by Kelly Myers
Ross almost chokes on his drink, and Leanne lets out a little giggle. I’m not even done though. I lean forward and speak in a conspiratorial voice. “But you can think he has if it makes you feel better about your own dry spell.”
Ross turns beat red, and I lean back in my chair with a satisfied smile. I knew insulting his manliness would get to him. Guys like Ross hate it when anyone implies that they are not the Sex God they pretend to be. And he deserves to be humiliated. What kind of person brings up his friend getting jilted almost ten years ago?
Just then, Leo grabs my hand beneath the table. I look at him, and I see that his smile has turned genuine, and there’s warmth in his eyes.
The clear ringing of a fork on a wine glass causes silence to descend. We all turn to the table in the front of the room, where the father of the groom is announcing it’s time for some toasts.
We all sit back and listen as various friends and family members speak about Melanie and Jacob. Finally, I sense the tension that has been in Leo all evening, start to evaporate. I lean back in my chair as well.
And, I keep my hand in his throughout the rest of the dinner, even though our hands are below the table, where no one can see them.
21
As the dinner starts to wrap up, I’m feeling better. Leo has calmed down. He hasn’t changed his posture or his expression, and he hasn’t said much, but something within him has loosened.
Ross and company have backed off as well. I figured one well-placed comment would get him to shut up. The guy is all hot air. I feel bad with Leanna since she actually seems alright. After a bit more conversation, I can tell she’s not exactly a kindred spirit, but she’s nice enough.
The dinner plates get cleared away, and everyone starts to mingle and head back to the bar for more drinks.
Once our table is empty except for us, I work up the courage to look Leo in the face. I wonder if he’s going to want to continue our argument. I still don’t think I have it in my to apologize unless he apologizes about Abby as well. I really don’t even want to argue anymore.
I just want to bury my confusing feelings for him and not make a fool of myself tonight or tomorrow.
Leo is staring at the table, a thoughtful expression on his face. I scramble to come up with something to say about a new topic other than Vince or Abby or what happened this afternoon at the lake. Anything to move us away from our argument.
“Ross is awful,” I say. “Why do you put up with those kinds of jokes from your friends?”
Surprise flashes in Leo’s eyes. “They’re just jokes.”
“Real friends don’t joke about each other’s deepest sadnesses in front of others,” I say.
“It’s not my deepest sadness,” Leo says. “Not anymore.”
I shrug. “Even so, you don’t have to put up with jokes like that. You just let them treat you so horrible.”
I know I’m overstepping. I shouldn’t be pushing Leo’s buttons right now or forcing him to analyze the fraught dynamics of his friend group, but I want him to know his worth. I want him to know he deserves to be treated better.
“I guess I got used to just ignoring them,” Leo says. “I figured they would get bored and stop, but they never did, so I had to keep ignoring it.”
I nod and give him a sympathetic smile. “And, you’ve all been friends for so long, you just got used to it.”
Leo places his palm flat on the table and grins. “Well, Ross will definitely ease up. How did you know to mock him about his sex life? That was like his Krytonite.”
“Oh, I know the type,” I say.
Leo starts to fold his napkin up into smaller and smaller squares. I’ve noticed he is like this. Whenever he has nothing to do, his hands automatically strive to neaten things up. He even lined up his shoes in the hotel room and straightened up the pillows.
“Do you also have lame friends, or is it just me?” Leo cocks his head. The question was in a joking tone, but he’s also being earnest, I can tell.
“I have amazing friends,” I say. “But it took me awhile to find them. I’ve had my fair share of toxic friends as well.”
“Yeah?”
“Everyone in the performing world has either personality problems or ego problems,” I say. “Or both. There’s a lot of competition and manipulation.”
“Not you,” Leo says.
“Huh?”
“You don’t have a personality problem or an ego problem,” Leo says.
My entire body goes warm at the compliment. He’s not saying to be cheesy or sappy. He’s just stating it as if it’s fact, and I think that’s why it sends such a thrill through me.
“You don’t know me very well,” I murmur. “Maybe, my issues just haven’t come to light yet.”
Leo shrugs. “I think I’ve gotten to know you pretty well.”
I realize he’s right. Between all our emails and plotting and the bridal shower and this, we’ve spent a fair amount of intense time together. All of a sudden, I feel a desperate need to be honest with him. I want to call a spade a spade.
“A good personality does not make the perfect woman,” I say. “Or at least that’s what you believe, right? Your ideal girlfriend has a good personality plus an amazing career and an education and a classy wardrobe.”
I try to keep my tone even, but a note of bitterness creeps into my voice. I can’t help it. Leo’s stupid list of all the traits of his ideal girlfriend has been haunting me for weeks. Every time he looks at me in a certain way, as if he almost admires me, I remember that list. Every second he was beaming at Abby, I was thinking of that list. Long after this weekend is in the past, I will probably still get nightmares about his list.
Leo is quiet for a long time. Then he looks at me, his face a mask of perfect composure, and nods. “Yes, I suppose. You just make it sound so calculating.”
I want to lash out and say something utterly devastating, but I can’t. I won’t fault him for being honest about how he feels and what he’s looking for in a life partner. And truly, I really hope he finds that someday.
As for me, I need to figure out what the hell I’m looking for first. Then I guess I hope I find it too. Although right now, I’m too busy obsessing over Leo.
I feel like I did back in middle school, when I had my first crush. Damian Lenitz was the most handsome boy in the eighth grade as far as I was concerned. I used to write his name in my notebook and giggle with my friends in the cafeteria and all that other stuff. But then he started dating another girl, and because I’m a melodramatic romantic at heart, I took it hard. I went sobbing to my friends. “Why doesn’t he like me?” I kept asking. “What’s wrong with me?”
Now, all these years later, I want to ask the same question: Why doesn’t Leo like me? Why am I not good enough for him? I’ve been good enough for plenty of people. In fact, I’ve been too good for most of the guys I’ve dated. But not Leo. I’m too creative and impulsive to ever live up to his expectations. The crazy thing is, I don’t even want to be that perfect woman he so desperately craves. She sounds great, but so not me. I wouldn’t be happy if I was that woman.
It’s a hopeless case. Anyone can see that. So I give him a cheerful smile. “No, you’re not calculating. And, I really hope you find what you’re looking for. And get better friends.”
Leo chuckles. “They’re not all that bad. Jacob’s great, and he and Mel have never teased me like the others, they’ve just made concerned comments about how they’re so happy and perfect.”
“Oh, I’m familiar with those,” I say. “Well-intentioned friends who just want you to be as fulfilled as they are and settle down already.”
Leo nods and laughs. We’re back on familiar ground. I’m making him laugh. He’s relaxed, and we’re having a nice conversation. If only the rest of the weekend can continue like this, just us two, in our own little bubble.
Then, out of the corner of my eye, I catch sight of someone that makes my heart sink. It’s Vince, and he’s making a beeline straight
towards us.
I beg the universe to send him away. Doesn’t he know anyone else at this wedding? Isn’t there someone else he can disrupt with his flirtatious energy?
He doesn’t swerve.
I’m almost positive that Vince is not as great and harmless as I originally thought him to be. He’s been relentless in his flirtation with me, and it didn’t escape my notice that Leo said Jacob was a good friend, but didn’t mention Vince. For all I know, Vince could be as bad as Ross, he just hides his nastiness better.
“Hey, Marianne!” Vince flashes that charming smile, and I resist the urge to roll my eyes. He’s not even bothering to greet Leo. “You enjoy those toasts? I was kinda hoping you would get up and sing.”
I give him a polite smile. “I’m not that tipsy yet.”
It’s a joke, but my voice is stilted. I can’t even be a good actress, I’m so annoyed at Vince. He interrupted a nice moment between me and Leo. Already, Leo is stiffening up again, and his jaw is clenched tight.
“Maybe tomorrow then,” Vince says. “Seriously, I’m not letting you go until I’ve heard your voice again.”
Leo jolts to his feet. “We have to go, sorry Vince.”
I give him a stunned look but rise up. I’ve never seen Leo be this obviously upset. As soon as I’m standing, Leo grabs my hand in a firm grip and starts tugging me out of the room and towards the empty lobby of the inn. I don’t resist, but I cast one last look at Vince. He’s sitting still at the table, a thoughtful expression on his face. He doesn’t look mad or shocked, just curious. As if Leo and I are a riddle he’s trying to figure out.
As Leo drags me into the lobby, I focus on him. There’s no way I’m taking the blame for this. I’ll own up to my mistakes earlier this afternoon, and I’ll admit I gave Vince encouragement, but he’s the one who continues to come on to me even when I’m not as much into it.
“Look, that wasn’t on me –”
“What’s going on between you and Vince?” Leo snaps. “If he knows about our deal or you two have some sort of arrangement, just tell me now.”
“What?”
“I’m not messing around, Marianne, just tell me.”
“Leo, there’s nothing going on between me and Vince,” I say. “I honestly think he’s just flirting with me to bug you.”
“He knows you’re an actress,” Leo says. “Did he guess the whole thing and now you two are in cahoots to humiliate me?”
Leo crosses his arms and glares at me. I can only stare back open-mouthed. Leo is more paranoid than I could have imagined.
“No,” I say at last. “I’ve never talked or communicated with him besides the times in front of you.”
Leo takes a step towards me. He’s tall and glaring, but I don’t back down. He needs to believe me. If he accuses me of being a liar, I’m going to lose it. So I meet his gaze and stand tall, even when he gets so close I can smell his cologne.
“Look, I only flirted with him earlier because I thought you were using me to pursue Abby, and you just hadn’t told me,” I say.
Leo flinches. “Stop bringing up Abby.”
“Well, I have to bring her up to explain myself,” I say. “But clearly Vince is playing some other game, and I’m trying to discourage him without making a scene, but you’re the one who gets all angsty and stern and stiff every time he comes near.”
“How am I supposed to act?” Leo snaps, his voice heavy with sarcasm. “Please enlighten me since you seem to know the exact behavior for every social situation.”
“Leo, you’re the one who won’t say what you want.” This time I’m the one who takes a step forward, my face flushing with anger. Why does he have to keep fighting with me? Why can’t he just tell me he wants Abby and spare us both? “Just tell your friends to stop treating you like garbage. Just admit that you have feelings for Abby, stop stifling up all your feelings and burying them under all your composure and poise!”
“If you mention her one more time –” Leo is so close I can feel his hot breath on my face, and I inhale sharply.
“Well, she’s part of this, and denying it isn’t going to help you.”
I take a breath to say more, but before I can speak, Leo closes the short distance between us and crushes his lips to mine.
22
His kiss is firm and demanding, and it steals the breath right out of my lungs. He presses his lips hard against mine, and his hands hold my waist in a vice like grip.
He lifts his head and I meet his searing gaze. I’m utterly speechless. Has a guest wandered into the lobby? Is this still part of the act?
Then Leo speaks. “I don’t want her, I want you.”
My own eyes fill with lust and longing. Because I want him too. I don’t want to think about it or analyze it. I just want to act. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him hard. I cling to him as if the wedding and all the other guests don’t exist. As if it’s just him and me. A man and a woman with no context. The context makes it too confusing. I don’t want the context right now.
Leo flicks his tongue between my lips, and my entire body melts against his chest. Everything I’ve been trying not to remember about the first night we slept together rushes back into my mind. How good he made me feel. How much I want to feel that way again.
I pull away before I start to tear at his clothes right there in the lobby. That would sell our whole fake relationship act, but I want him all to myself.
“Take me back to the room?” I ask.
Leo doesn’t need to be asked twice. He grips my hand and pulls me towards the stairs, and I have to run a little to keep up with his long stride.
I giggle in anticipation as we reach the first landing, and Leo whirls and presses me against the wall so he can kiss me again. His lips plunder mine as his hands roam over my hips and up to rest just below my heaving breasts.
He pulls away from my lips to place a kiss on my neck, just below my ear. “When you laugh, it makes me want to kiss you. Makes me have to kiss you.”
My stomach drops, and my heart starts pounding. I’ve been with guys who are writers and poets. I’ve had guys sing songs about me. But none of them ever made me feel the way Leo makes me feel with just a few simple sentences.
He grabs my hand again, and we race up the stairs. By the time we stumble into the hotel room, we’re breathless. The door clicks shut behind me, and I smile. Now it’s just us. No distractions. No one to disrupt our balance.
Leo’s arms are around me in an instant. He pulls me close against his chest, and I run my hands over his shoulders to get a better grip as he kisses me over and over. He drinks me in as if he’s been longing to do this for days. I hope he has. I’ve certainly been desperate to kiss him like this, even if I denied it as hard as I could.
Leo’s firm hands move to my bottom and he squeezes while rocking his hips against mine. Even through the dress and his pants, I can feel his hardness. I know I’m wet already for him. If I’m being honest, I started to get wet back when we were just holding hands under the table.
With perfect coordination, Leo spins me around and sweeps my hair to the side so he can kiss the nape of my neck. My dress dips low in the back, and he flutters his mouth down my bare skin until he reaches the top of the zipper. I stand still, savoring the feel of his touch as he grips the zipper and slowly pulls it down.
The dress falls to the ground, and I step out of it and turn to him in just my black bra and panties.
Leo’s eyes graze my body, and a smile tugs at his lips as he meets my gaze. We both want this. I don’t know if he wants anything else besides sex from me, and I’m still confused about how strong my feelings for him are, but for now, we can only act on our instincts.
I skim my hands up his flat stomach and hard chest, and I begin to undo his buttons, kissing and nuzzling at his neck as a I do, his prickly stubble creating a tickling sensation against my cheek.
His hands move over my bare skin, and when he begins to massage my hips and then my butt, he sets my ent
ire body aflame. I let out a sigh and press closer to him as I push his shirt off. It falls to the floor in a gentle swoosh of fabric, and I begin to float kisses over his chest.
Leo groans and places one finger beneath my chin. He tips my head back so he can look down at me. For a moment we hold eye contact, and we both feel the strength of our desires.
Then Leo scoops me up and carries me towards the bed, my legs dangling over his arms. I laugh as he tosses me down and kneels on the bed next to me.
We’re more playful than last time. We understand and know each other better. It feels looser and more free. Not just a hook-up. Not anymore.
I prop myself up on my elbows and hook my finger in his belt, pulling him closer. He holds himself above me, and I admire the curve of his arm muscles.
“God, you’re so beautiful,” Leo whispers.
There it is again. A simple statement, free of any poetry or dramatics, and yet it undoes me. I grip his neck and pull his mouth to mine. He situates himself between my legs, and I instantly wrap my thighs around his hips.
Leo sinks against me, and I relish the way his bare skin feels. Once again, Leo proves that he knows what he’s doing as he begins to play with my breasts over the bra. He teases and kneads until I’m practically humming with satisfaction, and only then does he unclasp the bra and begin to suck on one nipple.
I lift up my hips and grind against his erection. As he continues to pay lavish attention to my breasts, I undo his belt and shove his pants down until his cock is free. Then I grip it and start to stroke, my own body crying out to have all of him as soon as possible.
Leo moans in pleasure and slides one hand lower until his fingers slide between my thighs. I’m slick and ready for him as he strokes the area around my clit. I gasp as he gets near and then pulls his fingers away.
“Leo,” I moan. “Please.”
He lifts his head, and I see his smile. He’s teasing me. I grin right back as I hitch my hips so that my clit rubs his finger. I know how to get what I want in bed, and he is clearly into it. He slides one finger into me and keeps his hand steady as I ride him, sensations of ecstacy unfurling from my core.