The Question Is

by Kenna Shaw Reed

  He smiled, remembering the simple things. The small insignificant moments that on their own didn’t mean anything but together meant the world. She still knew before he did that he wanted another coffee, so it magically appeared at his side, she also knew when to cut him off and switch him to soda water. He knew instinctively which crack in the pavement would cause her to trip, with his arm already out to steady her.

  Eating their lunch in the park, a mother chased after three small children, and they both sighed at the same time when one little boy dropped his lunch in the dirt and the mother immediately handed him her own. “I want that one day,” sighed Grace. He would do anything to give her the gift of motherhood. She deserved to have the unconditional love, then again, so did he.

  If only he saw friction or unhappiness between Grace and Sienna, but from the moments he spent with them, it was clear how much their relationship was based on true friendship and a warmth that tore him apart. The slight touches as they passed each other were natural and as much as he wanted to, he didn’t for a moment think it was show for his benefit. Sienna loved Grace – probably as much as he did.

  The question that kept him awake at night, watching her empty pillow on his bed, did Grace know who she really loved.

  Then, there was the kiss. He felt it build from the Friday night when he arrived, even though they were both so careful to keep everything professional, the kiss couldn’t be helped.

  He kept his distance over the weekend for his armor to shatter with one kiss. One perfect kiss, given in love and ended with him sending her away.

  Now, with company financing in place, he would have reason to stay in touch as a client. Maybe it would lead to something – maybe it wouldn’t.

  Patience. It didn’t matter if it took another six months to a year for Grace to remember the man he was, the couple they were once and could imagine and trust they would be perfect together again.

  Right now, he had issues with his school kids. Messages from the school and the police to call back urgently. What the hell happened?

  “Seth,” it was Mr Compton from the school, “Glad you rang. I’m in a bit of a pickle here and hope you can point me in the right direction.”

  “Sounds interesting – what do you need?”

  “Darby. He came in yesterday and insisted I give him detention.”

  “That’s a new one,” Seth at a loss, “With all due respect, I never wanted to spend extra time at school.”

  “He wants me to keep him in at lunch times for the next few weeks but to not tell his employer. Seth, you know the deal – if he gets into trouble at school they must let him go. It doesn’t matter if he is innocent or not.”

  “Mate, thanks for giving me the heads up. I’ll see if he will talk to me.”

  Seth checked his diary, they weren’t supposed to catch up for another couple of days. Losing a job would be bad enough – but losing it because of a detention you asked for. Seth started dialing, not able to think of a good enough reason for Darby to blow his future away.

  “I don’t want to talk about it.” Sometimes Darby could talk under water, today wasn’t one of those days. It started out easy enough, Seth needed to blow off steam at the gym and needed a training partner. Darby prided himself on how he could match it with the man.

  The way he pounded the punching bag, Seth knew it was more than school and work on his mind.

  “Compton rang. Want to fill me in?”

  Silence.

  “Mate, if you are in trouble, talk to me.”

  Silence.

  “I know you think I’m old, but seriously, there isn’t much I haven’t seen, done or been caught doing. If you haven’t figured it out by now, I’m on your side.”

  Silence.

  “Darby, you need to talk to me.”

  “I don’t want to talk about it.” Darby grabbed his towel to head to the showers.

  Seth needed to give the boy time to trust him, but Mr Compton was bound by the rules and needed to let the employer know.

  Seth continued his workout, keeping a watch on the exit from the change room. After half an hour, he figured that he missed the boy and went in, finding Darby lying on the bench, dressed, his eyes open and arms crossed over his chest.

  “Not the sight I expected,” Seth said lightly, approaching the boy as he would a frightened animal.

  “Nah.”

  “I mean, you worked it pretty hard out there, but I didn’t expect you to be asleep.” Darby sat up, swinging his legs around but not making eye contact. He kept looking towards the door as if expecting someone to come through.

  “Compton rang me and there’s about six messages from the police and eventually I need to call them back.” At the mention of the police, Darby jumped up, grabbed his bag and was half way to the door before Seth caught him. “Mate, I don’t know what happened, but you need to talk to me. What’s the worse that can happen?”

  “Dad,” the boy crumbled.

  His father had been pressuring him to sell stolen phones and laptops through the school. When he refused, there had been a beating, or two. Now his dad wanted him to push drugs and wouldn’t take “no” as an answer.

  “I’ve done it before, no problems. But I was the one who went to juvie – not him. He reckons I’m younger and can take the punishment. But he did most of it. He’s my dad.”

  “So why are the police looking for me?” There had to be more to the story.

  “I don’t know but they’ve also been trying to call me. I figured if they really wanted to talk, they’d come looking for me. Until then, if Compton gives me detention then it will take the heat off at home. I’ll tell dad I need to keep squeaky clean for a while because if I get expelled it will ruin everything for him.”

  Seth smiled, then laughed, “That is entrepreneurial thinking. I like it.”

  “You’re not mad at me?” Darby looked shocked at his reaction, his eyebrows burrowed in confusion.

  “Of course not, I’m proud of you. You don’t want to sell something, so you become unmarketable! Brilliant. Now, let’s go to the station together. You hear why they want to talk to you and I’ll hear why they want me. You won’t be alone, and if need I’ll have a lawyer on speed dial.”

  Two hours later and Seth was seething. The police knew that Darby’s father had come into possession of a batch of stolen devices and would be looking for a quick score. They also knew he had racked up huge gambling debts and been given a solution to sell some product or else.

  They wanted to reach out to Darby about his parole, warn him of the conditions and what would happen if he crossed the line again. They also knew about Seth’s assistance to the school and wanted his help in making sure Darby’s father didn’t bring down his son.

  Damn the bastard!

  Seth watched the brash teen that stood up to him the first day, had pummeled the bag at the gym with such aggression turn into a shadow. The small child who had been beaten and then ignored for years slumped in the chair. No bravado anymore. Life had gotten seriously out of his control.

  “Going home is not an option.” Seth demanded, “So how do we get him out of there.”

  “Seth, I know you want to help, but he is still the father and has every right. All we can do is warn the boy and hope he listens.”

  “He’s here, isn’t he. Look at him.”

  “Seth, it’s out of our hands.”

  “Darby,” Seth turned, “Are there any bruises on you that your father caused. Anything now?”

  The boy shrugged, unable to speak. “Look, I have an idea, trust me. Is there anything.”

  “I didn’t hit him back.”

  “I know you didn’t, but where did he hit you?”

  Darby pulled up his shirt and none of the adults in the room, even the seasoned police could hide their shock. Below the ribs the mottled coloring showed multiple beatings with healing bruises covered by fresh.

  “Darby, can you tell me who did this to you?” the constable asked, catching
Seth’s eye and nodding.

  “Dad.”

  “Darby, if one of the teachers at the school saw this, they would have to report it under ‘mandatory reporting’ and then whatever happens would be out of your hands. Do you understand?”

  Darby nodded, and Seth started to relax knowing everything would work out.

  Now he had a house guest. The wheels of justice work quickly when the parties are all willing, and Seth arranged Darby to have his own lawyer.

  A temporary restraining order approved against Darby’s father. Given his involvement with the school, Darby was placed with Seth until something more permanent could be arranged.

  Hospital tests showed multiple rib fractures over years. There was no suggestion that Darby would ever have to live with his father. Now, Seth needed to keep the boy safe and employed until his future could be sorted.

  During these days, it was Grace’s friendship that kept him calm and sane. When he was angry and wanted to scream at the world, it was her voice he craved. She listened as he talked, offered advice and told him repeatedly how proud she was.

  “You’ll be a great father, one day,” she finished.

  “You forget that there’s one thing missing,” he semi-joked, “I have to find my kids’ mother first.”

  “She’ll be lucky to have you,” did he hear regret in her voice? Jealousy? He could only hope.

  Focused on Darby, he ignored the multiple messages from his supplier – figuring the guy was complaining about the new contract. The call from his accountant bought him back to reality.

  His main supplier in South Africa needed to renegotiate payment dates. He had a severe cash flow problem and as Seth was his main client, the choices were either get payment on delivery or go under.

  Seth put the phone down, head spinning. He couldn’t afford to pay for goods on delivery – no developer had that kind of cash flow. Payment schedules were a careful balance of delay after careful delay – using debt repayment as cheap credit. But he also couldn’t afford for the supplier to go out of business. Not when his own project schedules needed completed product to market.

  He had worked with the company for years and considered the owner a good friend. Reaching out, the situation was worse than admitted to his staff.

  Now, Seth’s project that Grace worked so hard to save was under threat.

  He valued her friendship and support she offered about Darby. She said it gave her something positive to focus on in between visits to the hospital for the young girl who tried to take her own life.

  Now he needed her again to save his company.

  Seth wanted to be in control, to prove himself as a good business man and provider to the woman he loved. He hated the idea of coming to her in need again.

  Looking at the figures and projections in front of him, he didn’t have a choice. He picked up the phone.

  Sienna

  Watching Connie’s parents watch her sleep, Sienna finally started to trust that Connie would recover and started observing the other families sitting vigil in the ward.

  Relationships already frayed were quickly torn apart under the stress of a sick child. Overhearing fights over who spent enough or too much time at the hospital, fights over money, fights over who should have noticed symptoms earlier. Being parents bought out the worse in a relationship.

  Very few parents appeared as strong and united as Connie’s – but no way for Sienna to find out their secret. After all, when was the right time to ask, “So why didn’t having a child stuff up your relationship?”

  If she ever had doubt about having children, it was laid to rest at Connie’s bedside. Never, ever. She would happily spend her life supporting children who born by others and needed her, but never, ever, have any of her own.

  Time to remind Grace of the love they shared and how much they had to look forward to.

  Friendship, respect, love and lust. They had it all. Too much to throw away or have threatened by some whimsical notion of a house in the country, children riding their bikes in the backyard, playing with a dog rescued from the pound. Grace’s dream but Sienna’s nightmare.

  Perhaps marriage without babies wouldn’t be so bad? At least there would be the commitment that seemed so important to Grace, after all what was marriage other than a public declaration and a piece of paper.

  Love and compromise, meet desperate and determined, she thought. Perhaps it was time to pull out marriage as her winning card.

  Grace

  Wiping over the already clean kitchen bench, rearranging the coffee mugs in the cupboard, fluffing the cushions. Anything other than going to the hospital and seeing Sienna.

  Grace picked up her phone but instead of dialing her girlfriend, the woman she loved, she started looking though her phone logs, a little guilty and surprised she shared almost as many texts and calls with Seth as she had with Sienna. No wonder life seemed back in balance. The two people who meant the most to her during her life were currently in her life.

  That was the good news.

  She threw her phone back in her bag. The uncomfortable truth she didn’t want to admit but could no longer hide from herself was how much she wanted Seth more than as a friend.

  The excitement when his name appeared on her phone and the disappointment if he only wanted to talk work. Wanting to share news of a new client with him, because he would understand, instead of Sienna who would be happy to celebrate.

  The uncomfortable truth she didn’t want to admit, at night it was Seth’s body she dreamt of. His arms, his face – and his cock inside her. She ached to be filled by him, wanting to be underneath him again as he crushed her – driving into her over and over again. Waking Sienna for early morning relief felt like cheating and as wonderful a lover as she was, it didn’t stop the dreams. Now she was scared that one day, she would commit the unforgiveable sin of crying out his name.

  Instead, she filled the void of not being together with daily phone calls and texts. Never mentioning the kiss and trying to keep the conversation on anything other than the turmoil she felt inside. She wanted Seth more than as a friend. Her body needed Seth and her urges were becoming harder to deny.

  The boy she once knew and loved growing up was now a man. A caring, open hearted man who was building an empire yet still made time to make sure other boys had the same chances he did. She loved seeing that side of him.

  Every time he talked about Darby, she heard the love and concern for a boy that was not even his flesh. If she was ever to have children, they would be lucky to have a father like Seth.

  That was the impossible thought that kept invading her waking moments. During meetings, in the car, every time a love song appeared on her playlist.

  The only way to chase her dreams was by changing her partner.

  Life without Sienna.

  Once she had the thought, she couldn’t turn it off. Even if Sienna changed her mind, it would always feel like she had given up and compromised. Their fights had become too vicious and Sienna laid out her logical reasons for why she felt as strongly a she did.

  If she ever compromised, Grace would spend a lifetime of feeling fortunate and grateful. Not the way to spend a life together as partners.

  Loving Sienna had been wonderful – five wonderful years that could never be regretted or replaced.

  Now, looking to her future and it was less likely that Sienna would be part of it. Sienna, a beautiful free spirit who deserved to save other peoples children, one by one. Unencumbered, she could travel, save the world and make it a better place.

  Without Grace holding her back.

  But, as much as she couldn’t imagine spending the rest of her life alone with Sienna, she also couldn’t imagine a life without her.

  Was it loving Sienna or still loving Seth that made her even think about walking away.

  Crap.

  Going to the hospital, she would see the love Connie’s parents had for each other and their daughter. Damn it – that was the kind of love and family Gr
ace wanted for herself.

  Every time she walked into their neat and tidy unit, she longed for the day when it would be a house in the suburbs, filled with noisy children and a dog greeting her at the door.

  “Give me a sign,” she whispered, getting ready to leave the unit.

  The phone buzzed, “Are you kidding me?” she answered, fumbling to pick it up. “Some sign,” she muttered looking at the name “S Construction”.

  “Seth, whatsup?” Hoping he wanted to hear her voice or give a declaration of love – anything that could be a sign.

  “It’s all gone to hell.”

  “Darby – is everything okay with Darby?” last they spoke the police warned off the father and Darby was settling into a new life with Seth.

  “He’s fine and I love having him here. It’s my company that’s falling apart.”

  Between the bad reception and Seth rambling, Grace picked up that his key supplier would go under unless payment timing was changed. No other supplier could deliver the products he needed on time – house of cards and the wind was blowing.

  “Gracie, Princess – I know it is a lot to ask …

  “I’ll be there in a couple of hours,” she started throwing clothes in a bag. “We can sort this out – I’ll call my boss and give him a heads up. Can you have a bed waiting for me?” Completely selfish, even though his company was in trouble, all she could think about was sleeping underneath the same roof.

  “Grace – please don’t call your boss until we have some options. I don’t want him to lose faith in me. Please?”

  “No, you’re right. I’ll call him tomorrow when I tell him I’ll be working remotely.”

  “And Gracie?” She held her breath.

  “What else do you need?” Me, she thought, tell me that you need me.

  “Thanks, Gracie,” almost as an afterthought, “The bed is all yours.

  Tell Sienna we’ll have a chaperone – and tell her thanks. I really need you.”

  Packing only took five minutes – a handful of clothes and a workbag. Only when she was half way out of town did she start to relax and process her feelings.