Carpenter's Gothic

by William Gaddis

  She came in to set the glass down before him. — I put in more whisky too, I thought…

  — Good yes, almost done listen. Following the formal ceremonies, Reverend Ude ambled among the throng in the neighborly manner that has gained him so many devoted adherents, comparing the quantities of fried chicken being shared and enjoyed on all sides to the miracle of the loaves and fishes. Among the day's most active participants was Pearly Gates, his deep inspiring baritone voice well known to Reverend Ude's radio listeners everywhere, the Good Conduct medal gleaming on his broad chest as his motorized wheelchair, a recent gift of the Christian Recovery Bible Mission School, whisked him deftly among the assembled mourners with a cheerful word of faith and hope for young and old alike. Unable to attend the services was the boy's father, Earl Fickert, who currently resides in Mississippi where he is engaged in the automobile business, really gets the whole picture across doesn't she?

  — Doesn't who…

  — This writer Liz, right here. Doris Chin. Best they've got, ends up, listening? Elsewhere, in a sombre footnote to the day's activities, a light rain fell on an unmarked plot in the county cemetery where, in a silence marred only by the shovels of three inmates from the county jail, the remains of an elderly drifter, his name known only to his maker Liz what are you doing, wandering around the God damn room I'm trying to read something to you.

  — Nothing… she turned from the window — I just thought, I mean if your car…

  — All right you read it, here… He was up thrusting the page at her, — foot of the column right there at the end, want to see what it sounds like then you read it. He got by her to push open the door under the stairs, — go ahead I can hear you…

  She sat down to it. — Three people were killed and fourteen injured here late this evening when a school bus went out of control and plunged into a ravine on route one eleven, according to state police. The passengers, all students at the nearby Christian Recovery Bible Mission School, owners of the bus, were among the last of a crowd estimated by authorities at over five hundred who had attended prayer services following the funeral of…

  — What the hell is that! The toilet seat banged down behind him — here give me it, where is it…

  — Here, right where you…

  — Well Christ. He pulled up his belt, — didn't see it there, tucked it down in the corner where you don't even see it, look. Says he couldn't be reached for comment, preparing for a speaking engagement in Texas Reverend Ude was in seclusion seeking spiritual guidance, according to a spokesman… The paper went down in a heap, — see him get out of this one, just got their indoor plumbing paid for now he'll have the whole God damn state highway safety commission in there on these broken down school buses… He'd seized the empty glass and sat down, — all the pieces falling into place suddenly the whole God damn what are you doing!

  — Just, I thought I'd get you another drink.

  — Drink all you think s I want a drink! He wrenched the glass down hard on the coffee table. — Get something to, thought you're getting me something to eat I better get something to eat, food they give you on these God damn planes where you going…

  — There's some chicken, some cold chicken if you want it with, I'll get it… She was already in the kitchen, — Paul? It's somebody calling about the flights from LaGuardia, it's the weather they canceled your flight, they… what? hello…? Paul? They want to know if you want a place on a helicopter from LaGuardia to Newark, Paul…? He was drumming his fingers on the chair arm. — Do you…

  — I heard you!

  — Do you want them to hold…

  — I said no! his voice gone hoarse, hand suddenly gripping tight to the arm as though it were the chair itself lurching abruptly, dropping away from under him, the tendons standing out hard under the bursting course of the veins — can't, can't do that… sinking back, raising both hands in the air, looking up at them as the veins subsided, and they came down and he reached out to seize something, anything, Natural History magazine staring fixed at its cover. — Looks like my God damn crew chief. Liz…? He dropped it face down, reached for Town & Country — where'd these magazines come from? turning it about for the address label, — bring magazines home from the doctor's waiting room why the hell do you take Town & Country? why don't you bring home Time and Newsweek? Read about something real not a lot of, this the doctor you just saw? Kissinger?

  — I can't hear you Paul, I'll be in in a minute.

  — This your famous Doctor Kissinger? What are you seeing him for he's a proctologist, got asthma why the hell are you seeing a proctologist.

  — Paul? Do you want mayonnaise?

  — Why do I want mayonnaise! He had his glass in one hand, swept up the newspaper with the other coming through to the kitchen — picture in the paper here he, what are you doing.

  — I just sliced this chicken, do you…

  — Told you I'd eat on the plane look, this the same Kissinger? Picture here on his way to operate on some sheikh what are you seeing him for.

  — He's a consultant Paul, the one I tried to see last week Jack Orsini sent me to, he's supposed to be the best diagnost…

  — Here it is look, picture of him with the Ogodai Shah and his wife Christ take a look at her, Empress Shajar looks like a high class belly dancer, ugly old bastard isn't he? Says Kissinger's in there to do a colostomy on him probably bill him for a cool million, what's he charging you?

  — I don't…

  — Probably had his bill in the mail before you got out the door, did you sign an insurance form? Get this insurance straightened out Liz, got to get this God damn medical insurance straightened out before we, that the door? My car look, I'll try to call you from… he broke off. He just stood there. She was into the room behind him before he managed — You don't even bother to knock?

  — Hey, Bibb… came past him without a glance, without a word for him into the brief flurry of her embrace.

  — What a beautiful suit she said, stepping back her arm's length. It was a glen plaid, cut long at the vent. — Paul… her hand still on the sleeve, her other out as though she'd just introduced them — Paul's just going to the airport, we thought it was his car.

  — You look good Bibbs.

  — Told you let's try to keep this God damn door locked Liz… he was over forcing it closed, swollen with dampness against the doorframe, looking out where the streetlight glinted on a dark car pulled up still against the hedge beyond the corner. He stood there tapping a foot, his back to their voices in the kitchen till a shock of laughter, her laughter brought him round — Liz? his voice sharp as his step — look, if McFardle calls in the morning tell him to tell the senator…

  — With a B, and a U…

  — Paul I'm sorry, what is it?

  — Nothing! He was over filling his drink, — finish your jokes.

  — No it's nothing, he was just telling me about Sheila running down the aisle at Saint Bartholomew's in a sweater with a big letter B on it shouting today is Buddha's birthday, let's hear it for Buddha, with a…

  — B? and a U? The bottleneck came pressed down hard on the glass, — says he's a God damn Buddhist can't even spell it? It's crap anyway that story, I saw it in the paper. What's he doing here, the usual? stops in to piss on the floor and borrow some money?

  — Give you good karma, Paul. Doing you a favour, ask you for ten bucks I give you the chance to do a kind deed, earn yourself a little good karma man you're going to need it.

  — See that Liz? doing me a favour? Like fixing my car he God damn near got me killed look Billy, take your karma and shove it. He raised the glass and brought it down, as he did so following down the draped ease of glen plaid lounged before him. — What's the new suit. A little good karma for Adolph? squeeze some more money out of Adolph?

  — Oh, man… the glen plaid shifted wearily. — What is it with him anyhow, Bibb? Her hand lay still across her forehead sheltering her eyes, and did not move. — Look man… the folds shifted again, —
I didn't get a fucking nickel out of Adolph. What I got out of Adolph is you trying to take over Longview, turn it into some media center for your redneck evangelist.

  — You see that Liz? see that? Same thing, jump to conclusions same God damn thing look, they're selling Longview to get it off the books before this lawsuit comes up, ever hear of it? Twenty three stockholders' suits consolidated into one thirty four million dollar suit against VCR and your old man's estate ever hear of it? Grimes Sneddiger all your old man's buddies signed up with these Belgians moving in on VCR, they'll sit up there and perjure themselves blind before they'll hand over thirty four million to these God damn stockholders. How the hell did they think we did business there anyhow.

  — You tell them, Paul. You carried the bag.

  — There. See that Liz? Who was out doing the work while he was smashing up cars and screwing anything with legs, walks in here in a four hundred dollar suit and wants to borrow ten dollars reminds me, wait. Anything in the till there Liz I just need carfare get out to the airport, take this check down to the bank in the morning see if they'll cash it.

  — Well I, I'm not sure Paul I…

  — How much is it Bibb?

  — It's a hundred dollars but it's a little bank somewhere down in the…

  — Not a God damn thing wrong with it probably just take it a few more days to clear than…

  — Give you seventy five for it, Paul.

  — What?

  — I'll give you seventy five bucks for it.

  — What do you mean sev, it's a hundred dollars a check for a hundred dollars what do you mean seventy five.

  — Cash. I mean look at it man, the Pee Dee Citizens Bank? And I mean look at that signature, Billye Fickert? Who's that, some moonshiner you picked up?

  — Billy please, if you can really cash it couldn't you just…

  — No come on Bibb, I mean Paul's the smart operator isn't he? Knows all about discounting commercial paper doesn't he? A roll of bills had surfaced from somewhere deep in the folds of grey, come up tight in a fist on the table — moving into the big time here, he's got a friend at the Pee Dee Cit…

  — Shut him up Liz look, something important before my car comes, I think I hear it. If I get a call on this book advance, didn't get a chance to talk to you about it an advance on a book this publisher's interested in, just tell him you think I'm thinking in terms of twenty thousand leave a little room to move in, there's the car I'll try to…

  — But what about your flight? She was up, — will they take you to…

  — I'll get there.

  — Make it eighty Paul… He had the roll of bills tight in his hand, — I mean look at this big favour you're doing me taking it. You're giving me this chance to do this good deed man, I mean look at this great fucking karma you're giving me.

  — God damn it Liz will you, look Billy take your God damn karma and shove it, shave your head give you a red blanket stand you out on Tu Do street with a God damn bowl you ever seen a monk barbecue? Know one God damn thing about karma you'll come back as…

  — Billy give it to him! Cash it all of it! just, just give it to him! And two fifties came casually from the heart of the roll of bills tossed on the table where she swept them up, coming after him to the door. — And Paul? She pressed the bills in his hand there — I didn't, those flowers to Cettie I didn't thank you…

  — Keep the door locked.

  — And Paul…? But he was already pulling it tight behind him against the burst of headlights, the car door slammed and she watched the red glows down the darkness before she turned. — Why do you do that? She was still at the door, her back against the door. — Why do you have to do things like that.

  — Like what. I mean he didn't even sign it, grabs the money and runs he didn't even endorse it, what good is it… He crumpled the check into a wad and tossed it at the trash. — You need any cash?

  — No. Just if, that twenty you borrowed, if…

  — Here… he thrust a thumb into the roll of bills and dropped one on the table without looking at it. — Where's he going anyhow. He runs out of here didn't even have carfare, I mean he's crazy Bibbs. He's crazy.

  — Washington, she said, and pushed the plate to him, — do you want this chicken?

  — And like what was all that when I called you earlier, I'm teddibly sorry senator I mean you sounded like Edie's old Aunt Lea. We do want to get down to Montego Bay but Paul's so teddibly busy and then he stamps in here with if Mcsomebody calls tell the senator some kind of bullshit, what's all that.

  — It was nothing she said, sitting down — just, nothing.

  — Then you hung up. I mean he's getting you as crazy as he is, you think he's going to take you to Montego Bay? He couldn't take you to Atlantic City, I mean this last minute bullshit about some book advance. He's going to write a book? He can't do anything Bibb he's never finished a fucking thing, his big resort deal they pulled right out from under him? Then all you hear about's this big movie he's going to make about Marco Polo with some more of your money and when the money's gone you never heard about it again. I mean how can you live with this bullshit.

  — It's just, I don't know. Something happens…

  — I mean that's what I'm saying, not a fucking thing happens! He walks in the door and…

  — No I mean it's, nothing happens till he walks in the door, I don't know what it is, as long as something's unfinished you feel alive it's as though, I mean maybe it's just being afraid nothing will happen…

  — How can anything happen! That's why he's got you locked up here, he's scared shitless some old friend will find you he's scared something will happen, he can't finish anything because he's scared shitless of finishing anything why don't you pack up. Pack a bag and get out of here Bibbs, listen. I'm going to California I'll wait for you. Tonight, pack a bag and I'll wait for you.

  — I, I can't.

  — Why not why can't you. Leave him a note tell him you just have to clear some of this bullshit out of your head, this broken down house the whole wet gloomy everything dying out there in the sun, get a look at it. Why can't you.

  — Because I, it wouldn't be fair…

  — Fair? Oh man, to him? I mean when was he ever fucking fair to anybody, this same bullshit Bibbs it's this same bullshit. He married you for money and makes you feel guilty for having it so he blows it, the worse things get the more he piles on the guilt he's got your mind so bent nothing happens till he comes in the door? I mean who else comes in the fucking door.

  She was staring at the benign face of Benjamin Franklin on the bill there on the table before her as though to catch his eye. — No one, she said, — no one.

  — You know Bibbs? He was standing there leaning against the doorframe, — like I've always wondered. I mean how you'd always find somebody that's just not as good as you are? I mean like that Arnold? and that guy from Florida that's going to be this great actor and the old man threw him out of the house? I mean it goes way back, like playing doctor with that little prick Bobbie Steyner they said only had one ball? where he got you down in the boathouse and tried to get your pants down?

  — No, no Billy honestly…

  — No I mean no shit Bibbs. These real inferior types I mean this real instinct, like you were always this beautiful girl with red hair and this real pale white skin and these great high cheekbones and this whole like, like something vulnerable where they want to get in there to protect you and waste you all at the same time? and like they're the only ones you'd ever let in? where he's pulling your pants down and you still think you've got the upper hand? Like I mean it goes all the way back where you practiced on me when I was like three, when you put that little yellow fucking doll's dress on me in that toy crib and you were the mommy or you wouldn't play with me? No I mean don't laugh Bibbs… But she wasn't, it was a sound choked off somewhere between that and loss — where if I didn't answer when you called me Jennifer you wouldn't even talk to me? He'd turned away looking into the living room,
cracking his knuckles behind him, filling the doorway.

  — But it was, Billy don't you see it was how it all started, because you were the only…

  — Man I know how it fucking started! I mean that time at the table when I threw some applesauce and the old man grabbed me and put my plate on the floor in the corner, if you want to behave like a dog you can eat like a dog does, I mean I was his dog till he got his own fucking dogs. I mean you don't ever fucking forget that. All his big crazy ideas where he's this advisor to presidents, this master of corporate strategy, master of this far flung mining empire master of bullshit all he ever did was push people around and let somebody else pick up the pieces. He bullied anybody that got near him like he bullied us, like he bullied mother like he bullied you till you'd do anything to get out, so you did what you always did. You find this inferior person, you know he's fucking inferior and you've married the same thing you tried to get away from. Like why do you think the old man took Paul on in the first place, because he'd found somebody just as fucking inferior as he was, the only difference the old man was smart and like I don't mean intelligent, I mean there's a big fucking difference. Like where Paul first showed up talking about he's this big wounded hero with…

  — Billy why, why! and he doesn't talk about it, he's never talked about it he won't even…

  — Then who talked about it, I mean who told the old man how he's sleeping in this Bachelor Officer Quarters when these VC sappers break in there and blow him up with a mortar round, you think he made that up? and like where he's got this Bronze Star with clusters going into combat with these real bright ribbons sewed on his camouflage jacket and his fucking one gold bar it's supposed to be dulled and he wouldn't dull it? Like he's going to show them, I mean he's got this platoon they're under strength like two thirds of them black from Detroit and Cleveland I mean they don't give shit for being a hero but he's going to show them. He sets himself up this perfect target and he's setting up the whole fucking platoon I mean it's the old man Bibbs, where he always had to be the big deal at the expense of everybody under him. I mean did you ever tell him what Paul told you his own father said when he went in? his fucking own father? that he was God damn lucky he was going in as an officer because he wasn't good enough to be an enlisted man? From a pocket somewhere he came up with a crushed cigarette and stood there lighting it, spitting out smoke — I mean how Paul could ever have told you that, how he could even have told you…