Re:ZERO -Starting Life in Another World-, Vol. 9

by Tappei Nagatsuki

  “Subaru…”

  “Sorry. I was using you, and drowning in my own joy. Everything you said back then was true. I was wrong…but I wasn’t wrong about everything.”

  He conceded that he’d used Emilia for his own benefit. But there was one thing that he would not concede.

  “I want to help you. I want to be there for you. That’s serious, that’s true, not a lie.”

  “…Yeah, I know.”

  Emilia nodded at Subaru’s words. Then her violet eyes greatly wavered and, blinking once, she stared at Subaru.

  And then—

  “—Subaru, why do you help me?”

  They were the words she had spoken then. It was a question she had also posed several hours before.

  Then, like before, the words were offered in search of an answer. Subaru had but one to give.

  “I want to be there for you, because I love you, Emilia.”

  Subaru looked straight back into Emilia’s eyes and stated it plainly.

  In the end, the summary of the basis of Subaru’s actions was exceedingly simple.

  Wanting to be there for her, to stand by her side, to render her aid, to see her smiling face, to walk beside her, to live with her from now on—

  Every last part of it was because he loved Emilia with all his body and soul, from the crown of the head to the tips of his toenails.

  That was why, even at the risk of death, and in fact numerous deaths, no matter how hurt or hated or anguished he might be, even if he had to crawl to do it, he’d come back.

  Just how many opportunities had he missed, only belatedly coming up with that simple answer?

  He was truly in awe at the extent of his own stupidity.

  “—”

  Listening to Subaru’s reply, Emilia opted to close her lips and keep her silence.

  But that silence did not last long. Abruptly her composure crumpled; she bit her closed lips, and her wide-open, violet eyes grew moist.

  It was the look of a girl who might break into tears at any moment, a girl who didn’t know how to cry.

  “I…I’m…a half-elf…”

  “I know that.”

  Emilia earnestly shook her head, replying in a shaking, halting voice.

  “I’m a half-elf, with silver hair… I’m hated by all kinds of people because I look like the Witch, they hate me. They truly, truly hate me.”

  “I’ve realized. I know. And those guys are blind.”

  Judging from appearances alone, and on top of that, basing everything on a resemblance to an arch-criminal from the distant past was ridiculous. How did anyone who didn’t know a single thing about Emilia’s true nature have any right to hate her?

  “I have almost no experience interacting with people, and I don’t have any friends. I have no common sense, and I’m ignorant of how the world works. That’s why I say weird things from time to time…and because of my pact with Puck, my hairstyle practically changes on a daily basis, and my reason for wanting to be queen is…really, really selfish…”

  She lined up her shortcomings one after another, even including things she didn’t need to mention, offering a glimpse at her deepest vulnerabilities. Yet that timidity, that frailty, that lack of confidence—in that moment, Subaru thought it was all lovely.

  Hence, Subaru gently shook his head.

  “Emilia, whatever anyone says to you, whatever you think of yourself, I love you. I really love you. I super love you. I want to be together with you, always. I want to hold your hand, forever.”

  “Ah…”

  “If you tell me ten things you hate about yourself, I’ll tell you twelve that I love about you.”

  When Emilia seemed to try to pull back into herself, Subaru wouldn’t let her escape, keeping his eyes glued to her as he stated how he really felt.

  Emilia closed her little lips, looking at Subaru, and as she continued to look, tears welled in her eyes. When they grew to the point of overflowing, she blinked, letting droplets fall, tracing paths down her white cheeks.

  “That’s the special way I want to treat you.”

  “…This is the first time since I was born that I’ve been so happy to be treated as special.”

  He reached out with his hand, gently suppressing the flow of tears. With Subaru’s hand touching her cheek, Emilia put her hand over his, and the body warmth exchanged between the two felt intensely hot.

  “Why…twelve?”

  “Because one hundred percent ain’t enough to express how I feel.”

  When Subaru laughed, face brimming with a wide grin, Emilia answered with a tearful smile. Her face was dazzling, as if each and every falling tear were a diamond. Subaru felt so satisfied from seeing just one charming smile that he had to laugh at himself for how easily content he was.

  And so they smiled together, as Emilia rubbed her cheek against Subaru’s hand.

  “I’m so happy. Really happy. I never once thought the day would come that someone would tell me they loved me.”

  In the days until that point, special had meant something entirely different to Emilia. That was why she was extremely frightened of receiving special treatment from anyone. Subaru knew how she felt about it, but had given her special treatment despite it all.

  Even if it wasn’t from anyone else, even if it was only Subaru in that whole world, the way he treated her truly was…special.

  “Is this really fine? For me…for someone like me to be this happy, to have such happy feelings, it feels like an indulgence…”

  “It’s absolutely fine. Let’s indulge ourselves. No matter how happy you are, it doesn’t bother anyone else, and you can always give some of the excess to other people.”

  Which was why—

  “You can take it slow, Emilia. Slow, gentle, take your time falling in love with me. After all, I’ll be walking right by your side, doing my best to make you weak in the knees.”

  “—!”

  “Eep,” went Emilia, making a little sound from her throat. She proceeded to grow red in the cheeks, lowering her eyes. Then she touched a hand to her breast, quietly staring at Subaru as he smiled at her. And then…

  “Thank you, Subaru. For helping me.”

  …Emilia smiled pleasantly as she said those words to Subaru. They were words she had spoken once before.

  Realizing that fact, Subaru laughed. Emilia, realizing the same, laughed, too. She laughed and laughed, and suddenly, tears began to flow from the corners of her eyes. Subaru reached his hand out to Emilia’s long, beautiful silver hair, gently stroking it as if combing through it.

  He remained by the adorable girl’s side as she gently continued to cry.

  * * *

  Under the sky of the approaching dusk, a boy from another world and a silver-haired half-demon drew close to one another, sharing their mutual feelings.

  There had been repeated tribulation and despair continuing for a very long time.

  Having overcome these, they had finally earned a quiet, tranquil time for them alone.

  This was a tale about earning that time, and nothing more.

  This was a tale about missed opportunities, continuing along different paths, remaining lost, and nothing more.

  Everything had happened so that a single insecure boy could share his feelings with a single insecure girl.

  This was a tale of striving to do exactly that one thing—

  —and nothing more.

  INTERLUDE

  A BRIEF MOMENT IN A DRAGON CARRIAGE

  With a rattling sound, the dragon carriage quietly advanced along the highway.

  Protected by the blessing, Subaru was truly able to enjoy a tranquil journey in a dragon carriage for the first time.

  Subaru’s dragon carriage experiences had always been messy, so it was the first time he was able to travel in such peace and quiet. The first “peaceful” journey to the royal capital had been ruined by Subaru’s selfish excesses, so it didn’t count.

  And amid this first experience—
/>   “Hey, Petra…aren’t you kinda…close?”

  “Isn’t this fine, Subaru? After all, Big Sis has been hogging you the whole time until now.”

  Subaru strained a smile as Petra said that to him and looked up with big, round eyes. She was sitting to Subaru’s left and had been nuzzled against him, never leaving his side, since they’d set out again.

  “Er, that’s not true, Petra. Earlier, Subaru and I had…yes, we had something really important to talk about, so…”

  “Pfft. Just so you know, Big Sis, I am definitely not losing to you!”

  A red-faced Emilia tried to make excuses, but Petra didn’t heed her one bit. But they weren’t acting like they seriously scorned each other; if anything, they looked like they’d been teasing each other forever, which brought a big grin to Subaru’s lips.

  “Emilia-tan, you’re talking with a child. You need to laugh and let these things slide with a smile on your face.”

  “I will not. Even with a child, I cannot behave in such an off-the-cuff manner.”

  “No one uses off-the-cuff anymore…”

  “Grrr, playing that game again…!”

  Emilia’s lips tensed in displeasure, and Petra, unhappy to be treated like a child, tugged on Subaru’s sleeve with a look of dissatisfaction. “Sorry, sorry,” begged Subaru, giving a little, pained smile as he apologized to both of them.

  At present Subaru and the others were heading to the capital with the children in a carriage after they’d had to change from the one that had been booby-trapped. Other than Petra, the exhausted children were asleep, and to be blunt, their snores and Petra’s pressing up against Subaru were like his salvation.

  After all, he couldn’t handle being alone with Emilia after what had happened earlier.

  He’d confessed to her, making all kinds of embarrassing statements in the process. Now that he calmly thought back upon making all kinds of cool-sounding statements, like about patiently waiting for her answer, he was about ready to expect jets of fire to sprout from his face.

  “Subaru, what is it? You’re making a strange face.”

  “I was just thinking that Petra’s been a big help. I mean, she kept her promise not to leave Emilia-tan alone. She’s been a very good girl!”

  “Eh-heh-heh-heh.”

  As Petra looked up at him, Subaru gently stroked her hair and explained the second thing he was grateful to her for.

  If, by some chance, Petra and the other children had let go of Emilia, she might have done something reckless and gotten herself hurt again. This had been avoided, and Subaru was able to see all his efforts come to fruition thanks to Petra and the other children around them.

  Truly he had been blessed; perhaps too much, even.

  “Once things calm down, there’s way too many people I need to thank…”

  He owed Crusch’s followers a big thank-you, then another to the Anastasia faction for the aid of the Iron Fangs, and though it pained him, Julius’s assistance had been a godsend as well. Russel had helped out in regard to the White Whale, plus he still owed a debt to Otto for his aid at the very end. Subaru had a lot of things to do.

  “There’s a mountain of stuff I’ve gotta think about, huh…?”

  There was the issue of credit being due to the expeditionary force for taking down both the White Whale and Sloth, plus the alliance that had been struck with the Crusch camp. There was also the matter of pressing the absent Roswaal to take responsibility for compensating Earlham Village and dealing with various other matters that remained.

  Many difficulties lay before Subaru—especially the talk that loomed largest on that mountain-like pile.

  “Um, er, Emilia-tan… There’s…something really important I have to talk to you about.”

  “Mmm, what is it?”

  As Subaru gingerly brought the matter up, Emilia looked over to him with eyes full of trust. When Subaru gazed at those eyes and the emotions resting within, the task he had to carry out truly sunk in. At the same time, to be blunt, it frightened him to ponder whether the look in those eyes would change after he cleared the air.

  Naturally, the matter he could not avoid telling Emilia about concerned another girl—Rem.

  During the current loop, there was no one who’d aided Subaru as wholeheartedly as Rem. It was Rem’s deep love and devotion that had gently healed Subaru’s broken heart, allowing him to summon the will to rekindle the fight against fate every time he had to start over.

  Had it not been for Rem, the Subaru sitting before Emilia would not have existed.

  That was why Subaru harbored deep feelings for Rem that were special in their own way. Even if they were different from those he felt for Emilia, nothing else could compare to their strength and size.

  Accordingly, Subaru settled on framing it around that—he knew full well that it was an awful way of thinking.

  “This is really hard to say, but please, listen to me. Of course, I’m resigned to Ram kicking my ass when I tell her about this, but…I wanted to tell you first, Emilia-tan.”

  “…Mm-hmm?”

  Subaru’s odd, halting preamble left Emilia with a perplexed expression on her face. Seeing that nearly dulled his determination, but he hardened his resolve, feeling his courage bolstered by the battle with the Witch Cult.

  He worked the wheels in his brain at maximum speed, multiplying everything by Return by Death to reach the most optimal way to explain—

  “Actually, I wanted to talk about Rem. Where I’m concerned, Rem, um…well, you must have figured it out, right? I mean, well, she said a fair bit about it…”

  Sweat oozed from Subaru’s brow as he desperately tried to find the next words. Now that he was faced with giving the most awful confession in history, his courage, resolve, and experiences from Return by Death all failed him.

  With Subaru already devolving into rambling excuses, drenched with cold sweat as he found it hard to speak, Emilia raised a hand.

  “Hold on a moment. Subaru, calm down. I don’t understand what you’re trying to say, and I know that you’re trying really, really hard, Subaru. Be a good boy and take it slow.”

  “I’m not sure what to think about the good-boy part…! No, wait, I’m not being very manly here. Okay, I’ll just spit it out! See, Rem told me that she loves me just as much as I love you, Emilia, so…!”

  He meant to build on the momentum from where he had just left off, but his words died out.

  Having put his feelings into it with all his strength, he was sure that Emilia would be shocked at exactly what he was confessing to. The mere thought of how she might react terrified him. Very, very tenderly, he watched for her response.

  “”

  However, Emilia’s reaction was completely different from what Subaru had expected.

  Subaru’s words made Emilia’s brows draw up. She touched a finger to her lips as she silently sank into thought. Was she mulling over his words, her anger building toward Subaru? It didn’t seem like that at all.

  “Subaru.”

  “Yes?”

  When Emilia called his name, Subaru looked straight her.

  Emilia resolutely faced Subaru’s determined eyes head-on. However, her gaze also contained bewilderment, and Subaru couldn’t understand why.

  Then, the next words she spoke were literally beyond Subaru’s comprehension—

  “Who’s Rem?”

  FRAGMENTS

  REM NATSUKI

  1

  A loud, crying voice echoed under the clear, blue sky.

  It was the crying voice of a baby girl. Already she was crying with all her heart and soul.

  Displaying emotions with every bit of available strength was a privilege reserved for babes. As he embraced that sentiment, he was shocked with himself, for it was not the thought of the young.

  “So this is longing for youth… Maybe I should cry like Spica and return to the innocence of childhood?”

  “If an adult acts like that on a public street, there’s nothing
I can do to help, you know?!”

  When Subaru, feeling the weight of his years, made that murmur, the boy beside him played the straight man. Upon that exchange, the baby in Subaru’s arms—the girl named Spica—took a deep, deep breath and went, “Aa—!!”

  “Whoa! Spica’s crying! Hey, uh, Rigel, you’re her older brother! Do something!”

  “You say that, but the fact you yourself aren’t doing anything about it is a lot worse!”

  The two males of the household batted responsibility back in forth with the baby between them.

  The uproar attracted the attention of nearby pedestrians, but when they saw which three people were making the ruckus, they all thought, Same as usual, and promptly lost interest. As a result, the crying baby girl and the two caretakers remained as they were.

  Subaru, dead center amid that noisy, passingly amusing scene, covered his face with a hand.

  “So we have a little girl crying like this, and not a single person offers a lifeboat… Shit, have people’s hearts hardened that much?!”

  “This ain’t the time to philosophize about the world! At this rate she’s gonna give us a lecture when she gets back…”

  “When who gets back, Rigel?”

  “Well, that’s obvio—”

  The young man named Rigel cut off his words there as he looked over his shoulder in shock. Subaru went, “Ohh” as he followed Rigel’s gaze, raising his eyebrows as he arrived at the figure standing behind him.

  “Done with your shopping?”

  “Yes, there were no problems… It seems things did not go so well for you.”

  “Nah, Spica’s super lively. This one’s growing up to be the type who runs all around and keeps men wrapped around her finger. She’ll grow into a little devil before you know it. My heart’s all aflutter. I can’t wait!”

  As Subaru flapped his lips, Spica, the girl he held in his arms, extended a little hand toward the woman standing there who was no larger than a leaf. Subaru desolately realized she seemed to be saying, Change me.