surprise the morning after we first made love, giggling at my horrified reaction.

  It’s knobby and cuddly and so not me. I love it.

  “Gulizar,” I say.

  “Yes?” She sounds infinitely patient. But of course she is—I programmed her to be that way.

  “Remember how I said I was going to deactivate you?”

  I did it in the heat of the aftermath of the car computer showing up. She wouldn’t stop suggesting things, saying that my heart rate was too elevated, my movements too agitated, that I needed to calm down.

  I told her I was going to shut her down and to shut up.

  There’s a pause. “Did I do something wrong?”

  Fuck. How can a goddamn computer make me feel like such an utter monster? I pick up the stuffed toy, rubbing my thumb over its horns. I kept warning her I was a monster. But she fell for me anyway.

  “Mr. Wolfe?” Gulizar says tentatively.

  I give the toy one last stroke. “I’m not going to deactivate you. I’m sorry I said that.”

  I’m also not going to call anyone. Instead, Tess’s plea that I not do anything about it comes back to me. What had she said—that he didn’t remember her? That she’d put it all behind her?

  It made no sense. The whole situation was unresolved. Her asshole was never punished. How could she put it behind her?

  But she had. She built a company, helped her friend, was helping her parents and would be still helping them if I hadn’t stepped in.

  Tess is brave. Life sets her back again and again, and she keeps going forward. Keeps insisting on taking her loved ones with her as she goes forward. She doesn’t want to bring up her harasser again not because she’s afraid—although she is—it’s because she’s past him now.

  The idiot brother-in-law was still an active threat, so she let me handle him. But if he stays gone, she’ll leave him behind too.

  I wonder what she’ll do now, without the debts and the brother-in-law and her pick of clients. She’ll still feel responsible for her family, for Victoria, and she’ll be able to do whatever makes them happy. Because making them happy, keeping them safe, makes her happy.

  But who’s going to do that for her? See what’s troubling her, what’s a threat to her, and deal with it so she doesn’t have to?

  It could have been me if I hadn’t run her off. We would have done that for each other. And more.

  I was waiting for my past to be perfectly tied up in a neat bow before I fully committed to Tess, but she saw the truth: that will never happen. If I wait for everything to be resolved, I’ll never be with her. And I need her.

  She thinks I’m still worthy, even after she heard in painful detail what I’d done. The secrets that I’d kept. Maybe the only way to tie up my past, even with only a messy, incomplete knot, is with her by my side.

  My phone buzzes with a text message. It’s from Archer, who only says, She’s here.


  It takes me a moment and then I realize. He’s at the gala.

  And Tess is there too.

  She went in spite of it all. Probably because she believes in some nonsense about celebrating the good I’ve done. And she’s going to run into my parents. She’ll meet them alone, without me by her side.

  I never did get to see her dress.

  Be there in twenty, I text back.

  Carefully I put the little beast back in his spot on my desk. I get up, grab the notebooks, ready to put them both back in the safe. I’ll have to arm the security system, make sure the drones are flying, and let Gage’s team know I’m leaving.

  But as I’m going through my mental checklist and walking out of the office, I pause. I stare at Tynan’s notebook in my left hand, identical to mine except for the name on the cover. I’ve been holding on to this thing for five years. I spent the past few weeks guarding it with my life.

  I should leave it out on the desk when I go.

  It doesn’t belong to whoever’s trying to take it, but it doesn’t belong to me either. We all assumed whoever tried to steal the notebook and sent the car computer system was trying to fuck with us or blackmail us… but what if they were trying to warn us?

  I can’t read the notebook. It’s useless to me even if I were tempted to take what was Tynan’s for my own gain. Maybe… maybe I shouldn’t lock it up. See what happens.

  Tess would probably tell me to let go of my past. To leave the notebook and this house and celebrate the good I’ve done. I won’t be papering over my mistakes if I do it—we still have the car computer. We’re not abandoning that.

  I walk back to the desk and carefully set Tynan’s notebook there. It’s right out in the open for whoever wants to find it. Mine, I’m keeping. I think that’s fair.

  With an easy mind, I walk out of the office to get ready for the gala.

  Chapter 36

  The moment we step out of the car at the gala, I’m hit with a wave of indecision. We have tickets and we’re dressed appropriately, but I’m worried we’ll be turned away. Or even worse, kicked out once we get inside.