The Question Is

by Kenna Shaw Reed

  All his friends at the table used to be their friends. Couples they went out, camped and grew up with. After she broke his heart they stood by and supported him. Now watching for his response to Grace, his Grace coming back to town.

  As his arms closed around her, there was a collective sigh of relief. Of course, Seth and Grace were once the perfect couple, now they would be the perfect ex-couple, able to chat about careers and new loves – putting their past on hold.

  As he held on a moment too long, he saw an attractive, petite brunette glaring at them from across the room.

  The girlfriend?

  Their eyes met, and he smiled at the brunette knowing two things. One, every single feeling about Grace he tried to push aside – was only magnified by her absence in his life. Two, the girlfriend knew he was now competition.

  Seth felt Grace’s arms tighten around him as he whispered in her ear, “Welcome home, Princess Grace, welcome home.”

  Grace

  Her old nickname – always his princess. After they started dating, he printed out a photo of the real Princess Grace and stuck it to her locker. While his mates teased him, her friends wished their boyfriends were as adoring. In any case, the name stuck.

  That was back when he was still her Prince Charming – a long time ago – a life time ago.

  “Hey, yourself, love the warm welcome.” He left one arm around her, shepherding her to the spare seat next to him at the table. One spare seat, no room for partners. A quick look for the missing Sienna before she held the back of the chair, undecided.

  “Sit, join us,” she relaxed, grateful he didn’t make the reunion awkward, within minutes laughing with their old friends at old jokes as jugs of beer and bottles of wine filled the table.

  Conversations that started a lifetime ago became reignited as did friendships. Pangs of guilt at being away for so long pushed aside as Grace realized how much she missed her old team mates – girls she travelled away from home with, crammed together in a hotel to save money, who lived every teenage angst involving parents or Seth. Girls who held her hair back as she suffered from her first hang over.

  Now they were the same women reminding her that once she couldn’t hold her liquor. “Seth, remember how cheaply Grace got drunk. One glass and she would be dancing on tables.”

  Grace toasted to the memories. Yes, she had been the wild one – and the stable one. She always had Seth to look after her and then go home with. She danced on tables – many tables – always to jump into his waiting arms. She drunk too much in many a night club – only for the same man to escort her home before curfew and deal with her parents.

  Now, it seemed that the people who she spent a lifetime growing up with totally forgot their own misadventures – deciding their amusement for the night was Grace and rehashing every memory.

  Sienna should have been by her side. If she only dropped the jealousy act, Sienna would enjoy getting to know her through the eyes of her oldest friends.

  Sienna, the disappearing girlfriend. Clearly, the fight that started in the drive to the reunion was not over. Not over by a long shot.

  Sienna

  Babies and marriage. Sienna could almost hear the crescendo of cluckiness in Grace’s heart. All those people swarming around Grace, showing her their phones. Probably filled with photos of weddings and babies. All the things that Grace so desperately wanted and Sienna had no intention of ever giving her.

  She warned Grace – the classic ice breaker for people who wanted to reacquaint would be to talk about their recent achievements. And for some of this batch, based on the conversations of partners who were also hiding up the back of the room with her, it was marriage and babies with the odd career thrown in.

  Grace should be bored by now. Grace should be looking for her, apologizing that this was a bad idea and they should be going back to her room and making love. Sienna moved to the side, ignoring the fat guy trying to interest her in a pop-up restaurant he and his wife set up while busy with young twins. She need to see Grace beyond all the laughing and joking at the table. She needed to catch Grace’s eye and motion to the door.

  Instead, she saw the body language. They had moved from the hard chairs to the lounge area where more people joined them. Grace, lying back on the couch sandwiched between her ex-boyfriend – the one of the long hug – and a gorgeous petite blonde. The blonde version of Sienna! The girl’s hand on Grace’s arm, touching it ever so often as they shared joke after joke. Seth’s arm around Grace. It wasn’t anything obviously wrong – except it was. An ex should keep a respectful distance.

  Especially when the table is sharing photos and laughter. Especially when the ex-girlfriend hasn’t introduced her new girlfriend and when the new girlfriend doesn’t know anyone. Doesn’t share any of the memories.

  Agghhhhh.

  Rage burned. Grace should have pushed him away after the hug. Sat at a different table. At least sat at the other end of the same table.

  She promised! Sienna tried to force her to promise only for them to have another fight.

  Sienna hated the out of control feelings of jealousy. In five years, Grace never gave any reason for the green-eyed monster. Yet, here she was. Consumed by conflicting urges. To run away or to go over and passionately reclaim her girl.

  How would Grace respond if she walked over, pushed Seth out of the way and with a softness out of proportion to the violence she felt, gently kiss those beautiful red lips. Small bites that she knew would drive Grace wild, and almost invisible to the crowd.

  Still trying to decide what to do, Sienna strained to catch Grace’s eye through the bodies. When she did and motioned for them to leave, Grace misunderstood. Instead of getting up, Grace shrugged, nodded and blew her a kiss. Grace expected and even accepted she would head off now and alone.

  Only meters separated them yet they were now worlds apart.

  “So, you never told me, which guy is yours?” the fat man finally stopped talking about himself and turned the conversation to her.

  “Oh, I’m with the girl over there – the one in the bright red dress.” Sienna bought it for Grace months ago, thinking Grace would wear it on a date night for two. Not a night like this. A body con, fitted dress seemingly made for Grace’s figure. It showed off every curve of her breasts, fitted down to her thighs before unleashing her legs, leaving Sienna with the difficult choice of where to look.

  Many times, the dress preceded a night of romance and passion as Sienna slowly peeled it from Grace. Kissing the skin as her package became unwrapped.

  Fuck. Why did Grace wear her dress tonight?

  The stranger followed her gaze and his eyes lit up, “So you two are …”

  “Yep, a couple since uni days.”

  “That’s, well, nice for you, excuse me,” at least when he left her standing alone, Sienna lost any reason to pretend she was having a wonderful time or to stay.

  Her girlfriend engrossed in another conversation and wouldn’t miss her. Not at all.

  Seth

  He watched the girlfriend try to convince Grace to leave, stiffening as he felt her adjust in her seat. No, she couldn’t leave yet! He wanted to count their time together in hours not minutes. Relaxing only when she straightened the short dress around her legs before blowing the kiss across the room.

  Once he outlasted the girlfriend, the night became theirs to enjoy. He was amongst friends, colleagues and former clients.

  One by one people came up to him, thanking him for building their dream home. Some he remembered, and others only vague recollections. It was humbling to see how much of an impact his homes played in so many lives.

  “Mate – you built the house my baby was born in!” Matt slurred, drunk either on parenthood or the booze. “Everyone,” he called out holding up his phone, “My little girl was born on the lounge room floor of the house Seth here designed and built for my bride and me!”

  Seth caught the look that passed over Grace’s face every time baby photos got handed around.
The first time, he blamed embarrassment about not being around more and not having done the whole hospital visits and flowers. Then after the third set of photos, he wondered whether there was more to it.

  With the girlfriend gone, he wanted to test how committed they really were. Once upon a time, Grace promised him a football team of children. Surely, she hadn’t changed that much.

  “So, Grace, what about you and Sienna. When will we get an invite to your wedding? Now it is legal, when are the two of you going to tie the knot and start producing babies.”

  Silence. Seth kept his face straight as he acknowledged the elephant in the room. While everyone else talked about their current lives, the only conversation about Grace was the Grace they used to know – not the Grace who came here on the arm of a gorgeous girl.

  No one else wanted to say anything. Only Seth had the right to ask those questions.

  Only Seth wanted to know if the Grace he loved was still inside the Grace at the table.

  Grace

  Damn him, she recoiled.

  Everything had been so good, she felt at home, accepted, even happy. And he had to go and spoil it all.

  Marriage and babies. Seth may as well have been in the car earlier on when, once again, Sienna made it very clear that her life didn’t need commitment – no – she didn’t want commitment. She didn’t want a mortgage, a house, a dog or a baby.

  Ever.

  She said the words. Very, very clearly.

  And she even challenged Grace to wonder why the need for everything she ever wanted was still so powerful.

  “Perhaps you don’t want life, with me. Maybe you don’t want to be known as a lesbian.”

  “Nothing is stopping us from having it all.”

  “Why should we do it, just because we can. Why can’t we take a step back and think about whether you really want these things because you want them or because you were conditioned to want them from birth.”

  “I want them, and I want you.”

  “Sometimes I wonder.”

  This argument, like each one that had gone before, finished as soon as they got to their room. The wonderful room that Sienna booked, overlooking the green mountains. Once again, when they made love, and for those brief moments, Grace allowed herself to drown in the love of this woman.

  But increasingly, when they left the bed, she wanted more. She wanted the two am feeds, she wanted the complaints about day care fees and the struggle to balance everything. She wanted a mortgage to chip away at every month.

  Now, Seth called her out on in.

  Damn him.

  “Well, what we have is still new and we are enjoying ourselves. Marriage isn’t for everyone.” Didn’t answer his question, even contained a little bit of truth. A successful deflection that triggered a round of gossip about affairs, separations and divorces.

  “Nicely done,” whispered Seth as he rubbed her back. Of course, he saw through her.

  Any further questions had to wait when the awards started.

  More names to attach to faces. Grace mentally listed everyone she wanted to catch up with before heading back to the city. She missed so much by staying away.

  Not surprising, Seth won for “Most Successful.” All night people came up and thanked him or wanted him to do work for them.

  “I feel like I’m sitting next to a rock star,” when he rejoined the table.

  “You can have my autograph any time – and you don’t need paper,” he teased.

  “Something to think about,” she whispered as the next award was introduced.

  “Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new award this evening. One that is not on the voting cards but introduced by popular demand.”

  As the voice of the MC droned on, Grace looked for a bottle that still had wine in it. Eventually this night would end, and she would be going home to Sienna. She wondered how her mother would react to un unexpected guest. No, that would only start more questions she wasn’t ready for. For the first time, she questioned whether loving Sienna was worth giving up all the people in this room and a future family. Wine. She needed more wine.

  “Not everyone can smash the mould and become someone we never thought. This person not only broke every assumption we had of her – she has come back amazing. I give you the ‘Person less likely to change’, and everyone’s Princess Grace!”

  “Gracie girl, that’s you,” Seth whispered in her ear and pushed her out of the seat to get up and claim her prize.

  A forced smile as she was handed not even an award but a wine glass with an engraved rainbow unicorn on the side. She wanted to throw it at someone’s head, was it a joke on her or for real? Cliché. Of course, every gay girl wants a unicorn.

  “Speech, speech, speech,” cried the drunken crowd. Grace sighed, she might as well give them what they want.

  “Thank you, I don’t know what to say,” looking around, seeing the love and friendship in the room. It wasn’t a joke. This award meant they accepted her no matter who was by her side. She played with the stem of the glass, knowing it would always remind her of this night.

  “I guess, I don’t think I’ve changed at all - or at least I haven’t changed more than a lot of you.” If she didn’t lighten the mood, tears would spoil the perfect moment.

  “For example, who would have picked that cheer leader Bea would marry the school computer whiz Troy? And what about Joe and Jo – couldn’t at least one of them go by their full name to stop confusing us, eh, Joanne and Joe. And if you want to look at real change, then look no further to my oldest friend, Seth.”

  Now Grace allowed the pride and love she would always fell for him to shine, “Most of you know my history with Seth, and I stand here before you and say that for many years he was my rock and the love of my life. That is to say, I thought I knew him. But nothing prepared me for the wildly successful businessman and philanthropist I see today.”

  Grace looked around the room. The award was no longer a joke on her – if ever meant that way, she turned it around.

  “What I’m trying to say, we are all growing up and finding our place in the world. We are all changing, and that’s working out well for most of us. So, please raise your glasses,” she had the crowd in the palm of her hand, “To us – may we never stay the same and never get old and boring.”

  Getting down from the stage, Grace moved through the crowd of high fives and hugs, “Well done,” “Great speech,” “Keep on changing, Grace you’ll never be boring.”

  Seth still held her spot on the couch for her. At his side where she had always been. Even though they both moved on with their lives, there was no place in this hall she would rather be.

  Seth

  No woman in the world could or would ever capture his mind, imagination and heart like Grace.

  Savoring every moment of the whole night spent together – okay, as part of a bigger group – but they were together. Her hair style may be different, but as she moved her head he recognized the same shampoo. Her clothes were sexier with the legs, oh her legs still tanned, long and firm and off limits to his fingers.

  Her smile, nervous at the beginning of the night, now large, relaxed and genuine.

  “Seth, buddy, don’t do it,” Joe pulled him aside as he ordered one last round of drinks at the bar.

  “Don’t you want another?” feigned innocence.

  “You know what I mean.”

  “I’m not doing anything.”

  “You are thinking about it and it’s a bad idea.” Joe took one of the trays and blocked his path. “She has a girlfriend.”

  “Who’s not here.”

  “Who she will go home to and even if you don’t remember what happened when she left you last time, Jo and I do.”

  “One night. Let me be by her side one last night. As friends.”

  “Your funeral. I’ll swing by tomorrow and watch you drown your sorrows.”

  Seth ignored the advice and followed Grace from group to group as they both caught up with old friends
. Cherishing the small window of being part of her world again. Memorizing every glance and word so he could replay in his mind forever. Tonight, was his happy place and he didn’t want it to end.

  “How are you doing?” Joe’s wife, Jo gave his arm a squeeze, “We’ve missed her too.”

  “Joe thinks I’m a fool.”

  “You are, but we love you for it,” they both glimpsed Grace before she was pulled into another rowdy group. “It’s like she never left. Still the life of the party.”

  “Nothing’s changed,” he wished he could stop loving her.

  “Last drinks, the bar closes in half an hour,” the call came too soon, and Seth flustered as couples started making their “good byes”. What if the night ended and he never saw her again.

  From across the room, she found his eyes. He remembered her biting her lower lip every time they had to leave a party early to meet curfew. Did she feel the same? Damn. He missed her for five years. He didn’t want to start missing her again.

  “Seth – you have the biggest place and no sleeping kids, how about we move this party to your place?” Saved by Jo. Joe warned him away from Grace, Jo gave him a way of keeping Grace close.

  He looked to Grace whose eyes were no longer giving anything away.

  “Great idea, are you up for it?” Matt slurred as others at the table looked to him to keep the party going.

  He wanted to agree, but what if she didn’t come with them? The last thing he wanted was to be alone in a house with people wanting to talk and party without her.

  “Of course he’s up for it,” Jo blew him a kiss, “Who’s coming to the bar to get some take-away bottles of drink?”

  The decision taken out of his hands, “We’d better order some pizzas – I don’t know what food is in the fridge.”

  “I’ll pick up some pizzas and meet you there,” he didn’t even recognize the voice.

  The only missing piece – for the party and in his life – was Grace.

  “So, are you ready for the night to end,” he approached her holding his breath for her answer.