by Lori Foster
“You said you were worried.”
Garrett gave him a dead stare. “Yeah, but I love her, so I’m allowed.”
As Noel watched Garrett leave, he assured himself that things couldn’t be too bad, or her brother would look more upset.
I love her, so I’m allowed.
Damn it, he loved her, too. He hadn’t yet had a chance to tell her, though. In the larger scheme of things, would it matter?
Tomorrow couldn’t get here soon enough to suit him.
Tomorrow, they’d talk and somehow he’d work it all out.
CHAPTER THREE
AMBER HADN’T HAD much time to think, not with everything happening at Mach speed, but in times like these, thinking could be overrated. There was too much to do, too much to feel, too many overwhelming emotions, some of them tragic, some poignant. She was immeasurably sad, insanely busy, but also feeling blessed.
Most of all, she was honored.
It had taken some fast talking to convince her parents and Garrett that she didn’t need or want a visit on her first night back. Often, after being out of town, she’d stay the night with her parents and let them dote on her. Her dad, especially, enjoyed making and sharing pancakes in the morning. And she and her mom would sit on the front porch and chat quietly over coffee.
This time, she honestly didn’t think she had the energy for it.
Tomorrow would be soon enough to go over everything, and she expected her whole big, wonderful family to show up in force, insisting on helping in a dozen different ways.
Because they abided by her wishes, usually anyway, it surprised Amber to realize a truck was parked at the curb in front of her house. When she got closer and recognized the truck, conflicting emotions swamped her.
He was here.
And now she’d have to deal with him sooner rather than later.
At the very least, she needed a good night’s sleep before choking down his “no kids” rule. Yet the second her headlights showed, he stepped out of his truck and stared toward her, watching her approach.
Well, no time like the present, then, she decided. Not that she had a choice anyway. She couldn’t exactly race him into the house and lock the door behind her. Not when it was going to take her easily three trips to unload the bed of her truck.
Her thoughts scrambled from happy to see him, to dread over their confrontation, before settling into annoyance. She parked in the driveway, glanced into the rear seat of her crew-cab truck and quietly exited.
Noel was already at her truck door and before she could say “Hello,” or “Get lost,” or ask a single question, he had her locked against him in his strong, unbreakable hold.
God, it felt good to have his arms around her, like truly coming home.
Without any other greeting, he took her mouth, gently coaxing her lips to part so his tongue could play with hers.
It never failed.
Every clear thought, every bit of situational awareness, evaporated. Amber knew she leaned into him, knew she snaked her arms around his neck.
Knew she kissed him back.
“I missed you,” he whispered, then immediately kissed her again.
The sudden loud screech from the second seat had him jumping back. It was almost comical, the horrified look on his face as understanding and denial stirred together.
Amber put a finger to the center of his chest, said “Excuse me” and stepped him back out of her way.
The second she had the door open and saw that small, precious face scrunched up, her heart turned over. “It’s okay, June Bug. I didn’t forget about you, I promise.” She opened the restraints on the car seat and, girding herself for Noel’s reaction, lifted out her bundle.
He still appeared staggered. “That’s a baby!”
“Is it?” Amber said, looking down as if in surprise. “Junie, honey, are you a baby?”
June stared at Noel in the light from the open truck door. Silky brown hair curled around her face, her eyes, a soft shade of blue, unblinking. Because she didn’t know Noel and she’d had so many changes lately, she dropped her head to Amber’s shoulder, half hiding while keeping her gaze on Noel. In a whisper, she squeaked, “Bebe.”
“That’s right,” Amber said. “You are a baby, aren’t you?” She brushed a kiss over the sweet-smelling hair and gave Noel a pointed look. “You should probably go. It’s okay, you know. I’ve got this.”
He hadn’t looked away from June yet.
June hadn’t looked away from him, either.
“Noel,” she repeated, doing her best to stay strong. “You need to go. As you can see, I’ve got a lot to do.”
That shook him free and he glanced at her, but only for a second, before returning his attention to June. “What’s going on here?”
She couldn’t explain, not in front of June. The baby wouldn’t understand much, but Amber wasn’t willing to take the chance. “You know why I left.”
“To help your friend—”
She interrupted with a shake of her head, doing her best to tamp down the tears that came each and every time she thought of Peggy. “There wasn’t anything to be done by the time I got there.”
Noel stared at her a moment, then cupped his hand to her cheek. “God, honey, I’m so sorry.”
Stepping away, she said, “Remember what sympathy does to me. Can’t have that right now.” She kissed June again, who still stared at Noel with her fixed gaze. “You might as well know, I’m keeping her.”
His eyes flared.
So that he didn’t misunderstand, she said, “June Bug is mine now.”
And the baby, still in her sweet, unsure voice, repeated “Mine,” as if to make sure he got it.
* * *
NOEL FINISHED SETTING up the crib in Amber’s bedroom. Her house was smaller than his with only two bedrooms, and the second bedroom was in use as a walk-in closet. She hadn’t wanted him to help, she’d made that much clear. If she’d gotten her way—something she was used to with everyone else—she’d have sent him packing there in the driveway after dropping her little bombshell.
How she’d have handled it all herself, he didn’t know. But she would have, that much he knew with certainty. Amber was the most resourceful woman he’d ever known.
But just because she could, didn’t mean she should.
So he’d insisted on unloading her truck first. Car seat, high chair, stroller, crib...and those were just the bulkiest items. Boxes and boxes of diapers, tubs of clothes, more tubs of toys. He didn’t know where to put it all, and Amber was on the couch, rocking a sleepy June, so he didn’t ask her for direction.
With each trip he’d taken out to her truck, he’d seen her there, the baby curled in her arms as she gently rocked, rocked, rocked...as if she’d been born to it, like fate had intended her to be in that exact spot, doing that exact thing.
But fate sure as hell hadn’t intended him to be an observer.
And until she’d fallen asleep, June’s gaze had tracked him without blinking each time he’d passed through, then returned.
Getting the crib assembled wasn’t the problem, but doing so silently had challenged him. He’d managed because he didn’t want to wake the baby.
When she locked on to him with those big blue eyes, he felt it clear down to his soul. It unnerved him, damn it. Better to let her sleep and spare him the discomfort.
With the bed together, he found a crib sheet in one of the tubs of folded clothes and put it on, then found a light cotton blanket, too.
Out of necessity, given the small size of the room, the crib sat very close to Amber’s bed. Noel thought of Amber curled up there, and it should have been an enticing image...but not with a baby’s bed three feet away. He turned to leave the room—only to find Amber standing there, a limp-limbed June B
ug in her arms.
“She only weighs thirty pounds,” Amber whispered, “but she’s getting heavy.” With a tight smile, she added, “So move.”
With alacrity, Noel edged out of the way, yet he couldn’t make himself leave. He stood behind Amber, watching as she eased her sleepy burden into the crib, then just as silently pulled up the side rail. She put the soft blanket over June’s dimpled legs, kissed her smooshed-up cheek and, looking wearier than he’d ever seen her, walked past him out of the room.
Noel couldn’t seem to get his feet to budge. Couldn’t budge his gaze, either. It stayed on the baby, on the way her little rosebud mouth puckered a few times, how her little chubby fist opened and closed before going lax again.
Objectively, he knew she was a beautiful little girl. Emotionally, it didn’t matter what she looked like.
She was a baby and she scared him half to death.
He found Amber in the kitchen emptying a box of bibs, blunt-tipped forks and suction-bottomed bowls, along with what he assumed to be June’s favorite foods.
“You should get some sleep. You look beat.”
“True,” she said without looking at him. “But even if she sleeps the rest of the night, which is doubtful, she’ll be up bright and early and I’d rather be a little organized.”
Noel walked over beside her and rested a hip against the counter, his arms folded over his chest. “What did you mean, she’s yours?”
“Exactly that.” She finished emptying one box, broke it down and put it in a stack, then started on another.
“For how long?”
Those brilliant sapphire eyes, now a little bloodshot, slanted his way. “Mine is mine, Noel. Forever.”
He couldn’t believe that, but clearly she was in an obstinate mood. He wasn’t sure how to proceed, but he definitely didn’t want to exacerbate things. Calmly, gently, he asked, “Will you tell me about it?”
“I won’t go into to nitty-gritty detail. No offense, but I don’t have time. The overview, though, is that Peggy...didn’t survive.” Her voice faded to a whisper. “I didn’t make it in time to see her.”
More than ever he wished he’d gone along with her. “I’m sorry.”
She acknowledged that with a nod. “She had a will and named me guardian. June’s father wanted no part of her and gave up his rights long ago. Her parents are there, but her mother had a stroke a few months back, her father has his hands full, and they know I would never try to cut them out, so they didn’t protest.”
Noel’s heart ached for her, though she was powering through without an excess of emotion.
Hefting another box onto the counter, she tore into it, rearranging her own cabinets as she did so to fit in everything. “Peggy didn’t have much, but once I can get better organized, I’ll get the rest of June’s things, including her dresser and some larger toys, and Peggy’s minivan. I took everything I figured was essential in this trip.”
Things couldn’t possibly have changed so much, so quickly. Noel’s head was swimming, so how must she feel?
Amber finished that box, too, and headed into the living room.
Noel followed. When she started to lift the high chair, he caught her arm and turned her to face him. “Slow down, please.”
She stared at his chest through two complete, deep breaths, then looked up at him and managed a strained smile. “You should go. You’ll have to be at the station tomorrow—”
“No, I switched to have the day off.” Because he’d wanted to be with her.
She patted his chest in regret. “I’m sorry. As you can see, I’m slammed.” Her hand stayed on his chest, subtly caressing until she caught herself and drew it away. “Plus I have a baby now. I know how you feel about that.”
He ignored the snide comment. “You can’t do this by yourself.”
“Of course I can. But you know my family, Noel. Do you really think I’ll have to?”
No, she wouldn’t. Her family shoved their way in through thick or thin, there to celebrate the good times and to help get through the difficulties. “I guess not.”
“They’ll all converge tomorrow.” Before he could wonder about that, she explained, “I insisted I wanted some peace and quiet tonight.”
“Fine.” But he was here now, damn it. “Until then, let me help.”
She glared up at the ceiling, appeared to count, then pointed down the hall. “There is a baby. In my room.” She went on tiptoes to say directly into his face, “You don’t like babies, remember?”
And again she tried to march away.
He drew her back around, and since it usually worked, he kissed her to get her attention.
This time was no different.
She didn’t push him away, but she did try to poker up on him...only it didn’t last, and when she softened against him, her body sighing into his, he forced himself to stop. “You can’t get that close to me and expect me to resist.”
Her tone and expression seductive, she whispered, “I was blasting you.”
God, he loved her many moods, and he especially loved the way she reacted to him. From the beginning, he’d only found one way to sidetrack her and luckily it worked like a charm. “I felt your breath, knew your lips were right there, and it didn’t matter what you were saying.”
“Oh.” The heaviness left her eyes and she became more alert.
He still held her upper arms so she couldn’t storm away from him again. “Listen up, okay? I don’t dislike babies.”
“I did not dream that, Noel. You said a very clear never to the idea of children.”
“True, I don’t want kids.” That hadn’t changed. “But I want you.”
“I,” she stated, exasperation replacing the sensual haze, “now come with a kid.”
He’d need more time to think about that. She would, too. Her friend had passed away, she’d taken on a massive responsibility, and she had to be reeling, regardless of how stoic she appeared right now. “We’re in a relationship.”
“Are we?” She put her forehead to his chest and let out a long breath. “I’m not holding you to anything, okay? You can go with a clear conscience.”
Just like that? She expected him to walk out on her, to give up everything they had and leave her to deal alone?
Did she think he stuck around out of some misguided Good Samaritan sensibility? That assumption pissed him off. “Stop it, Amber.”
“Look around you! I have so much to do. I need a shower. And I’m really hoping to grab a few hours of sleep.”
He glided his fingers over her smooth cheek, down to her chin to tip up her face. “Sleep has been difficult, I imagine.”
She didn’t quite meet his gaze. “June’s routine has been completely destroyed, and she’s seldom slept more than a few hours at a time.”
“So tell you what.” He cupped her precious face in his hands and bent his knees to look into her eyes. “Let’s compromise here a little, okay? You go take your shower while I put things away.” Stubborn pride would only take her so far, and while she might call the shots with her family, he wasn’t that easy. “I’m not leaving, so you may as well put me to work.”
She rubbed her forehead. “Fine.” In rapid order she told him where he should fit everything. The majority of June’s clothes and toys would stay in the storage tubs for now, and those would go in her guest-bedroom-slash-closet. The high chair would go in the kitchen, of course, the stroller in the garage. The playpen anywhere in the living area where it would fit—as long as it was away from electrical cords, shelves and anything else she might be able to reach.
“I can handle that,” he promised. “Go, relax, and if she wakes I’ll come tell you.”
Amber lifted her chin. “I’m locking the door, so just knock.”
Stubborn. “You think this is all a ploy
to get you naked? If it was, I could probably just kiss you and—”
“Behave!” She made a hasty retreat directly into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind her. Seconds later he heard the shower start.
Still grinning, Noel made short work of putting everything away. Amber remained in the shower.
He wondered if she’d eaten, decided she probably hadn’t and made her a grilled cheese sandwich.
She was still in the shower.
He had the food on the table and was pacing when the bathroom door finally opened. Amber’s dark hair was in a towel, another towel wrapped around her body.
Knowing she was naked under that towel, seeing her long, slim legs bare, sent an avalanche of need coursing through his blood.
“I forgot to get clothes,” she explained, her voice sounding funny. “I’m afraid if I go in my room now, I might wake—”
She no sooner said it than they both heard June saying, “Baba, ba ba, babababa.”
Amber didn’t move. In fact she seemed to slump more.
“What’s she saying?” Noel asked.
“She wants her bottle.”
And that was a problem? Trying to be helpful, he said, “I know right where it is.”
Amber lifted her face, and he got his first good look at her eyes.
She’d been crying.
His strong, indomitable, take-charge Amber...reduced to tears?
That was why she’d showered so long. He should have realized. The past five days had been hell for her. The rush to her friend’s hospital bed, a funeral, guardianship.
If he tried to hold her, which he desperately wanted to do, she might turn away from him. Or completely lose control.
He wasn’t sure which would be worse.
“What can I do?”
“You can go.”
That little quaver in her voice nearly did him in. “I’m not leaving, so stop trying to shove me out the door.” Sometimes with Amber the best defense was to take charge—so that she couldn’t.
Taking her arm and leading her toward the bedroom, Noel said, “Find your pajamas. I’ll get the bottle ready. Milk? Juice? What does she prefer?”