Whispering Minds

by A. T. O'Connor

  Collin grinned. “Right. Alcohol is bad. But so is letting people devour too many bowls of Fruity Tulips. It’s called huge medical bills to cover the cost of obesity and diabetes, which I pay for in taxes and insurance premiums.”

  “I suppose next you’ll want to limit the number of boxes I can buy?”

  “Great idea. We can provide vouchers for every purchase. Then we won’t have chubby alcoholics.”

  I held back a scream. “You infuriate me.”

  “Relax, babe. Just close your eyes and things will get better. I promise.”

  Another promise, Gemi. Be careful.

  “Go away, Collin. I can’t handle you right now.” I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples, willing both Collin and my headache away.

  Chapter 10

  Indie read out loud in a seductive voice, her pouty lips stained red from too much gloss. “Broken girl. Change of heart. Love me not. Don’t even start.”

  Fell scolded Indie. “You know better than that.”

  Undeterred, Indie held Poet’s notebook out of reach and cast a sideways glance at Angel. “What does this shit even mean?”

  As expected, Angel snapped to attention, her cheeks red at the expletive. “I wish you wouldn’t swear so much. Nobody thinks you’re cool.”

  “Well, nobody thinks you’re cool with all your prayer stuff either. Or Daisy with her flower-child crap or Einstein with his genetics. I mean, who gives a flying monkey’s ass about the probability of inheriting green eyes? I don’t.”

  “I don’t either.” Brutus lounged against the closed door, looking bored.

  “You don’t care about anything.” Indie let the notebook drop onto Rae’s knitting project and grabbed for the door handle.

  Brutus didn’t budge.

  “Fell, make him move.” Indie caught Fell’s eyes and put her hands up in a gesture of prayer. “Pretty please. I just need a little air.”

  Fell nodded slightly. Brutus stepped aside. “Just don’t go causing any trouble.”

  Indie giggled as she sashayed from the room. “Of course I won’t.”

  * * *

  “What are you doing?” a voice boomed out from behind me.

  I shook my head like a dog shaking off water after a swim. The library shot into focus. Collin next to me, looking slightly rumpled. Papers strewn out on the table. Travis, fists balled by his side. “Jesus, Travis, you scared me half to death.”

  “If you’d been studying your homework instead of your partner, you might have noticed me walk in.”

  The thought of me hitting on Collin was laughable. “I wasn’t flirting.”

  “Looked like it to me.”

  Collin settled into his chair, arms and legs relaxed. Indifferent. “Better check your eyes, dude. I don’t do freshies. Especially ones who haven’t graduated from high school yet.”

  Men and their testosterone. They were both so ridiculous I could hardly stand it. I gathered my papers, stuffed them in my messenger bag and left them to fight it out.

  It took Travis a second to catch up. When he did, his hand on my back wasn’t warm and light, but intense and proprietary. “Relax, Travis. I’m not going to date him. He’s just my project partner.”

  “He had lipstick smudges on his collar.”

  “In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t wear lipstick.”

  “He had his hand on your thigh.”

  “Collin’s a pig.” I slid my arm around Trav’s waist, reminding both of us that I wanted to take our relationship to a new level. “Besides, I only like your hand on my thigh, so take your man jealousy somewhere else.”

  Travis softened his grip and pulled me closer. “How about I take you somewhere else?”

  Warm heat flooded my body. I could get used to this.

  “How does the Dairy Barn sound?”

  Definitely not what I was hungry for. I swallowed my disappointment. “That’s not exactly what I had in mind.”

  “Well, what were you thinking?”

  Your bedroom.

  A new thought pushed to the surface. “How about we visit your grandpa now?”

  Travis consented, but only after we ran through the drive-thru for ice cream first. He drove to the outskirts of Prairie Flats, taking me on streets I didn’t know existed and parked in front of a brick building with a giant feather carved into the wooden door.

  Despite the hot air blowing from the vents, I felt chilled. “Why haven’t I seen this place before?”

  Travis helped me out of the truck. “Ancient Indian secret.”

  I brushed aside my unease in favor of Trav’s teasing. “You’re impossible.”

  “I know, and that’s why you love me.”

  We’d kidded a thousand times, but this was different. This time I really wanted his words to be true, and that scared me in a nearly physical way. I pushed my feelings aside. “You’re shameless.”

  “Shameless and impossible.” Travis guided me into the building. “I like that.”

  “You would.”

  The inside of the building appeared to be a store and museum rolled into one. Photos and drawings lined the walls. A plaque with detailed descriptions hung under each print, while the counters held ornate carvings of animals, feathers and spearheads. A small, red bear drew my attention. I wrapped my fingers around it, letting the cool stone settle into my palm. Instantly, my nerves calmed.

  Travis touched my arm, and I reluctantly put the bear back on the glass cabinet. He ushered me through the store to an office at the end of a hall. The door stood open, revealing Clarence’s bent head. Travis knocked lightly and nudged me forward. Clarence looked up from his desk, his wrinkled face breaking into a grin. “Gemi, I’m so glad you came to see me.”

  He stood and stretched out his hand. I shook it and felt that same electric energy from the hospital. A shiver slid down my spine. “I didn’t bring your hat back. I didn’t know we’d be coming.”

  “I’m not concerned. Travis knows where you live.” Clarence indicated two chairs opposite him.

  I sat. Travis did not. “I’m going to check something in the store.”

  After Travis left, Clarence settled in across from me. “How have you been?”

  His question went deeper than casual conversation, and I gave the answer it deserved. “It helps that I have Travis to keep me grounded.”

  “Travis has a way of doing that.” Clarence paused, as if trying to find his next words. He shuffled the papers on his desk, rearranging them several times before continuing. “So what can I do for you?”

  Absently, I massaged my temple with my thumb. “I don’t know, sir. Travis said you were my granny’s psychologist.”

  “Not hers.”

  Yours.

  I didn’t know if he said it, or if I imagined it. Regardless, the effect was the same. My stomach twisted, and I barely managed to keep in my seat. My eyes swept the office, locking in on the stuffed rabbit. I focused on the ratty ears. The patchy fur and the white-turned-gray tail. “No. I’ve never met you before.”

  “Gemini, you’ve known me your whole life.”

  I opened my mouth to protest.

  He’s lying.

  The room swayed.

  Don’t listen.

  I choked on the impossibility of his words.

  Clarence’s eyes found mine, and I turned away from the look on his face. Was it pity? I prayed not. I had to be strong. I had to get answers to the secret that haunted me and my family. “If I’ve known you my whole life, why have I never met you?”

  Even to my ears, the question didn’t make sense. Clarence, however, seemed to understand. “You didn’t want to.”

  “But why? I don’t understand.”

  “I can’t answer that question for you, but maybe your grandmother can.”

  He searched through the pile of papers on his desk, found an envelope with my name on the back in Granny’s looping cursive, and handed it to me. “I’ll give you a moment.”

  After he left, I stroked the s
ilky envelope. It smelled faintly of lavender. Of Granny.

  The corners of the room softened to gray and the thin strains of Bach filled my head. I fought against the urge to close my eyes and concentrated on the stuffed bunny. My breathing settled into a steady rhythm. I made my way around the desk and plucked the rabbit off the shelf. It smelled sweetly-dirty, as if it had been stroked one too many times by sucker-sticky fingers.

  I hugged it close and whispered in its ear. “My name is Gemini Baker, and I am not losing my mind.”

  I ripped open the envelope.

  She’d given me the farm. I could access it when I turned eighteen. Until then, Clarence would act as caretaker. A trust fund had been set up for me. Something Clarence could help with now to ease my financial burden. My head spun. Suddenly, Trav’s family had become the center of my universe, unexpectedly forced on me by my grandmother’s letter and a life I never knew she had.

  Clarence and Granny.

  Clarence and me.

  Clarence and my dad.

  Intertwined by an invisible thread of secrets I didn’t know. And at the center of it, a man I didn’t know.

  Clarence’s words taunted me. You’ve known me your whole life.

  And I forgot you for half of it. I replayed his conversation with Granny in the hospital. Her trust in him—her dependence on him—so complete. How had I missed him being a part of her life? Of my life?

  Because Granny spent time with me when I was with her. We made every minute count, and that rarely included other people. I may have known Clarence long ago, but it had probably been ages since I’d last seen him.

  No secret there.

  But if Clarence had been such an integral part of Granny’s life, what about Travis? Had she known him before he started driving me to her place on Sundays? Had I?

  Impossible. I distinctly remembered meeting Travis after I moved from Granny’s house in Medville back to Prairie Flats four years ago.

  Besides, there was no way I could forget Travis.

  Yet he seemed to know things. Like the funeral lady had. Like my mom tried forgetting.

  Lies of omission swirled around my head.

  My mind raced, examining possibilities of extramarital affairs. Could Granny and Clarence have had a thing like Travis suspected?

  Honey, there ain’t none of us that don’t know your daddy and what he done.

  Had my dad taken revenge and hurt Clarence? Is that why he was missing a foot? The thought made my stomach roll, and no matter how hard I tried to make it fit, I couldn’t figure out what that had to do with me. Unless my dad had served jail time. That would explain why everyone had let Clarence—and my dad’s past—slip from my memory.

  I tucked the rest of the letter, unread, back into the envelope. When Clarence returned, he gave me the bunny. I looked at him with renewed interest—as a lifelong partner for Granny, replacing her dead husband just two months after my father’s birth. And then my heart stopped at the unthinkable. Could Clarence be my dad’s father?

  Time blurred.

  An engine hummed.

  Scooby Doo nodded.

  The question from Clarence’s office raced through my mind. Was my dad the product of a relationship between Granny and Clarence? An uncle to Travis? Could this be why my dad hated Travis so much? Why I’d been lukewarm to his affections all these years? I ran through my family tree and expanded it to include Clarence as my grandfather and Travis as my cousin. I shivered and dismissed it. There’s no way Granny would keep something like that from me. Promise or not.

  “Gem?” Trav’s voice was a caress. “What happened in there?”

  “How long have you known my granny?”

  “Forever.”

  That didn’t make sense. Because if he knew Granny and Granny knew him, then I had to have known him long before high school, and he knew me. If so, my entire life was a lie. Mine, not Granny’s and not Clarence’s.

  Somebody was playing with me, trying to make me crazy. “You’re gaslighting me.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Gaslighting. It’s what abusers do to torment their victims. We learned all about it in psychology. You drive people insane by messing with their minds.”

  Travis met my eyes in the rearview mirror. “That’s crazy, Gemi. Nobody is trying to hurt you.”

  “But you’ve lied to me.”

  A pained look crossed his face. “Don’t do this to yourself.”

  “You mean to you. Don’t do this to you.” I nearly spit the words at him. “And her. She lied to me, too. You all did. If you all knew each other, how come you didn’t know me?”

  “I did.”

  My lungs stopped working. It felt like I’d been punched in the gut and couldn’t catch my breath. I was dying inside, my body shutting down just like Granny’s had. The ache of death crushed me, and I silently begged for it. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t I know?”

  “I was only trying to protect you. We all were.” He rested his hand on my shoulder.

  I threw it off. Anger replaced my shock. “From who?”

  Chapter 11

  I pushed my cheek against the cold glass of the window. I couldn’t deal with life right now. I cried out in my mind, calling for Granny to confront her for the truths she’d kept hidden, for her part in the Big Secret. She didn’t answer.

  Daisy did. You don’t have to be alone if you don’t want to.

  I focused on her voice and found her in a corner of my mind, created out of nothing by my needs. I had taken lucid dreaming to a whole new level. She patted the floor beside her. She wasn’t alone. While the Dozen looked nothing like their avatars of scenery or cartoons, I recognized them just the same. Abandoned by everyone else, I embraced this new ability to conjure up my cyber friends. Daisy was right. I didn’t have to be alone.

  Travis threw his jacket across my lap at the same time my dream-self snuggled up with Daisy under her fleece blanket. She squeezed my hand and whispered, “It’s nice to finally meet you.”

  The scent of stale smoke filled the air. “Where are we?”

  Daisy giggled and shrugged. “We thought you would know.”

  I looked around, this time focusing on the room instead of the Dozen. The walls were pale yellow. Heavy drapes covered the only window and matched the blue and red striped bedspread. A dream catcher hung from the ceiling amidst the glow of green plastic stars. Toy baskets lined one wall, filled with an assortment of trains, dinosaurs and stuffed animals. “It’s a bedroom.”

  “Nice job, Einstein.” Einstein grinned at me from a child-sized recliner.

  “We were wondering whose, though.” Indie paced in front of the window. She wore tight jeans and a tighter v-neck. Her hair hung over her shoulders and just brushed the top of her barely covered breasts.

  A rocking chair squeaked from a corner of the room. Rae’s knitting needles clicked as a single strand of blue yarn trailed up past her feet into the flurry of needles and came out the other end as a scarf with nobbly bumps. “I’m not sure it matters where we are. Only that we’re finally together.”

  From her post by the door, Fell 1 nodded her agreement.

  “You two always agree,” JayJay said from the floor. His intricate train track wove throughout the room. A caboose clacked past the Poet, who sat in the corner hunched over a notebook. His pencil flew across the page, scratching out words.

  “Can I ask you something?” I directed my question to Fell 1. She nodded, and I continued. “I’ve always wondered, what does your name stand for?”

  “Felicity?” This came from Daisy.

  “Felicia?” Angel guessed from her perch on the edge of the bed.

  “Fell-atio.” Indie snickered and lifted the corner of the curtain.

  “None of those,” Fell said and turned to Indie. “And none of that. You know better.”

  “Know what?” I whispered to Luna who suddenly appeared beside me.

  She shrugged her thin shoulders sullenly, giving t
he impression she was mad at me. I shook off the feeling and reminded myself this was just a dream. Bizarre as it was.

  Luna leaned back against the wall. “One Fell Swoop.”

  Rae nodded at Luna and checked the scarf for length by wrapping it around her neck.

  “Nice guess, Luna.” Brutus stretched out on the bed. I’d missed him the first time around. I’d always pictured him big, and he didn’t disappoint. His broad shoulders nearly took up the entire bed. No wonder Angel looked ready to fall off the mattress.

  I did a head count. “Where’s James?”

  Bach twanged on a toy piano, covering the sound of silence from the others. One by one, their images faded into blackness leaving me alone, swinging on the front porch, reading books with the ghost of Granny. Bach’s music floated up and over the hum of an engine. A gentle hand shook me awake to the inside of Trav’s truck.

  “Did you have a nice catnap?”

  “I think so.”

  Travis shifted in his seat. His thumb worried the steering wheel. “About what happened earlier. I’m sorry.”

  I yawned to cover my confusion. We never fought so it couldn’t be anything serious. I shrugged. “No big deal.”

  “It is a big deal, Gem. Huge. And something you have to deal with. You can’t just ignore what’s happening to you.”

  I’m not ignoring it. I just can’t remember! I can’t even remember what you’re talking about.

  But I couldn’t say that, because then I’d be a freak. Maybe I was one now. I sought out Trav’s face for reassurance that he still cared for me. He kept his eyes on the road and didn’t return my smile. His next words stabbed into me. “I think it’s time you see someone.”

  “I’m fine, Travis.” Even to me, my words rang false, so I leaned in and kissed his cheek. He was the last good thing in my world, and I had to make things right between us.

  The truck jerked to the side then straightened as he recovered from my touch. His fingers clenched the steering wheel. When he spoke, his voice was as hard and tight as his jaw. “You’re not fine.”

  Hot anger seeped through my body like it had in the kitchen with my dad, and I fought the urge to punch Travis. “I don’t think it’s any of your business.”