Spirits Abroad (ebook)

by Zen Cho

  I think you don't know how dangerous that is until you see a forest spirit smile. But by then it's too late.

  I thought I was irritated. I don't like people who are all over the place. Like most earth spirits, I like things to be neat, sensible. Of course forest spirits are not sensible.

  "I work hard," I said stiffly. "I will be very quiet. I won't make fight with the other spirits or use more than my fair share of the land. If you give me the freedom of the land, I won't misuse it."

  "Yalah," said the forest spirit. "All this I can tell from your face. I very clever like that. But earth spirits who work hard and follow rule, everywhere also can find. The question is: does the land like you?"

  This I couldn't answer. I can make friends with the earth. When I dug my hole at Kuala Ketam, the earth was happy; its voices sang to me. But the land is not the same thing as the earth. There are many-many voices in the land: water-voices, air-voices, animal-voices, spirit-voices, tree-voices. The voice of the land is too big for an earth spirit to hear.

  "How I know? You should know that, what," I said. "It's your land."

  "True, true," said the forest spirit, as if it never thought of this before. It wrinkled its forehead and looked serious, but it was like a child pretending to listen to the teacher.

  "I think it's not sure lah, boss," it said finally. "Tell you what, I let the land think about you, tomorrow I ask how it feels. Tomorrow you come again. Tomorrow can know."

  I was outraged. Forest spirits are so inefficient!

  "Tomorrow!" I said. "Meanwhile where I sleep?"

  "In the hole lah," it said. "If the river didn't drown you last night, it won't drown you tonight."

  "'The river won't drown you!' That's all very well, but what about the land? I got no protection from the spirits then how?"

  "I'll tell them not to kacau you for now," it said. It smiled again. "One night is OK. The land won't mind one night. Tomorrow you come, boss."

  I should have known from the smile. Two smiles from a forest spirit I never met before! Aiyah, I was very young and innocent. I knew how to make my way in the world, but I didn't know how forest spirits think. I didn't understand that forest spirits are not sensible. They are not like us earth spirits, worry about hole, worry about parents and children and past and future. To them, the only important thing is happiness, and their happiness is different from our one.

  Still, I was quite happy with my own happiness when I went to sleep that night. I had my own hole. Soon I would have the freedom of the land, and then I could start working.

  That's what I thought.

  But the forest spirits have a saying. In Occi, it translates to something like: tomorrow also can.

  How I know forest spirits have this kind of saying? Because I heard it every day when I went to visit the forest spirit after that. Every day I went and asked: "Can I have the freedom of the land?" Every day, cannot start work, cannot do anything useful —must go to this fellow and drink tea and ask question.

  By the second day already I stopped calling it 'sir'. This kind of person there's no point trying to respect. No matter whether you are rude or polite, they won't change their behaviour, but at least you will feel better if you shout at them a bit.

  It never said no. It was never so straightforward. Every day: "Sorry lah, boss. I asked the land, but it still not sure."

  "Cannot lah, boss, cannot rush the land. The land must make up its own mind. We wait first. You want tea? My mother makes it from her own toenails, it's very good!"

  "Come tomorrow lah, tomorrow also can. What's the rush?"

  Finally I said,

  "You ask me what's the rush?"

  Earth spirits are not made to drink a lot of tea. My stomach didn't feel so good, and I was losing patience.

  "I want to go to work, OK," I shouted. "I have parents! I want to send money Back hole! I want to give them grandchildren! I am not like you. My life is not long. Every tomorrow you give me means another today is wasted. Tomorrow won't do!"

  Its face changed, but I couldn't read its expression. The faces of forest spirits are too alien. Their sadness and happiness look different from our sadness and happiness.

  "That's true," it said. "Your life is very short." Forest spirits live for long-long time, like their trees, like their land. Otherwise the land would die — the land must have its spirit.

  The earth people have a different path. We must have children, so our children can carry on our legacy. We cannot waste time.

  "Have you found a husband yet?" said the forest spirit.

  "Hah?" I thought the forest spirit was joking maybe, but it seemed quite serious. "None of your business!"

  "Don't have yet? Then you're right. Shouldn't waste more time," it said. "Tomorrow you come. Tomorrow sure got answer."

  "Chau chibai, go to hell! 'Tomorrow sure got answer' my foot!"

  "Yes," said the forest spirit serenely. "Tomorrow sure can one. Tomorrow, boss, tomorrow."

  I didn't believe it. I was very angry. When I walked Back to my hole I said to myself: if I stay here with this fellow, I will sure go cuckoo. What the hell, what's its problem? I should just leave.

  But for some reason I didn't. I thought: never mind lah. It's a good location. The soil is well-drained; the earth is friendly. The forest spirit even say the river likes me … it's not easy to find such a good spot near the water. Probably all forest spirits are like this also. Maybe this time it meant it when it said tomorrow.

  Maybe I hoped it wasn't telling the truth, and tomorrow it will tell me again, "Come tomorrow, boss." Usually forest spirits don't talk much to the spirits on its land. Once the forest spirit gave me the freedom of the land, that's it, must say goodbye already. I probably won't see it again. And I quite liked its smile.

  But that night I changed my mind. I was sleeping in my hole when I woke up suddenly. I didn't know why I woke up. The earth felt happy and all the night noises were normal. Nothing seemed wrong.

  I was about to go to sleep again when I heard it. The hissing.

  I sat up and pressed my back to the good kind earth. I could see shapes in the dark. And the hissing, getting louder: ssss ….

  They tell stories about the dark. My parents told me. Not to scare me. They told me to protect me, so I would know.

  We earth people live in our holes because we have to stay close to the earth. You can only hear the voices of the earth if you live in it, sleep next to it, wake up and say good morning to it every day. And you can only be an earth spirit if you hear the voices of the earth. That is our power. It's not a big power, it cannot even make a god sneeze, but it gives us our rice and our children and our future. We cannot do anything without the earth.

  But there are other things underground in the dark, things that belong to the dark, not to the earth or the air or anything good and useful. Spirits we don't know. What they want, we who breathe air and drink water cannot hope to understand. All we know is that sometimes you can have a good hole, you can have the best hole anyone ever have; you can live well and honour the gods and respect your parents — but one night the dark will come, and the next morning your hole will be empty.

  These things happen. Nothing can stop it. But you are a bit safer if you have the freedom of the land, because even the dark is part of the land and respects its wishes.

  So I pressed myself against the earth and thought, Fuck that stupid fucker. 'I'll tell them not to kacau you for now' pulak. Nobody can tell the dark what to do except the land. If the forest spirit gave me the freedom of the land, maybe this won't happen. I thought: If I die, I hope I get reincarnated into a mosquito so I can bite that fucker kau-kau.

  And all the time that ssss sound got closer and closer, and the smell of vomit filled the hole. I closed my eyes so I won't have to see.

  Then something grabbed my face with little hands. A voice like the wind in a graveyard said:

  "Mama?"

  I opened my eyes and saw a toyol.

  I screamed. Ma
ybe you will think I too pengecut, but I hate toyol. I cannot tahan the way they act like real babies. They make me feel damn geli. This one smelled even worse than toyol usually do, because on top of the smell of rotting flesh, it had vomit on its bib.

  I was so angry I didn't even stop to wonder who would put a bib on a dead fetus. I shoved the toyol away. It hit the opposite wall and I heard the voices of the earth say, "Eeyer!"

  "Bloody hell!" I shouted. "Who the hell ask you to come here? You think I damn rich, is it? I just come from the kampung, set up new hole, never even get the freedom of the land yet. What kind of stupid spirit so dumb until they think I got treasure to steal? Hah?"

  It is OK to say 'hah?' in this kind of situation, by the way. You don't have to be polite to burglars.

  I think the toyol realized that if it tried to act like a baby, it would kena from me like hell.

  "Sorry, ma'am, I cannot say who hire me," it said in a normal voice: a dusty dead voice, but at least with no babyish squeaking. "Union rules."

  "You tell me who your boss is," I said, "or I will take you to a priest and get him to bury you right now. You don't think I kesian you just because you're a dead baby. I think all dead babies should be burnt so that something like you cannot happen."

  "Sorry lah, sorry lah, I'm just doing my job," the toyol whimpered. "You know my boss. He's the king."

  "The king?"

  "The owner," said the toyol. "The one in charge. The pengurus. The king."

  Then I knew who it meant.

  "Go Back to your boss and tell him to go and die," I said. "I'm going Back to sleep. I see you here again, I'll kill you."

  "But—"

  "You can hear or not? You want me to say 'I'll kill you' louder a bit?"

  "No, but—"

  "Go away!"

  The toyol's lower lip wobbled.

  "Don't I even get a hug?" it said.

  "Go Back now," I said, "or I will cremate your ass."

  It went away after that, but I didn't sleep. Like I said, I never go Back. I stayed awake until morning, listening to the earth. The voices were uneasy, but at least the earth never lies.

  In the morning, I went to look for the forest spirit when I knew it wouldn't be awake yet. You believe or not? I spent so many days waiting for the forest spirit to give me my freedom, I even knew its habits. You see how dangerous the smile of the forest spirit is?

  The forest spirit looked very blur when it came down its tree to meet me.

  "Wah, early ah, boss," it said, but I didn't let it say any more.

  "From you, right? That toyol," I said. "I cannot stand toyol, you know or not? They're disgusting. Even cockroaches are better."

  Its face changed, but it looked alien no matter what expression it had.

  "Ah, they're not so bad," it said. "Not like a dead baby's going to do anything else what. Might as well make it useful, right?"

  "I cannot stand toyol," I repeated, tight with anger, "and I cannot stand your kind of playing around. 'Tomorrow, tomorrow' — and all the time you just want me to stay so you can steal my money. If you want money, no problem. You should just say, 'If you want the freedom of the land, must pay fee.' Like that I don't mind. I'm not asking you for favor. But day after day you say 'tomorrow'. Day after day, 'Come lah, drink tea with me lah, tomorrow sure can lah.' All because you want to rob me."

  "I didn't—"

  "You sent your toyol in," I said. "You went in without my permission. Don't you know you cannot go into an earth spirit's hole without asking? But you don't even know respect!"

  "Bloody—! You don't even let me explain!"

  "Explain what? What's there to explain? You intruded!"

  "You don't even have the freedom anyway!" it shouted.

  It was right. You don't really own your hole until the land accepts you. Until you have the freedom of the land, your hole belongs to the local forest spirit, like everything else.

  But it felt like my hole. I slept so many nights in it; I knew the earth so well. Now it was all spoiled. You cannot go into an earth spirit's hole without asking first. It is like stepping into a person's heart without being invited. For an earth spirit, it is the same thing.

  I bowed.

  "I'm sorry I intruded so long in your area," I said. "This is obviously the wrong place for me. I will find another place to set up hole."

  I bowed again because I was so angry, and then I left.

  For the rest of the day I looked for new hole, but I was too damn miserable. Setting up a hole doesn't mean simply digging anywhere, in any mood. When you dig your hole, you must be full of good thoughts. You must be thinking of how happy your parents will be when you send money Back hole; you must think of the children you will have to fill your hole. Then the earth will be happy with you, and you will have a good life in your hole.

  But I was too tired and heart-pain to look properly, so finally when it was late and the light was turning blue, I just dug a hole where I was. An earth spirit must not be out when the sun has gone down. There are too many hungry gods and spirits in this world.

  But the earth's voices were not happy and I didn't listen to them. That was a mistake. When I woke up that night, alone in the strange earth, I knew.

  There was no sound. That was where I went wrong the night before. There is no hissing, no chittering, no warning when they come. You cannot see or smell anything. But you know they are there. It's the same thing as when your nose smells food and knows you can eat it. I hope you never know the feeling that comes when the dark is near.

  This time I didn't try to get closer to the earth. Nothing with a soul can protect you when the dark comes. You realize that deep in your stomach when it actually happens. It was strange earth anyway. It didn't know me, and it was silent in its own fear.

  At times like that there is nothing to think. There is just you and the dark, and in a little while you know there will only be the dark left. Want to think also cannot. You can only roll yourself up small and hide far inside your mind.

  The things of the dark circled, and I was very alone.

  When the hissing started, it was like waking up from a nightmare. I smelled vomit, and suddenly I could see: little baby shapes tumbled into the hole, things with rotting teeth and glowing green eyes. Then I closed my eyes, because it was like waking up from a nightmare into another nightmare. This one was not so scary as the first one, but smellier.

  Toyol have no souls. Their souls have passed on to wherever the souls of babies go. Maybe they remember what it was like to be a baby — maybe that's why they like to cry and say, 'Mama', because they feel like that's what they're supposed to be doing. But to be honest I think they do it to be kiampa, to make people want to slap them.

  You cannot be scared of the dark if you have no soul, but you can be very hungry. I heard them laugh, and then there was a sound like when you put down an offering of rice and fruit and incense in a holy place and step back. Gods have no table manners. Toyol are like them in that respect.

  I opened my eyes again when one of them touched my knee, whining. I kicked out. I wasn't scared anymore. I knew the dark was gone. Not to say I wasn't happy lah, but I wasn't so grateful until let a toyol stroke my leg.

  "Aiyah, boss, why you spoil my product?" said a voice. "Toyol not so easy to make, you know. They don't grow on trees. Not like me."

  Of course it was my former landlord. There was that chibai, standing at the entrance of the hole like nothing special happen like that. I looked back at the toyol at their feast, and then I looked away again very quickly.

  "You got so many toyol," I said. "One less won't make any difference. How the hell you get so many?"

  "Hard work," said the forest spirit modestly. "I am setting up a business. I hire out toyol."

  I stared at it.

  "You are setting up a toyol business," I said. "And it's called what? Toyol Sendirian Berhad?"

  "I was thinking of a partnership, actually, not limited company," said the forest spirit. "
But you got the idea. Pay fee, get a toyol to come to your house and work for you part-time. No need to find the dead babies yourself, no need to do jampi. All maintenance taken care of."

  "And what exactly do your customers do with their toyol?" I said. As you know, when magicians summon up toyol, it is usually because they are too lazy to earn their own money. Toyol have very small hands: good with locks.

  "Ah, that one they keep to themselves," said the forest spirit. "No need for us to ask. The business has nothing to do with all that. But don't think it's all just samseng who order. I train my toyol to do all kind of thing. Housewife is our number two target market. The toyol are very clever to do housework — the customer just have to buy more air freshener lah. The service still very worth it, compared to the local cleaning fairies."

  "So what," I said, "the toyol in my hole last night is free promo, is it? Your marketing department damn suck eh. The toyol never clean anything also."

  The forest spirit's face changed. This time I knew it was feeling shy. I guess it's just a matter of getting use to the difference.

  "No. Ah, no, that one was a security guard," it said. "I, ah—actually the land was quite happy with you already. Technically you already had the freedom of the land. But you are new here. Who knows what kind of pervert might try to break into your hole? I was a bit worried lah, that's all."

  "That's all?" I echoed. "That's all? Bastard, if you so concerned until you put toyol in my hole without asking, why didn't you just tell me I had the freedom of the land in the first place?"

  "I don't know," said the forest spirit. "My business … I can handle the toyol, no problem, but like you said, the marketing side is not so good. The accounting department also. I cannot get anyone to pay their bill. I don't know to manage spirits lah. I no PR skills. You earth spirits are better than me at this kind of thing."

  "You string me along because you want a manager for your company," I said flatly.

  "Not only that lah," said the forest spirit. "Got other reason also lah."