Re:ZERO -Starting Life in Another World-, Vol. 9

by Tappei Nagatsuki

  “I’m happy everyone’s worried, but don’t give me the chance to say I wanna stop. If you thought that I had managed to squeeze out any courage from myself, you should know that it’s actually all on loan.”

  The success or failure of the operation would be decided by Subaru’s will, but he knew that they would never keep questioning his resolve for such a callous reason. That was why he could bear it.

  “Besides, I’m optimistic that everything’ll be fine once we reach the last part. The road that leads there is a little treacherous, but that’s all. When you think of it that way, it’ll be an easy win, right?”

  “…Subawu, choosing the words easy win means you’re actually a big shot and I just never realized, right?”

  “Don’t be stupid, I know I’m small fry. I might be optimistic, but I need all of your strength so I can share a passionate embrace with Emilia at the very end, all right? Come on, guys, just think of yourselves as my cupids and gimme a hand, okay?!”

  “I am still not quite sure on what basis you made that claim—but you have made your resolve clear.”

  Julius spoke for everyone when he approved of how Subaru’s lightheartedness had swept away the heavy, stifling atmosphere. As that brought the meeting to an end, Subaru shifted his eyes to the road ahead, toward the edge of the plains.

  Past that boundary, the grassland came to an end, and Subaru would soon be able to make out the treetops of the forested region beyond. Once they left the plains and took a few woodland roads, they would arrive at the Mathers domain.

  His heart beat loudly, throbbing as if it might crack, yet even so, Subaru continued to look.

  “”

  “Ho-ho? What, you’re worried about me? That’s adorable.”

  Freed of the briefing now that everyone was no longer telepathically speaking, Subaru found Patlash’s head turned toward him with a pensive look. Subaru showed her a strained smile as he stroked her neck. Then he rummaged in the sack affixed to the land dragon’s saddle, locating something by touch alone.

  What he found was a tool that would play a critical part during the operation. After all that time, an ache still ran through Subaru’s chest when he recalled how it had passed into his hands.

  In Subaru’s mind, it was because of that pain that he could move forward, thrusting his fear and anxiety aside.

  “This time, I’ll make things right.”

  “Of course, that’s what everyone intends to do. It’ll be all right. The plan was devised so scrupulously, there is no reason to think of failure. Our preparations have been meticulous. Also, once this is all over, I would like to have a toast with you.”

  “Stop saying so many things that sound like famous last words—!!”

  Subaru shouted at Julius, who was riding alongside him, presumably ignorant of the concept of death flags.

  Those yells echoed loudly, ringing in the air as though they could even be heard in the Mathers domain, which was still far, far away.

  5

  When the light of day reached her sleep-deprived eyelids, Emilia rose with a light headache.

  “It’s…morning already…”

  Emilia sat up in bed, blinking several times. She brushed her silver hair away from her forehead, briefly lingering on the boundary between sleep and consciousness before letting out a frail murmur that mirrored her thoughts as it floated to the surface.

  She hadn’t slept much for the past several days.

  Last night, she had gone to sleep several hours after sunset again. After entering the forest at night, using her power to reweave the wards that kept demon beasts out, Emilia had probably managed to get only a couple hours of sleep.

  Her head felt heavy and her thoughts sluggish, as if someone had plunged them into mud.

  Emilia had never been much of an early riser to begin with, even before the numerous issues that had occupied all her time for the past several days. While fatigue and anguish were constantly whittling her mind away, there was no helping it.

  It had been a week since the candidates for the royal selection had assembled at the palace, and a week since she had demonstrated her determination.

  After that, Emilia had returned to the manor and spent five days acting as the representative of her faction.

  The pressure she’d felt during those scant five days had been more than enough to overwhelm her.

  “I thought I understood… I really thought I did.”

  Emilia strongly gripped her bedsheet as she lamented her incompetence.

  In the blink of an eye, she recalled the events of the last week in the back of her mind.

  She had been called to the capital, faced the other candidates, declared her conviction with all the eyes of the court upon her, and then—

  “—Subaru.”

  As Emilia spoke the name of the boy she’d left behind at the capital, she lowered her eyes, enduring the pain.

  She thought of that cheerful, sensitive boy who was always desperate to help others, and just a tiny bit delusional, wondering what he was doing at the moment.

  The intense argument between them at the palace, as well as his pained expression, like an abandoned child’s, were seared into her retinas. Those images had been burned into her conscience over and over.

  In the end, his tortured face, the things that he’d spoken, the words that he hadn’t wanted to hear but heard anyway—Emilia felt that no one could be blamed for those things…except for herself.

  “…But it’s for the best, isn’t it?”

  The clash of their inner thoughts had resulted in the two of them going separate ways. However, Emilia did not think that explosion of emotion was something that should have been avoided. In fact, it was better for them to follow different paths. The place where Subaru belonged was not by her side.

  After all, Emilia was a half-elf, the object of everyone’s hatred.

  Anyone who stood by her would bear the same hatred from simply being associated with her. That kindhearted boy would be no exception. Indeed, it was because Subaru wanted to be by her side that he had been so terribly hurt, in both body and spirit, during his duel with Julius.

  She didn’t want to subject him to that, to make him go through such a thing again.

  Over the course of their quarrel, she thought Subaru had to have seen his mistake.

  Emilia’s one regret was that, at the very, very end, she had let her true feelings slip.

  Namely, the hope that Subaru, of all people, could set her existence as a half-elf aside and treat her as a normal girl…

  —It had been a fickle, fleeting, futile, selfish hope.

  “Subaru can’t see me as anything but special… That’s what he said.”

  She despaired at her own selfishness, pushing him away, hurting him, only to look to him for salvation.

  Such shallowness was unforgiveable, half-elf or no.

  “Lia, you’re furling your eyebrows. You’re ruining your adorable face.”

  A voice suddenly spoke to Emilia as she held her knees while still in bed. When she glanced up, there was a little cat spirit with gray fur. Emilia smiled slightly as she offered a greeting.

  “Good morning, Puck. You’re up early today.”

  “Good morning, Lia. This morning there was…something to take care of.”

  “—? Did something happen?”

  “Mm, if I said I was making an effort to sleep early and get up early…that would be a lie. It’s because I’m really worried about you, Lia. It’s been one thing after another, especially yesterday.”

  Emilia lowered her eyes at Puck’s uncharacteristically awkward reply.

  …The events of the previous day had contributed a great deal to Emilia’s current mental fatigue and lack of sleep. The bitter memory of the nearby villagers rejecting whatever she had to say or offer bubbled up in her mind.

  Their fear and disapproval had not been enough for them to hurl cruel words at her, but their gazes alone had already cut deep into Emilia’s heart.<
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  “…I knew…that would happen.”

  “You also know what falling is, but you still hurt and bleed when it happens. If you ask me, simply knowing the result isn’t the same as actually experiencing it for yourself.”

  When Emilia used a childish excuse to push past, Puck mercilessly cut off her escape route. But this wasn’t something Puck did maliciously. Puck, in his own way, was urging Emilia to stop running from the truth as well as hiding her feelings.

  “Puck…”

  “Mm?”

  “Puck…what do you think I should do? How should I…? No, not just me, how can everyone get along better? How do I get everyone to…?”

  “—Lia, maybe you should just do what you like? I’m on your side no matter what happens, Lia, and anyone who gets in your way is my enemy.”

  Though it was a promise from her surest ally, in that moment, the words offered Emilia no comfort.

  It was the answer she’d expected. Puck would support Emilia unconditionally, but that didn’t help with her problem. In the end, Emilia would have to rely on her own judgment.

  Puck’s entire value system was centered on Emilia; everything and everyone else came second.

  “You’re not going to turn your back on that village no matter what, are you? The pink-haired girl headed to the village again this morning. Maybe waiting for her report is all you can do?”

  “…Ram went to the village? But she hasn’t had any rest for a while either…”

  “I’m telling you, that girl’s doing a lot better than you are, Lia. She finds places to take breaks from her work. At the very least, she can handle herself.”

  She shrank a little. Puck’s rational assessment of Ram of course implied that Emilia was wholly incapable of taking care of herself. As it happened, Emilia found herself relying on Ram that very moment.

  For the past several days, Ram had been executing a portion of Roswaal’s affairs, shouldering his responsibilities dealing with the mansion or Earlham Village, all while Emilia remained in the mansion.

  Excusing himself to conduct negotiations with a local big shot, Roswaal had claimed he would be away for no more than a few days. The great responsibility brought worry and stress, but if she couldn’t cope with that much in the span of a few days, how could she possibly hope to participate in the royal selection and be ready for what would come after?

  With such thoughts in mind, she’d accepted the duty, shelving her feelings of guilt from leaving Subaru in the royal capital, then readied herself to face the days to come with atypical seriousness—but two days prior, the situation had greatly changed.

  “A strange presence in the forest…?”

  “Yes. Unpleasant fellows against whom even my Clairvoyance is ineffective.”

  Ram delivered the news in her usual calm tone of voice, but her furled eyebrows were an ominous sign.

  Her Clairvoyance was the unusual ability to synchronize with the vision of others and see through their eyes. However, even this ability, particularly useful for reconnaissance and searching, had been unable to discern the identity of the presence she’d sensed in the forest.

  “It’s not…related to demon beasts?”

  “The barrier has been redeployed. I believe it is unrelated, but… What do you wish to do?”

  “Well, that goes without saying… We can’t pretend nothing’s happening. If we can’t do anything about it, at least we can keep the villagers from falling into danger.”

  “Prioritizing their safety… You wish to evacuate the villagers, then?”

  “That…would be best. This mansion is big enough to accommodate all of them, right?”

  That was the conclusion Emilia and Ram had reached during their discussion about the forbidding presence in the forest. That Ram hadn’t objected was somewhat reassuring to Emilia. As Roswaal’s proxy, Ram would have mercilessly shot down any proposals she deemed foolish.

  Accordingly, Emilia had walked to Earlham Village—practically next door—with some expectations. She’d convince the villagers to evacuate to the mansion, sparing them from peril. But—

  “We’ve heard about the royal selection—as well as the fact that you are a half-elf. We refuse to follow you. Everyone has agreed on this.”

  An old woman acting as the village’s representative spoke these words, rejecting Emilia’s offer.

  The obstinate reply, filled with rejection and renunciation, hurt Emilia. The fact that it hurt surprised her.

  Rejection was Emilia’s natural environment. She had tasted that discouragement countless times before. And yet, she realized at the same time, that pain was still felt sharply in her heart.

  —Emilia had hoped it would change her.

  She’d hoped that leaping into the royal selection, a great undertaking, would be the first step to changing her lot in life, and that perhaps the reactions around her that she’d taken for granted might change, too. The points of contact between her and the villagers over the two preceding months had further raised these hopes.

  But Emilia had continued to deceive them about her true identity using concealment magic. Could anyone truly trust her, or allow her into their heart, when she had never shown her real face even once?

  When she’d spent those days with the villagers in what she mistook for harmony, those smiles had not been not aimed toward her. They had been meant for the young man leading Emilia to the village by the hand.

  Emilia had not earned anything herself. And yet, had she misunderstood even so?

  “…In the end, what was I even doing?”

  Once her offer was rejected, her subsequent pleas fell on deaf ears; she offered three more times, but every time she was refused. The calamity that had come from the royal capital on the heels of that despair had only added to Emilia’s suffering.

  “I have come bearing a letter of goodwill from my master, Duchess Crusch Karsten.”

  An envoy of humble demeanor had arrived at the mansion to present an envelope sealed with the lion’s crest of the House of Karsten. When she accepted the letter, Emilia could only guess as to its contents.

  Crusch was not only a royal candidate, but the person she had entrusted with Subaru’s care in the capital. Wondering what might have befallen him, she had opened the letter in great haste—

  “—But it was blank. The pink-haired girl said the message was a declaration of war. I can’t blame her for being upset.”

  The letter itself was resting atop the room’s desk. When Emilia’s gaze drifted to it, Puck had discerned what she was thinking, cocking his head slightly as he recounted their discovery that the sheet was blank.

  Just as Puck said, the letter had been delivered blank. There was nothing written on it—neither front nor back.

  Sending a blank letter implied that the sender deemed the recipient someone not worth speaking to. However, the letter’s contents, and the very act of sending such a thing, clashed greatly with what Emilia knew about Crusch as an individual.

  Because of that, she had immediately suspected there must have been some mistake. She had asked the envoy what Crusch had truly intended, but he promptly asserted that he’d simply done as he had been commanded. Ultimately, Emilia was unable to find a satisfying answer.

  “Let’s keep the envoy under watch here at the mansion. If it comes to that, we can use him as a bargaining chip.”

  In spite of Ram’s extreme position, the envoy was being hosted at the mansion, safe and sound. Even so, the forbidding presence in the forest and the blank letter had only worsened Emilia’s mental load.

  In the end, she hadn’t been able to sleep well last night, either, so Emilia did the only thing she could: check the surrounding barriers to make sure they weren’t weakening to ward off any potential demon beast attack.

  After she made her rounds, she returned to her room at dawn, fell asleep, woke, and arrived at the present.

  Rem seemed to have left her alone at the mansion, heading off to the village in another attempt to pers
uade the villagers while Emilia slept. Technically speaking, given her position, Emilia would normally be expected to go with her, taking the lead in appealing to the villagers to evacuate—

  “But it might actually go better without me…”

  A feeling of shirked responsibility prodded Emilia to rise from bed. At the same time, she was deeply anxious about the possibility she would be shunned, which would make the situation worse.

  As a matter of fact, if Emilia had gone with Ram, the villagers would surely have rejected the proposal out of fear.

  That was reality of the situation. Emilia continued to slam into the wall that people used against those who were seen as strange and different.

  But to fight against that, maybe she should go into the forest herself—

  “Oh, Lia. Someone’s coming up to the mansion.”

  “…Ram, I suppose. I need to ask her how things went in the village.”

  Puck’s call interrupted Emilia’s thoughts. She quickly headed into the changing room.

  Normally Puck was noisy about Emilia’s grooming, but he hadn’t been too picky for those last several days. But even this show of consideration became fuel for Emilia’s growing self-hatred.

  “Ahh, I’m going to visit Betty. Call me if something happens, ’kay?”

  “Err, yes, all right. Say hi to Beatrice for me.”

  As soon as Emilia stepped into the corridor, Puck split off to see the young-looking girl who, despite living under the same roof, didn’t care much for showing her face.

  When Emilia thought about it, she hadn’t seen the girl a single time since returning to the mansion.

  “Maybe Beatrice is angry I left Subaru behind…”

  Subaru and Beatrice got along rather well, so maybe she was upset.

  Negative thoughts seemed to keep bubbling up without end. Emilia sighed and set off for the entry hall at a brisk pace.

  She put off seeing Beatrice until later. There were many things she had to speak about with Ram.

  “Lady Emilia.”

  Emilia arrived in the hall just as the doorway to the mansion was opening. She exhaled a little when she saw Ram through the crack of the door.