Dirty Little Secrets [Impulse 5] (Siren Publishing Ménage Everlasting)

by Zara Chase

  “That’s our mate,” Pascal pheromoned proudly.

  “Not yet, she ain’t.”

  “The thrill of the chase, buddy. The thrill of the chase.”

  Pascal laughed. “Hardly that.”

  “Hmm, don’t tell me if you’d rather not.”

  “Babe, there’s nothing to tell.” Pascal spread his hands. “You’re imagining things.”

  “All right, have it your way.”

  “How did that feel for you, darlin’?”

  She blushed. “I’d have said my reaction told you all you needed to know on that front. I’ve never behaved like that before. I like to be in control.”

  “So does Pascal,” Kai said, chuckling.

  “But it was more than just a case of temporary control loss.” Nicole wiggled into a more comfortable position between them. “I kind of felt like I was floating outside my body.”

  The guys shared a satisfied glance. “You were in what we call sub-space.”

  “Sub-space. What on earth is that?”

  “It’s an emotional and/or physical reaction a good submissive feels during sex play,” Kai replied. “The best way to describe it is to say that it’s a state of comfort and well-being in which you reach a physical or mental state of release. Letting go with your mind is half the battle, you see. You have to trust your masters enough to throw out all preconceived ideas of what you should and shouldn’t do and let your subconscious take over.”

  “I knew it! I had an out-of-body experience.” Nicole grinned. “I’ve always wanted one of those.”

  Both men laughed. “Glad to be of service, ma’am,” Pascal said, twitching one of her nipples.

  She turned toward Kai. “I don’t really get this master/slave business. Explain to me what you get out of being humiliated like that.”

  Kai’s smile was broad and infectious. “I’m not Pascal’s slave…well, not in a way that would be recognized by BDSM purists. I guess I’m more of a sexual submissive.”

  “In other words, he lets me dominate him and order him about when we’re having sex, but in the real world he’s very much his own man.”

  “Wouldn’t have it any other way.” Kai blew Pascal a kiss. “Nor would you, lover. It works for us both.”

  “Come on, darlin’,” Pascal released Nicole from her shackles, stood up and extended his hand to her. “Let’s get you in the shower. Then I guess we could all use something to eat. I don’t know about you, but sex always makes me ravenous.”

  “Talking of which, I still haven’t actually—”

  “The shower in our room is big enough for the three of us,” Pascal said, leading her in that direction.

  They shared a prolonged shower that necessitated plenty of touching and feeling, especially when they needed to distract Nicole because they sensed her wanting to ask awkward questions about their decision not to fuck her. The desire to do so now, to pin her against the stall wall and fuck her senseless—to claim her as theirs and show her what she’d been missing all these years—was almost too tempting to resist.

  Almost.

  As alpha shifters they’d had their responsibilities drummed into them since forever. The both knew Nicole was the one for them. They also knew they couldn’t go the distance with her until she knew the truth about them, and accepted them for what they were.

  If she ever did.

  “Let’s order in,” Kai said when they were dry and dressed.

  “Oh, I thought perhaps we’d go to the Whiskers,” Pascal said, looking up from fastening his pants.

  “It’s too comfortable here,” Kai replied. “Besides, we’re not letting Nicole out in those god-awful clothes of hers. Our reputation’s at stake here.”

  “Your reputation?” She tossed her head. “How come you’re suddenly ashamed of me?”

  “We’re not,” Kai replied. “But I wanna show you off the way you’re supposed to look. Be prepared for a shopping trip tomorrow.”

  “You don’t need to take me shopping,” she said acerbically. “I’m well able to choose my own clothes.”

  “No you’re not,” they said together, throwing carelessly confident smiles her way.

  “No more hiding who you really are, darlin’,” Kai said, kissing the top of her head.

  “I do what works for me.”

  Pascal resisted arguing the toss with her. She’d find out soon enough that she didn’t need to be afraid of expressing her true self. He ordered the food, Kai opened a bottle of wine, and Nicole bombarded them with questions for the rest of the evening. She wanted to know all about their relationship. Was it really BDSM? Why did people get off on pain? How did they get into it? Did they play with a lot of women?

  “Think Eros and Thanatos,” Kai told her.

  “Who?”

  He smiled. “You obviously don’t know your Greek mythology.”

  “I hate it when he assumes everyone has as many brain cells as he does,” Pascal complained.

  “Thanatos was considered to be the personification of death. According to some psychologists, humans have a preservation instinct which we’ll call Eros. But like yin and yang, every coin has an opposite side, so we also have a death wish—a compelling urge to self-destruct—which is known as Thanatos. This reckless side allegedly compels us to engage in risky and dangerous acts that could lead to our deaths.” Kai shrugged. “It’s probably a load of old bollocks, but I think there’s something in it.”

  “But it explains why those of us seriously into this stuff insist upon using safety words,” Kai added. “It helps to balance the life instinct embodied by Eros against the desire to self-destruct.”

  “So we’re back to the endorphin thing,” Nicole said, leaning an elbow on the arm of her chair and resting her face in her splayed hand. “It’s not only sports people that feel the benefits. People who go shopping when they’re depressed get the same rush. So do drinkers and drug addicts, exercise junkies, and…well, just about anyone who’s passionate about any activity, I guess.”

  “You’re right.” Kai nodded approvingly. “And that probably tells you all you need to know. People push the boundaries for all sorts of reasons, but usually to see what lies beyond them, or because they’re bored, or whatever. The stuff Pascal and I do, the thrill seeking and aggression, are commonly accepted to be actions stemming from the Thanatos instinct.”

  “Or maybe Kai just enjoys having his ass flayed,” Pascal suggested, grinning.

  Kai nodded. “That, too.”

  “So what guilty secrets do you guys have that you’re trying to forget about through your games?”

  Pascal grinned. “Ah, darlin’, if we told you that it would spoil the fun.” He stood up. “Come on, babe, you look beat. It’s late and time you turned in.”

  Nicole seemed surprised by the suggestion. “What are you, my father?”

  “Sorry, I guess it’s been a while since anyone told you when it was time to go to bed.”

  “It has.” She yawned. “But you’re right. All this unaccustomed activity has taken its toll, so I’ll say good night.”

  Both men stood up and took it in turn to kiss her. Pascal could see that she was confused. She probably assumed they’d want her to go to bed with them and was insulted when they didn’t suggest it. Pascal did want her safely installed between them in their massive bed. There was absolutely nothing that he wanted more, but he simply didn’t trust himself to withstand the temptation.

  “Well,” Kai said, once she was safely in her own room with the door closed. “That was something else. I never thought we’d get her to play. You were right to try it.”

  “Yeah, we’ve got her interested, but that’s a far cry from persuading her to stay.”

  “She feels safe with us, and trusts us. That has to count for something.”

  “Sure, but…hell, is that Rafe pheromoning?”

  “Yes, he wants to see us. Come on, buddy.” Kai stood up. “I guess he must have news about Nicole’s grandfather.”

 
“Which is precisely what we don’t want. We need to keep her here a bit longer, get her used to us, before we move things on.”

  “Yeah, well, just because there’s news it doesn’t mean we have to tell her quite yet.”

  Pascal grinned. “I guess not.”

  The guys left their house and trotted across to the Cat’s Whiskers. They were greeted by Chantal working the bar who told them that Rafe and Vilas were upstairs.

  “Thanks, babe.” Pascal blew her a kiss and they headed for the stairs. “Must be serious if they need to see us in private.”

  “Don’t go getting ahead of yourself,” Kai said, slapping Pascal’s shoulders. “It could be nothing.”

  “Hey, guys,” Rafe said when they walked into his living room. “How’s it going?”

  “What’s happening?” Pascal replied.

  “Davina’s back from LA.”

  “Oh, right.”

  Pascal was confused. Davina was a beta panther who’d gone off to visit her grandson, and he didn’t see what that had to do with them. It was tough for shifters if they had kids who’d decided to leave the colony. It happened a lot. Kids went to college outside of Impulse, got a taste for “normal” living, and chose never to come back. Pascal almost hadn’t, but he’d always known he’d be alpha puma one day and the pull of that responsibility finally won out over teenage rebellion.

  “The thing is, she heard about Nicole as soon as she got back and came right on over to see me.” Rafe paused. “She’s the contact you’re looking for, guys.”

  “Tell us,” Kai said, urgency in his tone.

  Rafe and Vilas between them did so.

  “Shit, how the hell are we gonna explain that one to her?” Pascal asked when Rafe ran out of words.

  “Seems to me that if you want her to stay and be your mate, you’re gonna have to reveal our secret life to her anyway.”

  “Yes, but what if she doesn’t want to stay, once she knows we’re shifters?” Kai asked.

  “You have to tell her so she can learn the truth about her grandfather. If she then resists your charms, we’ll have to wipe her memory of all the bits that would endanger our community.”

  “Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that,” Pascal said with feeling.

  “I’m sure it won’t,” Vilas said, serious for once. “But if she needs reassurance, Chantal and the other human mates will tell it like it is, good and bad.”

  “Once she’s gotten over the shock, Davina has asked if she can talk to her alone and explain about her relationship with her grandfather.”

  “That seems fair,” Pascal said. “It just leaves us with the hard job.”

  Rafe grinned. “She might be more receptive to the idea than you imagine. I don’t think her life has been a bed of roses up to this point. Perhaps she’ll enjoy having a whole community to nurture her and restore her confidence.”

  “Easy for you to say,” Kai groused.

  “Come on, guys, let’s get over to the park. Philo needs all paws on deck tonight to gather some damned herb or other that has a limited growing spell. Still, at least we can shift and be ourselves for a while.”

  “Sounds like a plan,” Kai said, leading the way back down the stairs.

  * * * *

  Nicole’s day had been packed with new experiences, and then rounded off with too much wine. But still she couldn’t sleep. Questions without answers rattled around inside her head—questions that had nothing to do with her grandfather’s situation. For the first time in a decade she had personal issues to wrestle with.

  The more she got to know Pascal and Kai, the less she understood them. The same could be said for the entire Impulse community for that matter. There was something off about it, but in a good way. She felt embraced by a culture that cherished and accepted her for who she was, not for the way she looked or what she could do for them. Perhaps that was because all the people she’d seen so far—especially the men—were exceptionally good-looking. They’d only seen her dowdy side, but even if she shed her disguise, she wouldn’t be anything out of the ordinary when compared to them.

  That was what she found so confusing. She hadn’t tried to look her best and yet they still accepted her. That, in Nicole’s experience, was unheard of. Where she came from everyone was judged by the way they looked, the size of their hips, their fashion sense, their popularity. Here none of that seemed to matter and people went by what was on the inside.

  Not that she thought there was anything special about her—she wasn’t quite that shallow. It was other people’s perception of her that had, over the years, forced her to think that way. Until she started playing down the way she looked, virtually every man she came into contact with made some sort of play for her. Virtually every woman took against her. She hadn’t let any of the men get inside her pants when they wanted to. When she changed the way she looked, they no longer wanted to. Was it any wonder that she’d hung on to her virginity?

  Nicole returned her mind to Impulse and the peculiarities she’d observed during the two days she’d been on the small spit of land. All the inhabitants seemed to move as though their feet didn’t actually make contact with the ground. Feline grace was the best way to describe it. Lithe and supple, it was as though they had no bones in their limbs. They flowed rather than walked, carried themselves with a regal lissomness that was fascinating to observe, impossible to imitate. Clearly, you either had it, or you didn’t.

  “They’re just people,” she said aloud. “Exceptionally nice-looking ones, but still just people. And I should know better than to judge them by their appearance.”

  What Pascal and Kai had done to each other, and then to her, had blown her mind. Her only previous experience of sexual gratification had been self-administered, so she supposed she didn’t have much of a yardstick to measure their performance by. Even so, she knew it had been special.

  She found it hard to fathom why they’d bothered if they hadn’t intended to fuck her. At first she thought they were gay, but it quickly became apparent that they swung both ways. Perhaps if she hadn’t admitted to still being a virgin? They obviously thought that was a state to be cherished and preserved. So had she, until today. Now it was a bothersome detail that needed to be rectified.

  By one, or both, of them.

  “Get real,” Nicole muttered. “They probably have women falling off every orifice. You just happened to be convenient.”

  Well, whatever lady friends they had, they didn’t live in this apartment. Far as she could tell, there was no feminine paraphernalia in the place. That didn’t mean anything, but did make her wonder. Jealousy wormed its way through her gut when she thought of them with other women. Her reaction annoyed her since it was just plain dumb. The guys were nothing to her—just as she was a passing fancy on their part. She had responsibilities awaiting her on the other side of the pond and she’d get back to them just as soon as she’d fulfilled her promise to her grandfather.

  Even so, a small part of her regretted what might have been, and kept her awake. She stared at the ceiling, trying to think up a new recipe for duck confit. It was something she did well, and had helped to build her name as a chef. She took traditional recipes and gave them an original twist. But tonight she came up empty because she couldn’t concentrate, nor did it help her to sleep.

  The wind got up at some point and rattled the shutters. One of them somewhere else in the house must be loose because it kept up a rhythmic banging that drove her crazy. Presumably one of the guys would see to it. It wasn’t her problem.

  Minutes went past and the shutter continued to bang. It was like Chinese water torture. Every time it stopped she lay there counting the seconds, waiting for it to start again. She’d been having trouble dropping off before. Now it would be impossible.

  “Oh for goodness sake!”

  Nicole climbed out of bed. She was only wearing a T-shirt, but the guys had seen her in far less. Besides, if they couldn’t hear the shutter they must be dead to the world and wou
ldn’t notice her getting up to fix it. She prowled the corridor, in which a low night light was burning, enabling her to find her way. She followed the sound of the banging, which was coming directly from the room the guys shared.

  “Hell, if they can’t hear that there must be something wrong with them.”

  Concerned, Nicole invaded their private space, ready to apologize but also to give them a piece of her mind for being too lazy to fix the shutter. The light from the passageway was sufficient for her to see that the huge bed was empty, unslept in.

  “Ah, that explains it. That’s why they wanted me to go to bed, so they could go out and join their lady friends.”

  Even so, why leave the window wide open? Everyone knew that the bugs in Florida could eat you alive, even at this time of year. Just as she crossed the room to close the window, two enormous cats leapt through it—one with a shimmering tawny coat, the other a lustrous silver gray. Both trained piercing amber eyes on her with an intensity that caused her to shiver.

  Nicole froze with indecision, her feet refusing to move as she stared into those amber eyes, convinced she was about to die. Only when one of the cats moved toward her did she find the energy to scream and made a frantic dash for the door.

  Chapter Twelve

  “Shit, what the hell’s she doing in here?” Pascal pheromoned.

  “It’s not as though we can ask her.”

  “We’re terrifying her.”

  “I know. I hope her heart holds out. We probably don’t come across as the cute, cuddly kind that we actually are. What can we do to reassure her?”

  Pascal expelled an inaudible growl. “I knew we should have shifted back outside.”

  “Hindsight’s a wonderful thing. Let’s just worry about reassuring our mate.”

  “Don’t let her get to the door, buddy. There’s no telling what she might do if she gets clear of this room.”

  “I hear you.”

  Nicole was halfway across the room. Kai covered the distance in one bound and placed himself between her and the door. He sent her what he hoped was a reassuring look. It didn’t seem to help, but at least she remained rooted to the spot.