Home Again

by Fisher, Lisa

  That feeling of losing yourself? I knew it all too well when I was with Easton.

  “Fuckin’ Christ, Aisley,” John’s voice bellowed from behind us, and Easton jerked back. “Do you know how many fucking people I had to wake up to find your ass?”

  “Hey, don’t talk to her like that,” Easton warned, standing up.

  “East, it’s fine.”

  “No it’s not.” He stepped closer to John. Not that Easton was a small guy, he was a muscular six-one, but next to John—who was six-five and a former boxer—Easton didn’t look nearly as big as he usually did. “He has no right to talk to you like that.”

  “Aisley,” John warned. “Tell your friend to back off.”

  “Easton, stop. John’s not my boyfriend.”

  East’s eyes darted to mine in confusion. “He’s not?”

  “No. He’s like forty.” I glanced to John. “No offence.”

  John let out a hearty laugh. “None taken.”

  “He’s my bodyguard,” I said to Easton.

  “Your bodyguard?” His brow furrowed. “Right. Because you’re a fucking celebrity. I forgot,” he replied sharply.

  For a minute, I forgot, too. Because when East and I were together, I forgot everything but him, and how I felt around him. He was like my own personal drug. Every time I was with him, I was on the verge of overdosing. But dammit if it didn’t feel just right.

  “It’s going to be pitch-black in a few minutes,” John said. “Did you two kids bring a flashlight?”

  I looked to Easton, who shook his head.

  “Fucking great,” John replied with an eye roll. “We should get going.”

  I nodded, and looked to East, who had already started leading the way back to town.

  This was not how I was hoping this night would go.

  ***

  Chapter 5

  “What were you expecting?” Becks gave me a dumb look, as she applied her cherry-red lipstick. “Easton is so not the ‘fawn all over a celebrity’ kind of guy.”

  “I’m not stupid. I know that.” I shook my head. “I just… when he kissed me, Becks? It was as if we were never apart. It felt… right.”

  She gave me an incredulous look. “That’s because that boy has never stopped loving you, dumbass.”

  My face flushed.

  “And you haven’t stopped loving him, either.”

  “I’ve dated other guys, Becks.”

  “Oh, I’m sure you have, rock star. I bet you got around.” She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

  “Eww, Becks, shut the hell up! That’s not what I meant.” I crinkled up my nose.

  “Whatever. Just promise me you will be cordial to him tonight.”

  Tonight? “You didn’t tell me he was going to be there!”

  “It’s my twenty-first birthday, and he’s one of my closest friends. I thought it was implied.”

  “You know damn well it wasn’t implied! You tricked me, you little brat.” I grabbed a pillow off her bed and chucked it at her. She caught it and tossed it back, smacking me in the face.

  “Hey!” John scolded from his seat in the corner. “She needs that face to make money.”

  Becks gave him a cheesy grin.

  Since ‘the incident’ Monday, John accompanied me pretty much everywhere, but the bathroom. So for three days, I didn’t go anywhere outside of my house. This was the first time, and he was already starting to get on my last nerve. But today was Becks’ birthday, and I promised her I would come with. Of course, the only way John would let me was if we rented out the entire bar for the night, and he came with.

  Yeah, that was real inconspicuous.

  So, I would only be around the people I went to high school with, the people I used to know.

  And East.

  I hadn’t spoken to him since Monday, when we parted ways with a simple “goodbye.” I wanted to call him, but I didn’t have his number, and I was too chicken to ask Becks for it.

  “Why aren’t you getting ready?” Becks snapped her fingers. “Get up and get your butt dressed. I have this gorgeous yellow dress that you would look perfect in.”

  I looked at John. “Get the hell out.”

  He grumbled something under his breath about manners, but got up and walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him. “Just remember, I’m right on the other side of the door.”

  “Got it,” I yelled back. “Sorry about him.” I looked at Becks.

  “Don’t worry about it. It’s weird, though Is it weird to you?”

  “Not really, anymore,” I said honestly. “I’m used to it.”

  “I don’t think I could ever get used to that.”

  I shrugged.

  “Has your stuff shown up yet?” Becks asked, while changing into her skimpy black party dress.

  “Yeah, it came yesterday.”

  “Don’t sound so excited,” she deadpanned.

  “It’s just, I picked up my guitar last night, and I couldn’t even play it. Not even one chord.”

  “What, you’re gone for a couple months and forget how?” she joked.

  “No, I just didn’t feel it. It’s weird. Never mind.” I brushed it off.

  “I’m sure you’re just adjusting to the real world. I wouldn’t worry about it. You’ll be playing again in no time.”

  “Yeah, only seven weeks left.” I sighed. Becks didn’t understand why I hated home. Nobody could understand. Hell, sometimes I didn’t understand it. Ever since I could remember, I just had an overwhelming urge to be anywhere else, but here. In Burden, I felt caged in. And ever since I was a little girl, I had a constant longing to just pack up and go somewhere new. Somewhere exciting. I wanted to travel—go anywhere and everywhere. When I started performing, I knew that would be the thing that got me out of here.

  “Hey! That’s seven weeks we get to spend together, so put a smile on that moneymaker of yours.”

  I gave her the biggest, fakest smile I could muster. “Happy?”

  “You are such a bitch,” she joked. “But, seriously. When you’re ready to talk about something real, I’m always here.”

  I nodded. I knew she was referring to the reason I was here. The ‘eating disorder’. Truthfully, besides that first day, I hadn’t missed a meal since I’d been home. I may not have finished every meal, but I did try, just as they wanted. And I forced myself not to step on the scale. I forced myself to believe it didn’t matter how much I weighed—but it did. It always would, with my job. I didn’t know why nobody else understood that.

  “Where’s that dress you were talking about?”

  “That’s my girl.”

  ***

  At nine o’clock, I was freaking the fuck out. I shouldn’t be nervous. These were all people I knew. I looked around the room and nobody was paying any attention to me. Not even one person made eye contact with me when I walked in. Probably because John made everyone who entered the bar, sign a confidentiality waiver, which made me want to crawl under a rock, and made everyone else think I was some pretentious celebrity.

  I would be sure to thank John for that later.

  “Let’s go get a drink!” Becks squealed in delight. “My first one!”

  “You say that like I haven’t seen you puke up a whole forty of Four Loko.” I laughed.

  “Shut up! I mean, legally, of course.” When we got to the bar, Becks waved over the bartender. I smiled when I saw it was Brad.

  “Hey, Aisley, who’s your pretty little friend?” He smiled down to us.

  “You know him?” Becks gave me a weird look.

  “I know everyone,” I said with a chuckle. “Becks, Brad. Brad, meet the birthday girl, Becks.”

  “Ah, so you’re the reason it’s a closed event tonight.” He grinned at Becks.

  “Uh, no, she is.” Becks pointed at me. “But, I love her anyway.” She threw her arm around my shoulder and gave me a quick squeeze.

  Brad chuckled. “So what’s the birthday girl drinking tonight?”

 
“What’s good?” she asked.

  “Anything I make.” He laughed. “First one’s on the house.” Brad started to mix up something pink and gave us each one.

  Becks sniffed her cup. “What is it?”

  “Killer Kool-Aid.”

  We both took a drink. Damn that was good.

  “Yum,” Becks said, drinking more. “Keep ‘em coming, barkeep!” She laughed and then made her way through the crowd.

  “Sorry about her… she’s… excited.” I laughed.

  “I can tell.”

  “So, do you have Karen this weekend?”

  He looked at me with surprise. “I can’t believe you remembered her name.”

  “I’m a celebrity, not a monster.” I laughed.

  “No, I just… you probably meet a lot of people.”

  I nodded. “Yeah, I guess it’s a good thing I have a good memory.”

  “Yeah, I have her this weekend.”

  “Good, because I was hoping I could take her to lunch on Saturday. I mean, you too, of course.”

  He smiled. “She would love that. She about fainted when I gave her your autograph, and I told her I knew you.”

  “I’m flattered,” I said honestly. Not that he believed I was being honest. I’m sure he probably thought I was just being nice. “How about we meet at All Buttered Up at one on Saturday?”

  “Sounds great. You know, you’re too nice to be famous, Aisley Carter. I hope that never changes.” He gave me a quick smile, before walking away to make someone else a drink.

  If he only knew that Easton Everson was the reason that I forced myself to stay grounded. The words he spoke, on our last day together, rang in my mind.

  “I’m gonna miss you, Carter,” Easton whispered against my ear.

  “I’ll visit, it’s not like we’ll never see each other again, East.” I pulled back, looking him directly in the eye.

  “It’ll never be the same, Ais. Not after today,” he said slowly.

  “Why can’t it?” I challenged.

  “You know why. Hollywood changes people—and not for the better.”

  “Don’t say that. I love you. That’s something that’ll never change.”

  “I love you, too, babe. That’s why this has to be the end.”

  “What?” I pulled back farther, my stomach sinking to the floor. This was unexpected.

  “You had to know this was coming, Aisley. Long distance never works.”

  “East, please don’t do this.” How could he say that? How could he not even want to try? And why did he never tell me this before?

  “Please don’t go,” he begged.

  “East, you know I have to.”

  He pulled me in for a hug, and I never wanted to let go. “Just promise me you won’t let them change you, Carter.”

  With a simple kiss on the forehead, he walked away without looking back.

  And my heart broke… for the very first time.

  “Oh my gosh, Aisley! I cannot believe you’re really here!” a feminine voice squealed, causing me to turn around in my seat.

  “Oh, hey, Lucy.” I smiled at one of the girls I used to hang out with in high school.

  “It’s been what, like, two years? I heard your single on the radio yesterday. I love your new song!”

  “Thanks.” The record company thought now would be the perfect time to release my latest single—so people wouldn’t forget me while I was ‘recuperating’ back home. “How’ve you been?”

  She thrust her left hand at me. “Brandon finally proposed!” she screeched, referring to her high school boyfriend.

  “Congratulations.”

  “I know, right? We’re thinking next summer, at this ballroom in Seattle.”

  I downed the rest of my drink and tried to look interested. “Sounds great.”

  “Oh, yeah. The bridesmaids are going to be in all—”

  I tuned her out the moment I caught sight of Easton walking through the door. He looked perfect in a plain white t-shirt and faded blue jeans. He looked absolutely perfect without any effort.

  “—and anyway, I don’t think I want a traditional caterer. You know?”

  “Uh, yeah.” I had no idea what she was saying anymore. “Excuse me for a minute.”

  I followed him through the crowd, watching him say hello to several people and then give Becks a great big hug. Should I say hi? What did I have to lose?

  I walked up and tapped him on the shoulder. “Hey.”

  He smiled instantly. “Carter.”

  As if on cue, my insides started flip-flopping. “Can we talk?”

  He nodded. “Yeah, why don’t we get a drink?”

  “Okay.” I followed him back up to the bar, and was relieved Lucy was nowhere in sight. She was a nice girl, but I didn’t want to hear any more about her engagement. I wanted Easton… all to myself.

  Brad mixed me up another Killer Kool-Aid and grabbed Easton a bottle of Budweiser. “Thanks, Brad.”

  “For you, sweetheart, anything.” He winked.

  “Friend of yours?” Easton smirked.

  “So what if he is?”

  “You have a thing for older guys, don’t you?” His eyes sparkled with laughter.

  “I dated you, didn’t I?” I joked.

  “Funny. Eight months isn’t that big of an age difference.”

  “You’re still older.” I shrugged. “But if you must know, I don’t have a thing for Brad.”

  “So now that I know you aren’t dating your bodyguard, and you don’t have a thing for bartender Brad… are you seeing anyone?”

  The question took me by surprise. “Uh, no. There was a guy back in L.A. for a bit, but we ended it when I started my last tour.”

  “Didn’t want to do long distance?” he asked knowingly.

  “Someone once told me that long distance never works.”

  “He must have been really handsome and wise,” Easton joked.

  “He was something else, that’s for sure.” I blushed. “What about you?” The question popped out before I could stop it. I shouldn’t have asked, because I knew I wasn’t prepared for him to say yes. I couldn’t picture East with anyone else.

  Because East belongs with me. I tried to shake the thought from my mind. No matter how much I still wanted him, he wasn’t my boyfriend anymore, and I had to accept that.

  But that kiss the other night had to have meant something to him, right?

  “Nah, nothing serious.”

  “Nothing serious or nothing at all?” I tried not to cringe as the words came out. If that didn’t make me sound like a crazy ex-girlfriend, I didn’t know what would. “I’m sorry, that’s none of my business,” I said quickly.

  He gave me an oversized grin, and I tried to hide my embarrassment. “Well, aren’t you just Miss nosey-pants?”

  My cheeks flushed. “Just forget I said that.”

  “What fun would that be, Carter?”

  I wanted to slap that cocky smile right of his face. “The kind that’s much less embarrassing?”

  East shot me a wink. “To answer your question, right now, nothing at all.”

  I hoped I didn’t look as relieved as I felt to hear that.

  “Hey, do you wanna get out of here?” he asked quickly.

  “What about Becks?”

  “She’s pretty drunk, so I don’t think she’ll even notice.” East laughed.

  “Uh, yeah.” I stumbled over my words. “Let’s go.” I looked around for John.

  “Come on, babe.” He linked his hand in mine and led me through the crowd. “I’ll sneak you out.”

  “Okay.”

  “Excuse me everyone, excuse me,” Becks’ voice boomed through a microphone. Easton and I exchanged looks and instead of leaving, made our way to the stage. “It’s my birthday! Woooo!”

  She was beyond drunk. I walked up next to her on stage and started to grab the microphone. “Sweetie, you’re drunk. Let’s go.”

  “No.” She pulled it back and put it up to her mout
h. “This is Aisley Carter, everyone!”

  Surprisingly, the crowd cheered. Great. This was going to sincerely piss off John and Devin. I looked over to Easton for help and he just shrugged.

  “She’s my best friend and she going to siiiing for you.”

  More cheers.

  Fuck my life. The last thing I wanted to do right now was sing. I covered the mic. “Becks, are you fucking nuts? I’m not singing.”

  “But it’s my birfffday.”

  “You’re drunk.”

  “And you sing for a living.” She hiccupped. “What’s the big deal?”

  Someone from the crowd shouted. “Come on!”

  “Marry me,” shouted someone else.

  “Sing the new one,” shouted a voice that sounded a lot like Lucy.

  Becks pushed the microphone back into the stand and stumbled over to the house guitar in the corner of the tiny stage. She grabbed it and shoved it into my hands. “I loooove you, Aissss.” Her words were slurred.

  “Just go stand with East. He’ll take care of you.” I pushed her into his direction and took the stage.

  Breathe Aisley. Breathe. Just breathe. Why was I all of a sudden hyperventilating? I had done this a million times.

  This time though, it wasn’t just a crowd of strangers, it was people who knew me. People like Easton. I hadn’t sung for East in over two years. “Hey, everybody. I just want to say happy birthday to Becks.”

  I took a deep breath and started to strum, as if it were just another night on tour. I instantly got lost in the music.

  “Every time I come across your old picture,

  Or think I spotted you in a crowd,

  My heart races ‘till I realize you’re not around.”

  As I sung, I could hear people cheering, and my smile grew wide.

  “And every time I find myself all alone,

  I can still hear your laugh,

  From across the room, you’re trying to hold it back.”

  My eyes found Easton’s as I started the chorus.

  “I wish we could travel way back in time, time.

  Hash out the details of our old love affair.

  Back when we each had a partner in crime, crime.

  We would fight, make up, and still be in love.”