A Little Learning

by Anne Bennett

  At the gate, he pulled her to him, gave her a chaste kiss on the lips and said, ‘See you in July, funny face,’ and before she’d recovered he was gone. She couldn’t call out or she’d have been heard in the house. She could only look after him in the dark and wonder how she’d get through the next few weeks without him.

  She realised what a good liar she was when she was able to go into the house a few minutes later and regale her parents with tales of the mountain of work she’d got through with Ruth that evening. It didn’t make her feel good about herself, and anyway she wanted to be alone to think about Ben and her conflicting emotions, so pleading tiredness, she headed for bed almost immediately.

  In the hallway, she met Duncan coming in. He looked her up and down and said sarcastically, ‘Enjoy yourself at Ruth’s house, did you?’

  Oh God, Janet thought, he must have seen us. She blushed as she remembered their passionate embraces in the car. She’d hate him to have seen that. She knew he wouldn’t tell on her – he wasn’t a sneak – but all of a sudden it mattered that he didn’t think badly of her.

  ‘Look, Duncan …’ she began in an effort to explain, but he cut her off.

  ‘Forget it, sis, it’s your life and it isn’t my business. But,’ he added, ‘take care!’

  Another one telling me to watch how I behave, Janet thought angrily. What do they think I am, a raving sex maniac? She could understand her Auntie Breda, but Duncan? He was behaving like an aged adult. She wondered if he’d behaved himself with Gloria but doubted it, if only half the tales about her were true. She nearly asked him, but knew it would lead to a row, and she didn’t want to end that lovely night arguing with anyone, so she contented herself with muttering, ‘Yes, Grandad’ as she stomped up the stairs.

  She actually had very little time to miss Ben, for the exams were frighteningly close and she really had to get her head down. Just before the day of the first paper, she received a letter. Betty was bemused and unashamedly curious.

  ‘I wonder who it’s from?’ she said as she handed it to Janet.

  Janet, who knew only too well, said airily, ‘I haven’t time to find out. I’ll read it at school,’ and shoved it into her satchel before her mother could have a closer look at it.

  She waited only till she was round the corner from home before ripping open the envelope.

  Dear Janet,

  Missing you already. I often wish you were here to talk to. Those two dates we had were very special to me. Keep the summer free and we’ll paint the town red.

  Love, Ben.

  It wasn’t a love letter as such, but it was the first Janet had ever received from a boy, and before the day was out she could have recited it word for word. She kept it in the pocket of her cardigan where she could touch it constantly, and it gave her comfort. She showed it to no one. Nobody, and especially not Ruth, was going to laugh over her Ben’s letter, she decided.

  That night she wrote a reply.

  Dear Ben,

  I’m looking forward to seeing you too, although I am really very busy, nearly into my exams now. It will help the time pass quickly and all I can say is roll on the summer when we can meet again.

  Love, Janet.

  Betty was intrigued by the letter Janet had received that morning, and Janet caught her mother’s eyes on her speculatively a few times during the meal that night, but she made no actual mention of it, nor did she make any comment about the next two that came.

  By the time Janet’s exams were over and she and Ruth had more free time, Duncan had received his call-up papers for his national service.

  ‘We’re having a party,’ Janet said to Ruth, ‘at our house. Can you come?’

  ‘I’ll do my best,’ Ruth promised. ‘Probably, especially now everything’s finished.’

  ‘Yes, it’s all rather flat, isn’t it?’

  ‘You bet,’ Ruth said, and added, almost casually, ‘Are you looking forward to seeing Ben again?’ She knew her brother had been writing to Ruth because he’d mentioned it in his letters to her, but Janet hadn’t let her see anything, saying they were just friendly notes, not for general debate. Ruth hadn’t liked it, but decided it was not worth falling out over.

  ‘Course I am,’ Janet answered. ‘He’s good fun.’

  ‘You and our Ben,’ Ruth said incredulously. ‘I can hardly believe it.’

  ‘What’s wrong with it?’

  ‘Nothing, I suppose,’ Ruth admitted. ‘But … well, he’s my brother.’

  ‘But not mine,’ Janet snapped impatiently.

  Ruth guessed that further comments would only make Janet cross, and in an effort to change the subject she said, ‘Talking of brothers, is yours looking forward to national service?’

  ‘I think so,’ Janet said. ‘It will probably be more interesting than the factory anyway. I know he gets sick of that every day.’

  ‘Will his awful girlfriend be at this party?’

  ‘No, I think he finished with her ages ago,’ Janet said, ‘but even if he hadn’t, he’d have more sense than to ask her to our house.’

  ‘Well, I’m glad. Your auntie certainly didn’t like her.’

  ‘I don’t like her,’ Janet put in, ‘but it was Duncan’s choice. It’s his life, after all.’

  ‘Are things better between you two now?’ Ruth asked.

  ‘We rub along okay,’ Janet said. ‘He doesn’t snap people’s heads off so much, or snarl at the twins, or make our Sally cry all the time, so I suppose it is better. You hardly think about it when things are peaceful, you just enjoy it. You only notice when things are sticky, I suppose,’ she said reflectively. ‘Our Duncan is growing up.’

  Ruth had never seen the Travers’ house so crowded as it was the night of the party. ‘Who are all these people?’ she asked as Janet pulled her through the throng towards the kitchen for a drink. Ruth had met all Janet’s relatives, and she knew that there were many people there that night who were not family.

  ‘They’re friends of Mom and Dad’s,’ Janet said, ‘and neighbours who’ve seen our Duncan grow up, and a few of his more sensible mates.’ She nodded into the room and said, ‘For instance, the one giving you the eye at the moment is called Robbie Palmer. He’s all right. I mean, he’s a bit stupid like all lads, and a biker, so he only possesses half a brain, but he’s a sight better than the Academy lads.’

  Ruth burst out laughing and said, ‘That wouldn’t be hard,’ and Janet had to agree.

  The party went with a swing. Ruth and Janet were out on the floor dancing to every record. Robbie Palmer was particularly attentive at getting them both food and drink, they noticed. The children went to bed fairly early, considering, with Linda tucked into the bed with Sally, and Patrick and Liam sharing a mattress in the boys’ room.

  Gradually the older people moved into the kitchen – the women setting about clearing away or having a good gossip, and the men guarding their beer from marauding teenagers – and the room was given over to the younger people for dancing. Janet was taken aback and rather pleased when Duncan asked her to dance, though not surprised that he had an ulterior motive.

  They were barely out of earshot when he blurted out suddenly, ‘My mate Robbie’s dead keen on Ruth.’

  Janet glanced across to where the pair were in earnest conversation. ‘I know,’ she said.

  ‘He won’t ask her out,’ Duncan said, ‘’cos she’s, well, you know … a bit posh, isn’t she?’

  ‘She is not.’

  ‘She is, Jan,’ Duncan said. ‘I mean, I’ve fancied her for years and she’s never taken any notice of me.’

  ‘That’s because she’s never thought of you that way,’ Janet said. ‘It’s not because she’s posh, it’s because she just sees you as my brother.’

  ‘Yeah, well, it doesn’t work the other way, does it?’ Duncan objected. ‘I saw you being very friendly with her brother, kissing and cuddling up in the car. Very cosy you looked.’

  ‘How do you know that was Ben Hayman?’ Janet said. ‘You
can’t have seen him for years, if ever.’

  ‘He was here Coronation Day,’ Duncan said. ‘He was all over you then and I asked Auntie Breda who he was. Is that his own car?’

  ‘No, his father’s. He has a loan of it sometimes.’

  ‘And why haven’t you told Mom and Dad?’ Duncan said. ‘You’re hardly a kid any more.’

  Janet made a face. ‘Dad thinks I am,’ she said, and went on, ‘It’s hard to explain, but I am going to tell Mom and Dad when he’s down for the summer. He’s finishing his term at medical school at the moment.’

  ‘There you are, you see,’ Duncan cried triumphantly. ‘He’s Ruth’s brother but you went out with him.’

  ‘Well, he asked me,’ Janet protested, and added, ‘You’ve never actually asked Ruth, have you?’

  ‘No fear,’ Duncan said. ‘I knew she’d bloody well refuse. Robbie won’t ask either.’

  But Robbie did pluck up courage to ask Ruth out, and she collared Janet in the hall to ask her what she should do about it.

  ‘Do you like him?’

  ‘Well, yes.’

  ‘Say yes then.’

  ‘But he’s a biker,’ Ruth said. ‘Mom and Dad would have a fit.’

  ‘I’m sure he could leave his bike at home if he cared for you enough, couldn’t he?’ Janet asked.

  ‘Well, yes, I suppose.’

  ‘Say yes then.’

  ‘Yes, but there’s something else as well,’ Ruth said. ‘Robbie is … well, he’s not Jewish.’

  ‘I’m not Jewish, and Ben and I …’ She stopped as she saw the look on Ruth’s face, then asked, ‘Has he been having a hard time because I’m not Jewish?’

  ‘Not yet,’ Rush said. ‘Mom and Dad are more liberal – well, until it comes to marriage they are – but … well, we’ve kept the news of your relationship from Grandmother.’

  ‘Bugger your grandmother,’ Janet cried angrily, ‘and the rest of you who kow-tow to her all the time. Now look,’ she said, ‘you go into that room and find out if Robbie Palmer intends taking you to a pagan festival where you worship the devil. The chances are, he will be meaning you to go to the cinema together, or for a peaceful walk in the park. In that case you can tell him you’ll consider it, if he wears a skull cap.’

  ‘Janet, you are a fool,’ said Ruth, convulsed with laughter.

  ‘Then I match the rest of you,’ Janet said. ‘Don’t be so bloody gormless, Ruth, get in there and put the lad out of his misery.’

  Shortly after this conversation, people began to drift home, and Duncan, because he was entering a true men’s world in the morning, allowed women neighbours whom he’d repulsed for years to give him a kiss for luck. He shook hands solemnly with men he’d known since childhood. Everyone wished him all the best and Betty was busy dabbing damp eyes and pretending she wasn’t crying.

  Soon there was only the family and Ruth left, and Janet gave a sudden enormous yawn and said, ‘I didn’t realise how late it was. I’m for bed. How about you, Ruth?’

  ‘If you’re going I am,’ Ruth said. ‘Sharing a bed with you is like sharing one with an octopus. If I don’t get in before you fall asleep, I balance on the edge all night.’

  ‘Stop moaning,’ Janet said unsympathetically.

  She stepped forward and uncharacte‌ristically kissed Duncan on the cheek. ‘For luck,’ she said, ‘and for God’s sake, look after yourself.’

  ‘Can I give you a kiss for luck as well?’ Ruth said. ‘Seeing as your sister kisses my brother.’

  They might have covered it up if Ruth, consumed with guilt for dropping her friend in it, hadn’t gone brick red, clapped her hands over her mouth and said, aghast, ‘Oh God, Janet, I’m so sorry!’

  Bert was happily half-drunk and warmed by the true companionship of friends, neighbours and family who’d come to give his lad a good send-off. Now it seemed from what he’d overheard that there was something his Janet had been hiding from him, some lad she’d been carrying on with. ‘What’s this?’ he thundered. The beer that had mellowed him while his world was right now made him belligerent when he felt he’d been made a fool of.

  Breda tried to rescue the situation. ‘It was Coronation Day,’ she said. ‘Everyone was kissing everyone else then.’

  That was right enough, Bert knew, but one kiss after a night of hilarity and fun weeks ago would not have made Ruth behave like she had. ‘Don’t play me for a bleeding fool, Breda,’ he said. ‘I know there’s more to this than that,’ and he swung round to face Janet. ‘Explain yourself, miss,’ he demanded.

  Janet raised her head angrily. She’d done nothing wrong. Her father was acting like some Victorian parent who’d just found out his daughter was pregnant. ‘I went to the pictures with Ben Hayman, that’s all,’ she said. ‘He’s Ruth’s brother and I met him at the dance on Coronation Day.’ She couldn’t possibly tell him about the evening in the country. For one thing he’d immediately think the worst, and for another, it would land Ruth in it. Not that she didn’t deserve it, Janet thought angrily, silly bloody fool.

  ‘And why couldn’t you tell us about this boy straight away?’ Bert demanded. ‘What have you got to be ashamed of?’

  ‘Nothing! Nothing!’ Janet cried. ‘He only had a few days before he had to go back to college, and I thought … I thought you might not agree to me going out with him.’

  ‘You thought I might not agree, so you went anyway!’ Bert snarled. ‘That’s showing fine bleeding respect for me.’

  ‘It isn’t like that. Ben’s a nice boy. Auntie Breda and Uncle Peter have met him. He’s Ruth’s brother, for heaven’s sake.’

  ‘I’m well aware whose brother he is,’ Bert said, ‘and I have nothing against Ruth, she’s not responsible for her brother. No, I’m interested in what sort of daughter I’ve bred. You say your aunt and uncle have met him and yet you couldn’t bring him home to meet your parents. Tell me, are you ashamed of us, or of him?’

  At this both Betty and Breda burst in, Betty saying she was sure it was nothing like that and she knew Janet to be a good girl, and Breda saying Bert was making a big thing about a lass going to the pictures with a lad. ‘Be quiet, the pair of you!’ he yelled, and banged his fist on the table so that the dishes jumped. ‘It’s not the fact she went to the pictures, it’s the way it was done. Why, for example, didn’t this lad come for her at the door properly?’

  ‘I asked him not to,’ Janet said. ‘I asked him to meet me on the corner,’ and because it was bound to come out later she added, ‘He’d borrowed his father’s car.’

  Bert stared at her, horrified. In his befuddled mind he saw his daughter being fumbled by a lad out for what he could get. He knew what went on, he’d seen quiet spots where they got up to God alone knew what mischief. ‘You went out with him in a car,’ he said incredulously. ‘The sly young bugger was cute enough to borrow it from his father to take you out, you little sl …’

  ‘Don’t you dare call me names,’ Janet burst out, too angry to be careful what she said. ‘D’you think I’ve no say in any of this? D’you think I don’t know right from wrong? Don’t you dare judge me. It was to avoid a scene like this that I didn’t tell you in the first place. I’m turned seventeen. What age was Mom when she went out with you?’

  ‘That has nothing to do with it.’

  ‘Yes it bloody well has.’

  ‘Ruth saw you canoodling,’ Bert yelled. ‘She said so.’

  ‘She said she saw us kissing,’ Janet yelled back. ‘That’s all! Kissing was all I did. I kissed Ben first on Coronation Day and she saw me!’

  ‘Is this true?’ Bert demanded.

  Ruth raised a tear-stained face. She’d sat sobbing since she dropped the bombshell that had released all this anger. Dear God, it was terrible. In her house, anger was controlled by icy politeness and stony silences. She was unused to the violent outbursts of the Travers family. In the past it had always been tempered before her, and though Janet had described scenes in her home, it wasn’t the same as witnessing
one first-hand. She had to help her friend out of this if she could. ‘Yes, Mr Travers,’ she said. ‘I saw Janet give Ben a kiss on Coronation Day. I assumed because I knew they’d gone out together that she’d given him a good night kiss or something. That’s why I said what I did.’

  ‘See,’ Janet said. ‘I suppose that’s wrong too in your book.’ She looked at her father in a way that could only be described as insolent, and sneered, ‘I suppose you and Mom just held hands all the time, did you?’

  ‘You cheeky bugger. Don’t you dare talk to me like that,’ Bert bawled, and raised his hand. Afterwards Janet was never sure if he’d intended to hit her or not. He’d never laid a hand on her before this. Betty was the first to spring in front of her daughter and held on to Bert’s outstretched arm.

  Condemnation was coming at him from all sides.

  ‘Aw, man, give over.’

  ‘Let the lass alone, can’t you?’

  ‘Bert, for heaven’s sake.’

  ‘Shut up!’

  ‘Leave it now.’

  Gran had gone across to Janet and wrapped her arms around her. Janet was crying now.

  ‘I didn’t do anything wrong, Gran, honestly I didn’t.’

  ‘I never thought for a minute you did, bonny lass. It’s the beer talking. Get you and your pretty friend away upstairs. We’ll deal with the boyo.’ Janet watched as Bert was helped to the settee, then the two girls crept up the stairs. They heard Betty berating him before the door was properly closed.

  ‘Fine show you made of yourself, and your son leaving this house tomorrow. From the performance tonight, I’d not hurry back if I was him. And what was it all for? Your lass, who’s turned seventeen, goes out with a lad to the pictures without your express permission, because she was too scared to ask you – and with good reason, judging by your behaviour when you did know. It isn’t as if the lad’s a stranger. The family has been known to us for five years. Why in God’s name couldn’t you wait till the morning when you’ll be sober and could talk about it reasonably? Oh no, that’s not your way, is it? You have to make a holy show of the family and spoil our lad’s last night here!’