Vivian

by Marie, Bernadette

  “I’m not here to just forget about my wife. I’ll never forget her. I fell in love with her when I was sixteen years old. We had a good life. I’m bitter that someone took that away from me.”

  And with those words she realized that was what she was. She was bitter that someone had taken her good life away from her—someone named Stella Monroe.

  She had loved Adam and he had loved her. Had she not bought into Stella’s lies about how she shouldn’t travel with him and she should stay near his family, maybe he would have known how much she did love him.

  They had a family together. Once they’d had a life together. How could she have been so blind for so long?

  It gnawed at her that he’d wanted a divorce and he’d moved on assuming she hadn’t cared.

  A divorce.

  He’d wanted a divorce.

  “Oh-my-God!” Her breath escaped and Clayton took a step away from her.

  “What?”

  She could see the fear in his eyes. He was ready to run and collect his girls if he had to. She must have looked like a maniac.

  “Adam wanted a divorce.”

  “Okay.” He’d taken another step away from her.

  “No, you don’t understand.” She moved to the kitchen table where the boxes of letters from Adam sat. She walked her fingers through the envelopes, which she’d filed in order. When she found the one she wanted, she pulled it out. “Look. He wants a divorce. He wants to move on.”

  Clayton took the letter and scanned over it. “Vivian, I don’t understand.”

  Of course, he didn’t. She was sounding like a lunatic.

  She put her hands up as if to signal for herself to stop. “He wanted a divorce because he wanted to move on. He went about it a bit too quick, if you ask me.”

  “Men will do that—usually.”

  She took the letter back and looked down at it. “You don’t understand. After I’d learned that he’d married two other women, we found out that my marriage and Penelope’s marriages had never been filed.”

  “You weren’t married?”

  She shrugged. “By then common law, but no. We had never been married.”

  “So what’s all this about?”

  “He wouldn’t have asked for a divorce if he’d known he wasn’t married.”

  Clayton moved from in front of her, picked up his coffee mug, and sat down at the table. A positive sign, she thought. Maybe she wasn’t so crazy now.

  “So, your husband married you, but it wasn’t filed.”

  “Right.”

  “He assumes you’re not communicating with him,” he points to the boxes of letters. “So he asks for a divorce.”

  “Yes.”

  “So he assumed he was married.”

  “Yes!” Okay, good, he’d been paying attention. “That means his mother had been screwing with us since day one. She wanted me to live here while he was away so that she could keep an eye on me.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t know. She’s a freak.”

  He actually chuckled at that then stifled it with a sip of his coffee. “And you think she’s the one that broke into the house?”

  “If not her, she’s behind it.”

  “But she’s in rehab?”

  “I can’t find proof of that. I don’t know where she is.”

  “But she could be trying to get to you right now?” His voice was straining.

  “Don’t take your girls away.”

  He bit down on his lip. “I won’t. But I’m not going anywhere either.”

  “What does that mean?”

  Clayton stood and moved directly in front of her. He didn’t touch her, but his eyes locked into hers. “I’m going home. I have to gather a few things. And then I’m coming back here to stay with you. And when you move to the other house I’m coming with you.”

  Vivian stared at him for a long silent moment. “You’re moving in with us?”

  “Just for a little bit. I want to be here. When you’re working, you’ll have Penelope and Amelia around. Amelia would kill anyone who hurt any of you—or my girls.”

  She felt her lips tremble. “You’d do that for me? For us?”

  Clayton lifted his hand to her cheek. “Remember, I’m bad with hints. I’m very interested in you. I’m not just looking for someone to make me forget Linda. I’ll never forget Linda. You’ll never forget Adam.” He kissed her softly. “You should never forget Adam.”

  Chapter Nine

  Clayton had left the girls with Vivian and headed back to his house to collect his school bag for tomorrow, as well as some clothes for the girls. And dare he forget the pink blanket for Stephanie and Boo-Boo Bunny for Charlotte.

  There was no way he’d tell Vivian he was worried about Adam’s mother, but he was. What kind of woman keeps a man and wife apart? What would she have done if Adam hadn’t have died?

  It was natural for him to second-guess everything now that Linda was gone. He’d met the young man she’d taken care of a few times. He’d just been a sad young man. Never in his wildest dreams did he think that the boy would become some murdering lunatic.

  You never knew when someone would snap and he was going to be there just in case something happened with Adam’s mother.

  Clayton scrambled through the hallway picking out items for the girls to wear. He backtracked to the bathroom and collected brushes and toothbrushes.

  In passing through the living room, he stopped cold in his tracks and looked at the picture of their family. Linda’s smile seemed to catch him and he moved to it.

  “Oh, what am I doing?” He reached out and touched the picture. “I miss you so much,” he said as he traced the outline of her beautiful face. “When I’m with Vivian the hurt isn’t quite as bad.”

  There was an ache in his heart. He needed to say the words aloud so that he heard them. Maybe she’d heard them too.

  As he stood there in his meek little home, staring down at his wife’s face, Vivian crossed his mind and he felt a smile form on his lips.

  It was okay to feel this out with her. It was time to move on. In his heart, he knew Linda understood.

  Vivian was frantically unpacking bags from the girls’ room. They each wanted Stephanie and Charlotte to have certain stuffed animals to sleep with. They wanted to sleep all together on the floor of their bedroom with certain blankets. And of course, she had begun to freak out. A man was coming to spend the night.

  She’d only ever slept with Adam, both sexually and literally.

  Could she have a man in her bed?

  Did she snore? Did she drool? God, what other things might she do that she didn’t know about.

  Was she ready to have sex with the man? He hadn’t offered sex, she reminded herself. He’d offered her protection and security. And he wouldn’t do that kind of thing with his kids in the house, or hers. Her mind was getting away from her. She was in no position to be thinking about sex from a man—this man. He’d said they were friends. She needed to keep thinking of it in that way. But his kisses had said differently to her heart, which had been aching for years.

  It still meant she needed to find the clean set of sheets she’d packed and put them on the bed. She was going to be prepared for anything.

  When Clayton walked through the front door carrying Barbie backpacks and a duffle bag, he was nearly mauled by the four little girls grabbing at him.

  “We staying?” Charlotte burst out in question.

  “Yes. One big slumber party.”

  “Swumber party!” she joyously added as if she knew what that really meant.

  “Are you going to marry my mom?” Emma had her hands fisted on her hips looking up at him after the other three girls had run toward the bedroom.

  Vivian covered her mouth as she watched his face contort into one of shock.

  “Well…um.”

  “Penelope is having Daddy’s baby. Are you and my mom going to have a baby?”

  “Oh! Well…we haven’t talked about that.�
� His cheeks had gone straight to red and his eyes were wide.

  “I think Penelope is having a sister. If you marry Mommy then, I’ll have four sisters. I think I’d like a brother.”

  Clayton looked at her with a look of horror before turning back to Emma. “A brother is nice. Maybe Penelope will have a brother instead.”

  Emma shook her head. “No. That’s for you and Mommy.” And with that she retreated with the others to her bedroom.

  The burst of laughter that escaped from Vivian couldn’t be helped.

  “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know she was going to quiz you.”

  “That was intense.”

  “You teach third grade. I’m sure you get worse.”

  “Yes, well it never has anything to do with me having sex with their mothers.”

  The laughter that rolled from her came harder. “I’m so sorry.” When it moved through her—cleansed her—she let out a breath. “I laugh more when I’m with you.”

  “You also cry and get upset.”

  “Hmmm, I was trying for the compliment.”

  Clayton moved to her. “Listen, lady.” He tucked his hand up into her hair. “I have a lot on my plate. I have two little girls, a demanding job, and a whole bucket full of new feelings. That little girl is wanting a brother. What am I going to do about that?”

  The humor in the moment was gone and fear pierced her in the chest.

  “Clayton, stop.”

  He dropped his hand. “I’m sorry. I was just…”

  “I know. You were just kidding. I just don’t know how to handle it.”

  He raked his hands through his hair. “Can we set some terms here?”

  “Terms?”

  “Yes. I’m mourning my wife and my life. You know that. You’re in a whole different kind of mess with your mourning,” he said holding his finger up. “And just go with me. I’m not saying you’re a mess. It’s just different.”

  She gave him a nod and urged him to continue.

  “I like you.” He let out a solid breath. “I mean, I really like you.”

  She didn’t laugh, but a smile forced its way onto her lips. “I like you too.”

  “Well, now we’re making some positive moves.” He wiped his hands on his thighs. “I can’t tell her we’ll get married and those girls will be her sisters. That wouldn’t be fair.”

  “We haven’t known each other long enough for that.”

  “Right. But you need to know that when I’m in a relationship, I’m very serious about it.”

  “Honorable.”

  He moved to her and gathered her hands in his. “What I’m saying is, I’ve never been with anyone but Linda. I’m no good at this. I’ve never played the field. Had a one-night stand. Nothing. When I’m with someone, I’m with someone.”

  She nodded trying to keep up with his babbling. It was what he did when he was nervous. It was what she did too. What a pair.

  “Clayton, I’ve never been with anyone but Adam. And that’s been a long time. Even when he wasn’t here I never went looking or moved on. I guess that was his way.” She shook her head as if to erase the thought. “That’s not fair. Now that I know what was going on.”

  “I think we’re on the same page. When either of us enters a relationship, we’re serious about it.”

  “Right.”

  “I want a relationship with you.”

  A smile found its way back to her lips. “I’m not an easy person to have a relationship with. I’m sure Amelia and Penelope can vouch for that.”

  He laughed easily. “I’m willing to see how it goes.” He moved in closer. “What I’m saying is I want to try. I’m not asking for marriage or little brothers. I’m asking you if you’ll be mine for now. Let’s heal together. Let’s move on together. Let’s see what comes.”

  Oh, this man was a peach. What had she done in her life to have God deliver him to her door—literally?

  “So I’m your girlfriend?”

  “Dear Lord, if you’ll have me.”

  Vivian released her hands and wrapped them around his neck and he in turn around her waist.

  “I feel like I’m ready for this. The last time I was with Adam I got Ava. So it’s been a real long time since I’ve been with a man in any kind of relationship.”

  “I’m true to my word. I won’t mess around. If things don’t work out it’ll be something we decide.”

  “And if they do?”

  His cheeks reddened again. “Well, wow. I guess we could talk about baby brothers.”

  Vivian pulled him into her arms tighter and kissed him on the cheek. “You’re going to make it much easier for all of us to heal.”

  “I can’t think of a better way to celebrate love that you once felt than by doing it all over again.”

  “I’ll never be Linda,” she said as if he needed to know.

  “I’ll never be Adam.” He kissed her gently. “But they need to know him. They need to know the good and joy of him.”

  She nodded. That would take some work. She’d been mad for too long. “You’re right. I’m going to work on that.”

  He kissed her again. “Okay, now that that’s settled can I have a pillow and a blanket for the couch?”

  There was more than a little disappointment that ran through her. “You don’t want to share my bed?”

  “Not yet. They need to get used to us first.”

  He was making it very easy for her to move on from her pain. She could easily tumble in love with this man just by the way by the way he thought.

  “I’ll get you a pillow and a blanket then. I hope you don’t mind My Little Pony.”

  He chuckled. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

  As she turned out of his arms to find the bedding, he reached for her. “Have a date with me.”

  “Okay, how?”

  “Would we be able to talk Amelia and Penelope into watching all the girls?”

  Now she chuckled. “That’s a tall order for anyone.”

  “I know.”

  “I’m sure I could arrange it.”

  “I may not want to sleep in there tonight to make things appear appropriate, but don’t be fooled, I’m a man and in that bed with you is exactly where I want to be.”

  Her heart beat nearly jumped out of her chest and the rest of her insides went to goo. There’d be no way they’d say they wouldn’t watch the girls, she’d make sure of that. Because for the first time in her life she was pretty sure a man wanted to make love to her. It wouldn’t be first love sex, angry makeup sex, or expected sex. Just the thought of it had her giddy with anticipation.

  Chapter Ten

  When Vivian’s alarm sounded at the unholy hour of five o’clock in the morning, she promptly turned and silenced it with a shove off the nightstand.

  Perhaps the horrible act of getting up and getting to work by six-thirty wouldn’t be so bad when she actually lived in the house in which she’d worked. But for the next few days, at least, this was her new routine.

  Penelope had solidified three more enrollments. By nine o’clock, there would be seven children under the age of five in their care. When the thought began to terrify her, she remembered that two of those kids were hers and two of them were Clayton’s. The day would be just fine.

  Clayton, his image ran through her head and she sighed. Then she realized it wasn’t just his image, he was standing in her doorway in his pajama pants, a cup of coffee in his hands.

  “I thought you could use a kick start. Something told me you’re not a morning person.”

  He walked in, slowly extending his arms out to hand her the mug.

  “You’re an angel,” she sighed as she took the mug and lifted it to her lips. “I have never had coffee brought to me in bed.”

  There was a low growl that came from him which had her lifting her eyes to him. “I’ll keep that in mind since I’ll be here.”

  He sat down on the edge of her bed and a deep need surfaced in her. The last time she’d seen Adam, he
’d sat down in the dark on the bed just like this. They’d had enough sex for nearly a year in the twelve hours he’d been home, but when he’d sat there, in the dark just as Clayton was doing, he was there to tell her he needed to leave.

  Tears stung her eyes and she was grateful for the dark. “I was thinking, I don’t have to be to school until almost eight. Why don’t I bring all the girls then?”

  She sipped at the coffee again. Here he sat on her bed and he wasn’t talking about leaving, he was talking about staying and helping.

  “I couldn’t do that to you.”

  “You’re not doing anything. You’ll be with all the girls all day. Go, get settled in. Let me get everyone up and ready.”

  There should have been an alarm that went off in her head. It was bad enough that she’d let him sleep in her house and she’d thought of all those things she could do with him in her house. But no siren went off. Instead, a calm took over and she leaned into him.

  “Are you sure?”

  He tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear and she shuddered to think of how she must look.

  His hand lingered and he caressed her face. “I’m very sure. Remember, I’m not going anywhere. If this all works out I’d want this routine in my life.”

  Vivian took a breath and realized how freely the air filled her lungs. He gave her that release, that moment of freedom.

  “Thank you.”

  “You have no idea what kind of pleasure I get when I soften you just a bit,” he said as his hand brushed down her neck and over her shoulder. “Get your shower and get ready. Do you want anything to eat this early?”

  “Just a piece of toast.”

  “That I can make. I was hoping you weren’t too complicated.”

  That made her giggle as he stood and walked out of the room, leaving her with her fresh, hot cup of coffee.

  During the drive to the old house on Main Street and Pine, Vivian had already decided that she didn’t want this first shift ever again. They were all going to be there the full twelve hours every day until Penelope had her baby. But it was only proving one thing. Vivian was not a morning person.