“You needed it,” they rolled into each other stretched out, toes touching.
“Yesterday, the whole last month has been huge,” she admitted, their faces so close.
His fingertips traced her hairline, down to her cheekbones and across to her lips where she greeted them. “I didn’t get a chance, why did you come?”
“Dimkin invited me to the city for lunch to promote all the services of the company. We talked about the building and development industry and stuff and contacts he could set me up with. We started talking about you. He is so proud of the way you pulled the events together.”
He kissed the tip of her nose, “Dimkin thinks a lot of you – he can trust that whatever figures you gave him are correct – and so far your insights into media reactions have been on point.”
Grace pulled his fingers into her own, wrapping them around each other as she kissed them, one by one. “So, you coming here was all business?”
He shook his head and continued, “I don’t want to leave us where we were. You are all I think about when I wake up, during the day and when I am dreaming. Tell me I’m not the only one in this relationship?” His eyes implored her, earnest, wanting the truth not some flirting that hid her heart’s desires.
“You’re not in this alone, but …”
“I know the but – and if I met her under any other circumstances I think we’d be friends. She and I are a lot alike.”
“I thought these weeks away I could get my head sorted.” She didn’t want to hurt him, she didn’t want to hurt anyone.
“You needed space and I crashed your party – sorry,” he didn’t look apologetic at all. Lying next to her, both fully clothed, and she had never wanted him more.
“I didn’t expect what happened at the reunion – I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.”
“And now?” their lips almost touching.
“I’m scared.”
“Of?”
“This burning sensation whenever you are around, when we are together I feel as if nothing and no one else exists.”
He pulled their hands to be at their almost joined hearts, his fingers resting against her breast. “I’m not afraid of the future,” he said, “As long as you are in it.”
“My life was going fine before that night, and now I’m not sure of anything anymore.”
“If it was fine, we wouldn’t have happened,” he reminded her. “I don’t believe in coincidences, but you have to admit we’ve had enough of those throwing us together. I can’t trust waiting for another reunion or another thing going on in my company for us to realize what we could have if you let it.”
He unclasped his hand and pulled her towards him, again his hand fitting so perfectly in the small of her back. “I came here looking for you, wanting to find us.”
Grace didn’t want to turn him away, the thought of him leaving stopped her breath. But she couldn’t keep doing this – leading him on while she still lived with Sienna. Nor could she continue to cheat on the woman she supposedly – no she did – love.
Seth, here, declaring his heart to her. His hands, legs, fingers entwined with her and his lips so ready to be kissed.
“I’m still scared,” as she kissed him.
Seth
He watched her all day, catching her eye every now and then. Dimkin was true to his word, making introductions and set the scene to expand into other industries. From a business sense, it was a valuable trip.
After all the events, he waited for her, nervous about what being here would mean to both of them. Time to listen to Joe and Darby and stop relying on chance to bring them together and their phone calls and texts threatening to send him to friend-zone forever.
Loving her meant putting her needs first. She looked exhausted when she walked into the door, he needed to protect her from his own desires. Laying her on the bed, he rubbed her back until she fell asleep and then watched her breathe until he dozed off.
He wanted the opportunity to put his heart out for her to see and while she hadn’t taken it, she hadn’t returned it either.
As she started kissing him, the urgency of being together almost overtook him. No. He needed to be smarter.
After all these years, Grace knew what it was like to be made love to by him. No question they had time before her flight to make love, fuck and make love again. He could send her back home satisfied but so what. This time, he needed to leave her wanting more.
It was excruciating, to kiss her and not touch her skin. To keep his hands – and hers – above the clothes. To have her body grind against his desire and resist every urge to throw her on her back and give her everything her kisses where wanting – wanted to lead to.
His lips covered her neck, her ear lobes, her palms. When she tried to suck his fingers, he felt as though he would explode, and reclaimed his hands, turning her over for a more innocent back rub.
Seth smoothed his hands over her, finding and releasing every knot. Being ever so careful not to allow his fingers to stray too close to her breasts, even though she cried out for him to do so.
Eventually, Grace tried to take control, rolling over and he stopped her from unbuttoning her shirt. It was hard enough to resist fully clothed Grace, one flash of her skin would tip him over the edge of all reason.
“Seth, we don’t have much time,” she flirted, “Tell me that you don’t want me.” She crawled, pushing him back onto the bed and straddling him. “Tell me that you don’t want to know what’s up my skirt.”
Her lips found his, her tongue probing his as he felt the angst of wanting the woman who wanted him, at least in this moment.
No!
He gently pushed her away and swung his legs over the side of the bed, knowing the pain in his groin could be so easily fixed by Grace.
“I want you. You crazy, sexy, and can I say frustrating, woman. I want you – not just for a romp in a hotel room before you go back to your life.”
Gritting his teeth, he needed to do this if they were ever to stand a chance. He had to lay it on the table, leave and never look back. He turned towards the door and then came back, his lips crushing hers, his mouth giving her everything he had, stopping as quickly as he started.
“The next time we make love – will be the first time of the rest of our lives together.” He grabbed his shoes, keys and wallet but before he reached the door, Grace was in his arms.
“I don’t want you to go,” kissing him, wanting him.
“Then tell me to stay – and I’m not talking about the hotel room – tell me you want me to stay.” He didn’t wait for an answer. A full body kiss, their bodies joined together, his hands started at her legs and felt her for possibly the last time. He memorized the curve of her cheeks, the small indent of her back and waist, every part of her until he caressed her eyebrows and drew his fingertips down her face.
Stay strong, he thought. Then left.
Grace
Fuck him!
She wished she could, literally, physically and many times over.
Seth couldn’t have done a better job of leaving her wanting more. Her body left inflamed by its desire for him – sense and reason left the building. And now, so had he.
After the reunion, she wanted a sign of where things stood, and he called with his company needing her again. Then she wanted space and he came back into her life, kissed her and walked away.
“Tell me you want me to stay,” he said, and her impulse was to tell him exactly that. To walk away from her life with Sienna as finitely as she once walked away from Seth.
Only, it wasn’t that easy anymore. She’d grown up and life meant more than her body betraying her commitment to Sienna.
The stress of the indecision and the travelling was taking a toll on her. Grace used all her self control to pull herself together each morning and focus on the day. Promising that once reporting season finished that she would sort things out for good. Stop lying to herself and others – if only she knew the truth!
Right now, she forced herself to eat toast to stop the light-headed feelings.
Damn him. No, she was the one who was damned.
Growing up, she loved Seth and imagined a life with him and never considered she could ever fall in love with a woman. But with Sienna she found a friend, a lover, a partner for life.
For the last years, with every touch and night together she accepted she was gay. Loving Sienna the person led to loving the woman and wanting her as much as she ever wanted a man.
Now, this “thing” with Seth left her tied up in knots, confused and rethinking everything.
How was she supposed to recognize if what she felt for him was based on their history or wishing for a future. Grace unconsciously rubbed the ring finger on her left hand. Who did she want to place a gold band on it?
Damn him for coming here and leaving her like this. The only thing she could do was have yet another cold shower – and go home to Sienna.
Sienna
It cost a fortune – almost one month’s salary – but it would be worth it. A three-day weekend down the coast, staying in a romantic suite attached to a five-star restaurant. She imagined Grace’s face as she saw the bedroom filled with fresh flowers daily and a platter of finger food awaiting their arrival. Champagne would be already chilled and if she requested, the outside spa would be at the right temperature for them to relax into the weekend.
The only thing missing was Grace.
In their entire relationship, there were only two things that they fought over or disagreed about.
One, Sienna would never, could never compromise on. As a couple, she saw that parents both had to be committed to becoming parents or be honest with themselves and not have children at all.
She didn’t want to be a mother. With Grace away, Sienna threw herself back into her advocacy work. She found more pleasure and fulfilment going in and fixing problems or listening to teens talk through their issues and find their own path. Not once did she desire to hold or raise a baby, make all the choices that would only lead the child to either hate her or blame everything wrong in their lives on the decisions she struggled to make in the first place.
Babies – never.
That left marriage. As clear as she was in her mind about never wanting children, equally, she wanted to spend the rest of her life with Grace.
Seth walking back into their lives made Sienna realize that she couldn’t take Grace for granted.
If she wasn’t willing to give Grace the future she wanted, other people would be happy to.
If Sienna wanted to grow old with Grace.
If the only thing preventing her from proposing was her fear of commitment, surely, they could face it together.
She tried to stash the small box in their apartment. For once, their minimalistic style worked against her. No containers or boxes in the kitchen cupboard to hide behind. No vast array of books on shelves, or bundles of old clothes or ironing.
The only place she could think of was in a jacket pocket. All their winter clothes hung in the back of the walk-through closet between their room and the bathroom. Grace had no reason to go through the pockets and if she put the box in the side against the wall, Grace would never accidently touch against it.
Grace wanted to get married and needed the commitment of marriage to believe in their future.
Sienna wanted a future with Grace and was finally willing to do anything, even get married.
Go to River of tears
River of tears
Grace
“Dear, I don’t want to scare you, but is there a chance you could be pregnant?” the older chemist delivered the question as sensitively as possible.
A week at home hadn’t done anything to ease Grace’s stomach or her light-headedness. She didn’t have time to go to the doctor so dropped into the chemist around the corner from her office.
“Are you on any birth control?” the chemist continued.
“No, I mean, I live with my girlfriend and we never needed to.”
“Oh, I’m sorry – I didn’t mean to …”
“It’s fine. There was someone else,” Grace couldn’t stop the panic rising within her. “He … we … I didn’t mean for it … now,” she looked up, “I could be pregnant!”
Then Grace started smiling, “I could be pregnant?” she clutched at her stomach, “Right now, there could be a baby growing inside me, right now?” The miracle of possible life growing within her was overwhelming.
The chemist nodded and escorted her to the row of home test kits.
“Are you overdue?”
“Yes, well I mean I’m never regular, but I think I’m a couple of weeks late.”
“Here’s a test, now they are not always accurate no matter what the box says. If it is positive, you should make an appointment with your doctor and get checked out.”
Grace couldn’t stop smiling – she could be having a baby – Seth’s baby! Then her world crashed again. Sienna!
“How am I going to tell my girlfriend?”
“Dear, if you don’t want to keep it, she never needs to know. I can give you some phone numbers.”
“You don’t understand, I want it. I want to be pregnant and I want my baby.”
“Why don’t you take the test and see what happens. Remember, if it is negative you might need to wait a few days and try again.”
The first test was negative. Grace knew she should feel relief that her secret remained safe, instead her sadness was indescribable.
While ever she was late, there was still hope.
With only one more test in the box, Grace hid it in the only place she knew Sienna wouldn’t look. In the pocket of her ski jacket.
Sienna
One day until their long weekend. Every detail planned, even the chef was clued in on the proposal. The restaurant suggested waiting until the Saturday night when the regular piano player would be available to take requests.
Grace seemed preoccupied – work kept her busy and they didn’t have time for the closeness Sienna was used to. By the end of each long day, Grace barely ate dinner before falling asleep before nine. If only the texts from Seth would stop arriving – the same time every morning. Would he be sending them if Grace lived with a male partner?
It would have to stop once they were engaged.
The more she tried on the idea of standing in front of their friends and families, Sienna grew comfortable with getting married.
All she had to do was ask the question!
“Want a coffee before we go?” Grace called from the kitchen. Bags packed and at the door.
“Fine – do we have any muffins left to tide us over until lunch?”
“I think so – when are you going to tell me where we are going?”
“Need to know basis, sweetheart.”
“How do I know if I packed the right clothes?”
Sienna snuck up behind her, cupping her hands around her breasts, tweaking them, “Two outfits for going out, a bikini or two and nothing but your sexy lingerie!”
“I like the way you think.” Grace kissed her on the way to the fridge, “To be continued.”
Sienna went back into the bedroom. The only thing missing was the small box. She had never been more excited or happy – the rest of their lives was about to start.
“There are too many clothes here,” she muttered, trying to find the right jacket. As she pulled out the box, something fell out of Grace’s ski jacket.
Five pregnancy tests. Used.
Sienna collapsed onto the floor, too stunned to cry.
The question she had been so careful not to ask now lay answered, scattered across the floor.
Grace’s phone bleeped from the bed. That time of the day.
Seth.
Sienna pulled herself to the bed, holding the tests in her hand and throwing the small jewelry box aside. She grabbed the phone and made the call.
“Gracie, how’s your day going? Miss me?” of course he would think it was his “Gracie
Girl”.
“Guess again. It’s Sienna.” She looked up as Grace came into the bedroom. “Your Gracie Girl has been taking pregnancy tests – any prizes for guessing why?” Sienna threw the phone at Grace, missing her head as it crashed into the wall behind.
Seth
Pregnant!
No, Sienna said Grace had taken tests – plural. Surely, she wouldn’t be taking more than one test if one was positive?
Why hadn’t she told him? They talked almost every day.
After he left the Gold Coast, he stopped sending the morning texts wanting her to come to him. She did – calling him hourly until he answered. Now, he texted and she called. It allowed them to build a flirty/friendship/working relationship while she sorted out what she wanted.
Not once did she suggest she might be pregnant.
Physically possible, the idea of birth control didn’t occur to either of them. To be honest, the only thing he had been thinking was how to devour her body repeatedly to make up for lost time.
Would she have ever told him? “Hi Seth, Sienna and I are having a baby. Cheers and thanks.”
Then the darkness descended, had it all been an elaborate ruse – did Grace only ever see him as a baby daddy not a father and husband?
He rang, the call went through to voice mail.
Keys, wallet, phone and a car with a full tank of petrol. At every set of traffic lights, he tried to call again.
For years he loved her, put Grace up on a pedestal that no other woman could ever aspire to. In his mind, Grace remained kind, compassionate and loving. The Grace he loved wasn’t a woman capable of keeping the biggest secret of all – that she thought she was carrying his child.
What woman would do that! Especially to a man who loved her and made no secret of his desire to have a family.
The answers were in the city and as slowly as the odometer ticked over, he was getting closer.
Sienna
The Question Is Page 21