A Buckhorn Baby

by Lori Foster

  “Right.” With a deep sigh, she tossed up her hands. “Babysitting for a few hours is one thing. I handled that, piece of cake. Setting up house with a toddler in mind is altogether different. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

  “Wrong.” Cautiously, Noel drew her against him. “You’re loving her. That’s the most important thing.” He might not know a lot about kids, but he knew that with a certainty.

  “She’s lost so much.”

  “True. But you’re doing everything you can. I’d say that’s enough.”

  Amber gave in, wrapping her arms around him. “Okay, so we know what I’m doing. What are you doing?” She tipped her head back to lock gazes with him. “You don’t have to be here, you know.”

  He brushed his fingertips along her temple, bent to lightly touch his mouth to hers and gave her the only truth he had. “You’re here,” he said. “Where else would I be?”

  CHAPTER FIVE

  AMBER DIDN’T KNOW what to think. From the moment she’d realized June would be hers, she’d decided to be straightforward with Noel. She’d have given a lot to have him share this with her. She definitely didn’t want him to go.

  She loved him.

  But as a realist, she chose to face her future head-on, not waste time longing for things she couldn’t have.

  And so she’d explained to him—and yet, he hadn’t left. If anything, he’d dug in deeper. Even more surprising, he was amazing with June.

  His big hands moved up and down her back, each pass pressing her closer until she felt the strong beat of his heart. “You’re confusing me.”

  “I know.” He kissed her temple. “I’m sorry.”

  That was it? No further explanation? “You shouldn’t be here. I assumed you wouldn’t be.”

  “I’m worried about you.”

  Only worried? Amber tried to move away, but he didn’t let her and she couldn’t find the energy to make an issue of it. “You don’t have to worry about me. You can see I’m fine, and I have plenty of help.”

  “You’re holding it together,” he agreed, “but then no one doubted you would. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t grieve. In less than a week, you lost a close friend and took on an enormous responsibility.”

  Noel smelled so good, she wanted to stay right where she was, her nose against his throat, his strong arms around her. But that, too, was unrealistic, so she gave him the answers he needed, the answers that might free him.

  “What you said is true, and I suppose if I wanted to concentrate on the struggles, I could. I’d be in tears in minutes and then what? What good would it do?” She hugged him, this beautiful, caring man she loved so much. “I’d rather concentrate on the idea that Peggy trusted me to raise her daughter for her. That’s the most amazing compliment I’ve ever gotten. If I focus on the positive, on the fact that June wasn’t in the car with her, that she has a long life ahead of her and I have a loving family who will ensure she’s never alone, then I can deal with it more easily.”

  It would be so much easier if Noel would be part of her new life, but she couldn’t force him to love her enough. She wouldn’t even try.

  She’d always wanted children, he clearly had not. It wouldn’t be right for her dreams to overshadow his.

  Noel touched her face so tenderly. Blast the man, it felt like love, like love strong enough to conquer anything.

  “We need to talk,” he said.

  She couldn’t imagine what else there was to say, but if that was what he needed, she’d happily agree. “Okay.”

  “Ah, babe, don’t do that. You don’t need to fake it with me.”

  She choked, remembering the first time he’d said that to her.

  Noel nipped her bottom lip. “I thought we settled that early on.”

  “We did!” With her face hot, Amber scowled at him. The discussion at the time had been embarrassing enough. Okay, so she had faked it a little their first time together. Just a little because she didn’t want him to think of her as too much work.

  To her surprise, he’d somehow known and had set her straight real quick, saying he loved touching and tasting her, claiming he could spend hours enjoying her—then he’d proved it until she’d had an explosive climax.

  Afterward he’d insisted that she always be honest with him, most especially in bed. “Your games,” he’d said, “have no place here. Not between us.”

  Being honest with him had given her a big payoff, and somehow every time proved better than the last.

  “That’s not what we were talking about,” she protested.

  “But it applies. No matter the situation, you never need to put on a brave front for me.” He cupped her face and put his mouth to hers, his lips coaxing hers apart, his tongue touching softly, then going deeper.

  Throughout her life, she’d been able to resist any temptation that didn’t suit her self-designed goals.

  Except for Noel. She’d never been able to resist him.

  He tilted his head to deepen the kiss even more. She felt his warm hand on the bare skin of her back, then pressing into her jeans to cover one plump cheek.

  Amber gasped, not with surprise but with scorching need. She could really use an outlet right now, and she couldn’t think of a better way to—

  “Sorry,” Noel murmured against her lips. “I didn’t mean... That got out of hand.”

  Had he heard her complain? No, he hadn’t. “It always does with you.”

  “I know.” He crushed her close again. “It was supposed to be a kiss of understanding and support. I want you to know that you can lean on me. Cry if you need to. Rail at fate.”

  “Gee, that sounds really glum.” She’d rather keep pushing forward than wallow in uncertainty.

  Noel didn’t smile. “Just be yourself, okay? That’s all I’m saying. Whatever you’re feeling or thinking, I want you to share with me.”

  “There’s a problem with that offer.” Why did she have to keep reminding him? “You,” she said with a poke at his chest, “don’t like kids.”

  Her exasperation didn’t bother him. He caught her finger and held on. “That’s one of the things I wanted to talk about.” They both heard Garrett coming back in, forcing him to add, “But not until we’re alone.”

  Alone now had an all-new connotation. The adults might vacate her house, but June would always be with her. And babies, she knew, could be most unpredictable.

  As if he’d read her thoughts, he said, “Let me stay over again. I can leave early enough to go home and change before work.”

  “Noel—”

  “I need to be with you, honey.” He kept his voice soft, coaxing. “Let me stay.”

  Regardless of what was right in the long term, how could she refuse him when she so badly wanted to give in? Everyone might see her as a strong, capable woman, but around Noel, she was mush—and he knew it. “Okay, fine. Suit yourself.”

  He kissed her one more time. “I love you, too, you know. Don’t forget that.”

  Her eyes flared at that never-before-heard sentiment, but before she could properly react, Garrett, June and Rookie reentered with a whirlwind of fun chaos and she lost the opportunity.

  For now.

  * * *

  JUNE BUG WENT straight to Noel, of course. That, Amber decided, was another problem. How could she let the baby get so attached to him if he might suddenly bail?

  But he said he loved her.

  “Come along, little sister.” Garrett pulled her into the kitchen.

  “What’s going on?”

  “You tell me. Something’s up with you and Noel—and don’t tell me it’s none of my business because one man can’t ignore the misery of another.”

  “He might be miserable,” she said, “but don’t expect me to shed any light.”

&n
bsp; “Start there,” Garrett insisted. “I’ll figure it out as I go along.”

  Since she did need someone to talk to, Amber spilled the whole story. She kept an eye on the doorway and pitched her voice low, but she and Garrett both could hear Noel playing with June.

  “And that’s all of it,” she said.

  Both Garrett’s brows went up. “He said he doesn’t want kids, ever?”

  “Yup. Of course, he didn’t know anything about June at the time, but he was pretty convincing.”

  Noel’s laugh came from the living room, then Rookie barked.

  Garrett rolled his eyes. “Did you ask him why?”

  “I would have, but then I got the call...”

  “And then you got June.” He shook his head. “Noel’s not familiar with kids, anyone can see that.”

  “Just as anyone can see he’s not immune?”

  “Not even close. June already has his heart wrapped up. Talk to him, okay? Find out what his hang-up is with kids, and then the two of you can work it out.”

  Could it really be that easy?

  Garrett frowned down at her. “I see the self-doubt. You’re off your game or I wouldn’t have had to give you this little pep talk. You’d have seen the obvious signs on your own.”

  “What signs?”

  “That Noel cares, not just about you, but about a little girl he doesn’t even know. When he moved here, I wondered why. He’d had a good position in Lexington, but he uprooted and came to our small town.”

  Amber thought about that. “He told me he just wanted a change. I never questioned that.” She peeked at her brother. “We had other priorities whenever we were together.”

  “Noticed,” Garrett said, “and we don’t need to go into how you two mooned over each other.”

  “But thinking about it now, it does sound like a man running away.” Frowning, Amber wondered aloud, “But from what?”

  Garrett said, “Maybe you should find out.”

  Yes, she really should. Smiling, Amber threw herself into his arms. “I love you, little brother.”

  “Love you, too.” He stood. “Now put that sharp brain and conniving manner of yours to work and fix things, okay?”

  She rubbed her hands together. “You know, I think I will.”

  * * *

  IN SHORT ORDER, working together, her family got her house as baby-safe as it could be. Garrett screwed in all the drawer latches, Amber added rubber bumpers to every sharp corner, and Noel got her furniture rearranged in the way they’d decided on—which was basically the way he’d deemed best.

  After Adam and Shohn returned with the minivan, Shohn, a park ranger, left for work. Garrett, too, had to go and Morgan had a meeting, but Misty stayed behind.

  Adam and Noel got June’s dresser set up while Misty put all her clothes away. A toy box went into the living room where the bookcase used to be. The swing set, made of thick plastic, went into the yard under the overhang.

  All in all, they had it as together as they could in such a short time.

  Misty ordered pizza and salads for dinner. Shortly after they ate, she hugged Amber, made her promise she’d call if she needed anything at all and, with a final kiss to June, she left. Adam, anxious to see his wife, Isabella, followed her lead, right down to the offer to help any way he could, then he, too, ended the visit.

  Finally they were alone.

  It would have been a good time to talk, but June was still so energetic, Noel couldn’t see starting a deep conversation only to have it repeatedly interrupted with a toddler’s antics.

  Besides, he enjoyed her silly games and babbling.

  Amber hoped a bath would help her unwind, so she got the tub ready while Noel kept an eye on June.

  To keep her entertained, he went to his back and bench-pressed the baby, making silly noises at her each time he lowered her, then listening to her squeals as he lifted her high.

  When Amber came to get June, she was laughing so hard that it got Amber laughing, too.

  Noel smiled at the sound. Amber had every reason to be grim, but instead she took pleasure in life. She was an amazing woman in so many ways.

  And she was his.

  Rookie didn’t know what to think. He constantly wanted to sniff and snuffle on June, but very, very gently.

  Amber hesitated. “You could watch TV or something while I give her a bath. That is, if you still plan to stay.”

  “I’m staying.” But Noel didn’t want any distance between them. “How about I help with the bath?”

  Those gorgeous blue eyes widened. “My bathroom is so small...”

  “We’ll fit.” Like a family. The particular thought, like so many that he’d had today, warmed him. “Come on.” If he gave her a chance, she’d cut him out again, and he wasn’t about to let that happen.

  Rookie wanted in the room, too. He sat beside the tub, resting his head on the edge, whining as if worried.

  Amber had put June in a clever bathing seat that kept her from slipping.

  Didn’t keep her from splashing, though. The girl liked her water. She kicked and slapped and overall had such a great time that she soaked everyone, including the dog.

  Just as Amber had suspected, though, by the time she was dried off and put in a T-shirt and clean diaper for bed, she had wound down considerably. Amber struggled to clean June’s teeth with a small, soft toothbrush, then filled her bottle with water.

  When she tried to sit down with June, the baby squirmed, her gaze searching for Noel.

  She made her preference clear.

  It surprised him, and secretly pleased him. Noel didn’t mind holding her. Already it felt natural, more so than he’d ever suspected it could. Oddly, as the good feelings built up, they crowded out the bad ones. A few reservations remained, but they no longer felt so important.

  June got comfortable in his lap with her head in the crook of his arm so she could see both of them. She held her bottle with one hand, and with the other, she grasped a small fistful of Noel’s T-shirt.

  He stroked her hair as her eyes grew heavier. Amber turned the TV on for background noise, to help drown out other sounds, like Rookie’s thumping tail as he watched the baby fall asleep.

  The second she was out, Rookie gave up his vigil with a big yawn and padded over to the corner to flop down into his doggy bed.

  Noel turned to Amber. She appeared relaxed, her head resting back, her gaze on June.

  “Today was nice,” he said in a low whisper. “I hadn’t expected that.”

  Her gaze sought his. “You expected misery being around a child?”

  “Not misery, no. But I didn’t expect fun.”

  Rather than question his meaning, she nodded. “I enjoyed it, too...and I feel a little guilty about it, knowing what Peggy will miss.”

  He reached out to lace his fingers with hers. “That’s understandable. But I like your idea of focusing on what’s right instead of what’s wrong.” He lifted her hand and kissed her knuckles. “Peggy knew how you’d be or she wouldn’t have chosen you. I guarantee you she doesn’t want you miserable. That’d only make June Bug miserable, too.”

  “Maybe.” She gave it some thought, then twisted to face him more. “Since we’re about as alone now as we’re going to get, can I tell you something? Something very private?”

  He searched her face, but didn’t find a clue what this could be about. “You can tell me anything.” As long as she didn’t tell him to leave. With an odd possessiveness, he curled June Bug a little closer.

  “You’re sure? Because it’s a biggie.”

  Uneasiness stirred. “Anything,” he promised, looking at their entwined hands.

  Silence stretched out. The low sounds of the television faded.

  And Amber said, “I’m ill
egitimate.”

  * * *

  NOT SURPRISINGLY, Noel’s dark gaze swung to hers. “What?”

  “Dad isn’t really my dad. I mean, he is, at least in all the most important ways. But he didn’t father me. My mother was already pregnant when she met him.”

  Bemused, Noel looked at each of her features, then shook his head. “But you look like him.”

  “I look like Mom. It just happens that they both have dark hair and blue eyes.” She smiled thinking about it. “It never mattered to Dad. He knew Mom was pregnant shortly after he met her, but he fell in love and that was that. When I was born, he made it clear to one and all that I am his daughter.”

  “How did you find out?”

  Her mouth twisted. “I overheard Mom and Dad talking once when they didn’t know I was around. Mom was laughing about how I have Dad’s mannerisms and she told him he was such a wonderful father than no one would ever know I wasn’t really his. When they saw me, Dad was wrecked, but Mom just explained everything.”

  “How old were you?”

  “Fifteen. Plenty old enough to understand and to realize that my daddy adored me. Nothing else mattered.”

  Noel just whispered, “No, nothing else matters.”

  “Family knows, but not anyone else.”

  “Except me?”

  She touched his chest. “Well, you’re like family, right? Especially after taking care of June all day.”

  She held her breath, waiting to see how Noel would take that. It pleased her when he smiled.

  “My point,” she said, “is that it doesn’t matter to me who birthed June Bug. Yes, I’ll tell her all about her mother. I’ll make sure she knows what a wonderful person Peggy was and how much she loved her. But June is mine now and she’ll stay mine and that’s never going to change.”

  “I didn’t think it would. Give me credit for knowing you better than that, okay?” Very carefully, he stood and started down the hall with the baby to put her to bed.

  Feeling like an anxious new mom, Amber waited only a moment before following. She got to the doorway in time to see Noel brush a kiss over June’s forehead then lower her to the mattress.