The Question Is

by Kenna Shaw Reed

  “You are saving them, like Mr Compton saved you.” He beamed as her eyes filled with pride and understanding. “Oh, Seth – you were always going to be special, but to make this sort of difference.”

  “He asked,” he shrugged, nonchalantly. “What else could I do – these boys need someone to believe in them until they can believe in themselves. I help for as long as I am needed, and then I fall back to being a friend if they want to still hang out.”

  “How long have you been doing this?”

  “Since I left school. You left me, and I needed to do something to be needed,” he shrugged again. “I needed people who were in a worse place than me. These kids have given me the reason to succeed in business. I want to be able to offer them jobs or be someone who’s reference for a job would mean something to the business community.”

  “How many have you helped?”

  “I don’t keep count, probably twenty or so.”

  “Seth, it’s only been five years. You’ve done so much, I’ve wasted my life compared to you.”

  “Not at all, I want kids of my own but if I can’t find their mother, I will help other kids.”

  Grace

  The sun started to rise over the mountains as Grace took her turn at filling in Seth on her life. She loved the logic of finance, the power of looking for the story in the numbers and using that story for the benefit of her clients and firm.

  “Keep going, what do you do when you aren’t working,” she blushed and looked away.

  “Sienna does a lot of advocacy work, so either I help her out or if it has been a hard week, we’ll go away for the weekend either to the coast or to a winery.”

  He stiffened at Sienna’s name. She felt like a bitch, in the lap of her ex-boyfriend and now lover – talking about her partner.

  “Seth, I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you, but you can’t ask me about my life and not expect me to talk about her.”

  Grace watched as he closed his eyes, composing himself, “Seth, last night, this, means something to me too.”

  She caused the pained look in his eyes. Reality hit her. She never wanted to hurt Seth, and Sienna! Oh, no what was she going to tell Sienna.

  “Let me make you breakfast while you shower,” Seth’s tone changed from loving to business-like.

  It couldn’t end like this. Without thinking, Grace reached out, and pulled him to his feet, “Is your shower built for two?”

  It was and with unlimited hot water.

  They took their time, soaping each other’s bodies and Grace locked away every muscle, every freckle, every everything in her heart so her memories would last a lifetime.

  The way he touched her, the way her body responded to his touch. She held him between her legs, skin on skin alive with desire. Desire for Seth, the man. Seth, the beautiful person who made a difference for so many other people.

  She found his shampoo and washed his hair, enjoying the feel of his hair through her fingers, massaging his scalp as his eyes locked with hers. As the water ran clear, Seth’s hands found her breasts again, teasing and pulling gently at her nipples until she wanted Seth, all of Seth within her.

  As he took her once again, she felt the magic fill her, completing her. Without thinking, she scratched her nails down his back, wanting him to feel and remember her forever. She wanted him forever.

  His hands ensuring no part of her remained unloved, Seth kept a slow pace of gentle, loving, thrusts. Each driving within her more deeply than the last. Calling out his name, she wanted this moment to last a lifetime, never forcing her to face the future.

  Hungry for him, her mouth devoured his, tongue flickering around, teeth gently biting. She felt him build and tightened her grip around him, needing to have his release within her.

  The water running over them.

  The sun shining through the bathroom windows and the birds celebrating their reunion in song.

  They built to their own rhythm and when they came to a shuddering conclusion, Seth held her face, eyes intent on saying, “I still love you.”

  Seth

  Idiot!

  A mistake, too soon, their relationship too complicated.

  As soon as he said the words that were forever truthful but unnecessary, Seth wished the floor opened and swallowed him.

  Grace, to her credit, smiled and said, “Seth, please,”

  Escape the only answer. He quickly kissed her until her hesitation disappeared, then escaped from the shower, leaving her a clean towel before going back to the kitchen to cook her the promised breakfast.

  Eggs, she used to like them poached with soft yolks. He found mushrooms, fetta cheese and some English spinach at the back of the fridge. Was she vegetarian or would she eat bacon? He took a chance and cooked it all and found some sourdough bread for toast.

  When Grace emerged, she wore the red bodycon dress from the night before and high heels.

  “I’m too old for this walk of shame nonsense.”

  “Grace, what I said before, I meant it but I’m sorry I said it. The last thing I want to do is make you uncomfortable.”

  “Seth, last night, everything was …,” her smile brighter than the morning sun, “wonderful and I don’t regret a thing.” She hugged him, draping her arm around his neck and responded to his kisses.

  “Now,” between kisses, “I smelt this all through the house, what have you got for me?”

  “I’ve got anything you want,” he flirted, gently grinding against her.

  “Really? You haven’t had enough?” she teased in return and he relaxed, nothing ruined.

  “Of you, never, but this food – well what’s your fancy? Eggs, softly poached,” She squealed in delight, “mushrooms in herbs and butter, softened greens and bacon if you are so inclined,” Seth started serving.

  “Bacon! Can I be cheeky?”

  “That’s right, I forgot you can’t eat bacon without maple sauce.” Seth sighed with relief when he found a jar at the back of the cupboard.

  “If you would only try it, you would understand,” she thanked him with more kisses.

  “Princess, I’ll try almost anything you want me to, but I am not disrespecting the bacon with maple syrup.”

  Almost ten am. With nothing more to say, they snuggled together on the couch. The night had been perfect, exhausting and emotional, but perfect.

  “I need to go,” yet she didn’t move. He knew she was now thinking about what to tell her girlfriend about last night.

  The greatest act of love he could give her was to ignore his own feelings and make leaving easy. He loved her too much to make her feel guilty.

  She kept pulling at the dress, obviously worried about what it would look like leaving in last night’s clothes.

  “Jo lives nearby,” he thought of a reasonable excuse, “You stayed with Jo last night and she leant you clothes to wear today.”

  Grace stroked his face and he squeezed her. She must never know, he thought, how hard it would be to send her to another person’s bed. Her grateful look encouraged him.

  “They are our oldest friends,” he continued, “They won’t judge and to be honest, if they saw how I looked at you last night, they wouldn’t be surprised.”

  “I don’t want people to lie for me.”

  “Sweetheart, I’m not going to tell you again how I feel about you, but as wonderful as last night was, you don’t need to decide what it meant right now. I’ll call Jo and if she is okay, I’ll get her to drop off some clothes.”

  “No, if someone has to call her, I’ll do it.” When Grace left the room to make the call, the sun went behind clouds. Seth hoped it was not an ominous sign.

  Grace

  “Thanks for this,” Grace said as Seth closed the car door on her and she turned to Jo. She avoided any last look back. They said their “good byes,” while waiting for Jo and if she saw any look of love or pain in his eyes, she would fall apart and run back to his arms. To hell with the consequences.

  “Gracie,” Jo sooth
ed, “We’ll be at home in a minute, hold it together until he can’t see you.” Bless her, no judgement in Jo’s voice, only an understanding hand over hers.

  “I didn’t mean for it to happen,” the excuse sounded hollow even to her.

  “The two of you were on a crash course all night – anyone could see it.”

  “Anyone!” Grace freaked. What did Sienna see or think? How could she explain?

  “Your girlfriend left early, a lot of the partners did. I have to admit, once the old gang started reminiscing, the most understanding and patient of partners would have got sick of trying to understand who or what we were talking about,” Jo laughed. “I mean, we understand the joke about pancakes, but if you weren’t at the basketball game that night …”

  Now it was Grace’s turn to laugh, “I guess so. I never broke up with Seth because we fought or because I didn’t love him anymore. I thought it would be better for both of us to make a clean break.”

  “It worked for you. How long have you and your girlfriend been together?”

  “We became friends the first week of university and things happened.”

  Jo pulled into her driveway, avoiding a small tricycle and a stray soccer ball.

  “You have kids?” Grace asked wistfully.

  Jo nodded, “Only one now, but trying for number two is keeping us busy.”

  “Ouch, too much information!” Grace laughed.

  “What about you and Sienna? Marriage and babies in your future?”

  Grace stopped smiling, “That would be the question. I’d get married tomorrow and start the baby making process the day after if up to me alone.”

  “And your girlfriend?”

  “She doesn’t believe in commitment – and I guess after what I did last night – maybe she’s right.”

  ? ? ?

  Now, you are in control of Grace’s happily ever after.

  Is Grace guilty and desperate to hide the night from Sienna? Go to A night to forget

  Does one night awaken her feelings for Seth? Go to Forget me not

  A night to forget

  Grace

  “Here, try on anything from this basket. They are all clean and freshly ironed,” Jo snuck Grace upstairs to get changed before running into her son or Joe. “I’ll go down and fill Joe in.”

  “He’ll hate me.”

  “Seth was pretty messed up when you broke up with him last time. Joe will only be looking out for a friend. Take your time up here, I’ll put another pot of coffee on.”

  Grace collapsed on the side of the bed, ashen-faced and mortified at what she had done.

  It wasn’t only Sienna she betrayed. Her whole life was linked to her relationship with Sienna. They marched for equality, joined in the Mardi Gras parades, promoted the same sex marriage postal vote amongst local communities. She was “out” at work and even respected because of it. Even her mother had started, sometimes referring to Sienna as her “partner” rather than her “friend.”

  She had too much to throw it away on one night with an ex-boyfriend, as amazing as the night had been. She needed to shelve every touch, every kiss, every memory of him invading and possessing her body. Forever.

  Splashing more water on her face didn’t help. Nothing would wash away the memories or her guilt.

  None of Joanne’s clothes suited her or fitted her. Everything looked too “mumsy” or too “boring,” not that she could tell her old friend that. One benefit of never having children would be never needing sensible or comfortable clothes. The humor fell flat even in her own head.

  Eventually, she settled for a shirt and chamois jeans, opting for bare feet rather than the high heels she carried downstairs.

  “Hungry?” Joanne asked as they left the bedroom, dodging boy’s clothes and shoes in the hallway.

  “I guess so, but I don’t want to be any bother,” Grace heard Joe outside encouraging the small person to pedal faster.

  “Not at all, the boys will be hungry and ready for second breakfast. How about I put some coffee and toast on.” Perhaps it was her guilt, but now Jo seemed to avoid all eye contact as she busied herself in the kitchen.

  Joe came inside, calling out to his son, “Kyle, five minutes and you can come and clean up.”

  Grace prepared herself for judgement, instead he gave the cheekiest of smiles, “So, what was it like being back in the saddle with Seth again?”

  The color engulfed her cheeks down to her neck. No hiding her shame, she might as well own it, “As if I never left.”

  “Are you going to see him again?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “What do you mean, you don’t know?”

  “Okay, no. It was one night and didn’t mean a thing.” Lying to herself, but if she tried hard enough to forget, it could be the truth.

  “And now? What happens – you go back to your girlfriend and pretend none of this happened?” Now, his eyes glared at her in the judgement she expected.

  “Joe, leave her alone,” Joanne pleaded.

  “It’s fine, Jo, I’m a big girl and can take it – if there’s still coffee on offer,” she tried to lighten the mood and buy herself some time as Jo filled her cup.

  “You have no idea what he went through when you left last time,” Joe started again before Grace saw him stop almost mid sentence by his wife’s look which would tolerate no further argument.

  These were her oldest friends. She couldn’t lie to them and pretend it meant nothing, as long as they didn’t think one night changed everything.

  “Joe, I didn’t mean it. Being with Seth, well, he could never mean ‘nothing’ to me.”

  She pleaded for understanding, “I promise, I didn’t come here to hook up with Seth or hurt him. Right now, I’m trying to figure out how not to ruin my relationship with Sienna. We had a huge fight last night before we got to the reunion, she left early and then …” Grace shrugged and blushed again, “I can’t excuse what happened and I’m not going to tell you the details other than nothing changed between us.” She threw her head back, reveling for a moment in the memory of his Sethness.

  “Damn it, I have a life back home and whatever might have been with Seth, finished a long time ago. Despite what happened last night, all I want from him is friendship.” She stared back at Joe, wanting to believe her own words. “I never meant to hurt him – I wanted to set him free, so he could find someone else.”

  “Joe, don’t,” warned Joanne restraining Joe with her hand before he stormed outside to play with his son.

  “Grace, you weren’t here but I was serious before. Seth was in a bad way for a long time and we were the only people who he let in. We don’t want you to lead him on and for everything to happen again.”

  Damn the judgement! Grace exploded, “With all due respect, at the moment I am more worried about how I can explain things to Sienna. She must be worried sick by now.”

  “Let’s go then,” snapped Joanne grabbing her car keys and bag, walking to the front door without waiting for a response. Grace heard the car engine start.

  As Grace did up her seatbelt, she said, “He told me he still loved me.”

  “Oh.”

  “I can’t deal with that now. I know I never stopped loving him, but my life moved on and I’m different now. What Sienna and I have is different but works for us.”

  “What about last night, then?”

  “I’ll never regret last night, but it was only one night. I want a life time with Sienna.”

  Sienna

  Sienna splashed water over her face a she heard the key card jiggle in the hotel door. Luckily, she could still get away with a night of crying and no sleep without it showing on her face.

  The beautiful blonde walking in with her girlfriend was unexpected. So was a random hug from the stranger.

  “You must be Sienna, Grace hasn’t stopped talking about you – welcome to the family.” Sienna looked over to Grace who stood back, judging the temperature of the room. She’d deal with Grace later.r />
  “Hi, and you are?”

  “I’m Jo and I owe you an apology – Grace was going to call you and say that talking and drinking had gotten out of hand. But by the time we all went to bed, it was late, and I thought you would have been asleep and talked her out of calling. I hope you weren’t worried,” big, genuine, country smile.

  “Those aren’t your clothes,” Sienna tentatively pulled at Grace’s shirt until Grace finally met her eyes. A tentative kiss. Not enough of a sign that things were okay.

  “Damn it Sienna, I missed you,” the first words she heard and the same words she wanted.

  “I was worried, but assumed you had gone out somewhere after the party?”

  “Yeah, it was great to catch up with everyone, and I didn’t want the night to end. But I’m here now.” Sienna heard the catch in her voice – what was she hiding?

  “What about him,” the tightness in her throat as she remembered the look Seth gave her when he hugged Grace. “Tell me, was it good to catch up with him?”

  “Not now,” Sienna caught the glance between Jo and Grace – guilt or embarrassment.

  “Sienna, nice to meet you.” Jo interrupted, “You two clearly missed each other – I remember when Joe and I first got together - one night apart was one night too many.” A quick hug, “Grace, great to see you again and let’s do it again soon.”

  Barely two minutes after arriving, Jo left.

  “Babe, I’m so sorry about our fight.” Sienna stroked Graces face, looking for love and forgiveness.

  “It’s the same argument over and over again. If we don’t stop, it will do real damage.” Grace said forlornly.

  “I know, you look tired – let’s not get into it now.” Sienna tried to ignore her gut feeling. Something was wrong – Grace’s clothes smelt feminine, but she also smelt of a stronger cologne. No, Sienna shook off the thought as Grace went into the bedroom while she made them both a cup of tea. Grace stayed the night with friends and used their shampoo, soap and was wearing their clothes. Everything would be alright.