“You should answer it,” Sienna spat from the floor. After collapsing, she didn’t have the energy to move. Everything she loved and trusted, gone. “Does he know?”
“Sienna, there’s nothing to know. I got the blood tests back yesterday afternoon. I’m not pregnant.”
“Did he know.”
“No.”
“For a smart girl, you shouldn’t leave your trash lying around.” The truth had been there all the time, Sienna admitted to herself.
“I don’t know why I kept them. Part of me wanted them to be positive.”
“And now?”
“Sienna, I don’t have a baby – I may never have a baby. For over a week I held onto the thought that a precious child could be growing inside me. I couldn’t bare to throw them out until I knew once and for all that I would never have a baby, not as long as we are together.”
Sienna choked back her anger and tears. Now she could find out all the truth and take a lifetime to decide if she could ever forgive this woman.
“So, what was it?”
“I don’t know what you mean?” Grace knelt next to her, resting her head on the bed, trying in vain to take Sienna’s hands in hers. Sienna recoiled – repulsed by the same fingers that once gave her pleasure.
“So, did you ‘make love’ for old times sake or did you fuck like horny animals?”
“Sienna, don’t do this.”
“Oh, so you did it both ways. Was his cock nice and hard? When he came did it get nice and messy?”
“Sienna, please.” She didn’t care that Grace was crying.
“So, my cheating little bitch is sad – are you sad that you got caught by me or sad that Seth now knows the secret you thought you would keep from both of us?”
“I was confused … all we did was fight … then you left me at the reunion …”
“I get it now, it’s my fault – every time I leave the room are you going to turn around and hook up with a random guy?”
“That’s not fair! Seth wasn’t a random guy.” Of course, Grace would defend him.
“That’s the point, isn’t it? Seth was never going to be a friend and client – he was always going to be the one who marked your pussy with an ‘S’. Now he is coming to claim his prize.”
Around in circles they went. Sienna wanted Grace to say anything that would make her understand and forgive her. She loved Grace so much. Loved – past tense? No, still loved.
They moved into the lounge room, neither of them sitting on the chair that Seth claimed when he was here. The elephant in the room.
“That night when he was here and I went to bed early – did you two?
“No, we were busy working.”
“You never once thought what it would be like? Why didn’t you ask me to join in – I could have shown him what you like these days.”
“Don’t.”
A knock on the door interrupted their circular argument – only it sounded angrier than an unexpected guest. Sienna looked at Grace and smirked, “Seems the no-baby daddy has arrived.”
“Sienna, I love you.”
She turned, anger and love combined equaled her pained expression, “That’s what makes all of this so bloody sad.”
Grace
Yesterday morning, as she took her last pregnancy test, Grace still lived in happy denial that the baby she wanted so badly could be growing within her.
She tried not to stress about the mounting pile of negative results hidden in her jacket pocket.
When the blood tests came in, she should have felt relieved. Instead, she wanted to run to Seth and comfort him as much as he would hold her.
They were not having a baby.
Instead, she came home and got ready for the weekend away that Sienna planned. A romantic getaway the way they used to with three whole days of remembering how much she loved this woman. Based on the clothes Sienna told her to pack – a weekend with nothing to do other than sun, surf and sex. Exactly what she needed.
Why didn’t she get rid of the tests!
The simple answer was grief. Thinking she could be pregnant gave her hope and the delicious anticipation of being a mother.
Throwing out the negative strips would be admitting defeat and she wasn’t ready to give up, not yet.
Now, Seth and Sienna faced off against each other, throwing accusations and recriminations. The two people she loved the most were angry and hurt because of her.
“Stop it!” she screamed.
Seth came to her side, grabbing her arm. “Is it true – are your pregnant?”
“I thought I was, but I got the blood results yesterday.” She looked to share understanding of their loss, “I’m sorry, I’m not pregnant.”
“Show me.”
“What?” Why was he being so mean?
“Show me the blood results. You were never going to tell me,” he spun to Sienna, “Was this your game all along? Get Grace knocked up and then push me aside?”
“Not at all – I don’t even want kids – believe me the last thing I want to do is raise your brat!”
Grace searched through her bag and then threw the pathology results at him. “I didn’t want to believe it,” she looked at Sienna, “I wanted the baby, more than anything.”
“Or anyone, even me?” Sienna’s voice rose with anger. “You should have been honest,” she looked at Seth, “At least with me – you remember the person you said you loved.”
“Were you ever going to tell me?” Seth demanded, as angry and hurt as Sienna. “You tell me you love both of us, why wouldn’t you tell me about the baby.”
“Don’t you see, there is no baby – never was a baby.”
“She told you she loved you?” Sienna to Seth who nodded.
“You told him you love him?” to Grace who couldn’t deny it.
“I love both of you.”
Sienna shook her head in disgust as she collected a small box from the bedroom floor and her handbag. Throwing the box at Grace, she grabbed her suitcase and went to the door.
“I’m going to have a romantic weekend – without you. Here’s the damn ring you wanted. Pawn it or use it with your precious Seth. All I want from you is for you to be gone – completely gone from this place and my life – by the time I get back on Sunday night.”
Seth still held the blood tests – his face showing all the grief Grace felt.
“Seth, I wanted the baby.”
“Gracie, I want to believe you – and I want to believe that you would have told me and let me be part of its life.”
“Of course, once I knew for sure.”
“You mean you would have told me after Sienna kicked you out for being pregnant and I was the only one left.” He crumpled the paper and threw it at her.
Yesterday morning, she had hope.
Now she - nothing – not even a home.
? ? ?
Is it too late for Grace and Sienna or can they hope to Run through rainbows
Can Grace deny her heart that Seth is her Partner in pleasure
Is the answer to the question - Whatever makes her happy
Run through rainbows
Sienna
Sienna opened the door to their honeymoon suite, choking down tears as she remembered the plans to have this as the site of her proposal – the place where their most cherished memories would be made.
Now the smell of flowers and the gift basket would forever be linked with her naivety, gullibility and foolish trust in a woman who betrayed her and then lied.
Grace thought she was pregnant to her ex boyfriend, Seth. The woman she loved and trusted had sex – at least after the reunion and only they knew how many times since. All those nights Grace woke her up horny in the middle of the night – how many of those times had she been dreaming of Seth.
A lifelong decision, perhaps their biggest and Grace intended to keep the baby without any discussion with Sienna. Maybe she was not the blood parent but at least as Grace’s live in lover, she should have had some sa
y in what happened.
That was the trouble with them having children – the biological parent would always have control. What if they had the baby and then disagreed over schooling or discipline. Would the mother who gave birth always have that as the final say?
Sienna disregarded the expensive champagne and ordered the cheapest bottle of house bubbles.
“No matter how dreadful things are, life is too short to drink bad wine,” Grace would tell her. Seth’s Miss Perfect enjoyed buying whatever she wanted without having to look at the price, able to afford it on her salary. Sienna was under no illusion – she would text Grace and tell her to keep the place. She would reach out to friends and couch surf until she found something cheaper and permanent.
The piano player turned up Friday night. After a few drinks at the bar, he invited Sienna up to drown her sorrows in song instead of the bottle. She had forgotten how much she loved to perform – lighting up the stage and owning the crowd. Their voices harmonized and when she begged to leave, the owner offered them double if she would stay – and perform as a duo for the Saturday night dinner guests.
“You’ve got a great voice, where have you been hiding it?” he asked during their break.
“Long story – girl breaks up with boy and then falls in love with girl. Girl and girl were happy together for many years until one girl found the other girl’s pregnancy tests.”
“Messy.”
“This weekend was supposed to be our weekend – she wanted to get married and I finally decided to propose. Lucky for me, I found out which side she really batted for.”
“Batted for?”
“You know, the cricket analogy – are you gay or straight – which side are you on or bat for.”
“Oh, I hadn’t heard that one before.”
“Do me a favor, and don’t ask me to sing love songs with any meaning. I’m not in the mood to fake love and happiness tonight even if you paid me.”
“No problems, although if you start to steal my spotlight, I’m going to pull out an old country love song.”
She laughed for the first time since finding the tests.
Grace
“I want to talk to you.”
“Why would I want to do that,” he snapped but didn’t hang up.
She took a deep breath, “Because I owe you the truth and you deserve having me tell you face to face.”
“Coffee X coffee shop near your office. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes and I’ll wait for ten.”
Grace sighed as she realized it didn’t matter what she wore or said. As long as she gave him the closure denied to him all those years ago.
By the time he arrived, she was seated with two coffees.
“You shouldn’t have,” he dropped into the seat opposite her. “I guess it is the nicest thing you’ve done for me – other than planning to raise my child without me.”
“Seth, I could tell you that I’m sorry all day but until I tell you what I am sorry for, it wouldn’t mean a thing.”
“You’ve got until I finish my coffee.”
She avoided his eyes, instead, looking over his shoulder through the window where people happily walked by.
“For a year or so, Sienna and I have done nothing but fight – I wanted us to get married and start looking into having a family. It isn’t as easy as you would think, and we needed to agree how and when.”
“I feel so sorry for you,” his sarcasm didn’t help.
“The night of the reunion, I’d started up again and she wasn’t speaking to me. Hanging out with everyone, I started to think how different my life would be if I stayed in town. Then we started talking and reconnecting and the kiss.” She reached out, trying to hold his hand. Instead, he crossed his arms and sat back in his chair as far from her as he possibly could.
“I don’t regret that night – being with you again,” she pleaded.
“So good, you went back to her the next day.”
“That’s the thing. I thought how I felt for Sienna would change, but nothing did. I still loved her – she is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with and raise a family with. If the tests had been positive and there was a baby, then we would have had a lot of tough conversations – you, me and Sienna.”
“What if she made you choose.”
“Between the two of you?”
“Between the baby and her?”
This time Grace didn’t let him push her away, “Are you kidding me? I would never hurt the baby, our baby. Sienna would have come around.”
“What about me – would I have been an inconvenient sperm donor?”
“Not at all!” she cried out with indignation he could even think that way. “You would have been, will be, an amazing father and I could never deny you being a major part of your child’s life, or deny my child their father. I needed time to find out if I was pregnant or not.”
“Don’t worry about it – we have nothing to tie us.”
“That’s why I wanted to talk to you.”
“Grace, I said before not to stress – we are over. Seriously, I can’t forgive you for this. We talked every day – and nothing.”
“I know.”
“That’s crap – you don’t know anything about me. For a start how many relationships do you think I’ve had since you broke up with me the first time – two and both self destructed because they couldn’t live up to the impossible memory of you.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s not going to happen again.”
“Seth, when I said that I love you, I meant it. But I love you as someone who was incredibly important in my life and has all the qualities I admire and love in a friend. The fact that we are so great together – in every way – complicated everything.”
“You love me, but …”
“I should have walked away after the reunion. Getting involved with you again was cruel – to both of us – and unfair to Sienna. She hasn’t deserved any of this.”
“You love her,” quiet resignation.
“She is everything to me. We were going away for the weekend and now,” Grace couldn’t stop the tears she had no right to shed, “Sienna was going to propose.” Grace fingered the box, “I don’t know where she has gone but I needed to apologize to you first and then I’m going to find her.”
The coffee sloshed over the side as Seth pushed his cup away to stand up, “It would be easier if I could hate you as the bitch who ruined my life. The truth is, I never want to see you again. You and your company can deal with my business manager.”
“Seth, I want you to be happy,” she called after him, wishing he would turn and give her one glance good bye.
He didn’t.
“Allie, it’s Grace, please I need you to tell me where Sienna planned to take me this weekend.”
“You are kidding! Have you any idea how she is right now?”
“No, I don’t, and I won’t unless you help me.”
“Find someone who cares.”
The same conversation repeated with most of their friends. Sienna sobbed to Allie who told others, warning them against helping Grace.
“Mum, it’s Grace. I was wondering if you knew about this weekend.”
“Darling, of course – Sienna asked both your father and I before she asked you. We thought it was very sweet and respectful.”
“Well, I had something come up this morning and said I’d meet her there. She isn’t answering her phone and I don’t know where to go.”
“Is everything okay? I heard rumors.”
“What sort of rumors.”
“That you and Seth got back together. I must say we were surprised when Sienna called.”
“Mummy,” Grace started to cry, she needed to tell someone who would understand, “Everything has fallen apart. Seth and I hooked up, and I was confused because I care about him, but I love Sienna. She found out and has gone off for the weekend on her own and wants me out of the apartment by the time she gets home.”
“D
arling, don’t you think you need to give both of you time to think things through.”
“I have thought about it,” she needed her mother to understand, “It’s all I’ve been thinking about since the reunion. I want Sienna to forgive me. I want her to want to marry me. Mummy, I want to spend the rest of my life with her and I want you and daddy to start supporting me instead of working against us.”
“Are you sure,” the calm and soothing voice was annoying.
“If you asked me yesterday, I wouldn’t be able to answer. Now I’m sure. I’ve spoken to Seth and he understands. I want him to be happy – to go back home and find some amazing woman who will love him and give him a football team of babies.”
“Grace, the only reason your father and I haven’t been supportive is because we suspected you had unfinished business with Seth. All we want is for you to be happy. I’ll text you the address.”
“Thank you, mummy.” She didn’t know what to say – after five years and breaking up her parents finally supported her relationship with Sienna.
“Grace, good luck. She loves you and is probably hurting.”
“Reception hours 8:00am until 6:00pm. Please call again during business hours.”
The sign on the office door didn’t help. Sienna still hadn’t answered her calls. Going home to collect her suitcase took over an hour and by the time she arrived at the address it was dark. If she couldn’t find either Sienna or a staff member her only option was to sleep in her car.
The loose gravel crunched under her feet as she wandered around the resort. Walking past love seats looking over small ponds, a small walk bridge filled with lockets placed by lovers. Even a wooden swing hanging from an old large tree, just waiting for a lover to push their partner. Tears continued to flow. Sienna picked the most beautiful setting for a romantic weekend. What she wouldn’t give for another chance, to go back and spend every moment loving her.
The only lights came from a glass, oval building. Tables with white napery and filled with dinner guests enjoying the view, food and entertainment.
The Question Is Page 22